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Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:35:23 PM   
SeargentDave


Posts: 21
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline 		My sub disobeyed me and I wanted to send  a clear message that this behavior would not be tolerated. I did punish her accordingly and told her that if there was a repeat that I would take away her collar. It did get her attention but I was wondering if taking away one's collar was symbolic of breaking the relationship altogether. From a Dom's point of view, is this an acceptable punshment or should it only be done when the relationship is terminated.
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:38:27 PM   
SanDieganMichael


Posts: 56
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: San Diego
Status: offline 		There are many schools of thought on revoking a collar.  Collars mean different things to different couples/groups.  The question here is what do you think the collar is worth?  is it the ring that binds the relationship?

Perhaps other questions to ask yourself is why did she repeat the behavoir?  Is she just daring you to punish her?  Does she enjoy the punishment?

(in reply to SeargentDave)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:38:45 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
It shouldn't be used as an empty threat, and to me - ends the relationship.  Not to be used as a punishment, because you are just whipping away any security and taking away trust.  Collaring is a commitment, not a punishment tool.
 
Peace


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.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to SeargentDave)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:40:47 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Taking away a collar from a sub/slave is like taking away a ring from a spouse.  It's a termination of the official aspect of a relationship.

Still, you can continue your relationship- the official aspect is just absent.

I would encourage you to consider how revoking a collar simply as an act of punishment may effect the value or prestiege of a collar- how it may make such a collar seem more of a temporary status if this is used as a type of punishment.

(in reply to SeargentDave)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:41:18 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I realize i'm not a dominant, but i'm going to answer anyway, from a slave's point of view.

I think it would depend on what the collar signifies to the both of you. If it symoblizes a wedding ring, then i suppose taking it away would terminate the relationship. If not, then she's been 'demoted' so to speak. Like she's been put under consideration again (if you go through those steps).

But, like i've already said, i think it just depends on what the collar symoblizes to you and your submissive.


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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:44:20 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You should have thought of that before you made the decision.  I'd sit down with her and discuss the issue.  Stop using punishment as the primary method of behavior modification and work more on the root of the behavior itself.

Why did you give her the collar?  If it was as a symbol of your relationship, then to take it away would be to deteriorate what that means. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to litleone8620)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:45:03 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		What you do is your own deal but for me... if it is taken away, it isn't given back & on the same note, they are to not beg for it back.

The collar is given only one time & it is only taken away one time.

But with me, giving out a collar isn't like sharing mint candy. The significance of this item forces me to be very careful in who I would select to be mine.

If you are not as selective in this practice as I am & have been & you do not revere the collar to mean permanence as I do, then there is no way that I could hold you or anyone to the standards that are in fact my own.

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MstrssPassion


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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:45:35 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I know you're probably gonna get a lot of " don't ever do thats" probably. In my perspective, if she disobeys you, she is not fit to wear the symbol that you gave her to wear of her obedience to you. Like everyone in the world could go around wearing collars but what do they actually mean if there isnt some meaningful action behind it. Taking her collar of her will most likely be a traumatic experience for her, so if you did it you would have to at the same time offer a realistic working plan of how she could get it back.

There is a theory of belief that  'the punishment and rewards" system does not work in the long run to inspire and guide action, that our motivations for the things we do need to come from someplace else inside us. So I guess thats something to think about too.

It's really gonna come down to your relationship with her, how solid is it?

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to SeargentDave)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:46:28 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		To me takeing away a collar is ending a relationship and a step that cant be " redone" .. more serious than a divorce, never a punishment.



_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to litleone8620)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:46:57 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Good point.

For people who use a collar as a rank of submissive as opposed to a sign of commitment or long-term status, removing a collar would be like a demotion.

I suppose, like so many questions on these forums, we must ask for the definition of a collar beyond it's physical aspect to answer this question, OP.

(in reply to litleone8620)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:48:45 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I have NEVER recollared a girl once I have removed My collar from around her neck, I don't rush into putting it on her (Often 6 months to a year into the relationship) and I don't rush into removing it either . Me doing so only happens when I am absolutely sure there is no future in the relationship.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to SeargentDave)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:52:19 PM   
subsnow


Posts: 152
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		i second what everyone else has said here. If You told me that my collar would be taken away, i would assume that the relationship was ending. It all depends on what the collar means to the both of You. Just remember, You and Your sub might have a different idea of what it means. If You were going to use that as a threat, i would make sure that You and Your sub are on the same page as to what that would mean.

(in reply to CuriousLord)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:53:08 PM   
szobras


Posts: 435
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline 		 Certainly it depends on what the collar means to you both. I would personally not see it lightly.
For me it would signify the ending of the committment. IMO, perhaps focusing on learning why she disobeyed, and may potentially repeat the behavior would prove more productive. Simply making one aware of a consequence does not modify or control the behavior.

(in reply to SeargentDave)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 1:56:50 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		Raven Muse...I agree with you totally .. it is not lightly given nor quickly given by me and it is not quickly or easily removed .. it is an END ... if removed.

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to szobras)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 2:01:18 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I guess whats coming out of the thread is, you really need to determine what her collar signifies to your relationship. I don't get the whole, 'taking a collar away" means the ending of the relationship, we arent vanilla people, the collar is a "gift" from the Master which could be taken away at any time, even on a whim if he wanted it...that doesn't mean the relationship has ended...you're just the Owner practicing his rights over his property. Anyways...I've usually got weird takes on things, so its really gonna come down to where both of your heads are at regarding the relationship and what is actually binding it together. A piece of leather or something more substantial.

Addition:

Thinking about this topic more...like what would be wrong wtih hanging the collar on the wall somewhere, seeing it in a high place, symbolic of somehwere she needs to reach again...the collar isnt a wedding ring...it has more meaning to me than that, a collars meaning is defined and earned..even if someone had to go through a lot of rigmoral (sp?) to get it..does that mean they can just rest on their laurels after getting it?

< Message edited by slavejali -- 5/23/2007 2:10:56 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to szobras)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 2:13:01 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		to me takeing away the collar is the end of the relationship and I also see it as way to much of an emotional punishment one that I personaly wouldnt recover from. What Master has done though with one sertain things that was really really hard for me that I wanted,  a behavior that I wanted modified and was haveing a lot of trouble with and conventional spankings and such just werent getting at the root of the problem, was everytime I did this (I have an eating disorder that conventional therapy and spankings and such just werent really completly helping with so I asked Master for help) I would not be aloud to wear my collar for one day he was never takeing the collar away he was simply takeing it off and giveing it to me and will tell me when I was aloud to put it back on. He was not uncollaring me he just wont allowing me to wear the collar for an alloted amount of time. I  would always know exactly when I would be aloud to put it back on. Well in all honesty this worked in fact Master never actually had to remove my collar at least not yet, but just knowing that was to be the punishment was enough of a psycological thing to get me really thinking what was importent to me haveing controll I thought the eating disorder was giveing me or handing Master over all the controll and that made it a little easier to stick to a healthy diet. Now Im not only doing it for me Im doing it for Master to keep Masters property in proper worlking order!

to me a collar is a physical symbol of a psycological and emotional bond and haveing it taken away is just not something I would be happy about and if I where to have it taken away period that to me would be the end of the relationship. What Master is doing is not takeing it away, it is still mine still in my possesion Im just not aloud to wear it, also knowing exactly when I could put it back on makes a big difference as well.

this is just what has worked for us

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to MissHarlet)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 2:16:48 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		Were it me even having the removal of collar threatened, I would feel very very unstable and insecure. The collar for me represents a seal being placed on the relationship, a bnd and agreement to move forward together. When I stumble I would expect the owner of that collar to put me back on my feet and show me how to move forward in a better way.

It depends very much on the dynamic you both share. I could not function in a relationship where disobedience = dismissal or removal of the collar. For me, once on it stays there until our relationship ends forever. If the thing i valued that much was being treated in such a fashion .. i would take that to mean the collar meant very little to my Owner and my motivation would die away.


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proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to MissHarlet)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 2:25:55 PM   
viperess


Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings,
As all have pretty much said part depends on what You and she feels the collar means. i know for me as a slave it would be the end of the relation but also would be a crushing blow emotionally. i was decollared many years ago and it took a lot of time to get over the feeling of having no self worth, failure, hurt, and depression involved. It to me is not something to use as a threat nor a punishment. It is the way to get rid of a slave who has been bound to You.
respectfully

_____________________________

viperess slave of BlackTarnHeart
heart and chain sister to velvetvixen68

(in reply to softness)
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RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 2:31:36 PM   
WeyrlingMaster


Posts: 13
Joined: 2/5/2007
Status: offline 		Just My 2p's worth - I would NEVER threaten removing a collar as a punishment, it's not a threat that can be backed up unless it was to finish the relationship.  That's all.

(in reply to viperess)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Revoking your subs collar - 5/23/2007 2:53:19 PM   
ennaozzie


Posts: 201
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		Personally I don’t believe in the collar.  To me its either live together (which to me is a commitment anyway) , or live together and marry or live separately and see each other when ever. As I understand it a collar is another form of marrage to a lot of people.  
 
mmmmm someone stuffs up and you break the marrage?
 
beanie

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Never make someone your priority when you are only their option

If coffee hurts your eye's take the spoon out of the mug

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