Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: collar of protection


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: collar of protection Page: <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 9:01:00 AM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		not really ... i go to my friends to ask advice and guidance ..which should be what the  "protection collar" should be about. There is just another label pasted on them


(in reply to drawntothedark)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 9:03:44 AM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		well meeting men is not my personal lack of knowledge ... but i consulted my mother when i began college, i spoke to my sister when i was having troubles in a relationship ... these are very vanilla situations that i am looking for guidance

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 9:04:46 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

The next time someone takes a shot at you, or stalks you, harasses you, etc then you ladies can come and talk to me. I take a LOT of personal responsibility, I have guy friends who took on the role of 'protector' on their own; I'm glad to have them look out for me and for my son. Why the term 'protector' because its an accurate term for them, most of the time they are called 'big brother types.'

Since NONE of you have the right to judge, you aren't sitting behind a bench, look at yourselves. If you were stalked, etc YOU would want someone to look out for you as well. I just lucked out to have guy friends who care that much for me.

Grow up, ladies. Everyone is as lucky as you are to have avoided trolls and stalkers.


You assume waaaaaaay too much. Why would you think that because I don't believe in "protectors" that it negates the possibility that I've been stalked or harassed. Been there, done that....and a whole bunch more. Still doesn't make me believe in the value of "protectors". And on the judging thing....every one of us has every right to make our own judgement. As healthy adults...we do that all do every day.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 9:07:51 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: astarri
This is to all the "I'm a grown woman and do not need anyone's help" ... that is great.

Now, no one here is taking that extreme viewpoint.

Would we be here and be posting all the advice we do if we felt asking for help was wrong or bad?

It's taking it to the level of feeling you need a protector, of feeling you need someone to take care of things which a competent adult should be able to do for themselves, especially in a relationship which carries informed personal consent to the highest priority, that's where the problem is.

Adding:  Again, I certainly can understand if someone just says outright "I'm not mature or responsible enough to take care of things as an adult should"  and can totally understand saying "I prefer not having to think about those things, and am glad I made a good choice in my master so I don't have to"

But I never hear that- I always hear "I'm a strong and responsible person, but somehow I still need this protection which a strong and responsible person shouldn't need and you're bad for suggesting something's not right with that"

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 5/30/2007 9:11:16 AM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to astarri)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 9:08:29 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Since NONE of you have the right to judge,


Why is judging a bad thing?  When did it become a bad thing?
Do you make decisions in your life?  Guess what....you are making judgements.

For me, it would never work to have another person act as a conduit in my decision-making as far as choosing a partner goes.  I may ask knowledgable people for advice, but all decision-making is mine.  As Aileen says, I like to choose who I will interact with.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 9:23:56 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		As an aside, this is why I teach every woman I can how to shoot and shoot well.  Besides, it is funny how drama tends to stalk drama queens.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 9:26:19 AM   
bliss1


Posts: 497
Joined: 3/14/2007
Status: offline 		OK - for the last funking time.
Do not ask me why the man will stay away because I have a collar.  I don't know how his mind works and frankly I don't care.
If this is what it takes to keep him away from my front door - this is what I will do!

Helpless I'm not - but I'm not afraid to try WHAT EVER method gets me what I want when it comes to taking care of myself and my family.

As far as the Tasser (or how ever you spell it) - weapons of any kind are not allowed in this household because of small children.

_____________________________

Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 9:31:02 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Besides, it is funny how drama tends to stalk drama queens.


An incredibly persipicacious observation.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 10:12:14 AM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		i understand your point of view though what about people that are stong in some ways and seriously lacking in others? I think all of us (men/women sub/Dom) are strong in some aspects of our lives and lacking in others.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 10:18:44 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: astarri
i understand your point of view though what about people that are stong in some ways and seriously lacking in others? I think all of us (men/women sub/Dom) are strong in some aspects of our lives and lacking in others.

Absolutely.  And, as I've said, if someone were to say "I'm so lacking that I cannot uphold the responsibilities that I would normally be expected to uphold as an adult that I need to take on a protector to deal with those responsibilities, but hope and pray that I have decent enough judgement to pick a good protector despite my weakness that I cannot do such things which is why I need a protector" I could at least respect their honesty and self awareness and willing to admit that state of affairs.

Going to friends for advice, asking for some help, coming to the boards and getting some other perspectives- all normal and supportive things for adults to do.  It is a good thing to ask for help when needed, and a difficult thing at times.

But the whole protector thing skips straight into the land of "absolving myself of all self responsibility."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to astarri)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 10:46:16 AM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		well i would hope that both parties would take this time as a time to teach eachother. IMO a protector would be teaching the sub how to protect herself ...enpowering her instead of merely coddling her and holding her hand. I do realize though that this is an idealized concept and perhaps does not even exist.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 11:09:11 AM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leatherorlace

Do you really need an explanation from Me or are you just being ,,,,,,
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Exactly how is willingly taking a protection collar predatory behavior?  Plenty of slaves who accept protection collars happily become owned by their protector in the future.

This particular one doesn't want it- she should end it.

Are we to eliminate everyone in the scene who has bad communication skills and makes undue assumptions?



Again we will never get a consensous that is the same or near the same.  I think everyone just has their difference in views which is fine but I'm now questioning how we keep submissives and slaves safe with so many "fake Doms" running about. 

The whole Mentor thing to me means that a submissive is taken on by a Master for Mentoring meaning training of the basics from what I understood and originally learned years ago there was never to be any play involved, and certainly never anything sexual.  It was strictly suppose to be training and teaching of the lifestyle, and what is expected of a submissive or slave. 

(in reply to leatherorlace)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 11:26:58 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl
I think everyone just has their difference in views which is fine but I'm now questioning how we keep submissives and slaves safe with so many "fake Doms" running about. 


Well here's a really novel idea. How about we tell submissives and slaves that this lifestyle isn't any different than the rest of the world and in order to stay safe here you have to use common sense, educate yourself and make informed, well thought out decisions....just like in the rest of the world. Don't allow your hormones to control you. Be responsible and accountable for yourself.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to meticulousgirl)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 11:32:34 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Some people do not think they are 'fake'... they believe they are doing to right thing!  Who is anyone to say who and what is fake?
 
Why do people think anyone needs protecting and that people cannot protect themselves?  Do people need someone to walk into a pub holding their hand?  What about all those 'poor new dominants'?  And why does anyone need training and mentoring by anyone else other than the person they are submitting to?  Why is there no clean slate?  What is the point of entering a relationship where a person has been shaped already?
 
Peace


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to meticulousgirl)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 11:37:08 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows
Why is there no clean slate?  What is the point of entering a relationship where a person has been shaped already?
 
Peace

To go off topic, none of us are clean slates.  We've all got past training and shaping in our lives based on all our prior relationships and experiences.  And while I am fine with having someone else train a specific skill such as cooking or cleaning for anothers slave, the idea of training someone overall just seems like another overromanticized system or protocols and situations to make the slave feel fuzzier inside.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 11:43:40 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

you have to use common sense, educate yourself and make informed, well thought out decisions...


This is the difficulty.  Evidently there are some who can't/won't/don't do this.  Can't they trip or fall and dust themselves off just like everyone else does?


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 11:50:16 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Agreed Em - clean slate was probably a bad choice of words.
I also agree with what you say on the whole romance idea.
I can cook certain ways because that is how my mother taught me.  But that does not mean I cannot alter how I cook a certain thing because Darcy may like blue steak instead of well done.  What we learn throughout our lives we take with us and it shapes us, but we also have the ability to alter should we desire it - for ourselves, and for another.  The whole protection and mentor subject just always seems to me to try to shape people into a way that 'must be' - instead of how it 'can be'.
 
Peace


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: collar of protection - 5/30/2007 11:31:08 PM   
Texy


Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		Hiya,

Sorry about my lack of communication in the previous post.

When I stated I'm learning to take care of myself and be responsible for myself, I'm not talking about my life outside this lifestyle. I would have referred to that as most do with some vanilla reference. I'm talking about being single and uncollared And participating in real life parties and muches and interacting with people in "this" lifestyle. Personally, I've never been to a swingers club where they suddenly announced that they were going to adhere to RISK or SSC, why? this lifestyle isn't vanilla. Reminds me of the butter/parkay commercials, sort of the same but....Not. So, being safe and learning how to protect myself in this lifestyle is important to me. And yes, it is my responsibility. Information is paramount and sorting through the bs can be difficult at times.

Here's the typical newish me a couple of months ago...I'm talking to a dominant on here telling them about my going to meet someone over the weekend....Her response, do you have a safe call? wtf!!! Umm, i've met people online before, in the states and in other countries, i know how to be safe: phone, public place, a couple of friends that know my schedule and where i am meeting, just a meet and greet, small talk, etc..... Now you could have fed me paper and pencil for a week and I wouldn't have come up with word safe call let alone know what that means. So a quick jaunt to the forums, put in a search and what do you know: safe call...first link, there it is! LA, bless your heart, a list of links to other threads even......you're a new persons dream and I thank you for that. Well, I learned didn't I? I couldn't have known that information on my own no matter how safe and responsible I was trying to be. I was so new I didn't even think it important to ask about meeting folks from collarme, how different could it be? Result? I used a safe call and No play on the first meeting! I don't know all the questions to ask, but I'm learning.

Funny how new people always ask, "is this the norm?". Like their insides know something is fishy, and want some confirmation because they don't have enough information to base that on and no experience either. Thanks to forum peps that help new ones keep ourselves safe.

To the gal that looks on the forums for posts by the people that message her....thanks! I hadn't seen that before and will give that a go.



Thanks again,

gayle

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: collar of protection - 5/31/2007 2:00:45 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I do think that some people forget how scary this lifestyle can seem to the newbie! No matter how self assured etc you are in everyday life, as Texy rightly points out, there's a whole new language associated with this lifestyle and it can be hard to get your head around it all at the time when you are so excited about all the possibilities opening up before you. I have always seen the value of a mentor, someone who answers your questions, doesn't treat you as an idiot for asking them, and who also asks you questions to open up your mind to the diversity that the lifestyle offers.

With regard to the OP and the collar of protection, My take is this. The essential concept is OK but the way this particular Dom has apparently switched the rules isn't appropriate. A protection collar should NOT mean Ownership. And the Protector can sit in on negotiations and advise, but the sub should have the final say as to who else they choose to play with. And I have always seen it as a temporary thing, used while teaching the sub how to better protect themselves. After all, on a vanilla date you are most likely to have a meal or go to the movies - going to a private place, getting naked, getting tied up and having someone hit you isn't a usual expectation! So you should have more safeguards in place in this lifestyle and subs need to learn how to accomplish this at a time when they may know very few lifestylers. Yes it's obvious the collar has no magical powers ... which is why I see it as temporary and of most use at at an event such as a party. When We ran parties We offered a "House collar of protection" to new subs for the night. Unlike the post about a party where the protection was supplied by an alpha sub and anyone not collared was expected to serve any Dominant, at Our parties, no one had to play with anyone if they didn't want to. However, new subs often get all excited watching the action and want to experience something but lack the specific negotiating skills (as in simply don't think of all the questions that should be asked) in order to access play safely. In that case one of the Dungeon Monitors would sit in on the negotiations, throwing in questions where necessary to show the new sub what should be covered. None of the Dominants ever bitched about this, they welcomed it as then they felt assured that the sub knew what they were up for before play began. The DM would also observe the play, making sure there was adequate communication between Dom/sub so limits were respected, safewords heard etc. It wasn't so much a matter of deterring overly-pushy Dominants, it was more about educating subs as to how to go about things. Most new subs used the "service" a few times, then told Us they now felt comfortable handling negotiations themselves. In that context I see the concept as having value.

Maam Jay

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Texy)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: collar of protection - 5/31/2007 3:18:35 AM   
shanaya


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/29/2007
Status: offline 		i can understand your confusion. i have had a Mentor for a couple of years. He is my closest friend, and i admire and respect Him greatly. He guides me, and W/we enjoy each other's company. W/we are B/both happy with the structure of O/our Friendship.

i think what is of most importance, is that Everything is openly discussed. As in when He offered the "collar of Protection" what Rules and consequences did He mention would come with You accepting it. If nothing was mentioned, and now there are Rules and Consequences, how is your "consent" involved ?

i would sit down with Him and discuss how You feel openly. See if You are B/both on the same page, if not offer His "collar of protection " back at the end of the conversation,

just my opinion, if it is of no use feel free to delete
best of luck on your journey

(in reply to alovelyone)
Profile   Post #: 120
Page:   <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: collar of protection Page: <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094