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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/31/2005 5:33:10 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


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LA, you have certainly responded far more politely and genteely than I would have mustered.

I love when people "come to others aid" and take online forums so seriously.

When I mentioned this thread to the Owner, to inform him that I wasn't really a slave, his very first response was "Well did you tell them that a slave was whatever the Owner said she is?" and I said that while I hadn't really directly responded since I felt I'd clearly stated all my points previously and would only be overstating the obvious, that others had made that very succinct point. Then we went on to discuss other things.

Let's face it, RiotGirl came into this conversation way after most of the real meat had been discussed and threw some blatant flames into it- adding nothing to the actual discussion points with some perspectives of her own and simply condescending to the ones in it, especially the OP, me. Don't get huffy because we didn't give hugs and kisses in response. You'd do better to go examine the threads she posted about how insecure and unsure she's been in your relationship lately.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 6/1/2005 1:47:06 AM   
RiotGirl


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quote:

You'd do better to go examine the threads she posted about how insecure and unsure she's been in your relationship lately.


Wooo hooo.. high light desired text and automatically it quotes it for you. Must be something new i swear. Okay i feel the need to respond to this.

Actuallity its not "lately" Lately is this week, or the past week. It was actually a couple of weeks ago. Lately is in my memory time frame. Being the fact my memory gets pretty foggy after a couple of days. A couple of weeks ago, is not lately. Couple of days ago is lately. Yes i felt the need to beat on that point.

As i've been honest here and open for the most part. i think its totally uncouth to try and throw something in someone else's face that have been trusting enough to come and find answers about. And yes you did, you tried to throw that in his Face. Just admit it. To ME, its kind of like me coming on the board saying there is something wrong with me and you throwing at some one i am with.

Fear NOT! (yes i am extremely over tired and feeling goofy.. back to the program)

Fear NOT! i've already discussed said issues with Him. Fear Not! He has known about my issues longer then i cared to realise they were there. <grins> Or be truthful about. Fear NOT! i am sure he is quite knowledgable about what prattles around in my little head and why.

FEAR NOT (GI JOE has come to save the day) i've worked through those insecurities (as didnt we deem them to be just that Emerald, you and I discussing them?) Insecurities with in myself? (now if i want to get goofier and lose everyone with out a brain.. ha ha ha) Thank GOD for GI JOE.

Back not so seriously again (but oh so serious) You deemed the question i asked based on an insecurity within myself. As the question would be abit mute if the insecurity wasnt there. (thanks gi joe) i looked into myself. Realised what the insecurity was. (thanks again gi joe) Dealt with it. Fear NOT i wrote a post about insecurities. Fear Not (once again) i wrote and thanked the board, came to conclusion, stated points and how i dealt with said insecurity. G I JOEEEEEEEEEEEE

Over done dealt with. Why bring up something thats been resolved? Making a point that i'm a bit nutty? "Hi my name is kellly and i'm abit nutty" Done. Thinking my emtional state wouldnt reflect in my actions? i'm abit emotionally impulsive if you hadnt already guessed! (Which of course are just the milder reasons as to why you might of stated that, the other posssible reasons i will steer clear of, sort of, unless you can read between the lines!)

Every time i state something personal, or let something be known about me, i am throwing abit of trust out there. Will it come back to haunt me from those i have been open and honest with? Will they take it and use it against me? (yes thats basically one of my big concerns in life) Not saying you did, but that is throwing out trust for me.

Now the REAL question, what everyone should seriously and most importantly direct their attention to is:

What bearing has GI Joe on all this and what in the world could it possibly mean?

<grins> Makes perfect sense to me!

Edited:

Yes i have a typo fetish, but realising others might not appreciate my typo fetish, and not wanting to expose anyone non consensually to my typo fetish it has taken me awhile to struggle with in myself to go back through and take out as many as i could.

(and if you cant see my humour in that then you're mother didnt drop you on your head enough)
(and if you cant see the humor in that..... errmm.. too bad, i laughed?)

Disclaimer: Emerald, this isnt ment as an attack on you. Its not really personal, so dont take it that way. i am just stating my feelings on the quoted dotted line (ok so its not dotted, just imagine with me) . Not saying you are wrong or bad, its not a personal thing. Its just how i FEEL. What i feel is a personal thing and has no bearing on you, no judgement on you, and has nothing to do with you. (except for that line about throwing it in his face) Yeah i suppose i stood up and said that was wrong. As i felt it an attack on him. And if you'd like to discuss how i feel about that in a sane and logical, non attacking, you're ok, i'm okay, and happy people that can get along way.

Gladly

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 6/1/2005 2:08:43 AM >

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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 6/1/2005 7:25:12 AM   
cellogrrlMK


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Huh???

Well, hopefully Emerald understands

Hmmmmmmm....

(in reply to RiotGirl)
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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 6/1/2005 11:03:29 PM   
SteelBondager


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I own a "slave", but I didn't buy her, inherit her or capture her. Nor is she held against her will. It's a term used to describe an already existing relationship dynamic. She and I are comfortable with the term. It pleases us to think in terms of slavery - especially for her.

The D/s world didn't begin with a paradigm called "Total Power Exchange". Rather, the term was coined to describe an already existing relationship dynamic.

The term has been adopted by people who live in varied forms D/s relationships. For some, it's the holy grail of D/s. Why do so many people want to own the term for themselves?

It sounds impressive. It sounds cool. It sounds like you know what you're talking about and therefore what you're doing. It lets you feel like you're doing something special. It gives you a sense of belonging with others who are also "TPE". It's easier to share with your friends.

(Next Day Edit: I remember having written more of this post. Hmmm... Now if I could just remember what I wrote.)

< Message edited by SteelBondager -- 6/2/2005 10:16:27 PM >

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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/18/2008 10:15:35 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Three years ago today, wow. :)

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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/18/2008 11:26:14 PM   
Justme696


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the lifestyle is to busy with naming all things....trying to explain everything....sometimes I get the opinion many just want to look more special  by the use abbreviations.. etc. It is impossible to explain..and give it a real meaning, because it is to personal..and every one feels it differently.
Let us just enjoy who we are and what we like, instead of asking why we like it.

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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 1:05:31 AM   
IronBear


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 There have been some jolly good comments throughout this thread. I am agreeing with quite a few responders here as each one mad valid points. However there are a couple of things I’d state:
  1.  Any and all labels are only as valid as you as an individual wish to make them for you.
  2.  You can label anything and anyone as you wish but don’t expect others to agree with your labels.
  3.  When dealing with others and especially submissives and slaves, I have in my mind the view: “Yes, I am a Master, just not your Master!”
  4. Ultimately I will set out in early discussions with people what it is I expect from them as a person, what I expect from a proposed dynamic and what I bring to the table (Both negatives and positives).
  5.  I agree that TPE taken literally is probable a non event, but as a useful acronym meaning something similar and one which most people understand is for me acceptable especially when in such discussions I am happy and indeed will define my understand and meaning of the term.
Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does."
(Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 1:38:05 AM   
slavegirljoy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear


  1.  Any and all labels are only as valid as you as an individual wish to make them for you.

Yes!!

quote:

  2.    You can label anything and anyone as you wish but don’t expect others to agree with your labels.

Yes, yes.

quote:

3.    When dealing with others and especially submissives and slaves, I have in my mind the view: “Yes, I am a Master, just not your Master!”

Very true.

quote:

   4.    Ultimately I will set out in early discussions with people what it is I expect from them as a person, what I expect from a proposed dynamic and what I bring to the table (Both negatives and positives).

That is the best approach to reducing and, hopefully, avoiding misunderstandings.

 
quote:

    5.    I agree that TPE taken literally is probable a non event, but as a useful acronym meaning something similar and one which most people understand is for me acceptable especially when in such discussions I am happy and indeed will define my understand and meaning of the term.

In my relationship with my Master, in the way that He and i define TPE, the term is not a "non-event".  It is very real and very useful.
 
As with many expressions/terms, TPE is either as pointless or as relevant as it is useful in describing a particular relationship.  In the case of the relationship i have with my Master, it is very useful and very relevant.
 
And, i never, ever ask anyone else to wear my chosen labels or to approve or accept the labels i choose for myself, because that would be irrelevant to me and my life.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 1:44:30 AM   
Justme696


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power exchange.... sounds like A gives to B and B gives to A
like in swapping

it is not giving up..what is actually meant.
(or do I make a mess of the english language now)

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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 2:13:25 AM   
eyesopened


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

He has the power of life or death over you , wether it be bound and naked with his knife to your throat or by his command only , this is the Power a Master has. The slave is thus rendered powerless. To live or to die, that is the ultimate.

Hence the term , Total Power Exchange


When i first began on this journey a wise Dominant once said "Why would I want a "Power Exchange" with someone who is powerless?  If one of the parties involved has no power then it's not an exchange it's a surrender.

While my definitions will differ from the OP i believe there can be both power exchange and authority transfer in the same relationship.  my relationship allows me to present my 'power' in the form of service and adoration, He renews me when He demonstrates His power over me and when He recieves my service to Him.  Our relationship is the engine that runs on exchanged power (although i might think of it as energy).  Not unlike an internal-combustion engine where the kinetic energy drives the alternator that charges the battery that supplies the spark that drives the pistons that creates the kinetic energy that drives the alternator that charges the battery..etc etc etc.  Kinetic energy is exchanged with electrical energy, each gives something to the other and thereby is more than just a transference but a true exchange.  Anyone who's every had an alternator die knows that the car stops dead and replacing the battery won't fix it.  It's not a matter of which of us has Authority or Power or whether it's exchanged or transfered, whether it's total or ultimate, if one part is broken, the relationship is broken.

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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 5:31:58 AM   
thetammyjo


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I have never liked TPE. For me it just seemed to be a fantasy that could in no way reflect reality. Even new offspring have power after all, so no living being could be without power.

But I don't feel a need to find another term or phrase.

I think 24/7 or a owner-slave dynamic work just fine in terms of describing what I have. If someone doesn't understand, they can ask, in fact they should ask cause just assuming... you all know the expression about what happens when you assume I'd guess.

So if someone wishes to describe him/herself as TPE, whatever, why do they need my commentary on it?

If they wish to discuss people's opinions of it, then I'll jump on board if I feel like it as I obviously did this morning.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 5:45:11 AM   
thetammyjo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou
I would love to see if other slaves feel they are very powerful and define what they mean by that . That is such a startling concept to me , I have never thought about it before.



Fox and I went to a lecture/workshop at GLLA 2007 on this very issue.

Fox has power, in fact I'd say he has more personal power now as my slave than he did previously.

Part of that is simply the passage of time and him learning about himself. Part is him accepting his sexuality and interests fully.

Guess what? I've grow in my power as well.

Our owner-slave dynamic empowered and empowers us both because we are more fully ourselves in this dynamic than outside of it.

But this is consensual after all and we entered into this dynamic for the benefits it gave us not make either of us less or less powerful.

Having a powerful slave is an amazing feeling. I've had subs who had less power, they didn't move beyond sub because they offered me far less as a potential owner. With Fox I have the authority to wield all of his power, knowledge, skills, etc, when I choose to use my authority. As another participant in the above mentioned workshop said: she knows nothing about cooking and yet she has gourmet style cooking readily available when she exercises her authority and has her gourmet trained slave cook.

Having authority increases one's power but they are not the same thing. Nor is giving someone else authority over you the same as giving up your power but simply trusting that other person to direct you in how to use your power.

As always, that's my use of the terms in my household.

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TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 5:58:00 AM   
thetammyjo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sissymaidlola

The word "own" has a clear definition and meaning ... go look it up in the dictionary. According to most definitions of that word you are NOT "owned" by your Owner. Please explain exactly how he "owns" you. Only by relaxing the commonly accepted definition of "ownership" can you claim to be "owned."



Why would you use a dictionary, a mundane, vanilla world, dictionary at that, to define what words mean in BDSM?

Does anyone still think that a slave in a BDSM dynamic is the same as an institutional or historical slave or an illegal slave?

If you go by the dictionary I think none of us then are owned, owners, or slaves similarly to the fact I doubt the vast majority of us would find ourselves in the DSM under "sexual sadism" or "sexual masochism".

Part of being in a subculture -- which I would argue BDSM is and has been -- is that the subculture creates new terms and uses older terms in new ways that those outside of the subculture do not understand.

And yes, part of being in an active subculture is having conversations like this especially when said subculture has broken beyond the boundaries of just a small group where common definitions and rules can flourish. I think it's very healthy and exciting for such discussions the majority of the time. I am wary of folks who want things 100% defined and agreed upon because I don't think that so healthy beyond a small group or a specific time period such as within an organization or at a play party when having clear guidelines might be necessary to have things flow well for the benefit of all. I wonder how realistic it is to think everyone has the same understanding or won't challenge things.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 6:03:23 AM   
thetammyjo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

Y/you can not even use Authority Transfer, because that completely defeats the point of the whole thing. The idea is that the submissive is to get something in return. This is not a one way street. By using Authority Transfer Y/you are saying that the sub gives up everything and gets nothing in return by very definition of the word, which I quote:

"The power to enforce laws, exact obedience, command, determine, or judge"

they give up this so-called "authority", which You really do not have, You have control, in exchange for nothing but a good sound spanking if they do not comply. That is absolutely absurd. The sub clearly gets something in return, which mandates usage of the term "exchange". The power to set boundaries. The power to set limits. The power to say "no". The power to stop the play. The empowerment that comes with knowing that they are protected, cared for, taught, built up as opposed to being torn down.



So you get nothing in return for acknowledging the authority of another over you?

Really?

Cause I've gotten a lot of things from those whose authority I recognized. I got a PhD for one, I got my married recognized legally, I learned how to cook a dessert by recognizing the authority of a cook who taught, etc.

As for getting power to say "no" or stop things -- you had that all ready unless you are in a culture with historical or institutional slavery or have been illegally enslaved and held captive.

Is anything in this world "total" or "ultimate" any way? Is it setting ourselves up for failures when we have such expectations?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 7:54:36 AM   
celticlord2112


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Emerald, your logic breaks down on the fact that "Power" and "Authority" are synonymous.

In drawing the distinction between Power and Authority, you are asserting a distinction that, linguistically, becomes problematic very quickly.

Moreover, a device such as a heat exchanger is one that transfers heat energy from one fluid to another.  An argument could be made that Power Exchange transfers power from one person to another in an analogous fashion.

Labels are useful shorthand for communicating broad concepts, such as authoritarian/power dynamics within relationships.  In that mode, TPE works fairly well.  I do not see that UAT delivers any more substance than TPE, and so I question its value.


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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 9:13:06 AM   
Aiden


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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
This is the same explanation I give in reference to a slave's "will."
However you feel about "free will," I do not believe it is something that can be "given" or "taken" or destroyed.
It can be manipulated, it can be directed, it can be ignored, but it is still THERE, within YOU.
The Owner does not have my will, he directs it. Redistributed and reassigned are also just as good ways of putting it.
Personally I think it's a fairly obvious paradox- people say all the time "subs are powerful and strong, it takes a strong person to submit well" And then immediate turn around and say "I exchanged all my power to my dom, I have no power"
Doesn't work for me.


Thank you for starting this thread EmeraldSlave and the good points you made.   I agree TPE involves a number of apparent  paradoxes.  As you pointed out, all human actions require the use of some kind of power and persons abilities and talents can be considered a kind of latent power. As I understand it, the TPE scenario would be the most absolute kind of slavery that can be managed, the slave strives to lose themselves in servitude as utterly as possible, to have no will but the Owner's, for their identity to be defined only in terms of their servitude to the Owner. 

Total slavery seems to be more spiritual or existential than anything else.  The Owner may or may not want to use the slave sexually but sex isnt 'what its all about'.  The slave has a will but its used only to strive to align the slave's will with the Owner's.   Without what the slave contributes to the dynamic, though its passive', yin to the Owner's yang, there would be nothing without it.  The slave has been stripped of all power but  the will to serve, the will to have no will.  But it does takes strength to serve.

The final paradox is that there is no such thing as true slavery in our society.  Unless someone steps over the line to criminal use of force, the slave retains the final power to just get up and walk away at any time. 

The different perspectives on this subject have been an interesting read.

aiden


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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 3:44:27 PM   
ResidentSadist


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I am TPE lifestyle and I think your “Ultimate Authority Transfer” is a good description. 

However, if we are going to get semantic, if the word “total” can be ambiguous in TPE, then I think “ultimate” can be ambiguous in UAT and you should make it bulletproof by simply saying Authority Transfer.  Having authority over someone else still “means the Owner* [person in authority] can have as little or as much DIRECT control and management over me as he wants, because ultimately he's the final decision maker….  We don't have to worry about degrees, or portions, or times of day, or what power [they] may or may not have.”

*Owner is bad word, can’t legally own someone.
…and while we hammer at ultimate truths, the ‘slave’ part of M/s isn’t really a viable term either since “consensual slavery” is an oxymoron and it is illegal to own a human.  But that topic is worthy of a thread unto itself.

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I give good thread.


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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 4:17:36 PM   
kittinSol


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What an epic thread - I don't know how Lucky kept her cool throughout it. What it did show to me is how far the boards have come with regards to 'truisms' and the general tolerance of other people's definitions and choices. (Did the pink ball of froth spontaneously combust?)


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RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 6:51:02 PM   
slavegirljoy


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Fast (not brief) Reply:
 
TPE is a totally pointless expression, IF it has no relevance in your life.  It isn't pointless to me.  Everything is relative, including power. A person can have power in one situation and be quite powerless in another. Also, there are different types of power. Of course, i have individual power and i don't lose that power when i enter into a relationship, even one that is considered (by me and my Master) to be TPE. After all, i am not in a Total Power Draining relationship.
 
Every person has their own individual power, including me.  But, there is also a relationship power that exists only within and only because of the relationship. It is a new power that is formed by 2 or more people putting their individual power together into their relationship, for the purpose of achieving a common goal.
 
How that relationship power is used is dependent on the power structure of that particular relationship. Also, within the relationship, there is a balance of power, that, in many relationships, fluctuates between the people within the relationship because there is no clearly defined and agreed-upon power structure and, because there is rarely (if ever) a relationship where all of the people involved have equal power. They may decide to share the power or split the power equally but, that is a decision that they made for the benefit of the relationship. That doesn't mean that they each have equal power.  Instead, it means that one person is choosing to give up a portion of their power (for the benefit of the relationship), since they come into the relationship having more power, and the other is gaining some power (as a result of the sharing of power), because they come into the relationship having less power.
 
In my relationship, and i am speaking about my relationship only, i have chosen to give control over my power to my Master, in order for Him to be in charge.  In other words, i haven't given Him my power, i have given Him control over my power and He decides how it should be used and when and to what extent.  He and i agreed to this power structure, right from the beginning.  It is based on Him being at the top of the power structure and me being under Him. Within our relationship, He has the position of power over me and He has the position of power over the relationship. There is no fluctuation of power because there is no power struggle between us and there is no question about who is the one with the control over all of the power, in this relationship.
 
In order to avoid or, at least reduce conflict, in our relationship, He and i agreed that He would be the one in charge. He would be the final decision maker in all matters pertaining to me and to our relationship. It has been my choice to never challenge Him on His decisions and to never attempt to take control of the power over the relationship from Him. This is what's true for the way me and my Master function as a M/s couple.  This is what TPE means in our relationship.
 
He has full control of the power, within our relationship, and this gives Him the authority to make the final decisions on all matters regarding me and our relationship.
 
The exchange comes into it because i have given up my right to maintain control over my power, within the relationship, over to Him in exchange for the benefits i receive from being in this relationship.
 
He has Total Power over me and our relationship, per our mutual desire to live this way. i don't give up any of my individual power. i relinquished to Him any and all claims to ever take control of power in this relationship. He doesn't micromanage me because that would be very tiresome for Him and completely unnecessary, since i have earned His trust and confidence, over the course of the past 2 1/2 years, to the point that He feels certain that i will 1) do what i am supposed to do, whether or not He is present to see me and, 2) not do anything that would violate His rules, requirements or, expectations of me.
 
i am still the same person i was when i entered this relationship. i haven't lost anything. Instead, i have gained a greater sense of confidence and surety about myself and about my place in this world. And, that, along with the sense of security i get from knowing that i belong to someone, who i believe in and who is there to support me, gives me more power than i ever had before, either as an individual or as a part of a relationship.  This greater power that i receive, from being in this relationship, goes directly back into the relationship and under the control of my Master, who uses it wisely and for the benefit of both of us.
 
If someone else wants to say that my relationship is not what i and my Master say it is but, in actuality, it is a Total Authority Transfer relationship or, an Ultimate Authority Transfer relationship or a DAISADCM (do as i say and don't challenge me) relationship, so be it.  It makes no difference in how my Master and i see our relationship or in how we define it or describe it.
 
i don't know who first coined the term, TPE, and, for all i know, my perspective on what it means may be very different from how the originator looks at it. As far as i can tell, there is no "official" definition of what a TPE relationship is and, as is the case with other terms, such as "slave" and even "BDSM", there are many different perspectives and definitions available and none, in my opinion, is any more universally right or wrong than any other.
 
Maybe TPE isn't the best term to use for M/s relationships. Maybe there isn't any one term that is best to use. But, this is the one that i and my Master choose to use for our relationship.
 
And so, the debate continues and probably will, so long as there are people who want to see a total abolishment to the use of the TPE term.
 
BTW:  Much of this might be redundant but, i felt it was important to express my thoughts on this as completely as i possibly could.  And, this took me a lot longer to write than it will take anyone to read.  Plus, i have voiced my views.  So, i feel better.

joy
Owned (another term that stirs controversy) servant of Master David

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: TPE = Totally Pointless Expression? - 5/19/2008 7:49:33 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline
Emeraldslave "EOD" I see you are still making friends in the online world. How long has it been since anyone called you that?

One thing I have to say...lol!

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 120
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