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Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 7:45:24 AM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

We sometimes cannot put a finger on what attracts or repells us to someone... Is there anything specific that will make you pass on serving a prospective Dominant? A personality trait, annoying habit, etc?

I'm not speaking about things that are universal like dishonesty or abusiveness. I'm asking about those little things that just make you go "um..... No" LOL

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

Post #: 1

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 7:47:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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http://www.collarchat.com/m_526440/mpage_1/key_breaker/tm.htm#526448
Deal Breakers

http://www.collarchat.com/m_154756/mpage_1/key_deal%252Cbreakers/tm.htm#154756
deal breakers (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_950788/mpage_1/key_deal%252Cbreaker/tm.htm#950805
Deal Breakers (3)

Reposted:
My deal breakers are generally the same for all relationships, but with a few specific differences.

Deal breakers tend to be the same as hard limits (in fact I'd consider using them as synonyms) though "deal breakers" can be more personality conflicts or personal issues that have nothing to do with any action or reaction on the d-side of the slash. For example "he never brushes his teeth, that's a deal breaker" doesn't mean that you have some limit on teeth brushing, simply that as a compatibility issue for forming a relationship with someone, it's not what you consider a good thing.

But the two are so synonymous I don't think it would be wrong to use them the same way for the most part.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 2

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 7:58:41 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

anyone who thinks as a submissive i dont deserve respect. anyone who looks too much like my biological father.

distance from me (because it ends up being something that prevents time together)

and sometimes there's that little voice in the back of the head that goes.."um, no"

kitten, whose Sir coaxed her into listening to that voice...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 8:02:40 AM

apettiger

Posts: 131
Joined: 1/15/2007
Status: offline

if They are unkind to animals, children or Their mothers'. i have found that Men who love animals, children and Their mothers tend to be more open and kind and Those who do not tend to be cruel, uncaring and callus.

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(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 4

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 8:08:08 AM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: apettiger

if They are unkind to animals, children or Their mothers'. i have found that Men who love animals, children and Their mothers tend to be more open and kind and Those who do not tend to be cruel, uncaring and callus.

I have observed the same thing... I also watch how a person treats waitresses and those in the customer service industry...

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to apettiger)

Post #: 5

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 8:13:33 AM

Trampler

Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline

arrogance. in a dom or a sub. closemindedness. touchyfeelie to soon. Like wanting to hold hands 5 minutes after meeting for the 1st time.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 6

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 8:13:41 AM

enslavedproperty

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline

not being truthful

honesty is paramount to any relationship

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 7

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 8:27:35 AM

livenlearn

Posts: 20
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

We sometimes cannot put a finger on what attracts or repells us to someone... Is there anything specific that will make you pass on serving a prospective Dominant? A personality trait, annoying habit, etc?

I'm not speaking about things that are universal like dishonesty or abusiveness. I'm asking about those little things that just make you go "um..... No" LOL

Well, since my boyfriend and I did not start out with a BDSM, D/s, M/s relationship, I guess I can only answer from a general pov. Common interests are what drew me to him and common interests are what keeps me with him.

_____________________________

"And there I was, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, two asshats fell from the sky"

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 8

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 8:40:15 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Smoking

I always focused more on the core values to see if we matched. ie: politics, religion, child rearing, moral code, goals in life, family, etc. I can't tell you how many of my friends got married only to find out that the person they were married to wanted to live their life very differently than hers.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to livenlearn)

Post #: 9

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 8:50:27 AM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

Yeah, smoking is hard for Me too... or chewing tobacco or snuff... ewwww.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 9:13:57 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

To be honest other then the standard "honesty blah blah blah" I go my the vibe I get when I meet the person face to face and sometimes even when I'm just talking to them before we meet. I trust my instincts and yes there is a chance I'll walk away from a prtentially good Dom, but if it feels wierd and not right, then I go with that feeling.

I ignored it once and once was enough to learn the lesson.

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(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 11

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 9:18:08 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Not having common goals. i believe when two (or more) people have common goals then they work together, opposing goals just never works. That is the same for relationship goals, life goals, or goals for saving money or losing weight or any other goal. If people are at cross-purposes with each other how could it possibly work?

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 12

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 9:42:49 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back. ~Abigail Van Buren~

I admit I stole this quote off 'earthycouple's signature, I apologize, but it seems to suit my thought on this thread. To me that sense of character and integrity is what makes or breaks it. I can be very flexible about a great many things, including behavior towards myself, but I don't want to be ashamed to be in public with someone. I suppose this applies to all people not just Dom's. If I'm not impressed, then I'm not interested.

(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 13

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 10:27:00 AM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

Apathy.

A sense of over-aggressiveness. Everything needs to be an argument or fight or the other person is always wrong.

Like others have said, how a person treats children or animals can throw up lots of warning flags or good signals.

Somebody who's intolerant of my hobbies. I'm a big ol' nerd and not about to change that for anybody.

Over-sensitivity, at least as I percieve it. I have a very warped, silly, and at times dark sense of humor, and again, it's not about to change.

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Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 14

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 10:37:05 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back. ~Abigail Van Buren~

I admit I stole this quote off 'earthycouple's signature, I apologize, but it seems to suit my thought on this thread. To me that sense of character and integrity is what makes or breaks it. I can be very flexible about a great many things, including behavior towards myself, but I don't want to be ashamed to be in public with someone. I suppose this applies to all people not just Dom's. If I'm not impressed, then I'm not interested.

Thanks!

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 15

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 10:57:00 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

If they don't like children or animals then we DEFIANTLY will not get along.

If they don't have ANY female friends or are not friends with any past partners. That says a LOT about a person if they can't be friends with a past partner or if they don't have friends of the opposite sex.

Also, if they don't take the time to talk and get to know me on a multitude of levels.

Yuck to tobacco products, drugs and excessive drinking, if they NEED a drink or think something is wrong with me for NOT ever drinking, then they can exit stage left. Some of us don't drink. Simple.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 16

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 11:03:03 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

quote:

ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back. ~Abigail Van Buren~

I admit I stole this quote off 'earthycouple's signature, I apologize, but it seems to suit my thought on this thread. To me that sense of character and integrity is what makes or breaks it. I can be very flexible about a great many things, including behavior towards myself, but I don't want to be ashamed to be in public with someone. I suppose this applies to all people not just Dom's. If I'm not impressed, then I'm not interested.

Thanks!

*ducks* Sorry! *returns the borrowed quote*

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 17

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 11:10:18 AM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

Ignorant fools who say stuff and can't handle being corrected, because they believe their way is the only way.

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"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 18

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 11:37:36 AM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

Ignorant fools who say stuff and can't handle being corrected, because they believe their way is the only way.

I'm stealing this one for my list too.

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 19

RE: Dealbreakers... - 5/22/2007 11:56:26 AM

onegoodgirl

Posts: 126
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

I cannot handle someone who lives dirty.. A messy house is ok.. heck - I've got a four year old, it's always messy - but someone who never cleans their bathrooms or kitchens.. absolute dealbreaker.

I'm not adverse to keeping house (keeping a clean house, clean).. but if they have been total slobs for ages.. I just cannot handle it.

Obviously it's also important to see how they treat children.

_____________________________

"This aint a scene.. it's a god-damned arms race!" - Fall Out Boy

http://www.myspace.com/bellaemiliana

(in reply to aidan)

Post #: 20

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