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RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 3:22:12 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think the problem being highlighted is not only that people take liberties with strangers, but that so many subs reinforce and encourage such liberties being taken.


Personally I take responsiblity for my reality. If others want to blame everyone else for all the interpersonal problems they encounter with dominant kind, well they are free to do so.

The way other "subbies" like to be treated has nothing to do with me, and if people do not like the way they are treated, they should really look in the mirror

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 3:23:26 PM   
JerryInTampa


Posts: 138
Joined: 2/19/2004
Status: offline 		To the original post:

It depends. Mentor-trainee is certainly done in parent-child ego states, and there's downright "daddy/daughter" play out there. There's also, that I've seen, very commonly subs looking for a parent figure.

I've seen the opposite end as well. Regarding a couple that are two of my closest friends: I'd say that the submissive/bottom is the more parent of the two.

So it's far from universal.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 4:00:08 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Yes people have to take some responsability for how they are treated.. I feel that you get treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. but other then that people have to take responsability for how they treat others, and it may be a bit cleche` but what ever happend to treating others as you wish to be treated??

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to JerryInTampa)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 4:10:18 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I think that people generally like to be looked after and protected, no matter how strong or independant they may be, i dont think that makes them like a child, sometimes its just nice to feel safe. However being patronised by Dominants is something i am very familiar with that that really frustrates me, i am in farness a fairly smart woman, i dont like to feel as though i am being talked to as though i am anything other than this

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 4:13:23 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Ah yes another point... you will get better results if you talk ACROSS TO a person and not DOWN AT them.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 7:33:40 PM   
Kirata


Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovewithoutfear

Calling a female "girl" IS A FORM OF D/S PLAY and as such needs to be negotiated in order to be consensual.

I don't know quack about "D/s". I'm Gorean. So it was unintended. Pardon me if I walked on your lawn by posting here. On the other hand, I thought this was a message board, not a scene.

K.

(in reply to lovewithoutfear)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 7:56:22 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovewithoutfear

Calling a female "girl" IS A FORM OF D/S PLAY and as such needs to be negotiated in order to be consensual.

I don't know quack about "D/s". I'm Gorean. So it was unintended. Pardon me if I walked on your lawn by posting here. On the other hand, I thought this was a message board, not a scene.

K.



I dont think she saw where you acknoladged your Mistake. It is an easy slip up based on the fact that this is acceptable in Gorean threads. But once it was brought to your attention you admited you miss spoke and that says a lot to me.

To a lot of people being called girl (me included) by people they dont know is very insulting it is belittling and as if you are beeing talked down to, I know it isnt that way with Gor as I know part of the entire thing is slaves are considered below Masters. That however isnt the way it is with BDSM and there for is insulting if you arent the persons Dom, it then becomes non consentual humiliation which is what she was pointing out to you.

It was just misscomunication here no harm no foul everyone OK???

Magik's peace Maker slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Kirata)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 7:58:19 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

I may sleep if someone is willing to hit me over the head with someting.... Havent slept more then a few house a day in weeks!!!


That would make anyone cranky.

Put your head on this block here. That's good. ~whack~

Sleep well.

Personally, I'd mess up my GABA-system instead.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 8:04:27 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata

I don't know quack about "D/s". I'm Gorean. So it was unintended. Pardon me if I walked on your lawn by posting here. On the other hand, I thought this was a message board, not a scene.


~nod~

Around where I live, "girl" is a semi-affectionate term for "woman" sometimes, and doesn't have the connotations it apparently does here. It's also frequently used instead of "woman", as "boy" is frequently used instead of "man", when addressing gender, as opposed to the person.

And this isn't a scene, AFAIK, so I'd tend to agree it's a bit over the top to take offense at it, particularly given how many people come from different cultures that may not have the same connotations to the word.

Guess people would go apoplectic if Bull posted here. "Greetings, slutlings!" comes to mind.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to Kirata)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 8:08:15 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

I may sleep if someone is willing to hit me over the head with someting.... Havent slept more then a few house a day in weeks!!!


That would make anyone cranky.

Put your head on this block here. That's good. ~whack~

Sleep well.

Personally, I'd mess up my GABA-system instead.



Yes Cranky worn out over emotional.. yup yup Im a mess.. Im a cronic insomniac suffered from insomnia since I was 16 and well I went off the meds I was useing to sleep about 5 months ago because of ill side effects that where found (I had been on it for about 6 or 7 years never was able to sleep a night without it) and now I have bouts of time where for weeks on end I cant sleep I been useing ambian but even that does always help and I only take it for a few days at a time because I dont want to NEED it, but even takeing it only a few days usualy re sets my systom so I can sleep regularly for a few weeks but then it starts over again!!

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 6/4/2007 8:10:05 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 8:27:29 PM   
Kirata


Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

Guess people would go apoplectic if Bull posted here. "Greetings, slutlings!" comes to mind.

In half of the stores I shop in, the check-out clerks routinely call perfect strangers "honey" and "sweetie". I suppose someone could characterize that as a form of love play without consent, too. I dunno, I just roll with'em.
 
K.
 

(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 8:48:38 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think the problem being highlighted is not only that people take liberties with strangers, but that so many subs reinforce and encourage such liberties being taken.


This is less directed at you LA and more a general post about the rash of threads/post of this nature lately.

So people shouldn't be who they are, express what they want, or how they live so people(strangers) don't feel encouraged to take liberties with you(you as a general you)?

I don't think so.

See this is where that oft bandied about term "personal responsibility" comes in, which is ironic considering the topic. I wonder where are these mass numbers of submissive people reinforcing this?...If you or anybody else wants to live differently what is stopping -you-? If one takes a count on just the number of threads & posts that piss all over people who either don't want much responsbility, don't want authority in their dynamics,  and/or don't want to have to make decisions then one would get a picture that those of us who happliy live this way(or wish too) are by far a minority. I'd be willing to bet dollars to donuts that throughout the world of people who incorporate D/s into their lives, we are still the minority.

I don't get my panties in a bunch over often indirectly and passive aggressively being called a "Princess", "Cinderella sub", "unable to consent", "unhealthy", "stepford" "mentally ll" and on and on..so those of you who are glowing pictures of mental health and pillars of adult responsibility should really be able to handle the occasional or even not so occasional off-colored comment like "girl" or whatever has your knickers in a twist from a screen name on an internet message board or for that matter offline in meatlife.

This should really fall under the category of "Don't sweat the small stuff"

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 6/4/2007 9:09:30 PM >

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 9:02:07 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		i would rather be called "girl" than "Ma'am", which i get from the store clerks around here.  Over the years, i have been called "White Meat" (by my exhusband), "hon", "baby", and others i can't think of right now. 
 
i don't really mind what i'm called.  After all, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but, words can never hurt me."
 
To me, being called "girl" is nice.  While i am a responsible adult and very capable of caring for myself and others on my own, i know that there is still a girl inside me, at my core, that is very much alive and is a big part of who i am.
 
When i think of a girl, i don't think of someone who is needy or overly dependant on someone else or anything negative.  i think of a girl as sweet and loving and innocent and playful and inquisitive and wide-eyed and eager to please.  That's not a bad thing to me.
 
But, still, i can understand why some women don't like being called "girl" and people should respect that.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to Kirata)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 9:29:26 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Heck Master can call me girl if he wishes I dont mind the word I just dont like for a complete stranger to adress me as girl. I find it disrespectfull and belittling. Hey at least he didnt call me little girl LOL

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 9:50:15 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Im a cronic insomniac suffered from insomnia since I was 16 and well I went off the meds I was useing to sleep about 5 months ago because of ill side effects that where found (I had been on it for about 6 or 7 years never was able to sleep a night without it) and now I have bouts of time where for weeks on end I cant sleep I been useing ambian but even that does always help and I only take it for a few days at a time because I dont want to NEED it, but even takeing it only a few days usualy re sets my systom so I can sleep regularly for a few weeks but then it starts over again!!


Sleep hygiene usually fixes it. Have a look at the Wikipedia article about that, I think it's sort of semi-ok'ish in that department. Otherwise a sleep doc would be a good idea. And you may want to consider using melatonin regularly to "set your clock" once you've gotten into a pattern. But, as I said, sleep doc and sleep hygiene.

The sleep doc I talked to is pretty good with fixing sleep issues without meds; he tries to avoid it as far as possible.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 9:53:18 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirata

In half of the stores I shop in, the check-out clerks routinely call perfect strangers "honey" and "sweetie". I suppose someone could characterize that as a form of love play without consent, too. I dunno, I just roll with'em.


Yeah. They do that here, too. Don't see a problem with it.

For some, an affectionate diminuative (sp?) must have a very special meaning, though.

Hence my comment about how those might find Bull's choice of affectionate diminuatives.

Funny, nobody seems to mind being slurped, though.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to Kirata)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 10:12:13 PM   
Indemnis


Posts: 179
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		Fast reply.  <zingzing!>
Being treated as a child in age play is a little different from what the OP is talking about.  I have never had this issue myself, being treated like a child simply because I am a submissive?  This mindset sounds like it may come primarily from people out of the lifestyle looking in and trying to understand.. or being slightly wigged out and looking to poke fun out of fear.  Magiksslave, where have you been getting people acting like this if I may ask?

Btw I did not read through all of the replies, so if I stole your idea or duplicated someone's post, sorry..

_____________________________

No-one respects the flame quite like the fool who's badly burned-- Pete Townshend

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/4/2007 10:59:56 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Heck Master can call me girl if he wishes I dont mind the word I just dont like for a complete stranger to adress me as girl. I find it disrespectfull and belittling. Hey at least he didnt call me little girl LOL

Magik's slave


That's totally understandable.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/5/2007 12:00:41 AM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		I wrote a reply earlier in this thread, but I thought the intent beared repeating. If someone wants to patronize me, that's fine...they'll either figure out that I have valid ideas and an analytical mind, or they won't. Either way, that's not something I can control without being completely rude at a lifestyle event.
 
It's easy to control patronizing behavior outside of the lifestyle...just be patronizing right back. I can be very nasty if I'm patronized in the wrong situation, as others have found out to their dismay. Now, I'm not talking about going off the handle or acting in a way that says that you should have been patronized in the first place. I'm talking about responding with subtlety.
 
Grace is a very big part of being an adult and being the submissive that my Daddy wants. I have found grace as I've matured and people respond in kind.
 
I don't think it's my job to train all of the people how to treat submissives, or Dominants, for that matter. In general, people will find out what works and what doesn't. Unfortunately, in general, treating submissives like children works much of the time...just not with me.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Sub/slave=child - 6/5/2007 7:16:30 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:


The way other "subbies" like to be treated has nothing to do with me, and if people do not like the way they are treated, they should really look in the mirror

I agree.  And that's certainly nothing to what I have posted about in this thread at all.  I completely agree with Chewsie and you- we need to be able to be who we are, and who people are won't change who I am or how I prefer to live my life.

I think it's more a cultural issue.  For example, a lot of people complain that women choosing to stay home these days gives women a bad rap and makes it harder for women who choose to work and have children.  There may be a point to that, but that doesn't mean we should prevent people from doing what's best for them- ultimately that would be counter productive to EVERYONE.

I think the issue comes down to more when women feel they SHOULD stay home because "that's what women do" rather than being true to themselves.

Likewise in the scene, I think a lot of subs act as they do because they believe this ideal of "that's how subs SHOULD act" and use submission as a convenient excuse for their lack of ability.

A far different situation than "This is who I am and how I want to live for myself."

Not that we should prevent them- they still need to make their own choices, for whatever motivations they come from and whatever ends they may lead to.  But it is a legitimate cultural concern to have.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 120
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