Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

sad today...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> sad today... Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
sad today... - 5/24/2007 3:12:37 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		I don't know what to do to please my Master anymore... nothing is working... he seems happiest if I don't interact with him, don't talk, don't do anything and am out of the way. He refuses to tell me what he wants of me and gets angry when I ask... because that's being pushy. I tried to ask if he'd be ok if I was out in the evenings, to take a class or visit friends, since he didn't like me to bother him while he was busy with his hobbies and his friends most evenings... and boy did that explode in my face.... and got told off and told to do whatever I want he doesn't give a shit anymore and won't be held responsible. I want so badly to be a slave but I have no idea how to be one when the Master is impossible to please... or maybe I'm just not a pleasing person... I am starting to really wonder about myself.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 3:24:17 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		I dont know him or the situation, but it sounds to me like he has something on his mind that he needs to work through on his own. I dislike the pop-psych stuff, but it seems true enough that when a man is in that position, he does need time to himself and wont talk about it for fear of being perceived weak - which comes across to women as confusing and excluding and makes women think its something they have done to offend.

Dont ask him about it - he will see that as intruding. He will talk when he's ready, which will be when he's dealt with whatever it is. In the meantime all you can do is be there for when he's done, but not get in the way whilst he's doing. If it lasts more than a few days though, then you might suspect something more perhaps.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 3:37:05 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		His this behaviour of his new? or has it been this way for a very long time?

If new, I'd say sounds like he does have some thing on his mind- stressing him out- work- family who knows.

If it's been  this way for a very long time. I'd think it's just the way it's going to be and think about removing myself from the relationship

I sincerly hope you two can talk and work things out.


_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 4:25:35 AM   
Areflectionofyou


Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		I would just try and not ask ...seee if things get better. Maybe he is stressed.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 4:29:12 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		When someone says that they "don't give a shit anymore" there is a good chance that they have already given up on the relationship and you could do backflips kissing your own ass from now until the second Tuesday of next week and it still won't change that fact. I would ask him to sit down, tell him how you are feeling and that you would appreciate knowing where exactly you stand.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 7:05:37 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I like the direct approach & maybe you do as well

but erin keep in mind...

the only time the direct approach is advisable is when the person is preparred for the answer that they might not wish to hear

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 7:08:21 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am going to do some classic projection as his words echo from my distant past as well as my present.

quote:

  He refuses to tell me what he wants of me and gets angry when I ask... because that's being pushy.


Either he doesn't know what to ask/do OR something I used to was think "if she really loved me she would know what I need" and I was a walking pile of hidden/uncomunicated needs.  I mean just because I didn't TELL her to sit quietly at my feet doesn't mean she shouldn't know.  I mean considering how much I do for her she should take care of me in return. 

Presently for me, while I am pretty good at communicating needs, the unasked for "care" carries more weight than than the care I ask for and receive.  Still working around that one as I am unsure how I feel about that.

quote:

  I tried to ask if he'd be ok if I was out in the evenings, to take a class or visit friends, since he didn't like me to bother him while he was busy with his hobbies and his friends most evenings...


Well done if you asked him in a non judgemental way as it sounds.  There is a difference between saying "I want you to have quality time with your friends/hobbies so do you mind if I go out" and "you don't want me around so I am going to go out and find my own fun" but I don't think you did that.

quote:

  and  and got told off and told to do whatever I want he doesn't give a shit anymore and won't be held responsible.


Screams unspoken resentments to me.  Any chance you two have had issues around you wanting "more" D/s and him struggling to find it within him and complaining that you then resist?  OR?

quote:

  I want so badly to be a slave but I have no idea how to be one when the Master is impossible to please... or maybe I'm just not a pleasing person... I am starting to really wonder about myself.


Define "impossible to please"  You may not be offering your submission in a way he can yet handle or he may not yet have the skills or it may simply be a problem in communication skills.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 7:09:23 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I'd take him at his word and stop trying to please him, stop doing what he tells me, stop telling him where I'm going and who I would be with.

But this is only if this behavior has been going on for a while. If it's only a few days, then I'd see if I couldn't go away for the weekend and allow him time to work on his problems. And then I'd just leave a note saying "went to so and so's for the weekend". No more and no less.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 7:13:26 AM   
bayboundse


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/29/2005
From: Oak Ridge, TN
Status: offline 		Sorry you are in such a position. Some of us seek to find what you are trying to give, and he wont take. If he does not want you and says to do as you please then take his word for it and get out live your life the way you want and need.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 7:14:23 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I hope you realize that a big part of this probably has nothing to do with you.  It sounds like he has some issues or insecurities.  It I was trying my best to participate in a relationship and met with that sort of stuff I would probably be gone.  I don't have the patience to coddle a dominant.  Been there; done that; no thanks.

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 5/24/2007 7:15:04 AM >

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 7:17:58 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		NGS, all I'll say is that from your past posts, it seems the two of you are on two totally different paths and that they may not be running parallel anymore or for much longer.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 7:22:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		First there was the great gift you gave him that absorbed all his time (I wonder now if there was a particular motivation for the gift?)

Next there was the new girl online which got dropped like a hot potato when you said you weren't feeling comfortable.

I can't really tell if there's more about your behavior you aren't telling us, or if it's JUST his inability to communicate on a mature level so he blows up and pouts. 

Whichever it is, you both need to have a sit down and talk about your expectations for eachother and the relationship.  You both deserve to be happy and fulfilled and it sounds like neither of you knows how to navigate the waters right now.  So band together and see where you can go from here.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 8:34:13 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		You can:
a) wait and see
b) force the issue with discussion
c) take him at face value and move on

I understand things get said in anger that aren't meant, but if he's saying them a lot, and not realizing he's making you feel worthless to him as his sub... that wouldn't sit well with me personally. Sometimes we never get to know 'why' but if it becomes evident you're not wanted, don't allow yourself to sit and suffer that rejection for a long period of time, it's not good for either of you if you're both stuck in a dead lock. Maybe a vacation is in order? a little time apart might give him the space he needs to clear his head, and let you reflect on exactly what you need too, then you can both sit down and discuss the why's.

< Message edited by ProlificNeeds -- 5/24/2007 8:35:36 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 8:41:41 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

First there was the great gift you gave him that absorbed all his time (I wonder now if there was a particular motivation for the gift?)

Next there was the new girl online which got dropped like a hot potato when you said you weren't feeling comfortable.

I can't really tell if there's more about your behavior you aren't telling us, or if it's JUST his inability to communicate on a mature level so he blows up and pouts. 

Whichever it is, you both need to have a sit down and talk about your expectations for eachother and the relationship.  You both deserve to be happy and fulfilled and it sounds like neither of you knows how to navigate the waters right now.  So band together and see where you can go from here.




Ditto

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 8:51:48 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I'm sorry you're feeling sad. I didn't know what to write to this topic but then something stuck in my mind. His reaction when you said you wanted to find alterernative things to do of an evening. If he was really uninterested in you, would he react that way? If he was really uninterested it would seem to me that he would have just happily said "hey yeah great idea go for it" just to get you outa his space. Like others, i think there is more going on ..and it needs to be addressed by both of you.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 9:40:16 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		If I were you, I wouldn't be wondering about yourself, I would be wondering about him. Quite frankly, I see little point in attempting to talk to him about trying to work it out. Normally that would be my advice, but from everything you are saying, nothing you do pleases him.

That tells me he is finding a way to pervert ANYthing you do into a problem for him. When he tells you he doesn't give a shit, and he won't hold up his responsibilities as your Master, you need to accept the reality that you need to move on.

We do not know his side of the story, and he may not be a bad Master, but he is NOT the Master for you. That is the bottom line as I see it. Staying in this relationship is only going to prolong your agony.

Wish I could say something more positive, but you just cannot work a relationship where one partner tells you he is happiest when you don't interact with him at all. You need to find the courage within yourself to believe there is a better man out there for you.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 12:16:02 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		Long distance analyzing another person's relationship through an internet posting is conceptually riduculous.  There's only two people who know what's going on in your relationship are you and he.

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time.  You sound genuinely sorry, upset and distressed.  I hope things get better in some way--I hope you and your Master work hard to find the best solution.  Good luck.

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 12:19:56 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Does he have alot of things going on or very stressed lately? Sounds as if he is miffed at something else. I always think its me too when something is wrong. I have learned to stop doing that. The best thing is to try and talk to him calmly when he isn't so busy.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 12:28:37 PM   
SadisticMan


Posts: 143
Joined: 8/19/2006
From: Columbus, OH
Status: offline 		something is going on.  Carefully find out what it is.

_____________________________

We are looking into forming a committe to look into a study to discuss the possibilities of making recommendations to the chair so that it may be considered as an option sometime in the near future, at least we're thinking about it.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: sad today... - 5/24/2007 2:06:32 PM   
stoicism99


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/28/2004
Status: offline 		Honesty and Communication are the cornerstones of a relationship like this, in my mind.
The only thing I could say is it would seem that you both have work to do on the communication aspects. You could simply write out what you said in this post in a letter and give it to him, explaining that you feel you're on the outside looking in. That you want to give him time/space necessary to work through whatever it is, but as KatyLied mentioned, this may be something you can't fix even with conversation. But the communication needs to take place, irregardless of that fact; because until you have everything out on the table, issues cannot be addressed.

Hope this helps.

(in reply to SadisticMan)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> sad today... Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078