RE: A Dominants Responsibility

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GuidingLite -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/4/2007 12:29:19 PM)
those submissives will put her mistresses needs before her own first. it has nothing to do if the mistress does or doesnt take care of her subs needs in return (most do OBVIOIUSLY or else it wouldnt last). just becoz you care about his needs, your the domina in charg and being served by ur submale. maybe your not domina and are insteead pixels subgirl when you say you take care of his needs before your own. that wuz whut you said. that is no differnt from a vanilla relationship when the females are always saying honey whut can I do for you? want me to make dinner for you tonight? you dont know how to be dominate and in charge and be nurturing at the same time? or is it all the time with you 'how can i help you honey, what would you like done to you, ill go get the stuff' all the time with you. vanilla girlfriend with some kink. true that. bout all he can handle. to each is own. where the top service section at?

Lockit -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/4/2007 1:10:46 PM)
Ahhhhhhhhh, how refreshing... the wisdom of youth in junior high slang... is this our American educational system or a little girl proving herself? Cute is cute.. thanks for the memory walk back to jr high... but anything intelligent you had to say got lost in your cute slang. But you're still cute! Lockit

pixelslave -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/4/2007 5:21:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GuidingLite maybe your not domina and are insteead pixels subgirl when you say you take care of his needs before your own. that wuz whut you said. - snip - you dont know how to be dominate and in charge and be nurturing at the same time? You know Guiding Lite, I do my very best to ignore your posts here on CM. Rarely are they helpful or constructive in their nature to anyone. Instead, they're always critical and negative of others, rarely contributing anything useful to the conversation. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] When you insult my Mistress, I take great offense. If you read my prior post, I stated quite clearly that she mistated herself and the intent of her precise meaning in her initial post. Perhaps if you took the time to read both my post and hers that followed, you would have known and understood this to clearly be the case. Yes, there are times when she does put my needs before hers. Generally we strike a balance and that is *our* D/s dynamic that we choose to live. Who are *you* to criticize the choices that we have made? It works for us, so why should you care? [8\|] Perhaps if you focused more on the positive instead of criticising others for the choices they make, you'd have a submissive of your own anxious to serve you and be there for you when you needed him; something you might want to think about while you consider (or more likely justify) in your mind all the reasons that you're presently alone. [X(] I won't engage in a trashy debate with you on this subject as I've often seen occur with others on the boards. I think all that needs to be said regarding it has already been clearly stated. Whether you understand it, agree with it or not, is of no consequence to me. If you can't say something positive or constructive then please keep your opinions to yourself in the future regarding posts concerning me or my Mistress as I'll always be ignoring them in the regardless of what you have to say. IMO, there's no excuse for the kind of rudeness and disregard for others you spread throughout the forums here on CM. [:'(] - pixel

LadyAlzara -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/4/2007 6:05:02 PM)
In My view...a responsible Dom/me looks at the whole of a situtation. I'm not interested in O/others perceptions of Me or My slaves.....I tend to be a bit extreme for the average slave, ...but I work within limits....theirs and Mine. I try not to let My own ego get in the way of decisions I make for My slaves...suggesting that a Dom/me isn't a Dom/me because They care for Their slaves is ridculous. Not every decision I make is based on My needs...My desires...or My wants. I'm a big Girl and I expect My slaves to make decisions in their life based on what's best for them....they make the CHOICE to serve Me....and if I'm not living up to My ideals about what is best for both them and Me...they have every right to ask for release. This life is too short to be miserable...My slaves know...its My way or the door...but they also know that they can come to Me with real problems and I will be objective...even if I must lose their service in order for them to be fulfilled..... We allow Our submissives to set limits for a reason...to keep both them and Us safe...and without charges. To suggest that kindness kills a D/s relationship...is like saying every slave is a painslut or should enjoy caning....W/we have different needs.... Z

MsKatHouston -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/4/2007 7:57:11 PM)
Everyone has needs. A good dominant looks at the needs of all those she is responsible for, sometimes including ums and makes decisions. Sometimes the best decisions for the whole of the entire family is to put the needs of others before one's own. That does not make anyone less dominant. It makes them intelligent, caring, responsible people. In the long run, the loyalty and devotion one gets out of doing so is better for everyone including and especially the dominant in question. quote: I am so very glad that I do not need the opinion or judgment of another dominant to clarify or validate my dominance! To my submissive; I am dominant. To those that matter to me and my life; I am dominant. AMEN!

undergroundsea -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/4/2007 8:32:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GuidingLite Dominance delivers different forms of satisfaction to different people. Some find psychosexual gratification from being in control or excercising sadism. Some enjoy the responsibilty of leadership and of directing the show. Some enjoy the ability to have such a powerful effect on another. In the latter two, it is conceivable that a dominant will be greatly interested in the needs and welfare of the sub who is under her charge, much like how a leader might give importance to the interests of those whom she leads. Dominance is one drive amongst others in a person. One can find joy in bringing joy to others and still be dominant. And BDSM is often intertwined with romantic expression or expression of affection. It is reasonable for one to feel affection and take a strong interest in the needs or happiness of a partner. The example scenarios you give are conclusions you draw--they do not necessarily follow from the post to which you respond. I think the attack you launched was unprovoked and inappropriate. quote: you dont know how to be dominate and in charge and be nurturing at the same time? I would love to hear what insights you have about how to balance dominance with a nurturing attitude. Do tell. Have you considered what impressions about you the negativity in your posts conveys and how that might affect your goal to find a partner? I look forward to seeing you avoid these questions. Cheers, Sea

Politesub53 -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/5/2007 3:12:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave When you insult my Mistress, I take great offense. If you read my prior post, I stated quite clearly that she mistated herself and the intent of her precise meaning in her initial post. Perhaps if you took the time to read both my post and hers that followed, you would have known and understood this to clearly be the case. - pixel Hi pixel, i cant agree with you on one point. your Mistress stated Her viewpoint quite clearly in Her first post. If She decides She wants to do things " Her " way then so what. You both have a relationship which is working very well for you, which is nice. Anyone who has read both Her and your posts across the boards cant fail to see She is a Domina in the fuller sense of the word. Regards...politesub [;)]

chiaThePet -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/5/2007 7:07:47 AM)
i shine a bright light of loving devotion upon Her, the reflection of such illuminates every corner of my world. i uplift Her to greater heights of soaring glory, there under Her wing i rise also into the heavens. i lovingly bow down to Her command and requirement, captured within Her voice is where i find purpose and pleasure. i seek Her happiness beyond that which surrounds me, it is there She finds me, it is there i find the greatest joy. If the glory of Her position stands not above me, then my surrender and obedience become jesture unto myself. The Hierarchy will love those whom kneel in passionate exaltation, as one begets the other, in the beautiful understanding that one shall be first. chia* (the pet)

pixelslave -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/5/2007 8:32:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave When you insult my Mistress, I take great offense. If you read my prior post, I stated quite clearly that she mistated herself and the intent of her precise meaning in her initial post. Perhaps if you took the time to read both my post and hers that followed, you would have known and understood this to clearly be the case. - pixel Hi pixel, i cant agree with you on one point. your Mistress stated Her viewpoint quite clearly in Her first post. If She decides She wants to do things " Her " way then so what. You both have a relationship which is working very well for you, which is nice. Anyone who has read both Her and your posts across the boards cant fail to see She is a Domina in the fuller sense of the word. Regards...politesub [;)] Politesub, Please note that I've put highlighted in bold in what is quoted above in my post as compared to yours that I was referring to Mistress' later response, *not her initial post.* Regardless, you are correct that she definitely is a Domina in the fuller sense of the word; and a great one for that matter if you were to ask me! [sm=lol.gif] That said, it was never my intent to hijack this thread, only to straighten out any misunderstanding of the nature of my Mistress while defending her right to be different than what some perceive, as the way "a Mistress ought to be". One of the precepts of this lifestyle is for every couple to have the right to define their relationship the way they wish it to be and for others not judge it as being D/s or not. It's very disappointing to me see just how often I see that happening here on the boards and not just with us. [&:] - pixel

MsKatHouston -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/5/2007 8:39:39 AM)
I think what politesub was stating was that he thought her initial post was clear as well. As in, he didn't need the additional clarification to understand her point from the get go. I tend to agree. :)

Politesub53 -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/5/2007 9:25:35 AM)
Hi again pixel MsKat is correct, i was pointing out that i have found all of your Mistress`s posts to be very clear, not just on this thread but generally. i guess if you note what people say then you get a certain sense of posting styles, which leads to less confusion on the boards. Sorry to the OP for getting off topic a tad. [;)]

pixelslave -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/5/2007 5:17:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 Hi again pixel MsKat is correct, i was pointing out that i have found all of your Mistress`s posts to be very clear, not just on this thread but generally. i guess if you note what people say then you get a certain sense of posting styles, which leads to less confusion on the boards. Sorry to the OP for getting off topic a tad. [;)] No problem Politesub, I was taking you literally and clearly didn't understand your actual intent. That often happens when communicating via the net. [;)] I've even been to the UK several times (including Scotland, although they are known to deny from time to time any association with the part to the south), and will confess I often found it like listening to a foreign language whenever I hear the "Queen's English" spoken. I won't even mention what listening to "Cockney" was like for me! [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m24.gif[/image] Thank you Ms Kat for setting me straight. Your contributions to this forum are very often quite helpful, especially today. [:D] Thank you both for what you've had to say. My sincerest and humblest apologies if I've over reacted or offended either of you in any way. [&:] - pixel

Politesub53 -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/5/2007 5:21:12 PM)
pixel, no worries from me, i certainly wasnt offended and indeed i didnt read the post i quoted correctly... Errr and i dont live in London now but i do have the cockney accent still..... lol

BBBTBW -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/5/2007 10:31:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo The issue, at least for me, is not should you care about your partner but should you care more about him/her or before you do yourself. It certainly depends on the situation. For example: I made an appointment with a realtor to view a house that I am interested in buying. I want my sub/slave to go with me, but he has a date in court and needs me for moral support. If I don't make my appointment, I will surely not get this house as it is hot on the market. What do I do? The way I look at it is houses come and go, My slaves emotional and mental well being is far more important than brick and mortor. I cancel my appointment and go to court with and for him. Does this make me any less DOMINANT in your eyes? In my eyes it doesn't. I made the decision to support my slave in an issue that was obviously important to him thus keeping his emotional and mental health in check rather than follow my more selfish ideal and look at a house to purchase.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/6/2007 12:20:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BBBTBW quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo The issue, at least for me, is not should you care about your partner but should you care more about him/her or before you do yourself. It certainly depends on the situation. For example: I made an appointment with a realtor to view a house that I am interested in buying. I want my sub/slave to go with me, but he has a date in court and needs me for moral support. If I don't make my appointment, I will surely not get this house as it is hot on the market. What do I do? The way I look at it is houses come and go, My slaves emotional and mental well being is far more important than brick and mortor. I cancel my appointment and go to court with and for him. Does this make me any less DOMINANT in your eyes? In my eyes it doesn't. I made the decision to support my slave in an issue that was obviously important to him thus keeping his emotional and mental health in check rather than follow my more selfish ideal and look at a house to purchase. Well, for Me, I would have to say that I would follow this up with more questions. Did you make the appointment when you did not know he had this court date? If so, why didn't you know? Did you mix up your schedule and make this appointment when you already knew of this? Could you reschedule your appointment to see the house before you have to go to court? Is the reason for going to court a reason you support and condone and therefore you are willing to support him in this time of difficulty? The last question, I think, would be the most important one for Me. Regardless of the answers, I would not consider you less Dominant because you place this unusual and sensitive situation above your own. It's a one time deal, hopefully, and might be a good example of when we might make a different decision as a Dominant and put the subs needs above our own wishes. I answered as I found the example to be quite interesting, but, perhaps thetammyjo will come back in and answer also.

thetammyjo -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/6/2007 6:13:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BBBTBW quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo The issue, at least for me, is not should you care about your partner but should you care more about him/her or before you do yourself. It certainly depends on the situation. For example: I made an appointment with a realtor to view a house that I am interested in buying. I want my sub/slave to go with me, but he has a date in court and needs me for moral support. If I don't make my appointment, I will surely not get this house as it is hot on the market. What do I do? The way I look at it is houses come and go, My slaves emotional and mental well being is far more important than brick and mortor. I cancel my appointment and go to court with and for him. Does this make me any less DOMINANT in your eyes? In my eyes it doesn't. I made the decision to support my slave in an issue that was obviously important to him thus keeping his emotional and mental health in check rather than follow my more selfish ideal and look at a house to purchase. That isn't putting his needs before yours. That's dealing with reality that comes up in our lives. If you routinely and consistantly put his needs or desires before your own and then asked me what I thought about it... I would personally think you were not a dominant so much as a good top or perhaps a service dominant. A person is free to define herself however she wishes. I would hope that finding someone with compatible definitions is a good first step to finding a partner period. Beyond that you cannot control how others define you especially if you express different criteria than they themselves use to define a term or title. If someone doesn't want opinions that do not agree with her own, she should not post questions or scenarios on public forums.

BBBTBW -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/6/2007 7:36:54 PM)
Honestly I don't care what anyone thinks of my style. It is my own, it defines who I am. However, I still find it very judgemental that when someone's style doesn't fit into another's definition they are instantly given some obscure label. It is my opinion that when you put lifestyle and lables before the human factor, you have an explosive combination in the long run. I for one embrace the human element in subs slaves...this includes their weaknesses as well as their strengths as I expect them to do with and for me. I suppose we can agree to disagree on this subject. It seems we come from very different worlds.

BBBTBW -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/6/2007 7:51:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold quote: ORIGINAL: BBBTBW quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo The issue, at least for me, is not should you care about your partner but should you care more about him/her or before you do yourself. It certainly depends on the situation. For example: I made an appointment with a realtor to view a house that I am interested in buying. I want my sub/slave to go with me, but he has a date in court and needs me for moral support. If I don't make my appointment, I will surely not get this house as it is hot on the market. What do I do? The way I look at it is houses come and go, My slaves emotional and mental well being is far more important than brick and mortor. I cancel my appointment and go to court with and for him. Does this make me any less DOMINANT in your eyes? In my eyes it doesn't. I made the decision to support my slave in an issue that was obviously important to him thus keeping his emotional and mental health in check rather than follow my more selfish ideal and look at a house to purchase. Well, for Me, I would have to say that I would follow this up with more questions. Did you make the appointment when you did not know he had this court date? If so, why didn't you know? This question to me is inconsequential. It really doesn't matter when the appointment was made or the court date. The deciding factor here is which do I deem of higher priority. Did you mix up your schedule and make this appointment when you already knew of this? Again, inconsequential. Could you reschedule your appointment to see the house before you have to go to court? Again inconsequential. This was a hypothetical question. Is the reason for going to court a reason you support and condone and therefore you are willing to support him in this time of difficulty? I would not have cancelled my appointment to support him in court if I didn't feel it was important. The last question, I think, would be the most important one for Me. Regardless of the answers, I would not consider you less Dominant because you place this unusual and sensitive situation above your own. It's a one time deal, hopefully, and might be a good example of when we might make a different decision as a Dominant and put the subs needs above our own wishes. I answered as I found the example to be quite interesting, but, perhaps thetammyjo will come back in and answer also. I find this whole topic interesting. Its eye-opening to see the different takes on this subject. Its also interesting to see the different styles we tend to employ as DOMINANTS. This just goes to show that everyone is as different as night and day. This is what makes us interesting. I sincerely hope no one's feelings got hurt during this discussion and that no one was made to feel inadequate about thier styles based upon (what I consider) the closed minded responses of some people.

thetammyjo -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/7/2007 6:34:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BBBTBW Honestly I don't care what anyone thinks of my style. It is my own, it defines who I am. However, I still find it very judgemental that when someone's style doesn't fit into another's definition they are instantly given some obscure label. It is my opinion that when you put lifestyle and lables before the human factor, you have an explosive combination in the long run. I for one embrace the human element in subs slaves...this includes their weaknesses as well as their strengths as I expect them to do with and for me. I suppose we can agree to disagree on this subject. It seems we come from very different worlds. Ok, now I'm very confused. I didn't label you. I would never label you unless you asked me for an opinion and then I would say that this is what I would define it as -- I wouldn't say it was you. I do have a right to my own opinions and being on this board I have a right to express them when someone asks for opinions or asks what others think. I believe I go out of my way to say that "I call," "I define" or "I use" things instead of claiming some universal useage for a term. The only reason I might suggest that other words be used is if a person came to the group and asked for opinions or help because they keep having negative experiences or weren't finding compatible partners. At that point words may indeed matter a great deal when we try to communicate. I also think we need to look at type of person or personality we are attracted too when this happens. I'm about success here, folks. If thinking about the words we use or the character traits we are attracted to helps us choose more compatible partners I think our chances of success increase dramatically. I think you completely ignored all of my statements about reality which is really a great deal about those "human elements" you mentioned. Again it is hard to have success if you don't accept the reality of our lives.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: A Dominants Responsibility (6/7/2007 6:48:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BBBTBW quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold quote: ORIGINAL: BBBTBW It certainly depends on the situation. For example: I made an appointment with a realtor to view a house that I am interested in buying. I want my sub/slave to go with me, but he has a date in court and needs me for moral support. If I don't make my appointment, I will surely not get this house as it is hot on the market. What do I do? The way I look at it is houses come and go, My slaves emotional and mental well being is far more important than brick and mortor. I cancel my appointment and go to court with and for him. Does this make me any less DOMINANT in your eyes? In my eyes it doesn't. I made the decision to support my slave in an issue that was obviously important to him thus keeping his emotional and mental health in check rather than follow my more selfish ideal and look at a house to purchase. Well, for Me, I would have to say that I would follow this up with more questions. Did you make the appointment when you did not know he had this court date? If so, why didn't you know? This question to me is inconsequential. It really doesn't matter when the appointment was made or the court date. The deciding factor here is which do I deem of higher priority. Did you mix up your schedule and make this appointment when you already knew of this? Again, inconsequential. Could you reschedule your appointment to see the house before you have to go to court? Again inconsequential. This was a hypothetical question. Is the reason for going to court a reason you support and condone and therefore you are willing to support him in this time of difficulty? I would not have cancelled my appointment to support him in court if I didn't feel it was important. The last question, I think, would be the most important one for Me. Regardless of the answers, I would not consider you less Dominant because you place this unusual and sensitive situation above your own. It's a one time deal, hopefully, and might be a good example of when we might make a different decision as a Dominant and put the subs needs above our own wishes. I answered as I found the example to be quite interesting, but, perhaps thetammyjo will come back in and answer also. I find this whole topic interesting. Its eye-opening to see the different takes on this subject. Its also interesting to see the different styles we tend to employ as DOMINANTS. This just goes to show that everyone is as different as night and day. This is what makes us interesting. I sincerely hope no one's feelings got hurt during this discussion and that no one was made to feel inadequate about thier styles based upon (what I consider) the closed minded responses of some people. I also find this to be a very interesting hypothetical, and I would like to further expand on this, as it would be a very good example of how this entire discussion could be quite consequential. As always, bear in mind that I gear towards the M/s style of relationship and these are only My feelings and opinions. Although it is a hypothetical situation, the questions are not inconsequential to Me since they would show the general attitude towards the relationship. Regarding question #1& #2, I would take the responsibility, Dominant or not, in the relationship of following through on a commitment to be there for the slave if I had made the error and mixed up My schedule. If I did not know, whether the slave was living with Me or not, he would have a primary obligation to keep Me advised of his commitments and something like a court date would be a rather serious matter. So if I was not aware, and I expected this slave to keep Me apprised of such situations, I would definitely need to know why it was kept from Me, and why I was finding out about such an important life situation at the last moment. Question #3 would be important also to Me, since, if I had mixed up My schedule, and it was My responsibility, I would also follow up Myself to see if I could rearrange My own schedule and still create a Win-Win situation. Question #4, as I said, would be one of the most important, for Me in My relationship because the reason for the court date would be of paramount importance. If, for instance, the slave had to go to court, whether it was with sufficient warning or not, because there was a child custody hearing, I would of course be there for the slave. If the slave had a court date because of a DUI, that would give Me serious pause. I, as a FemDom, and in My personal life would not condone such a situation. It is already in My rules regarding such behavior, and it would be a huge disappointment for Me to find out that the slave had been disobedient to My firm regulations regarding this, but perhaps also been out and about without My permission. I would also have to determine the level of disobedience...i.e., he had lied to Me about his whereabouts and then tried to keep from Me the ultimate consequence until the last moment. Again, I state, this is all hypothetical, but it shows how each situation must be taken in its individual context. As thetammyjo stated, this might be a one time life situation, in which case the Dominant is not compromising the power. But that power is easily eroded, until such time as one may realize that the Dominant is no longer in control, except at the pleasure of the submissive/slave. The examples I give are indicative of My personal feelings, of course, and one can always insert their particular limits of what is acceptable and what is not. The most important thing is the habitual situations that can so easily eat into the dynamic, and whether or not these habitual baheaviors are acceptable or not to the Dominant. I hope this made some sense.

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