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RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 11:20:27 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

So a guy in his 20s shows that he hasn't read my page; so those emails get deleted if they are lucky.

Or they get slandered and defamed and lied about by trolls pretending not to be trolls

Or stalked. Or accused of being a stalker. Or outted.
Yikes -

Keep the personal unfounded, uncouth and disrespectfull attacks coming, they make for a GREAT laugh. Slander is unfounded; wheat I have done is ALL legal and not slander. It's called 'read a page/profile before making contact.' If someone can't do that, then they have issues, ie lack of manners.

To the OP, try to take some classes, meet up with other local lifestylers, experience is worth its weight in gold.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 41

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 11:24:53 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I feel so horrible. I've been so wrapped up in my class that I missed some drama!

By the way, if you outted someone cause he didn't read your profile - that's a touch overkill don't ya think?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 42

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 11:30:58 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

What personal 'attack' to whom? There is a comment on trolls and those who do not read profiles - people responded. Slander isn't always unfounded, it is however, defined as illegal and abusive - neither of which were in what was written (depending whom you are picking on).

Peace

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 43

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 11:36:10 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

You seem to be one of the most genuine people our age that I have seen on any of these sites. Your profile is not only detailed but your being honest and I respect that.

One thing that may be turning girls away is the fact that you are already with someone. Many subs and slaves on these sites are searching for monogomy (In many ways and in the long term sense I am) but dont disregard that fact and hide it because to many that will show that you are being honest which I appreciate.

The other thing that I like is that you are obviously seeking more than just sex I feel like I can personally respect you more for that and I can honestly say that eventually someone will come onto your profile and start up a conversation. One of these days it will work out for you, you just need to be patient and know that the one you are searching for will come.

< Message edited by meticulousgirl -- 6/12/2007 11:39:52 AM >

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)

Post #: 44

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 1:48:37 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Slander is unfounded; wheat I have done is ALL legal and not slander.

Making disparaging remarks about the local community where you live and claiming that they protected your abuser/attempted murderer is a bit slanderous, is it not? I would feel slandered if someone claimed that about me.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 45

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 2:25:20 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Slander is unfounded; wheat I have done is ALL legal and not slander.

Making disparaging remarks about the local community where you live and claiming that they protected your abuser/attempted murderer is a bit slanderous, is it not? I would feel slandered if someone claimed that about me.

I deffinetly think I missed something here... what happend??

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 46

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 2:44:21 PM

NoirUMC

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

-blinkblink-

Yeah, that's what I was wondering.

_____________________________

-J

Working around the clock to find new and entertaining misspellings

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 47

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 3:25:35 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

fast reply for those wondering about my comments on this thread... I refer you here

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1066348/tm.htm

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to NoirUMC)

Post #: 48

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 3:57:20 PM

NoirUMC

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

Hyup. Read the whole thing, including all the slanderous insanity.

I think I'm going to have nightmares about black balloons chasing me around.

_____________________________

-J

Working around the clock to find new and entertaining misspellings

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 49

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 4:02:44 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirUMC

Hyup. Read the whole thing, including all the slanderous insanity.

I think I'm going to have nightmares about black balloons chasing me around.

Oh no, not the black balloons! Jeepers!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to NoirUMC)

Post #: 50

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 4:42:35 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenderfootmaster

I have some questions that I just need answering because I really want to know. I don’t mean to sound “whinny” or making a “hissy fit” as some already told me I do.(Long Story) My inbox has been relatively empty unless I initiate the contact. What is it about female submissives? Do they message anybody at all first? Or do they just sit back and expect us to go “catch” them? Is there something wrong with me? I try and be as polite as possible when writing my profile, I use pictures, and if I make contact I am very polite and do nit use form letters.
Why is age so important for many? Why do people say that since I’m 22 I cant be called a Master. Like a 45 year old who has never done this before can say they have been doing this for 20+ years and automatically they are called a master and never questioned about it. Again, I’m really sore on the subjects at hand. I don’t want instant gratification by finding a slave “right the instant.” I guess I just want to know what kind of game I’m playing, to know the rules if you will so it will be relatively easier for me.

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)

Post #: 51

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 6:04:33 PM

tenderfootmaster

Posts: 484
Joined: 6/1/2007
From: Ft. Leavenworth, KS
Status: offline

I guess I’m just not aloud to ask any questions on this site. It appears the young people are not taken seriously… I’m just suppose to sit back and become part of the scenery or something… It's ok, I'll probably get insulted about this to, but I really don't care what people think at this point in time.

_____________________________

"Never do anything today that you can put off till tomorrow... Most things that you do not have to do today are not worth doing at all." -E. W. Scripps

www.myspace.com/bdsmguy85

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 52

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 6:23:05 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

you are allowed to ask questions however imho, no one was insulting you. it's not our fault you didn't like the answers/opinions given back to your questions.

be careful of you ask for, junior

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)

Post #: 53

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 6:31:41 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenderfootmaster

I guess I’m just not aloud to ask any questions on this site. It appears the young people are not taken seriously… I’m just suppose to sit back and become part of the scenery or something… It's ok, I'll probably get insulted about this to, but I really don't care what people think at this point in time.

Are you kidding? Valyraen and I are 22 and haven't gotten any trouble for our ages. But then again, we don't expect to get trouble for it and we don't feel a need to bring it up. It's on our profiles if anyone wants to look.

You asked questions and you got answers you didn't like. It happens. The truth is that male doms aren't in short supply, fem subs get enough e-mails that we don't need to go looking, and since we can afford to be picky, we get to pick dominants who have lots of experience if we like. Not many subs are into helping train new doms.

You should relax but not be part of the scenery. You should respect that some people know a lot more about this lifestyle and that you have a lot to learn. Like not all subs are poly and as a young, inexperienced dom looking for the most popular and in demand group of submissives you need to have something extra. Don't expect to be in demand until you know more.

Mentioning what you are doing to learn could probably help you a great deal.

Nobody is attacking you. You are just getting answers that you don't like. The problem is that they are honest answers and it's in your hands how you make this new information work for you.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 6/12/2007 6:33:34 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)

Post #: 54

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/12/2007 8:53:21 PM

suggababy23

Posts: 73
Joined: 10/16/2005
Status: offline

Did you seriously read any of the feed back that was left? No where in my post did I say anything about young people not being capable of being taken seriously. I am a young person and I have absolutely no problems with being taken seriously. Don't let your age become a crutch. Live, learn and move on.

sugga

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)

Post #: 55

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/13/2007 3:01:00 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Look, your profile, patience, inexperience, pouting, poly inclinations to some, indecisiveness and fantasies aside, one of the things you're going to have to get used to is that this life you're attempting is not easy. It's not meant to be. There's a cost to it. You have to be willing to pay that cost or it's simply not going to happen.

That cost is different for all people. For a 22 year old male - typically the "lord of all he sees" in his local bar or other social gathering - part of that cost is more than likely going to wind up being a lack of dates, a loss of that whole "lord of all he sees" status. Instead of being large and in charge on the dance floor or dealing the girls on your time off, you're now likely to be seen as .. well... in the way you've been complaining about.

All I can say is that a bit of humble pie is not a bad thing. In the words of my father to my brother once, "it'll help you grow son." You're not exactly handling the humble pie well, which is strike one on your times up to bat - so to speak.

And here's another thing - your fiance is looking for a money slave. Hey, everything's on the up and up, so no problems there - except for one thing. I have very little respect for any man who allows his soon to be wife to fill the family coffers so to speak with someone else's money. I look at that comment and wonder where your self-esteem and sense of manliness is. I don't know one man I respect who would be willing to depend - even if in a second hand way - on some other man's money. And frankly, while I do know some people who do the whole financial thing, I don't respect those who engage in it. So that would be strike two, and that's before any sort of contact is even contemplated.

Finally, at any age, but especially at 22, submissive or not, many (not all, but many) women are themselves looking for a primary relationship. Here you are, all engaged and still looking for more, and at 22, just what is in it for them? And that'd be strike three in my book.

Aside from all that PLUS being out of your age range, let me tell you why I never contact dominants.

YOU"RE DOMINANTS!!!

IF you are a dominant, then I presume that you know exactly who and what you are looking for. (If I'm not, then you won't be contacting me. That's pretty simple.)

IF you are a dominant, then I presume that the ability to hunt, conquer and subdue/woo is a part of the process for you. (And if it isn't, then you're not someone I'd be interested in)

IF you are dominant, I presume you have the balls to make contact. (If you don't, that says something, doesn't it?)

IF you are a dominant, I presume you want to dominate. (If not, then... well... enough said.)

My lack of initial contact is a process I go through - right or wrong, it's what I do. You're first letter to me tells me a lot about you that I want to know right off the bat. I don't get that if I make the first contact. Your first contact - without encouragement from me - feeds the parts of me that need to be fed - the desire to be wanted, the desire to be pursued, and all that. I love service, but I am female and want to be wanted as well. In addition, your first letter to me, and how it's worded, begins the process of me desiring you. Those are your first words to me, and for me, what you say and how it measures up to what you do counts.

So, no, I do not make first contact.

You asked why submissives don't make first contact. Those may not be the reasons others don't, but they're mine - take them for what you will.

juliet

(in reply to suggababy23)

Post #: 56

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/13/2007 4:22:11 AM

Valyraen

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenderfootmaster

I guess I’m just not aloud to ask any questions on this site. It appears the young people are not taken seriously… I’m just suppose to sit back and become part of the scenery or something… It's ok, I'll probably get insulted about this to, but I really don't care what people think at this point in time.

Let me share some observations about the online world that I've garnered, friend. I've been a part of the online communication world in some form or another for 11 years now, and I'm turning 23 tomorrow - yes, that means I started chatting when I was 12.

Online, age is a number, and it doesn't matter. Online, race is a word, and it doesn't matter. Online, gender is what you choose to make of it (and I won't say it doesn't matter). Online, you're the person that you present yourself to be. That might not seem like such a big thing, until you consider that no one online knows anything about you more than you've chosen to tell. From what you've chosen to tell the CollarMe world, people are unimpressed with you, and it seems that all that you've done has been to continue to antagonize and alienate them.

I'm not going to attack you - there's no point. You're no threat to me or mine, you haven't said anything to offend me, and I'm not a naturally cruel sort of guy. So, please take what I say as advice, offered in the spirit of trying to help one's fellow dom.

First off, as I said above, age is only a number online, and that number changes in the mind of the person you're communicating with during the course of your communication, based on your words and actions. Right now, and let me reiterate that I've got no reason or interest in attacking you, you're not demonstrating the maturity that I'm sure you have. You're a soldier; your professional life is more highly disciplined than the private lives of some BDSM couples. I'm also sure that part of that discipline has leaked over, that you live a disciplined private life as well, because it's not possible to not take work home with you in that sort of context. A question that I would like you to ask yourself, then, is whether you're also applying that professional military discipline to your communications and interactions here on CollarMe.

You're young - there's no two ways around it, and I can completely understand that you're feeling frustrated about that. Aqua and I are part of one of the BDSM groups where we live, and I spend most of my time in the meetings listening to older, more experienced lifestylers talking, occasionally interjecting a gem from my own past, where it's relevant. Because of our ages (and by "our", I mean you, myself, and all other 20-something dominants just breaking into the scene), we don't and can't have as much experience as a 40-year-old - not just in BDSM, but in life, and that lack of experience plays against us. Some people require experience and a history in leather - not just because it gives you more technical skill and previous experiences to draw on, but also because it allows you to build a reputation, a "dom resume" so to speak. As a dominant, I would be much more comfortable letting someone else scene with Aqua if I felt that said individual knew what he was doing... because I'm quite comfortable with the thought of breaking bones to keep her from being hurt.

By no means should you sit back, mate... nor should you stop asking questions - questions and the search after knowledge are vital to a good BDSM relationship - but it's my opinion that maybe you should look around the forums a bit, particularly the General BDSM Discussion, Ask a Master, and Polyamorous Lifestyles forums. Answer someone else's question, add your input to a debate... establish a name and a positive reputation for yourself among the CollarMe crowd. Hell, my first foray into this message board was when a thread by DBG just wouldn't die... the reason my post count is so far up there is because I spent the first two days on CollarMe hijacking a post with a discussion on cannibalistic barbeque, and I've been trying to live that one down ever since (which is part of the reason I'm posting such a long response on your thread).

So, I suppose in summary, there's nothing wrong with being young and new to this lifestyle... you've just got to be patient, which I can tell you from personal experience is the hardest Goddamn thing in the world sometimes. It ain't easy, and it ain't quick... but the rewards for patience and discipline are absolutely, incredibly worth it.

Valyraen

*Edited because I had to find the official name of the poly board*

< Message edited by Valyraen -- 6/13/2007 4:26:07 AM >

_____________________________

CM's Resident Fuzzy Kitteh

There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)

Post #: 57

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/13/2007 3:31:19 PM

silvermuse

Posts: 259
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline

Tenderfoot.

I'm offering you a piece of advice I was given many years ago, by my mother.

If you don't think you can handle the answers, don't ask the question.

The problem here, from what I've seen, isn't the answer given, it's your reaction to them. Take time, read the answers, step back and digest. And again, remember people here only have your reactions as a basis to form an opinion of you. Is this side of you, this apparent knee jerk (I say apparent because it's an assumption/personal point of view on my behalf) the person you want people to see, the person you truly are?

Please. For your own sake stop, read, think, digest - and THEN react.

muse

_____________________________

There is darkness and there is evil, never mistake the two.

(in reply to Valyraen)

Post #: 58

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/13/2007 3:43:01 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tenderfootmaster

I thank you very much for you reply, I have been on the boards for a few days and have gotten a lot or help already, especially from LadyPact if you know her, or her posts. She suggested the same thing about doing a Google search for munches and workshops. She also suggested a lot of books that would help out also. Thank you again for your reply its much appreciated!

I don't often visit the "Ask a submissive/slave" board, but I happened across this. I wanted to say thank you for the kind mention. You'll find that many with experience will help, even if it is more on the private side than on the public forums.

To answer your specific question, yes, in part, some of the issue is with looking for others who are poly. Not every submissive is willing to participate in that kind of arrangement. I often look at it as the same as open marriage. Now, I know a lot of people who are married, but only a small percent of them actually have an open marriage. (Not talking about the spouse running around behind the other's back. That's something entirely different. Can actually find more of those.) I happen to think that is one of the very reasons that I am still searching for a present boy of My own. If I were single, instead of poly, there would be a much larger field to chose from.

Either way, keep asking your questions. We were all new once.

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)

Post #: 59

RE: Multiple Questions for Slaves and Submissives - 6/13/2007 3:59:51 PM

maledave7

Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline

I am seeking a dominant woman. In my area, the men outnumber the women about eight to one on CM. It seems it does not matter if the women are dominant, switch or submissive. I do not wait for a Domme to send me an email. There are several other subs sending her e-mails too. I also read on the message board posts from other people. I learn what I can do to make a good impression.

(in reply to tenderfootmaster)

Post #: 60

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