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slaveluci -> RE: when to walk away ?? (5/27/2007 7:22:02 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: velvetears
sweetpetie if you stick around long enough you will find that many of the posters use the forums as a way to pontificate from their own pulpit and shove their own value system and ethics down other peoples throats. Very rarely will they even care what the op was about all they need to do is hear a code word like "cheat" and off they go running full speed ahead. i wonder who they are trying to convince more, the general readers of CM or themselves?
It's a shame these posters seem to stick out like sore thumbs - like bad apples spoiling the whole barrel. There are many people who can stick to the op, give advice that isn't as some say coddling but style it with dignity and class and not feel the need to above all else show the CM world what "real ethics are or the right and proper way to behave is" i admire these posters and disdain the rest. Good luck herere sweetpetie and one small piece of advice - grow a thick skin if you plan to stick around and haven't already lost interest because of the few who are sour grapes.
Well said, velvet. i have never and will never post a question on here pouring out my heart and seeking genuine advice. It's too obvious that when someone does, all too often it becomes nothing more than an attack. Now, of course, sometimes it doesn't - it appears to be based on whose drama it is. Some of the same folks who are all too eager to look down their nose at someone else often bring their own form of drama and get "coddled." It's only those who are new or who appear most vulnerable or who haven't made a bunch of online buddies that get shredded.
As someone said, i guess it should be expected. Anyone coming here and genuinely expecting sincere answers from most is really deluded. Contrary to what several posters said, i don't think everything someone brings up is "drama." There are real people out there who have real issues or have made real mistakes and just need to talk about them. Being as this lifestyle is something many people can't just talk about with anyone in their lives, perhaps they think coming to a bdsm site would offer them the opportunity to discuss such issues and actually have someone listen and offer some advice. Maybe, just maybe, they think someone else here has had a similar experience or made a similar mistake and can actually speak about it in a way that helps someone else.
Sure, people do some dumb-ass things - i think we ALL have. The OP knows what she did - she doesn't need an endless litany of people saying "Yeah, you deserved it. i hope you get all that's coming to you." Some of those shouting that the loudest have come here themselves with their personal drama of loss. i don't remember seeing them get kicked in the teeth for it. One person's sincere dilemma is another's "drama." Guess it's only "drama" when it's in a stranger's life, not ours. And karma is all good when it's biting them on the ass and not us. We ALL "reap what we sow," not just the folks we don't like.
i'm not saying what the OP did was good, wise, honorable or anything like that. She got involved in a situation she should not have. All the anger and bitterness directed toward her, though, seems to indicate that those showing it may have been in the wife's shoes before. Perhaps it's residual effects from having been cheated on before? All this finger-wagging about integrity and standards from the "morality police," as you said, is so typical. Sometimes it seems as if it's a contest as to who can be the most bitter, cynical, and jaded. No, you can't come to a public forum like this and expect only gentle, caring words. But you should be able to expect that adults - who have all made some of their own mistakes - would have enough patience to hear about another's woes and at least try to see that they are human and just need an ear.
Does this mean you have to encourage and support someone in what you feel is unacceptable behavior/choices. No, of course not. But tearing into them about how they deserve everything bad they get is a bit much, IMO. Someone mentioned that the OP is seeking validation. Maybe so, but since when is seeking validation such a horrible thing? We ALL do it. Who wants to be the only person in the world who feels/thinks a certain way? No matter what our stance, we all want to seek out those who see our point and reassure us we're ok with thinking like we do. The OP's decision to become involved with a married man, IMO, was a very unwise one. Treating her like a pariah who is the first (or last) person who has ever done or ever will do so is just a bit too self-righteous for my taste.
Velvet - what you wanna bet one of the first responses to this will say something like: "Speaking of self-righteous, isn't that what YOU are being?"....lol....nope, not being self-righteous at all. i have found myself on both sides of this type of cheating issue. When i was young and dumb, i found myself in a similar situation to the OP as far as being involved with men with significant others. Am i proud of that? No way, but i can't turn back time. Later on, i found myself in the position of being a wife with a cheating husband. (Guess i got my kick in the ass from karma?) So, i've experienced life on both sides of this issue. i don't feel in any way "self-righteous" - i can simply understand how someone can make a bad choice like this and live to regret it. i certainly wouldn't have needed someone pointing their finger in my face chiding me and telling me they hope i suffer for my mistakes.
So, to the OP: You said reality has hit you and, since you're asking this hard question about whether to move on, i think you already know the answer. Getting involved with partners who have significant others who don't know about you is never a good idea. You deserve better so don't settle for someone who isn't ready to make you more than just a secret, sometime affair. Just because you made this mistake doesn't make you a horrible person. Learn from it and don't repeat it. That's the best you can hope for. Sincerely, slave luci
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