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RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 5/24/2005 9:22:56 PM

domwolfe71

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/21/2004
From: Petersburg, VA
Status: offline

My wife and I met online from another alternative site. We had to wait a few months before seeing each other because she was pregnant when I first met her.

We've been together for five years now, Married for four of them. Everything turned out all right, but it's something we have to constantly work at.

I hope yours works out. Just be careful and take it slowly.

_____________________________

New BDSM Community Portal
http://www.obsidianrealm.com

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 21

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 5/27/2005 8:45:10 AM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

I know I'm late in posting, haven't been keeping up with the boards very well lately. I started an online relationship wiht my Master last July. We talked about anything and everything until this March when we finally met real time. I haven't been happier. Master says he feels the same way. We have so much in common, more than we ever knew just talking online.

perfection

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)

Post #: 22

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 5/27/2005 9:21:49 AM

tigress31047

Posts: 98
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

i also met my Master online here at Collarme...We chatted via internet for about a month and then on the phone for about another month . There was almost instant chemistery and a connection i thought was impossible to find through an "online relationship" . Our fisrt meeting confirmed everything we felt for each other..I would say that is has been a total sucess so far..we are discussing a 24/7 rt for sometime in the near future.

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 23

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 7/13/2005 10:55:50 PM

testlimit

Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

He drove 13 hours to see me.

I just didn't like him. I can't even explain what was different about him from the phone/internet to RL. There was just no clicking whatsoever.

Presence. Online a person can take their time, think about thier responses, try to present an image they want to project. It also allows for a screen of aynonimty, which allows people to kind of be more open without concern for what others will think of them. This can lead to a person seeming totally different RL than OL. Not all of it is deliberate decieption, much of it is just an unconcious lowering of barriers. Also online, we are only able to exchange a limited range of signals. In person, we give off and recieve innumerable subtle and not so subtle cues from/to others. Posture, gestures, tones and invelctions that are difficult when not impossible to convey via the net.

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 24

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 7/14/2005 3:31:51 AM

lovingmaster45

Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline

I do not mind meeting people online; but I will immediately try to determine what the earliest date is for a RT meeting. I am a "chemistry" person and I have discovered that I just don't get the same "feel" for a person on line as I do in person.

If a sub wanted a cyber D/s thingy; I would immediately tell them NO. I know people do it; but I have just no clue what anyone could get out of it. I don't live a fantasy existance; my life is real and I want to keep it that way.

_____________________________

Master Jerry

(in reply to testlimit)

Post #: 25

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 7/14/2005 3:54:20 AM

gentlesurrender

Posts: 99
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

i chatted with my second husband for 5 months online before he invited me to meet for coffee. we didnt cyber online, but he became far more dominant towards me and 3 months later we played for the first time. He became an integral part of my family and after a year we all moved down to live with him.

it became a horrendous time, when i found the negative side of mind games, because i was new to the lifestyle he did, im ashamed to say, know just how to manipulate me. During the marriage and getting to know his family all the lies he told really began to backfire on him. I learnt the hardway the difference between domination and domineering.

i can look back now and see how things happened and why we ended up getting married. His jeckyl and hyde character in the end was just too much to live with. When we eventually split up after 8 months of marriage i ended up having to take out an injunction to stop the harrassment and threats against me.

Its been lovely reading the stories of the successes of online relationships, with all things are are good aspects and bad

take care and be safe

_____________________________

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy" Walter Anderson

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 26

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 8/3/2005 4:30:01 PM

MasterTemujin

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline

Fortunately I have been able to transition from online to real time.

R/S,

Master Temujin

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 27

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 8/3/2005 4:57:04 PM

anthrosub

Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline

I've made contact with about 15 people through the Internet over the past 3 years or so. Of these, I've had one "D/s" relationship that probably would have lasted had she not been married (her husband is Dominant and they both are aware of each other's activities). Because things went so well between us, it became too difficult for me as I was seeking a full relationship so it ended after about 8 months.

I've maintained a 3+ year friendship with another Domme who lives about 400 miles away. She developed a heart condition and decided we would simply be friends, so there's no relationship future there either. The rest have all been false starts. Either the person had no idea who they were and what they were getting into, they were mentally dysfunctional, or expecting too much too soon in an obviously unrealistic manner. I'd say most were simply amatuers.

Because of my experiences combined with the fact that very few people in my area (Washington, DC) appear to be online on any of the primary lifestyle sites, I've surrendered to the reality it most likely isn't going to happen this way. I really believe it's more a case of where each person is located that drives success on the Internet. To all those who have had success...I envy you.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to MasterTemujin)

Post #: 28

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 8/3/2005 8:00:11 PM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

I met a submissive who contacted me online about mentoring her...it was after several months...we're about 500 miles apart so it was during a trip through her area...everything clicked just as it had online...although I may have taken her..I didn't...I still maintain contact with her to this day...that's been about 6 years now...

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)

Post #: 29

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 8/3/2005 8:06:49 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: asyouwishmaster

I am curious and I thought about actually just doing a poll for this, but how many Dom/submissives have had a successful transition from online to real time? I'm curious if there are more failures than successes? I want to clarify though. I'm talking about long term online, very intense online, really getting to know someone, investing time, both online and on the phone, and then meeting. Was the click there in person that was there in cyber? And if you would, please include how much time you invested online before meeting.

Thanks for your input!

I had a few online-to-real relationships that were for play-only and most of them were fine. If I didn't have chemistry on the phone and exchange pictures within the first few weeks I'd move on. A few of those turned into ongoing long distance play relationships.

For actual committed relationships, I stuck to real life avenues for the most part. I met a guy online and didn't intend for it to be any more than a long distance play relationship. We talked on the phone a ton and I sent him a digital camera to take tormenting photos and videos for me. Things ended up getting more serious and after about 2 years we met in real life and married a few months later and have been together since (almost 5 yrs).

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)

Post #: 30

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 8/3/2005 8:11:16 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub

I've made contact with about 15 people through the Internet over the past 3 years or so. Of these, I've had one "D/s" relationship that probably would have lasted had she not been married (her husband is Dominant and they both are aware of each other's activities). Because things went so well between us, it became too difficult for me as I was seeking a full relationship so it ended after about 8 months.

I've maintained a 3+ year friendship with another Domme who lives about 400 miles away. She developed a heart condition and decided we would simply be friends, so there's no relationship future there either. The rest have all been false starts. Either the person had no idea who they were and what they were getting into, they were mentally dysfunctional, or expecting too much too soon in an obviously unrealistic manner. I'd say most were simply amatuers.

Because of my experiences combined with the fact that very few people in my area (Washington, DC) appear to be online on any of the primary lifestyle sites, I've surrendered to the reality it most likely isn't going to happen this way. I really believe it's more a case of where each person is located that drives success on the Internet. To all those who have had success...I envy you.

anthrosub

I highly recommend people don't let location get in the way of finding a lifelong, loving partner (it that's what you seek). If a person is single and wants to be in love and live the rest of their life with one person, why limit it to the 50 mile radius around them? We live in an age where you can connect with people in any part of the world.

People need to consider what ties them so tightly to their home base. Is it family? Parents? Who will sadly pass on in time? Is it a job, money? Is money the most important thing in the world? Would you be willing to take a lower paying job but be passionately in love with someone you could consider your best friend the rest of your life? What is the ball and chain that keeps you in one place, and how important is it?

People don't take risks. Usually it comes down to fear and money. But, I think people who are in love and met 'the one' will tell you that nothing matters once you find your soulmate. Not the money or the location. When you are on your deathbed will you look back at your life and think "I'm so glad I stayed in my home city for the job. The routine made me so...happy."

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 31

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 8/3/2005 8:38:07 PM

Overlord218

Posts: 53
Joined: 1/26/2005
Status: offline

I see this as 2 tiered. On one level, you meet online to meet realtime for play. On another totally separate level, you meet online to develop a longterm relationship.

I meet around 6 or 7 in a year for play as a general rule, but the one I consider "Mine" I've known (online) for over 6 years, and finally met her last month. The problem being, I live in Australia while she lives in Ireland. And yes, our time together was just incredible.... Everything both expected and more, to be honest.

Thinking about it, I believe that we became "best friends" while still retaining our respective roles. Meeting realtime simply confirmed the chemistry.

_____________________________

Overlord 218

A little pain is good for the soul. Ask any masochist.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 32

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 8/4/2005 11:46:55 AM

nenakajira

Posts: 221
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: asyouwishmaster

I am curious and I thought about actually just doing a poll for this, but how many Dom/submissives have had a successful transition from online to real time? I'm curious if there are more failures than successes? I want to clarify though. I'm talking about long term online, very intense online, really getting to know someone, investing time, both online and on the phone, and then meeting. Was the click there in person that was there in cyber? And if you would, please include how much time you invested online before meeting.

Thanks for your input!

I first met my Master online.. oh.. maybe nine years ago. And I hated him. He disliked me. We avoided eachother like the plague. A bit over a year and a half ago we started talking. And talking.. and talking... hours and hours a night. Ive been living with him for a bit over seven months now. 24/7 slavery is possible.. though sometimes frustrating.

We did meet eachother offline several times before the move but after the first meeting I knew I would be with him. The rest was just figuring out logistics. In the end, I moved across the country as I was in a better position to do so than he was at the time.

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)

Post #: 33

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 8/4/2005 2:07:55 PM

anthrosub

Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline

I wholeheartedly agree. My post reports my experiences but should not be taken as advice to others. My point about location refers to the higher probability/efficiency of being able to meet others real time if things look promising online. I'm sure anyone would appreciate that not many people can go globe trotting everytime they find someone that appears to be a good match after communicating online.

Here's some of the experiences I've had meeting others online, then talking on the phone, and maybe/maybe not meeting in person.

The first person I met online, I ultimately met in person only to discover she's a crack addict and a compulsive liar.

The second person was apparently just starting out and really had no idea what she wanted as a Domme or simply as a partner in the vanilla world. She was local and it lasted about 10 days.

The third was actually married and looking for a sub for her husband. We never met.

The fourth was my friend who has the heart condition I mentioned.

The fifth was a woman (long distance) who wanted me to set her up with a weeklong stay at a hotel, provide her with plenty of liquor and dining out while she "inspected" me to see if I was worthy. She was about to have her knees replaced and needed a stay at home care provider as well. If I was acceptable, I was to buy her a house and a car for when she moved to my location. Not very realistic.

The sixth, seventh, and eighth were not into the lifestyle but simply wanted to be the one in control of everything in a relationship. In fairness I should mention number eight told me she was a big fan of Disney and I would be required to wear Disney theme pajamas and sleep in a bed with matching sheets.

Number nine was long distance (about 450 miles) but on my first visit, discovered she was married and her husband was a Dominant as well...no relationship for me there.

Number ten was unemployed, living with her ex-husband, had no money at all and trying to sell her house, and waiting to schedule a tummy tuck before she went back to work again. She lived about 1500 miles away. We never met.

Number eleven was the married Domme I mentioned serving for 8 months. She was local obviously.

Number twelve wants a total slave who will buy her a new house. We will never meet but I think she's the genuine article.

Number thirteen thought I was great until she discovered I'm not rich. We never met.

Number fourteen was looking for a relationship with a D/s element but after meeting for coffee I learned the "D/s" would be in effect maybe 15% of the time...long enough for me to do things like landscaping, washing the car, grocery shopping but no lifestyle play of any kind.

Number fifteen sounded promising but turned out to be much younger than she advertised which was clear when we met for coffee.

I'd love to hear other people's escapades in their quest. It's been frustrating, especially when I see profiles that really touch me at first but then bring me down when I read the inevitable line..."Be local or don't waste my time."

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 34

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 8/4/2005 2:13:56 PM

Fidelity

Posts: 192
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

It will usually work.

But honesty is essential.

Trust is so hard to build,and if you misrepresent yourself online-it's going to implode when you finally meet face to face.

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)

Post #: 35

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 8/4/2005 5:32:47 PM

solesta

Posts: 18
Joined: 7/3/2005
Status: offline

I have to say that my Master has moved here to be with me and my daughter and things have been wonderful. He is my first lifestyle person that I have ever met and he has shown me things that I have only dreamed about. And to make things the most wonderful my daughter loves him and is happy that he makes me so happy. She has even heard and told me that it is ok to call him Master.

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)

Post #: 36

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 8/5/2005 1:13:04 PM

zaynab

Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

I met a man online in a general chat room... had a relationship online with him for 9 months... thought I had all the bases covered...

went to stay with him for about 4 days to check him out in person... I wanted the relationship to work so much, that I ignored the obvious red lights I saw during that visit.

Proceeding with the plan, he relocated near my home so we could have a period of time before moving in together. He left after only 5 weeks and disappearred.

The consequences of my stupid actions was that I lost a total of $7,000 on this person, including the brand new computer I had just bought (was not his), and found out that he stole another computer worth $5800 from a local computer store near my home, right before he left town.

The worst thing of this entire experience was that he had a Down Syndrome daughter that I adored... and this girl adored me.... when he left, she had to leave with him....
it's been about 9 years since then... and I still find it very difficult to even write this about her.

Other than meeting and getting to know this very special and gifted young woman... I would say the entire experience has been a disaster. Lesson learned.

_____________________________

zaynab[DM]

quote:

i used to care... but now i take a pill for that

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)

Post #: 37

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 8/6/2005 7:28:09 AM

sudja

Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: asyouwishmaster

I am curious and I thought about actually just doing a poll for this, but how many Dom/submissives have had a successful transition from online to real time? I'm curious if there are more failures than successes? I want to clarify though. I'm talking about long term online, very intense online, really getting to know someone, investing time, both online and on the phone, and then meeting. Was the click there in person that was there in cyber? And if you would, please include how much time you invested online before meeting.

Thanks for your input!

I started "talking" to my Mistress online/phone late August of last year. Came for a visit the middle of November, that lasted through Christmas Eve.

Returned to what was clearly home the middle of February.

Successful?

I'd say so. So would She. :)

sudja

(in reply to asyouwishmaster)

Post #: 38

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 3/13/2007 11:35:22 AM

Darkhaven80

Posts: 76
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline

One didn't work out to where we even met. It turned out to be a nightmarish experience for me mentally, as the guy just played with my head. The second I did end up meeting offline and we had a relationship that was rocky for 2 years in R/t. I'd say between first speaking online to the meet was a year, but we did not steadily communicate all that time. That said, I don't think the relationship was sour because of the online factor being in there, but just because of the situation. It's a great way to meet people if you find the right one.

(in reply to fourpeas)

Post #: 39

RE: Online to real time-Was it successful? - 3/13/2007 11:42:32 AM

redsky

Posts: 228
Joined: 12/28/2006
From: UK
Status: offline

i met my first Master online, W/we met once R/T.. i have to say it was hard work, very draining & worth every moment. W/we lasted 3 years. my new Master at the moment is 'online' i guess for some people my way just isnt real, but W/we make it as real as W/we want. R/T is a 'part-time' option right now for circumstances & Geography do not allow it to be anything more.

(in reply to Darkhaven80)

Post #: 40

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