subsfaith
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Joined: 11/21/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: subsnow
This is sort of what confuses me sometimes because it doesn't seem like very Dom-like behavior to me. It shows me that He's insecure. i told Him that it's His choice, as a Dom, whether or not He wants to play. Sometimes He forgets that He has these rights. He's still so new to being a Dom and He hasn't read as much about it as i have. If He told me to stop asking Him, i would have found some other way to deal with my need. He forgets that He just has to say the word and i will do it. The thing is, He never said the word. i never stopped asking about the play because the first time i mentioned it, He said He would start it up again. When it never started up, i felt like it was becoming unfair.
Now i don't know what to do. i guess i'm going to talk to Him about it again when He gets home tonight. Instead of things getting better, things got worse. Before, i had no PHYSICAL dominaton. Now, i don't have ANY domination. i'm still in love and i still need domination. What a dilemma.
Dear subsnow,
Firstly let me say, I have been where you are, wanting more, and my Lord was of the same mindset of your dom, he cut out the dominantion for a time. It came at a time when we couldn't be together everyday as we are now (generally), so quite similar really. For me it was a demonstration of how strong my Lord was, he wanted submission from me, but felt he did nothing to warrent me being submissive, ie he didn't display dominance. He craved it badly, but it was too unbalanced for him to take it given that he didn't have the time or the energies to dom me. It was the most honest route he could have taken.
I don't for one minute think it is his insecurity that is driving this decision, if anything quite the reverse. As I see it, your dom is making a decision on what he has, ie, little time and a confused submissive. This is a man that loves you, that trusts your love, but it appears he has his head screwed on too. You are submissive and to cut out the dominance may possibly have you running for the hills rather than keep you close, but he took a chance, went to his trust and made the call, so it is a very STRONG decision on his part.... maybe you should be respecting him for it.
Maybe this is an ideal opportunity for you to test your own submission (not that I mean HE is testing it). For me, when faced with little or no dominantion I looked within myself, worked out what I wanted to give, and made sure I gave it, completely regardless of what I was getting in return.. Submission is not all about overt dominance, pain play, etc, it is about the mind. Just as dominance isn't a need (I quantify need as something that I will die without, and a want as something I would be unhappy without). To demonstrate this, look at the times you have been without a dom, you are not in danger, just feeling a tad incomplete.
Going back to what you are giong to do, it took many conversations between my Sir and I to understand him, to completely comprehend the depth of what he was trying to achieve, why he was doing it that way, why couldn't I have just a little bit of dominance her and there etc. It confused me no end and happened periodically over about two years for a period of a few month at a time, however we did come through it, it has made us much stronger together, and the lessons have stayed with me.
One lesson being that he is my Lord and if he makes a decision I should trust him. If I am having trouble understanding him I should ask him to explain, and keep asking him (in a submissive manner of course LOL) until I understand. Ultimately Lord is making a decision that he thinks is best for us both. I am a great one for not seeing the big picture, whereas Lord sees far in to the future.
Another lesson is patience, this lifestyle choice is about the domiant's wishes, not the submissive's. Most of us are allowed to ask for something, whether it be a cuddle, or pain etc, however waiting for something that we WANT is difficult, so bear in mind that this is actually about HIM, and he may choose to give you what you want, but at a time when it suits him.
Another lesson is about you, how much can you bring to the table in the absence of his dominance? For example, would you be dishonourable to him when he was away working? I very much doubt it... so now when faced with the lack of jsut his dominance, should you be dishonourable? There is a corelation between the two. Just because the dominance is not present when he is physically with you, does that mean to you that you should not be giving him submission? In my mind, no... however given your first post about 'where is the line' that is something only you can decide if yo uare able to continue the relationship without overt dominance.
There are things you can do when he is there or not to display your submission. I, for example, always bathe daily as though he was here with me. There are times when Sir travels for work too, but I don't use it as an excuse to drop my standards of submission. I still take the same pride in dressing, in cleaning the house as though he was returning at the same time, cook dinner too because even though he is not here I have a duty to him to look after myself for him. Think about your daily routine and your personal standards, are they your standards, or should they be HIS standards?
Communications, always important! Clearly you don't understand where he is coming from right now, so talk to him, ask him where he is at, wher he is planning on taking youboth, what is his plan, how are you giong to achieve this goal or that goal, so many things you can be asking him right now.
Finally, good luck. All is not over yet, and I know you don't want it to be over. This was never going to be a walk in the park, that is just the nature of the D/s, M/s dynamic, many things about this relationship should challenge you, take you out of your comfort zone so go back to the roots of your submission and work on those :: smiles :
Faith
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RE: When love gets in the way. - 
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