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RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 9:03:06 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alovelyone

I am looking for a consensus on what it means to be under someone collar of protection.

To me it has always inferred Mentorship. Very similar to your description. Mentorship in my eyes means that this person is your guide only...and does not play or have sex with you, as that convolutes the process.

quote:

I am his property

Not in my eyes. The only things that would signify ownership is a full fledged collar or a contract.

quote:

anyone who wants to play with me has to go through him and he is the one who negoitates

That would be the correct role. However, this isn't:

quote:

I do not get a say.

My personal view is that statement is crap.

My opinion, is that he has overstepped his boundaries. It seems like you feel that way too. Now, you need to decide what you're going to do about it. I would suggest if you do get a new Mentor/protector that you have a talk and come to a meeting of the minds as to what the roles are. It avoids the confusion and gives a clear line in the sand.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 5/29/2007 9:09:21 AM >

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to alovelyone)

Post #: 41

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 9:37:11 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

as someone who "accepted" (i'll tell you why the quotations in a second) a collar of protection i can tell you they are very real...but also very rarely needed and i only accepted one because of extreme (read stupid) party rules...and i say "accepted" cause it was for all of 4 or 5 hours while at a party where, if the sub was not collared, they had to be introduced to people by the "Party Alpha Submissive" before they could speak (the PAS also negotiated scenes for you) and if you were not collared you also had to serve any Dominant at the party...see...stupid rules...so ya, i accepted a collar of protection from the heads of my leather household to protect me from having to submit to the groups stupidness and no, i have not gone back to one of those parties...what? i was curious....
chelle
House Infernus

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 42

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 9:38:25 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

f the sub was not collared, they had to be introduced to people by the "Party Alpha Submissive" before they could speak

One reason why I don't do well with protocol

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 43

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 9:46:23 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Not stupid rules, just rules of the party. As long as you were informed of the rules, you had the choice to go or not.

Granted, I probably wouldn't enjoy that sort of atmosphere myself, but plenty do.

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(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 44

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 11:10:43 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

I have to agree with many who have posted so far.

You will never find a consencous that matches or where even half agree because most of us share different views.

In my opinion the collar of protection means that you are protected by that Master but it is His way of claiming you to Him but not claiming you because He doesn't let you know what His actual motives are.

Over the years as I have been actively living this lifestyle I have seen and heard to many stories like yours. Most times, the Master in question has just opened a new realm for you, where you know basicly nothing about what He is thinking in reality vs what He is actually doing or telling you. In other words in His mind He owns you, controls everything that you do and dont do, and you as a new sub or slave think this is normal.

To Him that collar claims you, to you that collar protects you. He misconstrued the whole situation to manipulate you making you think that you were free to go about and talk to others when infact He wants you for Himself. Unfortunately that's what happens to many subs and slaves when they first start out. I suggest that you find your mentoring from a submissive or slave if you feel as though you need it and ditch this guy before He becomes to possesive. Mentors are suppose to guide and teach, I think that many times when a Master or Mistress is the one guiding and teaching when the sub has no interest in pursueing a real life situation this becomes a conflict of interest, suddenly other Masters are not good enough, etc.....

Now dont get me wrong, I'm not bashing Doms, what I'm doing is constructively criticizing those who play the mentor game when infact they are secretly just trying to manipulate a new sub or slave. This is uncalled for in my opinion and is something that all subs do need to watch out for especially when they are new.

Feel free to send me a message, I would be more than happy to help you any way that I can.

(in reply to nearnyccouple)

Post #: 45

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 11:24:14 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alovelyone

I am looking for a consensus on what it means to be under someone collar of protection. I thought it meant that the sub had somene who watched over them, someone they could call on for help, someone to be there to protect them if needed but did not imply ownership. I accepted a collar of protection and now after several months have been told that it means I am his property and anyone who wants to play with me has to go through him and he is the one who negoitates I do not get a say. I'm really confused and am still talking to him about it but just wondered what others thought about this.

It is an interesting concept. For someone just coming into D/s and BDSM, to have a friend with experience who will act as sort of a go-between while teaching you...not training you to be his/hers...about the vagaries and ins/outs of D/s and BDSM can be an asset. The problem sets in when you come across something like this...you became his property ... in his mind's eye, though not yours...without being asked. Of course, as others have said, this is the point where you tell him/her "No". You do so courteously and civilly and list your reasons but you tell him "no". You tell him that while it is gallant and may...note the use of the word "may"...be part of his job to "screen" potential partners for you to get to know or to play with, it is NOT his job to give you permission to play...since again, you are NOT his property. You were adult enough to enter into this area of life...BDSM and D/s...now be adult enough to listen to what is being said here and do some research on your own.

One thing that should be noted...I have dealt with only a few submissives that were under "collars of protection/mentorship" and for the most part, they have left a bad taste in my mouth. The mentors usually end up training the submissive to their taste, not to general and basic principles of dominance and submission. The protectors...while they often try to teach, in a lot of cases, the submissives do not necessarily take on the teachings of the protector. You might run into a submissive who is wearing a collar of protection from an "Old School" dominant and so you might think that the submissive's principles are going to be rooted in "Old School" ways only to find out they are completely different from her protector's teachings.

(in reply to alovelyone)

Post #: 46

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 11:36:34 AM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

Another example of everyone having their own definition of how " real lifestylers" do things. It is also another BIG example of the need for detailed communication before accepting ANYTHING, and continued communication during the course of time.

NO ONE owns you until you say they do, I would feel this was a BIG red flag and would agree with others that this person is probably one of the ones you felt you needed protection from.

You can be protected or mentored without a collar...it sounds to me you wanted insight and input from someone more experienced and that is an excellant idea. That still leaves the ultimate decisions in your hands.

COMMUNICATE, COMUNICATE, ASK QUESTIONS, DON'T ASSUME ANYTHING, ASK MORE QUESTIONS, LISTEN TO YOUR " GUT" FEELINGS AND TRY TO NOT GIVE IN TO THE " NEWBIE FRENZIES'.

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to nearnyccouple)

Post #: 47

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 12:19:59 PM

Texy

Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline

To the OP,

Hiya,

I am presently under the protection of a Mistress, who is part of a group I just joined in Dallas. I live about 7 hours away, btw.

I've been to a munch in Dallas and met tons of people there (well, more like a few hundred, but tons to me!) and it was quite an experience. In a 10 day span had a great time getting to hang with and be around people in the lifestyle.

About three weeks ago I received some emails that were troubling, and thought it was someone I had spoken with when I first joined collarme. Not too big a deal, block works well. After talking it over with LadyCharly, people in my group thought it was someone I met in Dallas and one of the Mistresses thought she knew him. Since I've made a commitment to that group and to going to Dallas, She felt it was important that this person know 1) that I was protected by someone in Dallas and that 2) I belonged to a group and had the backing of that group.

LC doesn't decide whom I play with, whom I chat with or what I do in everyday life, it's not a collar of protection, just a show of support mostly. I am in no way collared to Her or anyone in the group.

I can say without hesitation it did make me feel more secure, since I do not know everyone that I met at the munch on a personal level and at the very least that person knows now I have someone there in Dallas that does know the skinny about situation.

That's my only experience with any type of protection. Sorry I couldn't be of more help there.

Thanks,

gayle

(in reply to nearnyccouple)

Post #: 48

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 1:24:18 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

In all seriousness anyone under a collar of protection, unless it is mine, I feel is lacking something important in their character......Perhaps it's the absence of any sort of judgement or a sound decision making process.....Why would anyone want to pursue such a person? I was chatting with some sub and she mentioned that she was being mentored and protected by some bozo and that she would like it if I were to contact the bozo to see if we could arrange a meeting. So she gave me the Bozo's email address and we ended the conversation....A week later I get a response wondering why I had not contacted her bozo? I simply explained what I stated above and that was that.

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(in reply to Texy)

Post #: 49

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 1:39:23 PM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

In all seriousness anyone under a collar of protection, unless it is mine, I feel is lacking something important in their character......Perhaps it's the absence of any sort of judgement or a sound decision making process.....Why would anyone want to pursue such a person? I was chatting with some sub and she mentioned that she was being mentored and protected by some bozo and that she would like it if I were to contact the bozo to see if we could arrange a meeting. So she gave me the Bozo's email address and we ended the conversation....A week later I get a response wondering why I had not contacted her bozo? I simply explained what I stated above and that was that.

Greetings domiguy,

i have a mentor and following an assault in February, he has taken a more active role when i meet new people. He is the one who had to pick up the pieces when things went very bad earlier this year, so understandably, he wants to know that i am doing the things i need to do to ensure my own safety.

He has met with two people who wanted to play with me. One time we all met for lunch and another time the two of them spoke at a play party. It makes sense to me to have someone watching my back, so to speak, in light of what happened earlier in the year. One of the things that has been affected from my perspective, is my ability to judge a person's intentions - having him ask the same questions and get the same responses helps me know that I can trust my own judgement.

No, I don't wear any kind of collar of protection, it's his actions that speak louder in this case than any collar would.

well wishes,

fairer than she

P.S. love the new avatar!

< Message edited by fairerthanshe -- 5/29/2007 1:40:44 PM >

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Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 50

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 1:42:53 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

A week later I get a response wondering why I had not contacted her bozo? I simply explained what I stated above and that was that.

Yep. It's difficult to respect a dominant who would willingly submit to another dom, in order to ask a girl a few questions. If I were a dom, I wouldn't want near a girl who could not manage her life.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 51

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 1:49:23 PM

drawntothedark

Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

A week later I get a response wondering why I had not contacted her bozo? I simply explained what I stated above and that was that.

Yep. It's difficult to respect a dominant who would willingly submit to another dom, in order to ask a girl a few questions. If I were a dom, I wouldn't want near a girl who could not manage her life.

That is what I was thinking.

Now I know there are people who really get off on all that Romantized BS "OH I'm under so and so's protection" or "Oh I'm so and so's protector". And that is fine.

I just didn't get into it. But more power to the ones who do.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 52

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 1:51:27 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Some doms have a knight-in-shining-armor kink, I think that's mainly what the protection collar stuff is about.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to drawntothedark)

Post #: 53

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 1:56:27 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

In that case, wouldn't it be a collar of projection?

~stef

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Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 54

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 1:57:17 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

In that case, wouldn't it be a collar of projection?

That's a good one, I like it. They are definitely projecting.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 55

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 2:05:21 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fairerthanshe

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

In all seriousness anyone under a collar of protection, unless it is mine, I feel is lacking something important in their character......Perhaps it's the absence of any sort of judgement or a sound decision making process.....Why would anyone want to pursue such a person? I was chatting with some sub and she mentioned that she was being mentored and protected by some bozo and that she would like it if I were to contact the bozo to see if we could arrange a meeting. So she gave me the Bozo's email address and we ended the conversation....A week later I get a response wondering why I had not contacted her bozo? I simply explained what I stated above and that was that.

Greetings domiguy,

i have a mentor and following an assault in February, he has taken a more active role when i meet new people. He is the one who had to pick up the pieces when things went very bad earlier this year, so understandably, he wants to know that i am doing the things i need to do to ensure my own safety.

He has met with two people who wanted to play with me. One time we all met for lunch and another time the two of them spoke at a play party. It makes sense to me to have someone watching my back, so to speak, in light of what happened earlier in the year. One of the things that has been affected from my perspective, is my ability to judge a person's intentions - having him ask the same questions and get the same responses helps me know that I can trust my own judgement.

No, I don't wear any kind of collar of protection, it's his actions that speak louder in this case than any collar would.

well wishes,

fairer than she

P.S. love the new avatar!

Sorry to hear about your experience...I don't want to know all of the details...I would probably just end up jacking off....(I attribute that last comment to the fact that I have a sick sense of humor and I am a lost and twisted fuck)......Anywhooo if the person that attacked you was from a meeting and not some randon act of violence then I would wonder what protocol you implemented to get to know this dude before the attack happened?..Perhaps you rushed things or maybe the guy was just a complete turd?...Impossible to say.

Either way I can understand your dilemma but you should know there are many "good guys" who will simply not be willing to jump through these hoops to give you peace of mind....Perhaps you feel that someone who won't meet with "this man" is hiding something....I just don't like the idea of a woman who is so incapable of recognizing what might be good for her that she would defer this judgement to someone else.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 5/29/2007 2:11:15 PM >

_____________________________

(in reply to fairerthanshe)

Post #: 56

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 2:08:30 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

In that case, wouldn't it be a collar of projection?

That's a good one, I like it. They are definitely projecting.

I cannot stand a man who is such a pussy that he is the protector of all things feminine.....It just makes me want to scratch his eyes out and pull out his hair....Maybe even kick him in the box. (if he's larger and tougher than me....)

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Post #: 57

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 2:08:59 PM

whisperedsighs

Posts: 349
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline

Thank you! I needed that laugh~!

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oh my god that was so wrong! .... again please!

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 58

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 2:11:36 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I cannot stand a man who is such a pussy that he is the protector of all things feminine.....

But subs are weak, indecisive and clueless, so it's good that we have a protector to help us. And it's good that there are subs and doms willing to perpetuate this stuff.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to whisperedsighs)

Post #: 59

RE: collar of protection - 5/29/2007 2:14:53 PM

bliss1

Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline

I wear a collar of protection.
The man who allows me to wear it is someone who knows me well and can help me not just jump into something (which I have been known to do). It gives me a friend where I can go - is it me or is it a man thing?
Also we know someone in real life that I find a royal pain in the butt. This man will respect a collar, but he does not know how to honor someone's home.
I was seriously ill this winter and once I had recovered I did not want him showing up at my door step "Surprise! Just wanted to see how you are doing." (Surprise visits were/are common for him.) Wearing the collar helps me feel safe that he will not be doing that.

_____________________________

Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

(in reply to whisperedsighs)

Post #: 60

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