quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
I told him in a nice way, that I was not interested in a casual relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
I told him in a nice way, that I was not interested in a casual relationship.

Unless you were trying to suggest a rejection to see how he responds to rejection, I sense what you wanted to say was that you are looking for a deeper relationship.  If so, I wonder if a question that asked how he feels about a long-term relationship would have achieved your objective.

Cheers,

Sea

thanks for your usual advice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
NOTHING, I said warranted the way that man went off.
And, no Sea I am not going to start tip toeing around submissives,
thanks for your usual advice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
NOTHING, I said warranted the way that man went off.
And, no Sea I am not going to start tip toeing around submissives,
thanks for your usual advice.

The content of my post was driven by the subject line of your OP--you mention misunderstandings and styles of communication. I do not know what was actually said in the conversation to draw any conclusions. I suggested another way to achieve the same communication. Upon further reflection a question about what is his image of a D/s relationship, and about relationship goals might have revealed more.

I am not sure what it means to you to tip-toe around submissives. If in your eyes asking a submissive how he feels about a long-term relationship versus telling a submissive you are not interested in a casual relationship is to tip-toe around a submissive, would you care to contrast how the two questions make you feel?

I do think the potential for misunderstanding in text typed in emails and IMs applies to all people--domme or sub, female or male--at each end of the communication. Therefore, I think precise communication helps all. And I think compassionate communication is an effective approach because it is based on how humans respond, and subs are humans.

Maybe the entire occurrence was due to a character flaw. Maybe he does not know how to handle rejection with grace. Maybe he is immature. Maybe he is a jerk.

**Lets see, he did act like a jerk!  That should be obvious.  Do you think blasting a Dominant and blocking her  is positive behavior?
I mean what part of his jerky behavior is it, that you aren't understanding here?

Maybe the entire occurrence was due to miscommunication. Maybe he became frustrated because he misunderstood what you said and thought he was led on. Maybe his response was influenced by prior experiences and thinking a repeat of such an experience was at hand.

We ALL are influenced by prior experiences, aren't we?  Many people are influenced in a very negative way and take it out on others,
is that a valid excuse?

It seems you two exchanged several emails that seemed to have gone well. Then he wrote an email saying he was interested to serve you. You wrote an email that seemed to have come across as a rejection. He wrote saying he was sorry to have wasted your time. It is unclear whether the tirade came in the same email or in the several others that were subsequently exchanged between the two of you.

Let's see here, I am a Dominant woman, anyone reading my profile can/could get a clue as to how I am.   I am clearly not a TOP.
Many submissive's go way overboard-see the posts on FigureHead Dommes.    I have had many men ask me so many questions and
bombard me, that I feel overwhelmed.  I do not like to be overwhelmed by someone approaching me.  Many women here do not respond
to emails, because the men are attempting to over power them.  

If you are looking for people to empathize with you, sure, I'll offer you my support. If you are also looking to examine what caused the misunderstanding and how it could have been avoided, my first post was intended to be in that spirit.

To let other submissives learn from his mistake, what do you think he should have done differently?

He might have actually let me "talk" or type!   He wrote long extensive emails, I wrote 2 or 3 lines.  He was not "listening" to
what I typed.  He was acting on his own agenda, and he did not have the TIME to even listen to what I was saying.
If you approach a Dominant person, and over whelm them and they can't even type a sentence or ask a question, then you
are only concerned about YOUR agenda.
I am so glad he showed his true colors EARLY! They certainly were not pretty, I have been spared.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Cheers,

Sea

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

Purely with regard to communication. Typing on the net can be very difficult, its denies us the chance to hear tone, or see body languages, which are two things we all rely on in real time.

Good luck, there are a thousand more out there like him   And a thousand not!

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
And, no Sea I am not going to start tip toeing around submissives,
thanks for your usual advice.

IMO, that kind of response really wasn't warranted.    I have to give Sea a great deal of credit and respect for taking the time to write such an extensive follow-up reply again to the above while maintaining a genuinely positive & helpful attitude.

quote:


He wrote long extensive emails, I wrote 2 or 3 lines.  He was not "listening" to
what I typed. 

It seems you had little to say and he perhaps had a lot to say in order to try and keep the conversation going.  To be fair to him, you've really not said whether or not his "long extensive emails" ever addressed the content of the 2 or 3 lines emails you sent him.

quote:


I have been spared.

From his point of view, perhaps it's the other way around...  While I realize it doesn't for you, for some it does go both ways!

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
And, no Sea I am not going to start tip toeing around submissives,
thanks for your usual advice.

IMO, that kind of response really wasn't warranted.    I have to give Sea a great deal of credit and respect for taking the time to write such an extensive follow-up reply again to the above while maintaining a genuinely positive & helpful attitude.
 
Let's hear it for Sea, Bravo!  Thanks for sharing pixel.  
 

quote:


He wrote long extensive emails, I wrote 2 or 3 lines.  He was not "listening" to
what I typed. 

It seems you had little to say and he perhaps had a lot to say in order to try and keep the conversation going.  To be fair to him, you've really not said whether or not his "long extensive emails" ever addressed the content of the 2 or 3 lines emails you sent him.
 
The conversation was going, he was going on and on and being overbaring.

quote:


I have been spared.

From his point of view, perhaps it's the other way around...  While I realize it doesn't for you, for some it does go both ways!
 
Yes it really does.  Thank you so much for sharing and the wonderful and kind words, as usual.
Have a wonderful night.

 
 - pixel

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

I don't see this as a misunderstanding at all

You found out straight away that he would have a pissy fit the first moment you didn't fall in line with his picture perfect fantasy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I had someone approach me 3 days ago, that seemed interesting and he is local.
We exchanged a few emails, but finally managed to be on CM at the same time tonight.
We were exchanging emails and he sent a long one about how he wanted to serve me, what
he had to offer, etc.
I told him in a nice way, that I was not interested in a casual relationship.
 
He jumped the gun and started saying things like: he was sorry to waste my time, and it
just went from bad to worse.
I did not bother to tell him, I WAS interested in him because I wanted to see what he would say.
He said the usual, "He is tired of game players and looking for someone "real". 
yada yada yada
At the end of his last rant, he blocked me.
LOL
He took 1 little offhand comment and created a mountain out of it!
He was in such a submissive frenzy he shot himself in the foot.
Actually, I am grateful because he showed his true colors early on.
He will never know that I was really interested in at least getting to know him.

How many relationships and friendships never progress because of "simple" misunderstandings,
oversensitivity and different styles of communicating?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
Thank you so much for sharing and the wonderful and kind words, as usual.

You're welcome MzMia.  It's nice to hear such patronizing words when we subs post in "your forum" to share our thoughts and experience.  I hope you too have a nice day!

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

 Anytime pixel.
By the way, it is all "our forums", even though the title
of this one is, Ask A Mistress.