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Testing - 6/12/2007 10:57:15 AM   
rexfernnell


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline 		Do all subs test? and if so why? do they realize that if they test and their Master dose not stop them they will have to leave?.some I know love their Master and He loves them,and He has shown that He can  Dom them but they test anyway.why risk losing a good thing on childish games?.and at  what piont Do you guys  STOP testing? Do you ever or is it an on going thing that will last a life time.

Master Jon-Mark
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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 11:00:54 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		They are insecure, and they want to be made to feel secure.  But they can't verbalize what they want, so they act out.

And then justify it by saying they were just testing the other person- rather than admitting their own issues.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_661659/mpage_1/key_testing/tm.htm#661665
testing

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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 11:11:41 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
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Testing occurs when a person feels insecure and cannot verbalize the need to feel safe.
If someone suffers from repeat 'testing' from different s-types in different relationships, that would make me uestion why they all seem to feel insecure.
 
Peace
the.dark.


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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 11:15:39 AM   
silvermuse


Posts: 259
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline 		For me it's not about being insecure. It's just a part of who I am. But yes, even after 8 years I'm going to push on occasions. I know I'm going to get brought down to earth if I push too far or in the wrong way, I'm well aware of it and accept the consequences of my actions.

Some settle down, or aren't 'pushers' to begin with, or they only do it as they are learning the boundaries of the relationship. 

There are also different ways of pushing.

As an example- if he tells me he wants me in bed by say, 1am, and I'm in the middle of work and the words are flowing the odds are I'm going to push past that without even truly being aware of it. I may be working on the computer, but my eyes are on the document, not the clock. That's still a push, I've shown lack of control over my characters/project, it's controlled me. I'll pay for it, but the punishment is less than it would be for a deliberate push.

A deliberate push is another matter entirely. It might be for a dozen different reasons from me being a complete brat (which I try damn hard not to be) to my temper frankly getting the better of me. Those are dealt with sharply.

Then there's the playful push. The nudge to just have some rough and tumble fun. He has the choice to either take me down and bring me to my knees, or see it as me being a brat. It's walking a fine line at times and I'm well aware of it.

muse


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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 11:32:44 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

Do all subs test? and if so why?


I'm a slave and I DO test my partner. Its as much about seeing what 'boundaries' and borders I have, as well as expanding our M/s dynamic and seeing what 'level' we are at. At times I might test because I am in a bratty mood, others, its playfull and I have weight the situation, at others, I am in one of those 'ornery' defiant moods.

quote:


Do they realize that if they test and their Master dose not stop them they will have to leave?


Not neccesarly. If I test my partner and he doesn't do anything, I will probably stop. Sometimes I am looking for a reaction, if I don't get one, then why continue? A good partner will know when to STOP something he does not like or desire.
 
My SO did that with me. I use to :P at him on YIM all the time. I have not done that in over 10 days, last night I made the sound while we were on the phone, he called me on it, and laughed; as for what happens for doing that, I don't know.  Considering that I went from :P every other line to once on the phone and NOT on IM in days, that was hard.
 
Who says I have to leave if I don't stop?? We don't live together. 

quote:


why risk losing a good thing on childish games? and at what piont Do you guys  STOP testing? Do you ever or is it an on going thing that will last a life time.


Everyone tests their partners in some fashion. Tops test their bottoms, and visa versa; nothing wrong with it, its how you go about doing it. I admit I HAVE tested my SO, he knows it, he has tested me as well, heck, yesterday our relationship was 'tested' not in the 'fun' way, and we both rose the challenge and things are great, if not stronger now than before.
 
Who says 'testing' is childish? Its how you learn about eachother and how we grow. You test your bottom type, is that childish?  

< Message edited by slaverosebeauty -- 6/12/2007 11:33:33 AM >

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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 11:38:02 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
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Hello muse.
 
I didn't read the OP as pushing or even acting out - maybe I misunderstood.  Testing to me is just something completely different.
To me, being a brat isn't testing, and it is cool to see someone mention something else and see a different POV.
 
Peace
the.dark.


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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 11:41:53 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty
Everyone tests their partners in some fashion.

No, we don't.

Life tests every relationship far more than any test I could devise.  No reason for me to add on.

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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 11:50:45 AM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

They are insecure, and they want to be made to feel secure.  But they can't verbalize what they want, so they act out.

And then justify it by saying they were just testing the other person- rather than admitting their own issues.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_661659/mpage_1/key_testing/tm.htm#661665
testing


Exactly thank you for putting that into almost perfect words.  That's what I was going to say.

Rex you need to remember that communicating is not always that easy, I'm not sure how long you have been into the lifestyle but communicating wants, needs, and desires is probably the most common reason for lifestyle relationships going bad so to speak.

Make it easier for her to bring things to your attention whatever that "thing" may be so she wont act out on it anymore, so she wont crave your attention, or so she just wont feel the stress of it.  Schedual discussions for once or twice a week so she can bring things to your attention.  

If that doesn't work you might want to consider giving her "maintanance discipline" if it really is just a test to see what you will do, her persistant misbehaivor and testing may stop as she may believe that she needs to be "bad" in order to get a spanking, that she in reality is actually craving, wanting or possibly even needing at that point in time.

Dont look at this like she is topping from the bottom, look at it like she is tell you something that she needs or wants.  You can take advantage of it and use this to benefit both of You or You can disregard and see it as all her wrong doing when infact it is probably changable from my experience with the lifestyle.

I have no idea what you guys practice in your relationship, and this is just my opinion of course.  Just a few thoughts to ponder.

< Message edited by meticulousgirl -- 6/12/2007 11:52:48 AM >

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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 11:54:16 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

Everyone tests their partners in some fashion.

I think it would be helpful if you define 'test'.  I never test my partner or anyone else and like LA, don;t want to be included in your sweeping generalisation.  I just ask.
 
quote:

Who says 'testing' is childish? Its how you learn about eachother and how we grow. You test your bottom type, is that childish?  

To me, testing is childish.  Young children test, so do animals because sometimes they cannot communicate with those around them.  If you are mature and accept personal responsiblity, then you don't have to test - you simply communicate.
 
Peace
the.dark.


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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 12:11:27 PM   
silvermuse


Posts: 259
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Darcy,

without further information from the OP I'm presuming that testing and pushing are close to the same thing. *grins*

But hopefully he'll expand a little more at some date.

muse

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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 12:18:46 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: silvermuse

Hi Darcy,

without further information from the OP I'm presuming that testing and pushing are close to the same thing. *grins*

But hopefully he'll expand a little more at some date.

muse

Hello muse
Would be good if he does make it a little clearer, it can make all the difference.
 
(And it's .dark. typing btw - sorry I wasn't very clear)
 
Peace
the.dark.


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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 12:26:35 PM   
silvermuse


Posts: 259
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline 		My bad,
*groans*
I swear sometimes I get cross eyed with edits.

muse

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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 12:37:02 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
No worries - been there, done that too...
Have a great evening...
 
the.dark.


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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 12:52:21 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Well i don't think i test Master.  To me testing and pushing are too different things.  Sometimes i push a little to see how far i can push.  One look or word from Master and i know i have pushed far enough so i stop pushing..  Kinda like that far and no further i don't do it very often though.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to RCdc)
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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 2:12:20 PM   
suboregano


Posts: 15
Joined: 11/18/2006
Status: offline 		Is the general consensus that testing can be either deliberate or unconscious? For example, i recently started my daily journal entry for my Master an hour later than i was supposed to, just because i lost track of time. Is that sort of thing included in what is meant by "testing"?

Everyone probably has his/her own idea of what it is, but i am curious to see if there is some sort of consensus that we can come to.

oregano


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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 2:23:32 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		For me testing is a conscious thing.  If it's really unconscious, I just consider it a mistake.  If it's repeated then there's a problem with the training and/or just one of their weird quirks.

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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 3:15:44 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
To me - testing is a conscious activity which expects a result, whether that is positive or negative.  If you miss a time to post a journal entry due to bad time keeping or an external force, that isn't necessarily conscious... so I wouldn't label that as testing.  If such a thing, like bad timekeeping for example, continues that is something that can be altered with good training and discipline - and ifnot then is an indication of maybe another problem that needs to be assessed.
 
If you 'forgot' something purposefully to 'see' what your dominant may do or how they may react, that is testing IMO.
 
Peace
the.dark.


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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 4:47:32 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Ummm... I made him get a test for STIs... and I got him to take a typing test.... I've considered doing a test of how quickly he responds to "red" in a random situation but it just seems like overusing the safeword.

Oooo!! I know! I randomly test his knowledge of 80s cartoon trivia!


Wait... did I misunderstand the question?


(Seriously though - I think enough things happen in relationships that are tests that people don't need create more artificially)

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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 5:47:54 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Most testing scenarios are passive-aggressive techniques to get what they want, because for whatever reasons, they aren't able to simply say what they want.

Master Fire


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RE: Testing - 6/12/2007 6:53:49 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rexfernnell

Do all subs test? and if so why?
Master Jon-Mark



oh good gawd - why do all Doms like you use that bloody awful word - all in your questions to us?

and to answer your question with another question - what the heck is your definition of "testing"?


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