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RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 12:05:57 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tade

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68
Nope.  I think the dom will always be trying to get into the "subbie's" panties.

Isn't that the way it is with most male / female friendships? On one level or another...


That's been my experience.  I don't think that bdsm relationships are any different than vanilla ones in most aspects.

(in reply to tade)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 12:11:32 PM   
tade


Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline 		just a little more honest about our violence is all

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 12:12:16 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		I haven't read all the other replies yet.  But, regardless of the type of relationship, any time one party wants to invest more than the other party, it's a recipe for disaster.  Not always, but in my experience, even if nothing is acted upon, there's always that bit of tension. 

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 9:13:16 PM   
BearsBreech


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		At the root of D/s lays at minimum, the trust borne of a vanilla relationship. Friendship is nice too.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 9:21:52 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		With the exception of a few doms or domabees I have encountered, I can still be friends with doms even though the play or chemistry did not work out.  I am told it is better to end things amicably than burn some bridges along the way.

(in reply to shanaT)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/19/2007 11:07:32 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tade
Isn't that the way it is with most male / female friendships? On one level or another...


No. I have wonderful male friends who aren't interested in me other than as a person. I am more interested in them as people than as sexual partners. Why does sex have to be part of a hetero male/female relationship? That's like thinking that every lesbian wants to get into every woman's panties. Doesn't work that way.

(in reply to tade)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/20/2007 7:58:47 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I think those that don't think it can be done need to get out more and meet a few Men who don't still live in their mom's basement!

It takes two to tango, if there is no interest on the other side then a mature adult will move their interest elsewhere. That doesn't mean the potential of a friendship HAS to go with it. I have a number of friends, yep femsubs, who I initialy got to know when I was searching but there proved to be an incompatability there for anything beyond friendship.

I find it far easier to turn an initial dynamic/relationship interest into 'just friends' than the other way around.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/20/2007 11:39:17 AM   
RandomGAGirl


Posts: 57
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		It just depends on the person in question.  I've talked to Doms who always try to push things in the collaring direction even if I am dead set against it.  But I've also talked to those who are just friendly, respectful, and never try to push things.  It's similiar to having a male or female friend in the vanilla world who is interested in you some will persue it some will just accept and enjoy a friendship only.  The main difference I have encountered with trying to be friends with Dominants is that sometimes there are occasional power struggles if you will where the Dom will try to wrestle me into submission by giving orders, assigning tasks, something that will change the dynamic of the relationship.

_____________________________

Me on MySpace
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(in reply to shanaT)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/20/2007 3:15:28 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I think those that don't think it can be done need to get out more and meet a few Men who don't still live in their mom's basement!

It takes two to tango, if there is no interest on the other side then a mature adult will move their interest elsewhere. That doesn't mean the potential of a friendship HAS to go with it. I have a number of friends, yep femsubs, who I initialy got to know when I was searching but there proved to be an incompatability there for anything beyond friendship.

I find it far easier to turn an initial dynamic/relationship interest into 'just friends' than the other way around.



Here Here!  Very well said RavenMuse

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/20/2007 9:02:46 PM   
tade


Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

quote:

ORIGINAL: tade
Isn't that the way it is with most male / female friendships? On one level or another...


No. I have wonderful male friends who aren't interested in me other than as a person. I am more interested in them as people than as sexual partners. Why does sex have to be part of a hetero male/female relationship? That's like thinking that every lesbian wants to get into every woman's panties. Doesn't work that way.


Hence the most part. Big difference between most and every now isn't there. Can't speak for women or lesbians for that matter but I can say men (straight men at least) generally have 3 types of female friends. Ones they have had, those they would like to have and the ones that they can't have. Cliches become cliches for a reason. But Congrats on being in the 1 %... ;)

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/21/2007 2:21:34 AM   
ennaozzie


Posts: 201
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		Most of my friends in the lifestyle are Doms and we dont have sexual relationship in any way, and i know i have what it takes to attract someone, but they and me know we are not for each other and i get to learn from them, a couple of them  are Mentors to me, and treasure the friendship so much.

_____________________________

Never make someone your priority when you are only their option

If coffee hurts your eye's take the spoon out of the mug

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/21/2007 2:32:29 AM   
NYMaster101


Posts: 107
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline 		Not only possible, but preferable.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/21/2007 2:54:36 AM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline 		My apologies to A/anyone annoyed by "subbies" or "thankies" and will try not to be so casual in my posting in future.
 
However my thanks to E/everyone who answered the Op; very thoughtful and reflective replies that have helped me a great deal.

_____________________________





(in reply to NYMaster101)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/22/2007 5:29:05 AM   
Icarius


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline 		I've a few sub friends that I have never engaged, and most likely never will engage, in any play with. If someone messages me and I'm really not interested, I let them know straight up. Some stay and choose to remain in contact as friends, some get huffy and never contact me again.

(in reply to shanaT)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/22/2007 5:35:22 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		WE have a few slaves/subs that are truly friends girls that we share vanilla interest with ie horses,fishing etc and yes always trying to get into those sweet panties...I am one not to fuck my wifes friends believe it our not..bounty

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to Icarius)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Friendships with Subbies or Slaves - 5/22/2007 5:37:37 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

Can a Dom/me really be F/friends with a subbie or slave when He's/She's interested in more and she/he is not?


Sure. If the dom isn't an ass and deludes himself into believing he is entitled to things he isn't. I have a few male dom friends who want to get into my pants. We get along wonderfully because they respect me as an equal since I'm not theirs and they respect my relationship and devoation to Valyraen.


Edited to add: I really only use the term subbie when I'm joking around. Valyraen likes to ask me if I'm "putting my subbie kitten paw down" to tease me.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/22/2007 5:41:25 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 56
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