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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I spent many years being a wannabe and in some ways I am sure I still am.  It is a term used by tiny people to put others down in a vain attempt to feel better about themselves.

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I spent many years being a wannabe and in some ways I am sure I still am. 

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ORIGINAL: Copulo

How would you define a ‘wannabe’?

I wanna be employed again?
I wanna be 5'8" and #145?
I wanna be driving a SAAB?
I wanna be a CEO!

To me the word is an abbreviation of someone who ‘wants to be’ and if you want to be then you must be desiring to do what you want to do.

It depends on if you really have got what it takes to be what ya wanna be.
Employed...eventually, yes.
Thinner... time and discipline.
SAAB owner...in my unrealistic dreams.
CEO..ya right !!

The fact that you have or have not found a partner is irrelevant. Not having a partner does not make your desires go away!!! but just means you have not yet struck gold and just because you have not struck gold should you be labelled as a ‘wannabe’? after all the label holds very negative connotations and implies one is not real.
I know dominants that are very new to this but absolutely fantastic

Its because they understand the responsiblities, have assessed who they are carefully and take being dominant responsibly and with great accountability.
 
and I know dominants that have been doing this for years that are absolutely crap at it.

MO...They are selfish bastards who only want to be dominant to a weak and vulnerable woman/man and have no real mentality for what responsiblity they "should" be held accountable for.

I know dominants that really would prefer to be submissive but for some reason advertise themselves as dominants.

Self identity crises cause they cant seem to get their  small head seperated from their large head.
 
They can’t be wannabes because they actually don’t want to be!

So what do people who wanna be something really do about who they wanna be??
 
THAT is what seperates wanna be's from those who really put time, energy, work and integrity into becoming.
 
I wanna be a CEO! 
I wanna be a Dom!
I wanna be a slave!
 
Do you have the character for such a position?
Do you have the integrity?
The know how?
The knowledge?
Are you willing to admit weaknesses and failures?
Do you have a plan?
Will you allow others to contructively criticize you?
Will you ask for help?
Are you willing to start slow and make the advancements necessary to do  what you demand 
or
you wanna be an over night "success" as if it never took the school of hard knocks to get where you wanna be? 
 

So what exactly does this word mean?

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I still am.  It is a term used by tiny people to put others down in a vain attempt to feel better about themselves.

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ORIGINAL:Mercnbeth

We do however meet many people and invite them to meet us, especially those within shouting distance to LA or any of the places we visit.

 

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I don't look at somebody with little or no experience as a "wanna be", not when they are trying like hell to turn their dreams or aspirations into reality.

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ORIGINAL: Copulo

How would you define a ‘wannabe’?

To me the word is an abbreviation of someone who ‘wants to be’ and if you want to be then you must be desiring to do what you want to do. The fact that you have or have not found a partner is irrelevant. Not having a partner does not make your desires go away!!! but just means you have not yet struck gold and just because you have not struck gold should you be labelled as a ‘wannabe’? after all the label holds very negative connotations and implies one is not real.
I know dominants that are very new to this but absolutely fantastic and I know dominants that have been doing this for years that are absolutely crap at it.
I know dominants that really would prefer to be submissive but for some reason advertise themselves as dominants. They can’t be wannabes because they actually don’t want to be!

So what exactly does this word mean?

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ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

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I don't look at somebody with little or no experience as a "wanna be", not when they are trying like hell to turn their dreams or aspirations into reality.

I agree.  These aren't wannabees; they're trytobees. :)

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Wow sinergy, never considered you. I've told both you and julia directly that disagreement in an intelligent debate is more valued than a head bobber.

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ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

Oh Gawd "Trytobes" I simply love this expression.  Some of them either get, eventually get it right, or can't seem to get it right.

I think one aspect that many people struggle with at times is when they no longer have an active partner in the lifestyle.   Be it slaveless Masters,  Masterless slaves,  Domless submissives, submissiveless Dom/mes, or some other partner that one enjoys BDSM lifestyle activities with or to have a lifestyle relationship with.    Just because a person clicked well with one person does not mean they will click well with others.

I think some people on here get mislabeled as being a "wannabe", "trytobe"... when they are at a bit of a loss.  For instance a Master that had a slave for 14 years is accustomed to many things.   Things they might take for granted or idealize in another M/s relationship.  Perhaps these things are not realistic to expect right from the get go from another person.

It's simply called being out of the dating scene for awhile and trying to get back into the swing of things. LOL..

There are plenty of people on here that have been falsely as well as correctly labeled as wannabes, trytobes, usedtobes, mightbe, isbe, and whatnot.

What one persons idea of a wannabe might be anothers complete ideal to the real thing.   Let's use an example here, Gorean Slave girl looses her Master to Autoa ccident.  She comes online to collarme.com looking for a new Master/Dom/Owner.  Her image of a True Real Master being that of a Gorean and all others are mere Wanna Be ones in her mind. 

People that are heavy into S&M, might look upon or view doms/switches/submissives that are not into S&M as wannabes as well.

There was one girl I interacted with on this site, that only had desires for forced sex and rape fantasies to be fillfulled in the bedroom.   She did not desire or seek for somebody to own her as a slave nor did she have an desires for a 24/7 D/s relationship.  Does this make her a wanna be or not?  Personally, I thought she had every right to be on this site looking for a partner to fullfill her bedroom kink urges with.   Most certainly Match.com and other sites were not the place for her.  I viewed and looked her as a real human being. 

Personally those that are involved in S&M activities without trying to base their lives around 24/7 power exchange dynamics have every right to use and be on a site such as this.   Total power exchange is simply not part of their burning desire for these peoples lifestyles.  

The fact is that many Doms and Masters wrote her nasty emails telling her she was a wanna be and should not be on a site like this.  Now who are the real wanna be's in this case?  All the Domly Dom and Masters that were giving her a fucking hard time telling her this was no place for her or her?  Something to Muse about in thought for awhile here. 

Personally just because somebody thinks or feel differently or has a different interest in BDSM other than our own, does it give us any right to call these people wannabes?   For ever newbie or novice to aspects of BDSM or the BDSM lifetysle, should we not be here to support encourage and guide them along, or do we simply pick up stones and beat them senseless.

We all hear about the stories of domly master types that insist upon being addressed as Sir or Master from the get go.  Does this automatically make them a want to be?  or does it simply make them a "asshole" regardless of their experience in the lifestyle.  I'm certain there are some people out there with plenty of BDSM experience that insist upon carrying out bad behavior with total strangers.   Hell, anybody who has been on the message boards long enough or been involved in a BDSM community knows all too well, some of the more experienced people conduct themselves in an assholish manner.  Does this make them a want to be, or just simply an experienced asshole that's into BDSM..  LOL...

Please excuse me rants on this subject, at times it troubles me well the term wannabe is tossed cheaply around like loose change.   It's a term that should be given a little more thought and value when hanging it upon another human being.  Just because people don't see eye to eye, think or feel or want the same things out of life does not mean they are a wanna be.

Just because somebody is new to BDSM or new to BDSM lifestyle dynamics does not mean they are a want to be either.  Now people passing themselves off as having X years of experience in doing XYZ... these people are simply Liars and Fakes...

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

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We see it all the time. We don't 'cyber'. When contacted by anyone we say that plainly. We do however meet many people and invite them to meet us, especially those within shouting distance to LA or any of the places we visit. There are two munches per month in our neighborhood, a few clubs, and an infinite number of coffee houses, bars, restaurants, and public parks; yet with all the options open most times we never hear again from many "desperate to meet us", or 'lifestyle' people in general.

 

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You made the comment that even though you make invitations to people they do not attend your affairs. If that is not what you meant to post, then I apologize for any misunderstanding on my part.

 

I had to check to be sure and quoted my original post.

 

Meant? I didn't even allude to it. I don't recall you or julia ever making contact with the profile side of this site saying you wanted to meet. I would never have thought  that you put yourself in the category of the paragraph, clearly on the subject of cybering, and referencing our common reply to requests by meeting us at well publizied public events.

 

I stand behind my comment in the original context. I just used it again today - twice, in response to requests to meet. We don't cyber - here is are public and publicized places where you can meet us, hope to see you. If they never come they are not a 'wannabe'. They have the opportunity, and access. To me, they really don't 'wanna' anything. There isn't judgment involved.  

 

I still don't know why a reference to a cyber email contact made to us and not followed through by the contact, applied to you.

 

Very valid is the point, it is not all about you. It is not about you at all and sorry you felt guilty.

 

Even in disagreement it is not about you.

 

It isn't about me neither. Someone who says they can't find a club in LA, is that a wannabe or a fraud? There are at least 10 that I know about. Someone who says they want to attend a munch in LA and can't find one to fit into their schedule with one occurring just about every night - a wannabe or a fraud. My invite has absolutely nothing to do with it.

 

I remember beth and I corresponding with a woman living in Fiji. Now she was a wannabe, because with 435 people on her particular island, her opportunity to 'be' was greatly limited. In LA, NYC, SF, most major cities in the world, it may take an effort, but you can 'be' just about anything you 'wanna'.

 

I don't think there was any "misunderstanding". I am of the opinion that you just personalized my  position. I can't help or be responsible for that.

 

I'm a very inviting person. I don't see lack of attendance as fraud, only lack of action faced with opportunity. I won't try to stop you from applying this to yourself or considering it an attack. I will say there is no intent of either and never was.