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MzMia -> RE: Simple Misunderstandings/Styles of Communicating (5/22/2007 4:19:26 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
quote:
ORIGINAL: MzMia
NOTHING, I said warranted the way that man went off.
And, no Sea I am not going to start tip toeing around submissives,
thanks for your usual advice.[&o]
The content of my post was driven by the subject line of your OP--you mention misunderstandings and styles of communication. I do not know what was actually said in the conversation to draw any conclusions. I suggested another way to achieve the same communication. Upon further reflection a question about what is his image of a D/s relationship, and about relationship goals might have revealed more.
I am not sure what it means to you to tip-toe around submissives. If in your eyes asking a submissive how he feels about a long-term relationship versus telling a submissive you are not interested in a casual relationship is to tip-toe around a submissive, would you care to contrast how the two questions make you feel?
I do think the potential for misunderstanding in text typed in emails and IMs applies to all people--domme or sub, female or male--at each end of the communication. Therefore, I think precise communication helps all. And I think compassionate communication is an effective approach because it is based on how humans respond, and subs are humans.
Maybe the entire occurrence was due to a character flaw. Maybe he does not know how to handle rejection with grace. Maybe he is immature. Maybe he is a jerk.
**Lets see, he did act like a jerk! That should be obvious. Do you think blasting a Dominant and blocking her is positive behavior?
I mean what part of his jerky behavior is it, that you aren't understanding here?[8|]
Maybe the entire occurrence was due to miscommunication. Maybe he became frustrated because he misunderstood what you said and thought he was led on. Maybe his response was influenced by prior experiences and thinking a repeat of such an experience was at hand.
We ALL are influenced by prior experiences, aren't we? Many people are influenced in a very negative way and take it out on others,
is that a valid excuse?
It seems you two exchanged several emails that seemed to have gone well. Then he wrote an email saying he was interested to serve you. You wrote an email that seemed to have come across as a rejection. He wrote saying he was sorry to have wasted your time. It is unclear whether the tirade came in the same email or in the several others that were subsequently exchanged between the two of you.
Let's see here, I am a Dominant woman, anyone reading my profile can/could get a clue as to how I am. I am clearly not a TOP.
Many submissive's go way overboard-see the posts on FigureHead Dommes. I have had many men ask me so many questions and
bombard me, that I feel overwhelmed. I do not like to be overwhelmed by someone approaching me. Many women here do not respond
to emails, because the men are attempting to over power them.
If you are looking for people to empathize with you, sure, I'll offer you my support. If you are also looking to examine what caused the misunderstanding and how it could have been avoided, my first post was intended to be in that spirit.
To let other submissives learn from his mistake, what do you think he should have done differently?
He might have actually let me "talk" or type! He wrote long extensive emails, I wrote 2 or 3 lines. He was not "listening" to
what I typed. He was acting on his own agenda, and he did not have the TIME to even listen to what I was saying.
If you approach a Dominant person, and over whelm them and they can't even type a sentence or ask a question, then you
are only concerned about YOUR agenda.
I am so glad he showed his true colors EARLY![:D] They certainly were not pretty, I have been spared.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Cheers,
Sea
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