RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/18/2007 7:00:47 PM

Craftsman

Posts: 885
Joined: 6/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

Can a Dom/me really be F/friends with a subbie or slave when He's/She's interested in more and she/he is not?

The one thing I haven't seen in this thread is the concept that Dominant folk are dominant, and submissive folk are submissive, and that not all Dominants expect submissiveness from all subs, nor are all subs submissive to all Dominants.

My point, if there is one, agrees that we are all people first. We do not dominate all subs, nor do subs submit to everyone. If a Dom and a sub have a friendship, that is good; we all can learn from one another. If that Dom and sub have a friendship outside a relationship, that is very good. So much the better if the Dominant and the Submissive can be friends within a relationship, because I think friends can help each other express who they are much better than casual aquaintances.

Friends care for and about each other. I don't see that erased just because one is Dominant and the other is submissive.

C/

< Message edited by Craftsman -- 5/18/2007 7:03:17 PM >

_____________________________

You do not have to be perfect to be perfect.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 21

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/18/2007 7:04:18 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper
No. The Dom will presumably always be a Dom, and if interested once they will continue that interest untel the relationship is ended or.. they get what they want.

If a dom is so pig headed that they can't respect another persons boundaries and keeps pushing, even to the point of losing it ALL, then I don't think they'll end up with anything in the end.

Perhaps some doms take those bets and win sometimes, but I'm guessing plenty take those bets and lose.

A dom doesn't mean you manipulate and push to get other people interested in you when they've clearly told you they aren't. And IMO it would be really disrespectful to keep pushing once clearly told no.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

Post #: 22

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/18/2007 8:58:12 PM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowMster

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i mustv'e missed the last memo. What on earth is wrong with "subbie"?

I'll have to agree with some of the other posts as well. It might be one thing to be a pet name between master and sub, but as a collective term? No.. It's like the whole vanilla terms of my snuglly wuggly, or other such sickening pet names..

If you like Subbie, and want that as your pet name, knock yourself out. If you dom is willingto call you that, all the better. But lets not be childish here..

Signed: a non-snuggle -- crap, couldn't even bring myself to type it over again..

This kinda reminds me of wayyyyy long ago when a particular D type liked to call "subbies" bitch every now and then.... oh yes that particular one still does it.... I just had to learn to live with it and understand that is just him and his style...

but to be offended now after all this time? cum on and call me that LOLOL

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to ShadowMster)

Post #: 23

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/18/2007 9:07:30 PM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Craftsman

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

Can a Dom/me really be F/friends with a subbie or slave when He's/She's interested in more and she/he is not?

The one thing I haven't seen in this thread is the concept that Dominant folk are dominant, and submissive folk are submissive, and that not all Dominants expect submissiveness from all subs, nor are all subs submissive to all Dominants.

My point, if there is one, agrees that we are all people first. We do not dominate all subs, nor do subs submit to everyone. If a Dom and a sub have a friendship, that is good; we all can learn from one another. If that Dom and sub have a friendship outside a relationship, that is very good. So much the better if the Dominant and the Submissive can be friends within a relationship, because I think friends can help each other express who they are much better than casual aquaintances.

Friends care for and about each other. I don't see that erased just because one is Dominant and the other is submissive.

C/

Very nicely said Craftsman....
I have been looking to respond here and just sort of waited...witing my turn....

I am good friends with a Domme... like I have said elsewhere here, I will never submit to her, we are friends.
Altho we help her out with her "screening" of potential male subs, even then, my Sir dominates and controls the "screening" scene no matter what her request might be.

I am respectful to all emails I get from the D types and I try NOT to be nasty rude crude mean vindicative on this board, and somethimes I have a tendanecy to react...but I keep my submission for Sir alone.

If MsT and I couldnt be friends, without my submission to her, she would be at a loss. She knows my Sir personally and he has told me, she cannot come in between us... I am grateful for this security.

But she NEVER would, she respects my Sir too much... so a submissive, a Dom and Domme are all good friends.

Makes me all fuzzy inside.

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to Craftsman)

Post #: 24

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/18/2007 9:16:18 PM

szobras

Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

There are a couple friends in my life that are very close and aware there is more available on even a deeper level. The value and sincerity of our friendship remains that close because we respect each others feelings, and bounderies.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 25

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/18/2007 10:52:59 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

Two adults can be friends if the one who is interested in the other is willing to put aside their feelings and do what is best for the relationship rather than push their own agenda.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 26

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 5:54:47 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

Can a Dom/me really be F/friends with a subbie or slave when He's/She's interested in more and she/he is not?

yes that's how i met Daddy and then my bf from CM.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 27

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 6:21:04 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I don't think you can have an honest friendship as long as one is interested in a deeper relationship and the other isn't. It won't be long before the person who wants sex and play pisses off the other one by constantly pushing for something they aren't going to get.

Same with vanilla relationships. If you're friends with a man but he keeps trying to get you into bed and you've made it abundantly clear that you feel no chemistry, eventually you won't want to see him anymore.

Now if the one who wants more can control himself or herself and not push, then friendship can develop and in time so might the deeper relationship. But that's might, not definite.

(in reply to shanaT)

Post #: 28

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 6:37:49 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

We both have friends that are female and male doms as well as subs and slaves. We don't expect anything but a friendship out of them. If someone wants more and he is not interested in that then if that person can't live with that then they can move on.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 29

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 6:46:57 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

fast reply -
i have a friendship with three Dominants who used to be partners. i have a friendship with one poly Dominant who is married yet we have never been partners. i have even slept over at their house and gone out with the couple but while the Dominant would like there to be more, He respects that i am not in a poly mindset and while He tugs from time to time He never pushes and we all remain friends. There are also others to whom i have offered sincere friendship but in the absence of "somthing more" they have declined. The key i suppose is the maturity level of everyone involved.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 30

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 7:01:15 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

No. The Dom will presumably always be a Dom, and if interested once they will continue that interest untel the relationship is ended or.. they get what they want.

Wait, what? I have lots of sub friends that I don't dominante on a day to day basis, but have in the past....Sheesh. Just because we are no longer in a D/s relationship doesn't mean I don't love and honor who they are a person...that's why I wanted to dominate them to begin with....

You are saying dominants are so one sided that they can't find equal footing to simply enjoy a person for who they are even if they can't "have them" as a sub? Very interesting.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

Post #: 31

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 8:38:59 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

of course ... as long as the motivation for the friendship is not the desire, then its not a friendship so much as a waiting game

I have several very close friends who are Dominants, just because we are D/s types does not mean we have a Ds relationships. We have friendships. That isn't to say there is not an element of sexual tension in those friendships.Personally I have very similar standards for friends as for partners. Being friends therefore with mature, intelligent, postive, confident, secure, stable, communicative and world experienced Dominants is going to create issues occassionally for a single and service hungry submissive. As soon as the sexual tension became sexual intent however ...I would have to talk things out .. or back right out of there.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 32

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 8:46:22 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

They can be friends if at least one of them is firm about boundaries.
And I also can't stand the term "subbie".

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 33

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 9:04:37 AM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

Yes, people who have lopsided attraction can be friendly with one another--BDSMers or otherwise. In my experience either the sexual/romantic attraction dies down eventually, or the friendship does, or the non-attracted friend develops attraction. Firm boundaries help.

And no, I don't like "subbie," because I'm not crazy about general use of cutesy terms. But I don't like "sub" either. "Submissive" isn't that hard to type out, in my view. But that's not what this thread is about.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 34

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 11:33:55 AM

tade

Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

Well, ty. BTW if "subbie" is no use, what's the proper term? Always type out "submissive"? Thankies G/guys.

I prefer the term cum catcher and when I'm really feeling frisky I call them all susan. You just can't please everybody...

As for the OP we have been friends with our slave for years. She's an old high school friend of my wife's. May sound dumb and playful to the 24/7 crowd but there are times for her to be overtly submissive and times for her to not. She's always there for birthdays, celebrations and whenever friends are just hanging out. If anyone is paying attention the subtle signs are there, but it's been my experience in this world that hardly anyone pays attention anymore. When it is time for her to be reminded of her slavery, a simple look from either of us is all that is required for her to immediately drop into her role. It works for us.

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 35

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 11:49:56 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

Can a Dom/me really be F/friends with a subbie or slave when He's/She's interested in more and she/he is not?

Nope. I think the dom will always be trying to get into the "subbie's" panties.
Can I add "Thankies" to the list?

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 36

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 11:53:02 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

Can a Dom/me really be F/friends with a subbie or slave when He's/She's interested in more and she/he is not?

Nope. I think the dom will always be trying to get into the "subbie's" panties.
Can I add "Thankies" to the list?

So that means if the dominant is Femme and the sub is male it can be done?

And god, yes, please add "thankies" to the list...ew

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 37

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 11:55:10 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

I was going to word it so that all genders were included, but I was feeling hungover and lazy and the slashy thing is also on my list.
Yeah...I think that as long as one side is interested in something more, they will always be trying to steer the relationship in that direction.

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 38

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 11:56:53 AM

DukeofStuff

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline

If you call subs subbies, by rights, one should call dom/mes "domies" -- with all the diminimutive, perjorative baggages that "a cute little domie, he thinks he knows about the scene" might carry.

I think that is why its such a hated word in some circles. In one of the chatrooms today, an apparently for profit (or green card) woman entered listed as a switch and began to troll -- and the reaction from some of the people there was that her mere presence was a visceral insult, rather like a catholic might feel to discover a self described Cardinal turning tricks and using those big candles to do anal sex games for extra income.

In the days o Martin Luthor, if I remember right, it was whoring out the concept of forgiveness by the Pope that moved that German to start the largest revolt in a long time in Christendom -- because he was insulted at the mockery of something he held very dear. To some of us, I think submission is hard earned and bitter fought in a world where families, churches, psycholgists are all eager to jump in and cry abuse. So that term, with its immediate dismissal, is a little like the words slut, nigger, pervert, and whore. They are only fun between friends, usually between friends who know each other so well as to not be confused with people who mean them as insults.

A.

(in reply to tade)

Post #: 39

RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 12:03:14 PM

tade

Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68
Nope. I think the dom will always be trying to get into the "subbie's" panties.

Isn't that the way it is with most male / female friendships? On one level or another...

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094