RE: A Dominants Responsibility

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MsCameron -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 3:30:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: peepeegirl5 quote: ORIGINAL: subiugo i am a male submissive and a firm believer of Female Supremacy. So i think one factor of the dynamics of a D/s relationship comes from the submissve who considers the needs of his Mistress as superior. Does that mean that a Dominant Female needs to be 'greedy', 'selfish' or 'self centered'? In no way. It just means a submissive must make the effort to learn what the real needs of his Mistress are, and these needs can be very simple or very creative without being 'greedy' etc... And of course the Female Dominant contributes to the relationship too by caring for the submissive. The most intimate thing She can do is caring for the submission of Her slave. That is what Her slave can't find in any other relationship, and that is what She gives him. By caring for his submission the Female Dominant creates space for Her slave to develop his personality in the way he really wants. And as his submission grows, he learns how to care for the Superior Needs of his Mistress. And like a Mistress must carefully select a slave, a submissive must carefully choose his Mistress. i never would choose to serve a Mistress who is 'greedy' and (over) self centered... because it demands so much more devotion to discover the needs of a more subtle Woman... ROTFL!!! What's so funny about his post? Puzzled, MC

MHOO314 -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 3:53:06 PM)
*hmmm I've read subigo's post five times and I don't seem to see what is so funny?*

Vendaval -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 4:12:35 PM)
I have the "caretaker" personality traits as well and do look after the well-being of a sub/slave and strive to do what is in the best interests of them as well as myself.

thetammyjo -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 5:02:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 This post is not Mistress specific, but I like it in these chambers, so am posting here----I am from the old school, or perhaps an old school, I take being a Domina very serioulsy---I feel a great responsibility for My submissives--for their health, for the well being--for their happiness---even to the extent that it may not make Me happy---however if it is in the best interest of the submissive, then it is what it is----I watched My dear Fiend MoGA do the very same thing----we just feel very strongly about that--I do not understand nor can I comprehend why people would insist that We need to be self centered- greedy--selfish---that is it always OUR happiness, OUR needs that must be considered-----am I alone in this thinking? If our needs aren't the first and foremost, if our desires aren't first and foremost, should the term dominant be used? I think that's a great approach for a top or even for a service dom but I think part of being dominant, especially if one wants to go to the level of owning a slave, is placing yourself first. It doesn't mean you do not consider the other person it simply means you are your first consideration. I think this is very important for women to understand because many of us in Western societies are still raised to put everyone else before us. I think that harms us and prevents us often from raising to become the best we can become. I think that being into BDSM means breaking those old molds for our behavior. Otherwise aren't you just being the "good girl" most vanillas would expect you to be? Honestly if one takes the time to find a good partner and work on the relationship slolwy and purposely you won't often find that what is best for you isn't also best for you sub/slave.

jonathan -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 7:33:53 PM)
Mistress Hathor, When i add to a thread from Someone that i know of, and in Your case petitioned once upon a time when i lived back East, i look 'em up here at CM. Oh my, Ma'am. i'd thought that You were doing better, but i haven't looked in for some time. Anyway, i agree with Your post and journal and others responses, in that there are those don't wish or care to see a person, just the fantasy.

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 7:44:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 --I do not understand nor can I comprehend why people would insist that We need to be self centered- greedy--selfish---that is it always OUR happiness, OUR needs that must be considered-----am I alone in this thinking? Look, I agree with you in theory (who wouldn't?) BUT in reality, in my experience over the last 10 years or so, submisisve men don't really want "nice", "sweet", "thoughtful", "kind", "considerate" and all the other things that make up.....well frankly.....a good vanilla partner. Not really. Many a Mistress has been dumped for being "too nice". They want dirty, nasty, bossy, demanding, arbitrary, selfish and cruel. Especially selfish and cruel. There are deep and very interesting psychological reasons why sub men sexualise "Evil Mommy" and "Bitch Goddess" figures. Deep down it is probably fear and loathing of women stemming from their mother. Show me the mother and I can show you the submissive male. But thats a topic for another day. Nice is not erotic for these kinds of men. Being "nice" does make a Domme feel good about herself. She likes to wake up and know she is a "good" person. It can be very hard to reconcile being a Dominant and/or owner and being the "nice" person your parents taught you to be. Real slavery was outlawed for good reason, remember.

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 7:57:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 I feel a great responsibility for My submissives--for their health, for the well being--for their happiness---even to the extent that it may not make Me happy---however if it is in the best interest of the submissive, then it is what it is OK, as a slave owner you are responsible for keeping your property healthy and happy(or they leave you) BUT in the scenario you describe: WHO is serving who?

MHOO314 -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 8:45:43 PM)
It's interesting all the responses and yet no one mentioned some of the things that could happen that would make the submissive happy and the Dominant unhappy---they have to leave to care for an aged parent for an extended period of time, they have to focus on completing their degree, they get transferred due to employment---or worse, they ask for release--- *I don't believe at those times a Bitch Goddess is what they want----* *and I do not believe that all men want selfish and cruel---*

jonathan -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 9:44:43 PM)
OK, i just trashed 2 responses and read Your last about 5 times. What You are describing are excuses for the boy to leave, as though any of that was any different from just being alive and together. Life is still life. What i hear from Your posts is the difference between lust & love, fantasy & partnership. Transfer, family, relationship issues, you TALK about it, it gets worked out if he is real. Else it's just "Ma'am, i can't be that way because........if You wanted me You'd stop me." Is this accurate? i believe there can be egalitarian within D/s, just not truly egaliatarian. She does rule in the end. And there is a universe of difference between Bitch Goddess & sefish & cruel & just bad judgement on either part. Is it that You are being provoked into that role? If so, i think You ought to run away, for Your own sake. It is so sad to hear this from You. Last time i checked Your profile, quite a long time ago, You were happy. i don't know about the bitch part, but i do know that You are a Goddess.

pixelslave -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 9:47:39 PM)
This is indeed an interesting thread, particularly as I've not seen anything like it on CM where the ladies have openly come forward; discussing the importance of caring for a sub's well being and taking their happiness into consideration in their realtionships with them. [&:] I'm truly very pleased to see this dialogue occuring. I think it serves to help the submissives who read and participate in this forum to feel as though we're valued for what we have to offer; especially should things begin to change as a result such that we're not repeatedly seeing disparaging remarks made about us as a group, as has been heatedly "discussed" in another thread. [8\|] Moving on, I recognize that each relationship will be unique to the people involved and what works for them, which to me is as it should be. That said, I see things generally from a power exchange point of view that is negotiated between loving partners. The areas of exchange varying according to what is negotiated by the parties and, because life throws us it's curve balls, the reality is it will vary out of necessity at times as well. [:)] When it comes to the "Bitch Godess", I have no desire to be with one 100% of the time. Yet, my Mistress is a sadist, and I love that part of her. [;)] She's also a responsible sadist who brings out the primal slut in me, respects me afterward, and desires me for both the man I am and the submissive who desires to please, pamper & take care of her in ways that she can direct & control if she desires to. Yet, she still shows great concern for my physical & emotional well-being, just as any loving vanilla partner would (in my experience, she's actually better than the ones I've been with). [sm=tongue.gif] My point is that I feel as though we've found the middle ground where the various parts of both our personalities can be expressed and our needs met by each other through our D/s relationship. She can be the "Bitch Goddess/Sadist" at times, although with the biggest grin I've ever seen as she has sooo much fun being a sadist, and I can submit to her desires, releasing the bitch slut within me, that desires to be HERS for both her enjoyment and our mutual pleasure. [8D] There's so much we can share in other ways as well that I can't imagine our relationship being 2-dimensional and limited to the "It's all about me and you don't count" mentality. If it were that way, I wouldn't want to be a part of it. I also can't imagine sharing anything close to the kind of intimacy with her we share that only comes from the safety & security of knowing my feelings and desires are important to her. If I knew that I didn't count, or always would come last, I couldn't possibly open myself to her in the ways that I do! [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] Just some of my opinions and experience to add to the discussion for your consideration. [&:] - pixel

earthycouple -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 10:13:18 PM)
I personally believe that loving, kind, caring, trustworthy and strong are all very important aspects to me. Robert spent all day outside today and yesterday working on digging up big bushes I no longer wanted in my yard. What did I do? I watched or I stayed inside. Tomorrow he is going to spend the day burning and mowing. What will I do? Watch or stay inside. VERY self serving for me. It's not "his" yard. Yes he lives here but the yard belongs to my husband and me. He did it because I wanted it done and I shouldn't have to do it myself. He walks behind both me and my UMs and my husband picking up this and cleaning up that. Again...while this was serving for him because as a slave he enjoys serving...he goes way above and beyond because I expect it. Errors are few and far between. He strives to be perfect for me (and he pretty damn well is near as one can be). Tonight I lit the hair on his thighs on fire and spanked the hell out of him with a heavy metal spatula (Pampered Chef Rocks S). He didn't ask for any of that and I'm pretty damn sure he didn't think the handle of that spatula was being nice and cuddly. It hurt like a bitch when I hit myself with it first (I always test new toys on my own legs...that's one of those things that makes me a good dominant, imho). Funny thing is he brought that spatula from Pennsylvania for me to use in my kitchen. As soon as I saw it, I knew it should be in the toy bag not a kitchen drawer. I was right. But you know what? Spattered throughout the entire past two days, I told him I love him. I kissed him. I told him I appreciate who he is. I touched hin softly and intimately. I snuggled up with him, I laughed and cried with him. I did normal day to day things with him. I smiled at his hard work. Yeah....I want the best of both...and I have it. I care for him. I love him. I know his needs. I appreciate his wants. In return I am given the world...far more than one should hope.

LadyIce -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 10:23:27 PM)
I totally agree MsC. Who is really in charge in certain cases?

LadyIce -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/1/2007 10:24:37 PM)
I agree jonathon, certain posts here are pitiful.

Politesub53 -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/2/2007 3:10:13 AM)
Nothing is such a nice suprise as being given a gift, not expensive, but one that Mistress has had to spend time finding, maybe after a little comment such as " really want to buy X but cant find one anywhere " Its a nice little reminder that She is thinking of you so much that She has taken the time to do this just for "me". i think each is responsible for the others happiness and well being, as i see it as a mutual reward. The one thing i would see a Mistress as being totally responsible for, is if She wanted to try something that was safety dependant, and new to the submissive. [;)]

MHOO314 -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/2/2007 3:52:58 AM)
quote: Yeah....I want the best of both...and I have it. I care for him. I love him. I know his needs. I appreciate his wants. In return I am given the world...far more than one should hope. *How beautifully stated----*

maledave7 -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/2/2007 5:47:49 AM)
As a sub, I would always desire to see to my Domme’s needs and desires, first. I would prefer a Domme that is soft spoken most of the time. I would appreciate a Domme’s responsibility toward me. If she went out of her way to do something special for me, I would greatly appreciate it. I would let her know it too. It would make me desire to do more for her.

VeryMercurial -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/2/2007 6:26:21 AM)
Sounds like you need a wife. Why not just marry a nice vanilla lady and buy her a whip?

xALadyX -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/2/2007 7:11:54 AM)
Submission is a gift to be cherished. Not taken for granted . His health and well being . All part of being mine ALady

undergroundsea -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/2/2007 7:26:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne There are deep and very interesting psychological reasons why sub men sexualise "Evil Mommy" and "Bitch Goddess" figures. Deep down it is probably fear and loathing of women stemming from their mother. Show me the mother and I can show you the submissive male. But thats a topic for another day. While your post makes an interesting statement about a what it is to be nice, your statement above does not resonate with me. We are now an another day and if you care to elaborate, I would welcome hearing that perspective. Cheers, Sea

thetammyjo -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/2/2007 8:15:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 It's interesting all the responses and yet no one mentioned some of the things that could happen that would make the submissive happy and the Dominant unhappy---they have to leave to care for an aged parent for an extended period of time, they have to focus on completing their degree, they get transferred due to employment---or worse, they ask for release--- *I don't believe at those times a Bitch Goddess is what they want----* *and I do not believe that all men want selfish and cruel---* I think people are confusing being mean with being selfish -- taking care of oneself is a good thing. If we are not at the top of our "game" in all ways how can we possibly take care or take responsibility with anyone else? Time and time again I've seen women in that "vanilla" and mundane world sacrifice their needs for others and what I see is a society that is then stripped of potential benefits for everyone. As for your above examples that's dealing with reality. I don't see it as having much to do with this idea that the dom should care more about her sub/slave than herself. In those examples I think everyone would be affected in stressful and negative ways. Things like work and school need not interfer with good service from a slave as long as both people are realitistic about what is expected. Being realistic does not equal being unhappy. In fact, I think being realistic increases your likelihood of being happy because then you don't find life interfering with your ideas of what things should be like. People breaking up happens. This is BDSM not historical or institutional slavery. None of us aas the right to make someone stay with us unless we'd like a visit from the cops and a good long trip to jail. That's reality.

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