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D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/29/2005 4:25:57 PM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		I commented on this in another thread....

I said that D/s is not 100% sexual in nature. I believe this to be true.

What percentage of your D/s (or M/s) relationship is sexual?

Or...

What are your views on the sexual content / level in a D/s relationship?


Master and I live together, and have for 15yrs. ( this is not said to gain brownie points, or say "mine is longer than yours...) So we can save all that trouble, and griping. It's simply my point of reference, and where I come from on this....

We both work. I have been owned this entire time. Play is play, daily life is just that....daily life. I don't stop being his submissive, or slave ( I'm not picking a title....I don't need to... Master knows what I am to him..... and besides, picking between the two is a whole other thread)*grins* because I have to go to the store, work, or whatever...
Maybe the reason this i hard for me both to explain sometimes, and to understand why others don't get it is because this is just how we live. To me it's simple, to the point of drawing a blank sometimes... it's just life. It's the way I think, the way I am. It's natural for me. (that seems a funny way to put it, but I don't have another word for it right now.)

I hope this is enough to get us started..... sorry if I have confused anyone.

I look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts, and if I can answer a question to clarify or add to what I've said... cool....

Thanks,
Tempest's pet
jennifer
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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/29/2005 6:57:03 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I cannot possibly put a percentage on this.

The question is- how sexual is a person? Because people in bdsm are no more or less sexual than people not in bdsm.

I am a very highly sexual person, and I openly admit it. Am I really that more sexed up than others? I don't think so, I just think I express it and am actively sexual more than most.

Sexuality is throughout myself just like my spirituality, just like my mentality, my physicality and my emotionality. It is always ME.

Other people may be some more or some less, but no percentage and I don't really compartmentalize.

(in reply to Tempestspet)
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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/29/2005 7:18:06 PM   
Sweeticing


Posts: 164
Joined: 12/30/2004
Status: offline 		I think this often comes up to people who are curious of bdsm or know very little about it. They often assume bdsm = sex. That is why there is so many trolls running around. They havent figured out that just because you talk about your sexuality dosent mean your easy.
I have a friend I chat with often and tell him about some of the offline meetings I have had( he is vanilla) and he is often amazed that no sex was involved. He is like oh I keep forgetting its really not all about sex and of course its hard to explain. The only way I could put it is I can have a bdsm seesion with no sex but it still is going to be sexual. lol he seemed to think it made sense.

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/29/2005 7:30:01 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I cannot possibly put a percentage on this.

The question is- how sexual is a person? Because people in bdsm are no more or less sexual than people not in bdsm.

I am a very highly sexual person, and I openly admit it. Am I really that more sexed up than others? I don't think so, I just think I express it and am actively sexual more than most.

Sexuality is throughout myself just like my spirituality, just like my mentality, my physicality and my emotionality. It is always ME.

Other people may be some more or some less, but no percentage and I don't really compartmentalize.


Em's post pretty much describes my perception and reality as well. I am also more sexual then most men & women I know.

I just wanted to add that though I don't think that D/s is 100% sexual in nature, I do believe that sex always involves power dynamics.

- LA

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/29/2005 7:35:58 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		0%. I don't see how sex has anything to do with obedience unless that is what you are specifically told to do.

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/29/2005 7:45:23 PM   
Moleculor


Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline 		I don't do D/s because D/s (in my mind) has nothing to do with sex. To me, D/s is about one person being in charge (period) and another not (period). Since I'm one of those "switches" that doesn't like the idea of me making all the decisions, nor do I like the idea of not being able to make decisions, I don't do D/s.

So I guess D/s isn't about sex at all.

Now, BDSM? BDSM is all about the sex. (Maybe 90% of it, at least.) I'm a sexual person, therefore things I do are more often sexual in nature.

I could see myself toying with D/s things within BDSM (maybe a weekend of D/s or whatnot), but only as a rare adventure type thing. But as far as BDSM goes, I get off on it, and I do it to get off.

< Message edited by Moleculor -- 5/29/2005 7:46:14 PM >

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/29/2005 9:43:42 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Bondage and sex is icing on the cake for us. In day to day life..we go without sex depending on what is going on. Doesn't make me any less his submissive.
So, I'd have to say zero percentage as well...although I would'nt mind it being around 15% or so.

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/29/2005 9:44:29 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tempestspet
I said that D/s is not 100% sexual in nature. I believe this to be true.
What percentage of your D/s (or M/s) relationship is sexual?
Or...
What are your views on the sexual content / level in a D/s relationship?
jennifer

Jennifer, It's difficult to place a percentage on it... I agree D/s or M/s is not necessarily sexual in nature, but if I am in a D/s or M/s relationship, there is always going to be sex in one form or another... However, how much is just like in Vanilla, it depends on how attracted I am to the partner and how sexual he is... If our sexual energy/desire doesn't match, there is probably some adjustment done (to increase or decrease frequency).

To me D/s or M/s is how I/we live, and sex is a small percent of what we do... I imagine mine will be a lot like you and yours do, it's life, and when sex/play happens it does, but I don't stop being Dominant and he doesn't stop being submissive because we aren't sexually playing.. M


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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/29/2005 10:48:18 PM   
Lepidoptera


Posts: 161
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline 		For me, it started out as 100% sexual- I had a great deal of difficulty reconciling being an independant, headstrong feminist with needing D/s sexually-

But as I came to accept the "s" aspects of my nature, it became more and more a part of my identity and personality, not just my sexuality. I realized why I liked the things I did sexually, and came to terms with the implications that it had for my whole being.

So now, I'm not sure what "percentage" of the D/s lifestyle for me is sexual. I know I won't ever wholly approve of it. Sometimes I look at posts on here by other subs, and I think "if that's how submissive women think, then I don't want to be one." But I realize that like any group of people, there will always people within the group who have a different idea of what it is to identify with that group. For instance, there are Catholics who are pro-choice- but they still go to church. Some may not consider them "real" Catholics, but that doesn't matter. They identify themself as Catholic, and that's what they are.


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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/29/2005 11:21:34 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Doing the math-we are 24/7 D/s, @18hrs per day awake, that's 126 hrs a week. Of that about 4 hrs per week is sexual on the average, that equals 3.17%.

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/29/2005 11:28:28 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		It really depends on what you mean by "sexual." In some ways, we are sexual every moment we are conscious.

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/30/2005 5:58:06 AM   
Synocense


Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline 		Each and every one of us has at least one sexual trigger. The answer to your question depends simply on what your personal trigger is. If you do not become sexually aroused when being bound or flogged or caged or the like, then BDSM cannot possibly equate to sex for you. Many people ask "why do it then?" There are LOTS of other reasons. For entertainment, like going to the movies. For relaxation, like going to get a great massage. For emotional release, like visiting your therapist. Then, there are those who engage in BDSM activities because it is sexually arousing. This group of people are going to give you higher percentage then I would. Personally, my main trigger is control - being controlled more specifically, in a healthy, real and natural manner. I have belonged to my local BDSM club for five years and have had many scenes ranging from wax play to violet wand and the only time it was sexual in nature was when it was my Master and I together on the floor. He is control, he is sexually arousing to *me*. He might play with another and be just as controlling for that time, yet the scene would be full of fun and laughter and nothing sexual about it all. There does not *have* to be anything sexual in either BDSM or D/s - How many slaves do you know/heard of that serve for the sake of serving, perhaps even a woman serving a woman, when their sexual orientation is straight? Nothing sexual about that. They have different reasons. : )

Syn

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/30/2005 6:32:13 AM   
kandyandsilly


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

Doing the math-we are 24/7 D/s, @18hrs per day awake, that's 126 hrs a week. Of that about 4 hrs per week is sexual on the average, that equals 3.17%.


Someone loves logic and numbers:-)

This is one of those hypothetical questions that has no right or wrong answer:-) Its a matter if you equate sex to BDSM and how much. If you think that BDSM is sex without the intercourse, of course your percent would be 100%.

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/30/2005 7:31:52 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

0%. I don't see how sex has anything to do with obedience unless that is what you are specifically told to do.


My feelings exactly. Sex has nothing to do with D/s or M/s. BDSM is simply a perk that can happen but isn't necessary.

Jewel

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/30/2005 7:40:35 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

I said that D/s is not 100% sexual in nature. I believe this to be true.
True...assuming you are speaking of actual sexual interaction between the Dom & sub, D/s relationships may very well have absolutely nothing to do with sex. I know some Lesbian Dominants who have male subs simply for the purpose of fullfilling their need to Dominate over a male, at least that's what they claim and who am I do dispute that? What exactly they do? Not sure, don't care. I have to feel the percentage (if answered) may vary with each individual relationship though, as it really is controlled by the "D" half of the D/s, but then it's the result of, not the basis of, D/s. So in essence they are two seperate issues entirely. You can Dominate (or be submissive) with 0% having anything to do with sex.

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/30/2005 11:33:12 AM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		This has been great reading... thank you...everyone. I feel much the same as all of you, in many aspects. The sexual side is not the end all be all. But were I to get my way... there would be lots and lots of sex happening!!..smiles.. But life just gets too busy for that. lol..

I agree absolutely, it's the icing on the cake. Master has allowed others to play with me, I do not really get sexually aroused. Feels nice... maybe great, but not sexual. When Master plays with others, he's liking it.. fullfilling that need / desire to dominate someone, but not arousing him. When he plays with me however.... I've yet to find a playtime that did not end with sex... or run throughout.....

I just really wanted after reading a lot of other threads, to get other's opinions, thoughts, and feelings on it. And proud sub.... loved your equation for it!! Can't wait for Master to come through and read all of it.

Again, thanks.... by all means though if others have comments or something to offer... I'm sure we'd love to hear it.

Sincerely,
Tempest's pet
jennifer

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/30/2005 4:43:23 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Pecentage of sex in Ds relationship which is lived all day everyday is....
0%

Just doesn't count as part of Ds.
Sex is a blessing plus.

(or, in otherowrds - wot Em said)

Peace and Love

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...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/30/2005 8:57:23 PM   
Lepidoptera


Posts: 161
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

quote:

0%. I don't see how sex has anything to do with obedience unless that is what you are specifically told to do.


My feelings exactly. Sex has nothing to do with D/s or M/s. BDSM is simply a perk that can happen but isn't necessary.

Jewel

I feel completely the opposite.

They only reason I submit at all is because it feels good in a sexual way. Submitting arouses me. If someone tries to dominate me and I am not interested in them sexually, I feel anger instead of arousal. Similarily, someone who might not otherwise interest me sexually can arouse me by dominating me. (I know this sounds contradictory, but it really isn't).

Let's put it this way:

I have never been sexually aroused by a man except in a context in which he dominates me. If he wants to kiss me and be all lovey dovey, I feel disgusted- nauseous even. Therefore, I find D/s intrinsically sexual. As I get in a relationship, the other things follow, but it is always purely sexual at first.

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/30/2005 9:09:46 PM   
cellis


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline 		Sometimes it is hard to separate the two, but then I don't live it 24/7. That might make a difference... In the past there was always a sexual undertone. I submitted therefore I was His plaything or toy. Mentally he kept me on edge sexually and when that was gone, I missed it more than the overt sex.

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RE: D/s .. what percentage is sexual in nature for you? - 5/30/2005 9:36:09 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		The D/s or the M/s or not sexual at all. But some of the kink sure is!

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They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
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