D/s and TPE..........and switching?

D/s and TPE..........and switching? (Full Version)

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Bearlee -> D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 1:22:21 PM)
Corresponding with a new online acquaintance, I asked a couple questions: “What is the difference in submitting and bottoming” and “What does TPE mean to you?” What prompted this was, while he lists himself a Dominant, he has explained he sometimes switches ‘…behind closed doors’. I am very curious about that, especially as he seems quite interested in things sensual (not that that’s bad) and less interested D/s as I know it. Yes, of course, I plan to continue chatting and discussing these things WITH him, but there is no harm in trying to get background information. So, here goes… First let me apologize for lumping two topics in one thread; but I really do think this is related. In that my new friend seems less interested in D/s and quite interested in switching (‘just let things develop without labeling them or even trying to understand them you get pleasantly surprised’) yet while he says he is comfortable both ‘as a Dom and as a sub’, he also says “we would both realize that Mine would be the final word.” So, in some ways I’m trying to determine if we’re just playing semantics. To me, being submissive is my making sure my Dom’s life is easier because I’m there. While I hopefully am treasured and admired for who I am, I feel being submissive is more about being the co-captain or assistant in a relationship. To me, a submissive is one who’s very nature is to yield power and control to another…not for a scene, not for play; it does not go on and off with a whim. A Dominant is, in my opinion, the one who accepts control and authority…as a personality trait; again not just for a specific period of time but rather for the relationship. It is certainly not ‘just in the bedroom’. But a bottom (no pun intended) OR a Top, is one who submits or Dominates for the evening, for a scene…just to play. For me, this is more about sensations than power or control. The Top is the do-er, the bottom is the do-ee. The Top is ON top, the bottom…well, you know. The Top is the aggressor or giver; the bottom is receiving what the Top offers. That is how I see it. Sooooooo…you can see why I can say I am a submissive who Tops, but that I am not a switch. To me (and I wonder sometimes if this is changing), I do not see HOW one can switch…and still put any value in the nature of submission or Dominance. That said…I have no such problem with people who Top or Bottom from time to time, regardless if they are submissive or Dominant, as that is more of a temporary activity which either can enjoy. Moving on to The Power Exchange (total or not…) I see it as the giving up of authority and control to another…to whatever degree they mutually agree. For me, the ‘Total’ part is with regard to the fact that it may, or may not, include income, property and employment. To me TPE has to do with the commitment to a D/s or M/s relationship; that the exchange of power is always on (not just for play), that the one accepting the authority bears the responsibility and the one giving the power gives up the control. Okay, here is where I falter. Given what I have stated, you can see where I have trouble with a Dominant being submissive (rather than bottoming to), or a submissive suddenly becoming Dominant to (rather than Topping) the partner with whom they’ve pledged TPE. Am I just chocking on semantics, here? ARE people who, otherwise are deeply steeped in D/s as a lifestyle…in TPE…really able to switch with the same partner? Or…are those of you who can do it into a ‘lighter’ kind of BDSM that is more about what happens in the bedroom for fun than actual TPE? I admit I may have a more dominant attitude for some others than I imagined…Topping is such great fun…and perhaps I can do more, But …switching places to dominate my Dom? I just cannot imagine it. So, we’re back to how I see some as quite interested in things sensual and less interested D/s as I know it…which is where I get the BDSM-lite thought. I know I could have it wrong, but 'lite' is not what I'm after. I started the post here because I feel I might get more responses to all of my questions than just the pieces regarding switching. OMG…Please do not flame me…this is a discussion; I am stating my thoughts………which, I might add are subject to change. Have a different opinion? PLEASE state it…I’m asking for different ways to see this. Thank you all so much, beverly edited for errors...

RavenMuse -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 1:45:42 PM)
Definatly no flame from Me sweetie as this is rather in line with My own position regarding D/s and Top/bottom when it comes to TPE. In TPE you are entering a situation where the control is one persons responcibility, the buck stops there. Regardless of where, when or what is being done, THEY always have the final say and the final responcibility. To ME, one can't 'switch' within that else it is something other than TPE. To ME there is no room to time out and step away from that responcibility. Wether My girl is at work, out shopping, 400 miles away or right by My side and leashed to My belt, she is ALWAYS MINE, always My responcibility, it is always My final say. Sure, this is real life and she HAS to make dozens of choises each day to simply handle real life, but ALL those decisions are accountable to Me. Topping or bottoming is about the activity, not about that control. Currently My girl has no inclination to Top anyone, likewise I have no inclination to bottom.... If she did develop that inclination then some accomidation for her to Top, maybe in a club or the like, could enter into this without effecting the TPE. But she couldn't 'switch', couldn't be Dominant, because she is ALWAYS accountable to Me, it can never be 'her way' and the buck never stops with her.... because she is MINE, it is MY way and the buck always stops at ME.

Bearlee -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 2:16:24 PM)
Ohhhhhhh… Thank you Raven, for your response. I like that you are open to possibilities (of her Topping), but see that it might affect TPE…and so put limits on the activity while still accommodating her interest in that kind of fun. I guess, because I do not see all play as sexual, nor all Topping or bottoming as sexual…I put my own limits on such activity. Still, so many of my friends here are Switches…and I seek to understand them, me and my beliefs. I hope more respond with their opinions. Again, I’m curious if my concerns are just semantics. b

RavenMuse -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 2:22:04 PM)
Well the limits are more a case of finding room within the relationship for her to indulge IF she develops a desire to Top, given that I have no desire to bottom and that she is Mono. But as said, the activitys of Topping/bottoming doesn't effect the control, heck if she was Topping in a club I'd probably be the one teaching her how to do so safely. [:D] But as for limits... of course it is Me that sets the limits, just like I do in other areas of her life.... Its My 'job' isn't it [;)]

Bearlee -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 2:29:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse But as for limits... of course it is Me that sets the limits, just like I do in other areas of her life.... Its My 'job' isn't it [;)] <grinz broadly> Well, of course it is! LOL To tell the truth, sometimes I can imagine Topping my Dominant partner (if I had one and he liked it). So many sexual things are really not about D/s…but just fun. I’m sure y’all can use your imaginations here. But…I’d still not call it anything close to Dominating. Is it possible that’s what switching is? Lordy… I hope I’m not digging myself into a hole. b

earthycouple -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 2:30:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Corresponding with a new online acquaintance, I asked a couple questions: “What is the difference in submitting and bottoming” and “What does TPE mean to you?” What prompted this was, while he lists himself a Dominant, he has explained he sometimes switches ‘…behind closed doors’. I am very curious about that, especially as he seems quite interested in things sensual (not that that’s bad) and less interested D/s as I know it. Yes, of course, I plan to continue chatting and discussing these things WITH him, but there is no harm in trying to get background information. So, here goes… First let me apologize for lumping two topics in one thread; but I really do think this is related. In that my new friend seems less interested in D/s and quite interested in switching (‘just let things develop without labeling them or even trying to understand them you get pleasantly surprised’) yet while he says he is comfortable both ‘as a Dom and as a sub’, he also says “we would both realize that Mine would be the final word.” So, in some ways I’m trying to determine if we’re just playing semantics. So far I see semantics as well. To me, being submissive is my making sure my Dom’s life is easier because I’m there. While I hopefully am treasured and admired for who I am, I feel being submissive is more about being the co-captain or assistant in a relationship. To me, a submissive is one who’s very nature is to yield power and control to another…not for a scene, not for play; it does not go on and off with a whim. I agree with this. A Dominant is, in my opinion, the one who accepts control and authority…as a personality trait; again not just for a specific period of time but rather for the relationship. It is certainly not ‘just in the bedroom’. And this. But a bottom (no pun intended) OR a Top, is one who submits or Dominates for the evening, for a scene…just to play. For me, this is more about sensations than power or control. The Top is the do-er, the bottom is the do-ee. The Top is ON top, the bottom…well, you know. The Top is the aggressor or giver; the bottom is receiving what the Top offers. That is how I see it. I feel this way as well. Sooooooo…you can see why I can say I am a submissive who Tops, but that I am not a switch. To me (and I wonder sometimes if this is changing), I do not see HOW one can switch…and still put any value in the nature of submission or Dominance. That said…I have no such problem with people who Top or Bottom from time to time, regardless if they are submissive or Dominant, as that is more of a temporary activity which either can enjoy. I consider myself a domme who occasionally bottoms...so I'm still with you here... Moving on to The Power Exchange (total or not…) I see it as the giving up of authority and control to another…to whatever degree they mutually agree. For me, the ‘Total’ part is with regard to the fact that it may, or may not, include income, property and employment. To me TPE has to do with the commitment to a D/s or M/s relationship; that the exchange of power is always on (not just for play), that the one accepting the authority bears the responsibility and the one giving the power gives up the control. Yet another ditto from me.... Okay, here is where I falter. Given what I have stated, you can see where I have trouble with a Dominant being submissive (rather than bottoming to), or a submissive suddenly becoming Dominant to (rather than Topping) the partner with whom they’ve pledged TPE. Am I just chocking on semantics, here? ARE people who, otherwise are deeply steeped in D/s as a lifestyle…in TPE…really able to switch with the same partner? Or…are those of you who can do it into a ‘lighter’ kind of BDSM that is more about what happens in the bedroom for fun than actual TPE? You have made a long lived thought in me change with this paragraph, Bearlee. I was once in a situation where I was a collared sub who had my own subs on the side. Eventually my dom came to me and asked that I dominate him as well. I did, it was fun. We could flip flop with each other over the course of an 8 hour night. As I really read your post I realize we really just topped each other on occasion. We weren't in a TPE and while each wound up collared to the other....I don't think I was ever Domme to him...I only topped him. S You killed my dream (kidding of course). No...a total power exchange can't flip flop like that....total is total is total... I personally could not switch with my slave in a tpe exchange...Which leads me to the question....could I make my collared tpe slave top me for fun? Would I ultimately still be in control if I "make him" do it? I guess...but it's a fuzzy line for me, today, typing here and now. I admit I may have a more dominant attitude for some others than I imagined…Topping is such great fun…and perhaps I can do more, But …switching places to dominate my Dom? I just cannot imagine it. So, we’re back to how I see some as quite interested in things sensual and less interested D/s as I know it…which is where I get the BDSM-lite thought. I know I could have it wrong, but 'lite' is not what I'm after. Robert absolutely under no circumstances could top me even if I wanted him to and I'm ok with that. If I want to be topped (and I do sometimes) I will find another for that. I truly suggest if taking this farther with this person, you tell him you simply can't engage in a tpe with him and then top him later. Make it clear right away, through effective communication techniques where your limits are in this. I started the post here because I feel I might get more responses to all of my questions than just the pieces regarding switching. OMG…Please do not flame me…this is a discussion; I am stating my thoughts………which, I might add are subject to change. Have a different opinion? PLEASE state it…I’m asking for different ways to see this. Thank you all so much, beverly I have no idea if I've been helpful here or not...but that's where I am. edited for errors...

RavenMuse -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 2:47:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Is it possible that’s what switching is? I think some folks can't tell the diffrence between Topping/bottoming and D/s and call that 'switching'... To Me 'switching' means someone crossing the dynamic rather than just moving to the opposite end of a flogger for a 'scene' quote: Lordy… I hope I’m not digging myself into a hole. I'll give you a leg up sweetie, t'is a hole I am rather familiar with [:D]

LightHeartedMaam -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 3:50:30 PM)
"Switching" is so much nicer a term than "do-me", isn't it :)

Bearlee -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 4:10:25 PM)
Thank you all for the comments so far! I’d like to make a few more… quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Okay, here is where I falter. Given what I have stated, you can see where I have trouble with a Dominant being submissive (rather than bottoming to), or a submissive suddenly becoming Dominant to (rather than Topping) the partner with whom they’ve pledged TPE. Am I just chocking on semantics, here? ARE people who, otherwise are deeply steeped in D/s as a lifestyle…in TPE…really able to switch with the same partner? Or…are those of you who can do it into a ‘lighter’ kind of BDSM that is more about what happens in the bedroom for fun than actual TPE? You have made a long lived thought in me change with this paragraph, Bearlee. I was once in a situation where I was a collared sub who had my own subs on the side. Eventually my dom came to me and asked that I dominate him as well. I did, it was fun. We could flip flop with each other over the course of an 8 hour night. As I really read your post I realize we really just topped each other on occasion. We weren't in a TPE and while each wound up collared to the other....I don't think I was ever Domme to him...I only topped him. S You killed my dream (kidding of course). No...a total power exchange can't flip flop like that....total is total is total... I have no idea if I've been helpful here or not...but that's where I am. Well, EC…that is exactly what I’m getting at! I wonder if this is the case for some who switch? Darn…I saw a good friend here earlier, but he left no comments. I would have liked to hear from some switchie ones. quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Is it possible that’s what switching is? I think some folks can't tell the diffrence between Topping/bottoming and D/s and call that 'switching'... To Me 'switching' means someone crossing the dynamic rather than just moving to the opposite end of a flogger for a 'scene' Darn it, Raven…why didn’t I just SAY that??? Thank you again, Sir! LOL What about for others? Does switching mean more to you than moving to the opposite end of the flogger for a scene…or perhaps ‘being on top’ for a change? quote: ORIGINAL: LightHeartedMaam "Switching" is so much nicer a term than "do-me", isn't it :) Hmmmmmmmmmmm… perhaps it is! LOL It IS especially disconcerting to find a ‘Do-me-Dom’. Wait…or are all Doms, Do-me-Doms? OMG, now I’m really confused! Kidding, beverly

MsParados -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 4:52:07 PM)
The thing about life (in general) is that it and us (by us I mean our understandings, perspectives, and convictions) are always morphing... 15 yrs ago, I identified as a straight, maso- top... 10 yrs monogomously bi-sexual Mistress, 5 years ago was a free for all lol, which brings me to today... I am an owned woman, who desires a fulltime poly unit, that enjoys dominating some, toping most but is still completely monitored by a very demanding daddy type. Some of us are more fluid than others, those are the ones I call switches, the rest still need some time to figure it out. To me, if someone came to me claiming switch, wanting to "submit" but yet still be in control, at this time of my life I wouldn't get involved personally. I do not have the time that is needed to help them figure it out nor do I want to risk the loss when they discovered what they needed was not compatible with what I could provide. I agree that when placed in the context of TPE that "switching" within the dymamic could be .... difficult... if not out right impossible... the only way I could even imagine it happening is if certain needs, desires and desicions were divided, making each the final authority of the certain arena... but that would requier a flow graph, maybe micro-managment and far more communication than most are able to achieve.

Bearlee -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 5:10:03 PM)
Dang! To be honest, I did not expect to find so many agreeing with me! I wonder if it is the 'TPE' in the mix? Or, is it true that D/s is about personality and T/b is about sensation afterall...and in a D/s relationship it is just the play that 'switches'? I hope to hear from more people! Thank you all, b

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 5:36:09 PM)
A) I completely agree that there is a difference between a "slave who tops" or a "master who bottoms" and a "switch." Very different dynamics there- although one can be a top AND a bottom AND slave AND a master AND a switch. B) Honestly I've never seen a M/s relationship in which the slave has authority in the relationship OVER the master. Perhaps legally the law might give her some, but that's nothing to do with how they actually operate within the relationship. It's rare to find people switching WITHIN a single relationship anyway. My partner and I are faced with that reality all the time. However, we are not based on authority transfer. I've seen where a slave is ordered to tell the master to do things like take their meds, not smoke, wake up on time, eat right, etc. I've seen where a master enjoys bottoming to their slave on occasion. I've seen a master allow a slave to make decisions on what they do, on their finances and other things clueless people consider things "only doms do." But not where a master enjoys their slaves sometimes taking authority OVER the master themself. Would very much enjoy hearing about that situation and what their motivations were.

electrikfur -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 5:48:03 PM)
this question is amazing, and one i've been thinking about but havent been able to verbalize.

Celeste43 -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 7:16:55 PM)
If he wants to have the final word then I'd classify him as a dom. The fact that he enjoys receiving sensation play would make him an occasional bottom. But this isn't uncommon for a dom to enjoy sensation play, after all the difference between getting a foot massage and receiving bastinado is simply one of degree. If he enjoys you rubbing his back then that's commonly considered service, but if he wants the massage heavier with a flogger why isn't that acceptable? As far as D/s and sensual play being opposite ends of the spectrum, not so. Not all doms enjoy s & m. Some just want bondage, some just want things the way they want them. Now, if you feel uncomfortable with providing him with the sensation play he enjoys, say so upfront. But don't discount his ability to be in charge simply because of what activities he enjoys. Except golf, there is no purpose to golf!

Bearlee -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 8:34:15 PM)
Thank you LA, for your comments. Yup, I see all those differences, too…but am mostly curious how it is people manage them as switches when their ‘take’ on things is different. I am a submissive who Tops…so that part makes sense to me; as does a Dominant who bottoms. Your B) comment is sort of confusing to me; …the law might give a slave some authority over a Master? I’m lost on what the law has to do with M/s relationships. Really…IS it rare to find people switching WITHIN a single relationship? Half the guys who contact me do so saying they want to be da boss, but they also want to be my submissive…sometimes. THAT is the purpose of this thread; to determine if we’re just confusing semantics. I know LOTS of people who say they switch with their partners all the time. I’ve heard it can be a comment that triggers the switch to take place, or the demeanor of a partner, or even a request to switch; but I hear many say they DO switch. Sooooooo…your mentioning you’re a switch, but your relationship is not based on authority transfer (TPE)…I still wonder how it would work IF it did. COULD it be that TPE is what makes the difference? When it is present, a sub switches to Top and a Dom might switch to bottom…..but the D/s dynamic never changes? As far as a slave telling their master not to smoke or to wake up on time or to take meds… all that seems more like nurturing to me. Somehow I doubt it’s a power-thang! LOL And, lots of M/s relationships with TPE do not include finances or children or what to wear. I’m sure that’s all individual too. Yes, I agree…I’m still trying to figure out if, in a D/s or a M/s relationship that includes the exchange of control and authority…DOES ‘switching’ include TPE, or is it a T/b activity for the evening? beverly Edited to add: Celeste, I'm sorry...but I think you missed my point. I have no troubles with the gentleman I mentioned; the situation just brought up thoughts and questions...that we've been otherwise discussing here. We were not discussing me or my ability to top or if that gentleman IS a Dom.... We were discussing the dynamics of switching... b

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 8:52:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Your B) comment is sort of confusing to me; …the law might give a slave some authority over a Master? I’m lost on what the law has to do with M/s relationships. It doesn't, as I clarified in my next sentence. I simply brought it up quickly to avoid future discussion and dismissed it as quickly. But yes, the law can and does NOT recognize slavery in the form that we practice it, and thus the slave DOES have legal authority towards/over their master just as any person would. Again- nothing to do with the price of tea in China when it comes to healthy fulfilling Ms relationships. quote: Really…IS it rare to find people switching WITHIN a single relationship? IMO When it comes to authority transfer, yes. When it comes to topping/bottoming/playing around, not so much. quote: Half the guys who contact me do so saying they want to be da boss, but they also want to be my submissive…sometimes. THAT is the purpose of this thread; to determine if we’re just confusing semantics. I know LOTS of people who say they switch with their partners all the time. I’ve heard it can be a comment that triggers the switch to take place, or the demeanor of a partner, or even a request to switch; but I hear many say they DO switch. I think you are open to and attract the type of men who are very afraid to submit, but very much want to do so. That mix tends to lead to the behavior you describe. quote: Sooooooo…your mentioning you’re a switch, but your relationship is not based on authority transfer (TPE)…I still wonder how it would work IF it did. Ours wouldn't, not as it exists now. When we started, I was the top (not yet comfy being a dom). We went along happy, me becoming more comfy as a dom, me the one with authority. Then it changed, neither of us expected it or anticipated it, but our connectionsimply did a large sudden shift in dynamics- we switched with eachother, no longer was there a desire for or expectation of an ongoing authority transfer. quote: COULD it be that TPE is what makes the difference? When it is present, a sub switches to Top and a Dom might switch to bottom…..but the D/s dynamic never changes? Between the sub and dom, yes. I'm not discounting that it exists, I just haven't seen it. Again, I'd love to talk to those people. quote: DOES ‘switching’ include TPE, or is it a T/b activity for the evening? Switching itself can be t/b and/or TPE. WITHIN a single relationship between two people, thus far I have not seen a M/s relationship switch authority dynamics.

aldompdx -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 9:10:41 PM)
Excellent perspective on TPE, that is it really about exchange of authority, based on free choice and self will. One always retains their own personal power. You also raise a very good point that the control/surrender dynamic exists at different levels in a person. At a physical level they could surrender. At an intellectual level they may control. At an emotional level they may switch. At an ego level they may be dependent. At a spiritual level they may be balanced. Everybody is different, and has a different dynamic. The further one moves into polarized interaction -- towards control/surrender, and away from equal balance, as their natural "set point" -- the less likely it is that they will be an emotionally healthy switch. HUGE shifts in personality tend to indicate psychological imbalance, possibly bipolar or even dissociative identity disorder. This is not to demeen or criticize the switch. Only to say that switching from VERY strong extremes might possibly suggest deeper issues. There is a significant difference between intentional switching, and reactive switching.

LadyPact -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 10:27:46 PM)
As was mentioned above, it goes back to the unique person. I'm a Domme, but I can bottom. I don't see it as switching because I know it is only for play. I can act a scene (very convincingly) but it isn't in My make-up to really submit. I know that, when the scene is over, I'm back in charge. Even telling My so called top what he might improve in the future. Though I can play the role, it isn't for Me. I posed a similar question on the "Ask A Switch" board not long ago. I think I lean more toward the difficulty of switching roles within the same relationship. It wouldn't work for Me. I have no problem with a switch who is submissive to Me, but is a Dom to another. Trying to work that out where we are going back and forth with just each other would get confusing for Me and make Me wonder which of us was really in control. I might bottom for a switch who is usually my sub for a very special reward, but it would be just that. A little role play if he has been exceptionally pleasing to Me.

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/20/2007 11:03:19 PM)
Personally, i note from people in the lifestyle. They all have different definitions of the same bloody words! I came to this particular lifestyle, not fitting any box at all. But others seemed to have a need, to catorgorise me as either Domme/Top or Bottom/sub. That was nice that they went to so much trouble on my behalf. However, this didnt take into account, that im a mecurial bitch. And just coz im all subserviant one day, does not mean that the next will follow similarly. So the label switch was applied. And just because i did seek a very special person, who i could hand over my power to, didnt mean, that was possible for the vast majority of folks calling themselves dom/me. So the label bottom was applied. Now, 3 yrs on, into a D/s lifestyle, where i have the role of submissive. Well, its been difficult to say the least. I have to be one of the most difficult subs to Dom i reckon. But WE have worked out a way, that our D/s can flourish, that does not meet anyone elses criteria for D/s perhaps, and you know what? What others think, really doesnt matter. Its us, and our dynamic that we've worked on, now how to make that palitable to others. Submission was denied me by my personality, my defenses, my assertiveness, until one day, a certain someone came by, who took the time, the effort, to show me how i could submit. Not just bottom, to Him. Had it not been for him, i would of bottomed/topped/switched forever. Previous to this relationship, id catergorise myself as Top. I certainly wasnt bottoming very well! And that fulfills a need i have, to be the one dishing out the goodies. Although centred around play sessions, power exchange still takes place, but rather for a agreed amount of time. I can 'top' my Sir. He prefers i call it, being his submissive and providing him with sensations/pleasure. Fine, if that's what he wants to call it, that's fine by me. Just so long as our needs are being met. Needs met = happy people Needs not met = doomed relationship negotiation, negotiation, and then lots more negotiation. Helps tremendously, when you are attempting to Dominate a 'sub' who wont stay in the box you've provided for her. Alternatively, give yourself a break, and forget the labels and just have fun! little1

WhiplashSmile -> RE: D/s and TPE..........and switching? (5/21/2007 12:27:39 AM)
I find myself having issues in sorting out the "Switch" in terms of lifestyle dynamics. M/s TPE dynamics are pretty forward in my mindset. D/D dynamics are pretty forward in my mindset. D/s dynamics with PPE are forward but the power levels can be fuzzy at times. I'm totally lost where "Switches" fall into relationship dynamics, I am assuming it's somewhat vanilla for them outside the bedroom. Dare put two words together and suggest "Switchzilla"? I just made a post on the "ask a switch forum" because this is one big fuzzy area in my mindset. I'm a Dominant that has a masochistic streak, where I enjoy a little pain myself. However, I'm selective about activities and the type of pain and where I recieve it. I will top from the bottom. I will defer control to a top and sit back and enjoy the ride however if I want it to hault when I say stop I expect for things to hault. Really simple in my book. I find it difficult to simply allow another person to do whatever the fuck they feel like doing to me, without my permission and without me being able to take control of the scene from the bottom at any moment I wish. In terms of playing with a Domme.. things tend to be fluid or we take turns having fun.. switching from top and bottom.. or being in scene where the top and bottom is one big blur. I've posted examples of this on the board in the past. I actually have a few undone D/D fantasy scenes I'd love to try out, along with some M/s or D/s ones. Seems like my mind keeps coming up with new things to do or try. Anyways, I don't view myself as a switch because of the level of control I want/need/insist upon having in a scene play. Now if a Domme/sub has an interest in an activity they'd love to Top me from, I'm all ears... if I'm game I'll do it. I will either sit back and enjoy the ride or top from the bottom. If it's something I find I am simply hating and want it to end, I expect it to end. Whew... hope this is of some help. I don't view nor consider myself a switch, because of the control aspects of play that I expect when being a bottom. I also don't expect to change top/bottom roles with scene play with subs/slaves. Where we are speeding down the highway at 100 miles per hour, then slam on the breaks and throw things into reverse gear. For instance If a submissive or Domme is an expert at massage, I will sit back and ooo.. Oooo.. Oh yes it to death.. without trying to top from the bottom one damn bit. Same thing applies to other BDSM activities even the painful ones. If something they do does not sit well with me, I'm quick to vocalize it. There are times I love to completly top from the bottom nealy all the way through a scene as well. All depends upon what is going on. I'm still trying to figure out the mechanics regarding the types of relationship dynamics involved with switches though... Just wanted to let eveybody know I love to TOP! I wrote mostly about my mindset when I'm on the bottom. I enjoy having my pervey ways with somebody. Damn I'm convinced I need to go Poly... to have the best of both worlds... One slave and One Domme and I'll be totally set for anything and everything that enters my pervy mind. LOL...

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