RE: Revoking your subs collar

RE: Revoking your subs collar (Full Version)

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Arpig -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 3:23:30 PM)
It is all entirely dependant on the people involved...a collar in-and-of-itself means nothing...its meaning is dependant on those involved in the collaring

pissdoll -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 3:31:27 PM)
if you uncollar her, thus placing her "back into consideration," she has every right to simply just leave. if this is an acceptable outcome, then move forward. but going along with the whole "every action has an equal and opposite reaction" concept, you could end up alone when all you simply wanted to do was prove a point.

Celeste43 -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 5:14:41 PM)
I have over 50 years of habits ingrained in me. Being told once to change just won't overcome 50 years of training. And being punished for a mistake caused by ingrained habits instead of him taking the time to retrain me, no thanks. My oldest got a ticket for not being seatbelted last week. My response is to find a new way for her to remember to buckle before starting the engine instead of afterwards. I've suggested a piece of cardboard with the word BUCKLE to lean against the steering wheel for a month. Retraining. I didn't punish her nor did I say I'm selling the car because she has a bad habit her father taught her when he taught her to drive. He gives me a learning curve and he finds ways that work to teach me, he doesn't just give me an order and expect me to solve the problem. You can take the collar off but can you convince her to put it back on? Because once she feels you're removing it at any and every opportunity, she will have lost trust in you.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 5:19:12 PM)
Daddy revoking my collar would equate to a divorce. plain and simple.

velvetears -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 5:53:33 PM)
i wouldn't have much trust in a dom who would threaten removal of my collar as punishment. i would feel his committment to the relationship was weak and he wasn't very creative in his approach to promoting change. Why would the dom want to only own what's good and positive in a sub? i think when you collar a sub you should know her well enough to understand her weaknesses and faults as a human being - no one is perfect. Once it was threatened i don't think i could even take wearing it very seriously anymore - his using it as a threat would cheapen it, it would loose it's value - i would more then likely hand it back and just say sorry we made a mistake, it obviously held different meaning for each of us. It really reeks to me also of manipulation and that's someting i just would not tolerate on any level.

SireKane -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 6:08:16 PM)
Corporal punishment is the ultimate behavior modification. If you don't know how to use corporal punishment, find a master who will mentor you. Spare the rod spoil the slave. Kane

thetammyjo -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 6:34:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SeargentDave My sub disobeyed me and I wanted to send a clear message that this behavior would not be tolerated. I did punish her accordingly and told her that if there was a repeat that I would take away her collar. It did get her attention but I was wondering if taking away one's collar was symbolic of breaking the relationship altogether. From a Dom's point of view, is this an acceptable punshment or should it only be done when the relationship is terminated. Frankly if I remove someone's collar (symbol not just pure object here) then I have said "get the f out of my household". I would never ever do this unless I needed to end the relationship but reflects the value of "collar" to me and to those I have owned. When I started I fell into old patterns of threat and manipulation. I used to deny a sub or slave some service that meant a lot to them. Then a very wise slave (one part of a leather family I admire) talked to me about that. I realized that doing this was strippng me of my dominance may making into an angry manipulator instead of the owner I was trying to be. It was not an easy pattern to break because I, at least, was raised to hold onto feelings and act out passively or subtly. Let me tell you, I feel far more dominant, far more healthy, and far more myself when instead I simply state I am displeased, require correction and then more on together.

Shylahgirl -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 6:58:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SeargentDave My sub disobeyed me and I wanted to send a clear message that this behavior would not be tolerated. I did punish her accordingly and told her that if there was a repeat that I would take away her collar. It did get her attention but I was wondering if taking away one's collar was symbolic of breaking the relationship altogether. From a Dom's point of view, is this an acceptable punshment or should it only be done when the relationship is terminated. I am not a Domaniant, I am an owned and collard submissive, but I will give my opinion. If Master were to take a way my collar I would concider it the end of the relationship. He has told me that removel of a symbole of ownership, I wear several symboles, which I worked to get, would mean that I am no longer owned by him... with the exception of a session collar/party collar of course. If your sub has earned and put work into achiving her collar, it shouldn't be taken away as a teperary punishment, it would be almost like taking away the protection the symbole of the collar makes her feel, in my view. Another form of punishment may be better suited for the situation. I would give some more advice on that, but I don't know what the infraction was. If she has already been punished for the infraction and you have scared her with the threat of loosing the collar, she most likely will not comite the infraction again out of fear of harsher punishment (i.e.: Revoking the collar) that punishment in my view would feel like death for the time the collar was gone. Shylah

MagiksSlave -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 6:59:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SireKane Corporal punishment is the ultimate behavior modification. If you don't know how to use corporal punishment, find a master who will mentor you. Spare the rod spoil the slave. Kane This is a funny thing to say to a board full of masacistic slaves!!! oh and we all love when we are compared to children!!!! Magik's slave

shyinini -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 7:14:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darkinshadows It shouldn't be used as an empty threat, and to me - ends the relationship. Not to be used as a punishment, because you are just whipping away any security and taking away trust. Collaring is a commitment, not a punishment tool. Peace From anothers submsivvies perspective. General consensus is that having a collar means a D owns a girl. I would then ask...if you intend to take her collar away, will you release ownership of her? The authority and control of a D is only equaled to obedience, IMHO. If you have set the foundation of your relationship on her obeying you and she has defiantly disobeyed, not just once but several times, then I think you need to question her heart's intent. For our relationship, yes he does punish for infractions and uses suitable discipline in each, but he also knows it is NOT ever, nor will it ever be to defiantly disobey. Personally, I cant see myself ever wanting to. Obviously, only you know your girl.

RandomGAGirl -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 7:21:06 PM)
I suppose it would depend on how the people involved in the relationship viewed the collar. To me, as a sub, it would mean the end because I hold a lot of stock in collaring. It is a sign of a serious commitment and that the sub/slave is formally bound to their Master/Mistress. If I were wearing a collar right now that was never meant to be removed and my Master took it off I would probably faint dead away and/or start packing. I know people have different opinions on this but the one that is going to matter is your subs. There is a chance if you threaten to take away her collar for every infraction she could start feeling insecure and opt to end things rather than live in fear of having her collar taken away.

Calandra -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 7:26:59 PM)
I'm going to answer this without reading the other replies because I have encountered similar threads and I know I am not in the majority. *A collar is precious. Many people equate the collar with a wedding band, and I understand that similarity, however many people confuse the symbol* with the actual relationship.** My slaves know from the outset that the relationship comes into existence prior to any collaring. The relationship is negotiated and is already well developed before I place My collar around their throat. My collar doesn't supplant the relationship, it is a symbol only. I as the Dominant do not need to wear any symbol at all, yet that does not mean that I am not just as committed in the relationship, so why would anyone think that removing a collar for a time negates the relationship??? I explain to a slave early on in a relationship that they have an opportunity to reflect (good or bad) upon themselves and, by extension ME. They earn the priviledge of wearing a public symbol of My ownership (the collar) each and every day by the way they conduct themselves. I always make sure that My slaves know they are loved and valued. I prefer positive reinforcement, however if nothing else will impress My displeasure adequately, I will, as one of the last resorts, remove My collar. I have found that if a slave knows from the outset exactly what My collar means and how it is to be viewed in the course of our relationship together then if and when a collar is removed as punishment, they double their efforts to repair the damage with Me. They also realize that I will do exactly what I say I will do, regardless of emotion and they gain respect for My principles. They feel the loss of the collar and realize how much they have taken it for granted. IF they don't feel that loss, they have no business being in My service. Is the collar important? Oh yes! Does removing it nullify the relationship? Hell no!

ownedgirlie -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 7:29:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali Addition: Thinking about this topic more...like what would be wrong wtih hanging the collar on the wall somewhere, seeing it in a high place, symbolic of somehwere she needs to reach again...the collar isnt a wedding ring...it has more meaning to me than that, a collars meaning is defined and earned..even if someone had to go through a lot of rigmoral (sp?) to get it..does that mean they can just rest on their laurels after getting it? If I work really hard for a promotion at work and get it, nobody, including me, expects I can just rest on my laurels after that. Nor does anybody, including me, expect that if I blow it because of a learning curve, the boss is going to revoke my promotion. For many, the collar is a symbol of ownership. The OP talked about "revoking" the collar, not just simply not letting her wear it for awhile. Such symbols can carry great weight with people. I know after I left my husband, I couldn't remove my wedding ring for a year. To me, threatening to revoke the collar is threatening to revoke ownership. The last Dom I submitted to did that a lot. It left me on very shaky ground, unable to trust that there was any foundation. I finally told him since he couldn't seem to decide whether or not to keep me, I was deciding for him, and left...with LOTS of baggage. Now, maybe the OP meant something different by "revoke" and only meant he'd not let her wear it for awhile. In my relationship, I once asked if I should remove it because I didn't feel I deserved it. My Master did wish to punish me, but didn't feel that doing something which seperated me emotionally from him was in our best interest. I would recommend not toying with this option.

slavejali -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 7:37:52 PM)
quote: I would recommend not toying with this option. yeah, I guess what it comes down to is, knowing your slave and what the repercussion would be if he enacted his threat.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 7:40:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali quote: I would recommend not toying with this option. yeah, I guess what it comes down to is, knowing your slave and what the repercussion would be if he enacted his threat. That's really exactly what it boils down to.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 7:45:10 PM)
The question is can he swollow his pride admit he was wrong makeing that threat and tell her that while he was wrong with makeing that a punishment she will not go unpunished...While I agree you cant make idle threats it is so importent that when you make one that you then deside was not a good idea you are open and honest about it and instead of following through with something you know isnt a good idea you admit your mistake and come up with something better. Magik's slave

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 7:52:11 PM)
Pretty much as most state here..remove the collar and I am out the door.Removal to me would say that I am worthless and the Dominant is finished.There are way to many ways to punish for any to use this route. Use your imagination, your creativity, do not always go for the jugular!.Now if you wish to take away all sense of security and trust in your relationship..demean and demoralize her..well then HEY!..uncollar away..and enjoy the probable repercussions.To me, for one to use the collar as a threat or as punishment is simple not one I would stay with...Tempting

WiseCracknSadist -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/23/2007 8:14:56 PM)
It all depends on what the collar means to you and her and how much it means to her to wear it.

littlesarbonn -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/24/2007 12:56:43 AM)
It really depends upon how your relationship is structured. For me, a collar symbolizes the relationship. Many years ago, my mistress took back my collar (she had found another service submissive she was convinced could replace me) and sent me on my merry way. A few months later, she contacted me through community friends saying she had changed her mind, the other relationship didn't work out to her specifications, and she was willing to "give me another chance". I accepted an offer for graduate school across the country and never spoke to her again. She had already ended the relationship.

HeavansKeeper -> RE: Revoking your subs collar (5/24/2007 1:07:56 AM)
quote: disobeyed me and I wanted to send a clear message that this behavior would not be tolerated. I did punish her accordingly and told her that if there was a quote: ORIGINAL: SeargentDave My sub disobeyed me and I wanted to send a clear message that this behavior would not be tolerated. I did punish her accordingly and told her that if there was a repeat that I would take away her collar. It did get her attention but I was wondering if taking away one's collar was symbolic of breaking the relationship altogether. From a Dom's point of view, is this an acceptable punshment or should it only be done when the relationship is terminated. I did this to My Pet ONCE. It was horrible for both of us. It was like waving divorce paper's at a wife. It screams "This relationship is not important to me." It is an example of relational aggression, the same as saying "then I won't be your friend anymore." The sub's collar is her (or his) most sacred posession. To take it away as a punishment can only fit crimes that make you want to end the relationship. My Pet and I call the night I did that "the bad night." It was a huge mistake. The only good thing that came from it was I got to feel the weight of My Pet's collar. I suggest you don't do it. You can't undo it once you have. My Pet will always look at me as someone who has taken off her collar. Even if it never happens again, she will always consider it. I regret it.

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