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Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:08:50 PM

spankmepink11

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Joined: 9/28/2005
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I've noted that Dominant types, on several occasions post that a submissives job is to "make the Dominants life easier". Is this based on the Dominant being entitled just because they identify as Dominants? Or is it a direct result of the submissives desire to please? Is it a combination of both?

I'm not sure why, but when a "D" type states that the main purpose of a submissive is to make the Dominants life easier, it kind of rubs me the wrong way. I don't necessarily think that submission is a "gift" but i also wouldn't like said submission to be something thats taken for granted.

I want to be much more to my partner than a tool to make their lives easier, even if my desire to please accomplishes that by default.

Post #: 1

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:10:55 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Usually it's a combination of both- everyone needs to be fulfilled in who they are after all.

Remember, a lot of subs and slaves ENJOY being taken for granted to a certain level at least.

It's based solely on the slave AND master deciding that this is the commitment they want to have with eachother.

But don't sweat it if it's not for you- there's a whole variety out there, this is just one.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 2

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:12:30 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

I've noted that Dominant types, on several occasions post that a submissives job is to "make the Dominants life easier". Is this based on the Dominant being entitled just because they identify as Dominants? Or is it a direct result of the submissives desire to please? Is it a combination of both?

I'm not sure why, but when a "D" type states that the main purpose of a submissive is to make the Dominants life easier, it kind of rubs me the wrong way. I don't necessarily think that submission is a "gift" but i also wouldn't like said submission to be something thats taken for granted.

I want to be much more to my partner than a tool to make their lives easier, even if my desire to please accomplishes that by default.

this is only my personal view on this

it is my job, my duty, my WANT and my NEED to make his life easier; not because it is expected or because of a desire to BE; but rather it is just the natural flow of a relationship for myself. I look for those who desire the same things that I do. I want to please; I look for those who want to be pleased.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 3

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:15:13 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

It's definitely one of the benefits. I also think it is a bit of both. A relationship can rarely be defined by one particular aspect. My slave makes my life easier. That is because I have structured things to make it so as well as his desire to please so it happens by default.

But making my life easier means so much more than material things or chores. Having someone to talk with makes my life easier. Having someone to go to the movies with makes my life easier. Having someone to sleep with makes my life easier...etc.

The same can be said in reverse. Both are getting their needs fulfilled. How each relationship dynamic is defined, though can vary immensely from person to person.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:19:53 PM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
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well I can't really help myself wanting to please people and make their lives better. Sometimes this is a really bad quality, such as when I do it at work and they look down at me and take advantage. Even still I almost don't know how else to act, how not to try to be pleasing; and I wish I could behave selfishly at times like that. So if a Dom stated it about me, it would be nothing more than a truism, whether he expected it or not.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 5

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:29:47 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
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fast reply~

Damn...Dominants are entitled? who forgot to send me the memo? I think I'll ask my slave to post here...I'd love his views....

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 6

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:32:08 PM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
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I'm much the same way girlscout, which is really why i don't understand why i react the way i do when entitlement is implied.

I was in the "getting to know you" stage with a Dominant a couple of years ago. He was very careless about even trying to meet any of my needs, and stated that i should indeed not have any needs other than pleasing him, and insuring his happiness. We had many a long frustrating debate on this topic, and while we remain friends we just see things too differently to share a D/s relationship.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 7

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:37:12 PM

spankmepink11

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Joined: 9/28/2005
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Thanks for the replies so far ....I did expect several to say it was a mixture...as it is for me. I think though, that the best fit for me, is a partner who believes in nothing more than mutual expectations...

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 8

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:38:16 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
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From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

...and this is another thing I don't think has to be mutually exclusive.

I may define my relationship dynamic by feeling I am entitled to certain things or requiring certain things. That does not negate the fact that the sub/slave is also entitled to certain things and requires certain things.

It always comes back around to communication and compatibility.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 9

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:40:16 PM

spankmepink11

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Joined: 9/28/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

But making my life easier means so much more than material things or chores. Having someone to talk with makes my life easier. Having someone to go to the movies with makes my life easier. Having someone to sleep with makes my life easier...etc.

Thanks MsKat, i probably needed to also see it from another angle, and thats a pretty good one.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 10

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:40:44 PM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
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From: Toronto
Status: offline

yes I'd like to add that while I yearn to be helpful and pleasing, that does not preclude my having needs of other sorts as well, which if the dominant does not feel like meeting.... well, they'll have to be met by someone else won't they? Huge difference between desiring your sub/slave to please you, and deciding out of the blue that that's ALL they need.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 11

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:52:02 PM

ready4srvce4all

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Joined: 3/9/2007
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I can only speak of how I feel, and would not dare say this is how it should be. Like nakedgirlscout...I have as a part of who I am a desire to please. That has led to me being taken advantage of in the past, whether in a relationship or work. But those trials were a learning experience, and helped me know who and when to give this part of myself.

I am now owned by Mistress....and She knows I want nothing more then to make Her life as pleasant and as happy as possible. I feel She is entitled to have Her life made easier. She can spend more time with the family, finishing school, and guiding me. It's mutually beneficial. But never has Mistress played the "entitlement based on I'm Dominant" card. She knows just how precious I am to want Her life easier, and She could very easily take advantage of that. She doesn't though, because She understands my nature, and knows how special that nature of mine is. Her Dominance is one of love and care, not one of making me jump through hoops to amuse Herself. She displays supreme control over Herself, and the benefit of that is She has that supreme control over me. She is entitled because of how I feel towards Her, not because She demanded that of me.

_____________________________

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 12

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 1:58:35 PM

MrRodgers

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Joined: 7/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

it is my job, my duty, my WANT and my NEED to make his life easier; not because it is expected or because of a desire to BE; but rather it is just the natural flow of a relationship for myself. I look for those who desire the same things that I do. I want to please; I look for those who want to be pleased.

I with IrishMist here...for me...submission or service in the effort to please a master is something that is inspired and thus desired and something a slave needs, craves and is pleased to do. It is only that which is inspired should be what a slave feels her master is...entitled to.

< Message edited by MrRodgers -- 5/19/2007 2:00:54 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 13

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:10:45 PM

MistressRouge

Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline

For a rewarding and successful dynamic, 50/50 exchange, a mixture of both.

< Message edited by MistressRouge -- 5/19/2007 2:11:28 PM >

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 14

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:23:44 PM

Copulo

Posts: 268
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

...and this is another thing I don't think has to be mutually exclusive.

I may define my relationship dynamic by feeling I am entitled to certain things or requiring certain things. That does not negate the fact that the sub/slave is also entitled to certain things and requires certain things.

It always comes back around to communication and compatibility.

I agree with this. You must both be able to compliment each other and its certainly not a one way street.

I have a fem sub friend at the moment that is so disillusioned with the whole thing. Her Dom is just a lazy ba**ard that seems to think its all about him.

I think if you start to resent being told what to do then the relationship is already at an end.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 15

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:25:11 PM

MadRabbit

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Joined: 8/9/2006
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I want someone who finds fullfillment in making my life easier.

And, personally, if you were making my life harder, then why would I want a slave to begin with?

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 16

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:27:58 PM

earthycouple

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Joined: 2/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I want someone who finds fullfillment in making my life easier.

And, personally, if you were making my life harder, then why would I want a slave to begin with?

I am totally on board with your question. I don't want someone who makes life more difficult. Which is why I am a firm believer in NOT micromanaging someone. I have little time to create lists of when someone can eat, drink and piss *cause all my time is here on these boards lol*

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 17

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:28:21 PM

mnottertail

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whether this makes sense or not---well I am beyond caring which right at the mo.

A plier is a plier and happiest when being used as a plier.
A screwdriver likewise enjoys its proper use.

it is also commented alot about discipline and punishment (which are two very different things in my mind) the first is correction, the second is 'come to jesus' in the very least, and could be a near death experience.

We may also speak of risk and reward; action and consequence...
these also are but a facet of this.

we speak betimes, of raw animal emotion and behavior, a freedom from ersatz social strictures

which baby is not comforted by being cocooned in their binkie? which dog will not lust for a pet, a smile of admiration and a good man?

The plier is appliant and the screwdriver---well it screws----they do not do any form of statistical analysis, because it can only come to naught. These things exist in a mirror; darkly, and are emphatically indivisible. There is no atomic divisibility or enumeration of this phenomenon.

It is what it is.

William F. Buckley

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to MistressRouge)

Post #: 18

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:31:09 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

Most of your posts dont really make a whole lot of sense to me. Dont worry too much about this one

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 19

RE: Dominants entitlement..or submissives desire to please - 5/19/2007 2:32:13 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
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I'm with a few of the other posters here. Sure, I make my Daddy's life easier...but He makes mine easier, as well. Let's take right now for example. He is out renting some movies and getting us some snacks so we can curl up together and put the Do Not Disturb sign on our door. I am doing laundry and a little pick up around the bedroom so we've got more room to make another mess.

Then tonight, He will get to feel oh-so-protective while I scooch as close as I can during some horror movie I'm sure He's picking out at this very moment. It's give and take around here. If I could do everything, I would...but, I can't...and to be honest, I don't think Daddy would be happy if He had no self-motivation for His own goals.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 20

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