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RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:58:46 PM   
714Lovin


Posts: 10
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Joshua
Status: offline 		The guy was cheating on his wife and you are surprised that he is dishonest???  Why did it not bother you when he was lying to his own wife?  The mother of his children?  Maybe because you were gaining from that?


I'm shocked you are so shocked.

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 1:59:12 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		well, I guess I'm going to add my name to the pond scum list. 
I've been in a very similar position. 
to all you who judge, please come walk a mile in my shoes. 

we strive to be open minded, we preach honesty and honor. 
we are humans and at times we all fall short.  I do often it seems.

sometimes we need no more then a good friend that for some reason is
easy to be honest with.those people have qualities beyond the liar and
cheat that we all  (including myself have judged them as)
they are people with lives and issues of their own.  sometimes after we’ve
entered into a relationship of sorts things crop up such as Elusive1 has found
out that make you rethink, conjure up names like so many choose to use in this situation.  All the good advice that one can get from these forums goes out the
window as all the stones are thrown.  I’ve learned not to even touch this subject
cause of all the open minds that close so quickly.  Elusive1 has not it seems. 

I’m going to address her problem from my perspective below.  

~ it sucks to learn a bit of ugly knowledge about someone we felt awe for. 
Worse when they trust us to be on the same page when we are not. 
Stopping contact will only confuse him, my suggestion is to face what
bothers you directly.  Tell him he’s fallen off the pedestal you thought he
belonged on and tell him why in easy to understand terms.  A loss of respect
is a loss of respect no matter how it happens and or to who.  I’m totally
against running to the wife or the girl friend for the same reason the good
folks of CM tell us not to run to another sub and tattle what happened to us. 
For one, it’s a lack of respect for yourself.  Two, you’ll be putting yourself
right in the middle of the BS you respected enough to avoid before. 
No one wants drama.  Three?  You’ll not only hurt them, but you, he
and everyone else involved.  It’s his responsibility, his life, his family….
Eventually it will all come out in the open anyway be it you or who ever.  

Hold your head up.  Be the adult you know you are, and don’t beat yourself up too much over being pond scum.  Nobody is perfect.  

My best to you…………….

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 2:06:01 PM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
While I am not 100% certain that his wife knows...I think she does know...of course his history of lies, there is no telling...guess I just needed some back up from the fine people here to justify me sending her an email letting the other sub know of his 'marital status'..sad really, I wanted to be friends with her, she seemed like a fun gal


_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/


(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 2:11:15 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Quivver, there isn't anything wrong with judging.  It is how people shape and form their lives.  If they judge people in a negative way - then they arent the kind of people you want to know anyway.
 
Besides - pond scum is what keeps the world alive and the food chain working.  People tend to forget that.
 
To the OP -  I would hesitate in informing the wife.  After all - what are you going to say?  Hi, your husbands a cheat, I am one who did it with him knowingly?  What would it acheive other than causing a lot of pain all around and not dealing with the issue at all.
I wouldn't contact the other woman either.  She is responsible for herself - not you.  She needs to fight her own battles and find out with her own mistakes - or lessons - depending how you label it.
 
Centre instead on yourself.  I agree with Quivver - blocking him out point blank will just not achieve a thing and probably hurt you in the process.  Tell him your disappointment and try even to be a friend and maybe help him work out why he has to do things like this.  If you cant be a friend, still inform him why - and then leave and start afresh.  I would recommend not getting mixed up in any more drama than you are already involved in. And give yourself time to heal.
 
Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 2:12:16 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		If someone chooses to have an affair with a married man (or woman, as the case may be), that's up to them.  But, it shouldn't be a big surprise to find out that he's not a candidate for "husband of the year" or "Dom of the year" or that he wants her to lie to someone else so that he can get more action on the side.  She knew he was married and chose to get involved with him, anyway.  That's her choice. 
 
Why shouldn't the other sub have the same information so that she can have the same ability to make an informed choice about getting involved with him or not?
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 2:13:03 PM   
trainedobedients


Posts: 56
Joined: 1/30/2006
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Look in the mirror and say to yourself 'I am a homewrecker' because that is what you are however else you want to label yourself.

He, is a big cheater and will not loose a night sleep over your breakup. He sleeps well while cheating his wife he made a commitment to.

I have no advice for you but I would not have started the relationship, and feel you have gone to far.

Loyalty works both ways. You are loyal to what???

Take care you will need it not only now but certainly in the future make your choices wiser and more honest.

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 2:30:29 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		Couldn't resist....how is a "flat, horizontal surface" noble?  

Anyway, I personally would have a hard time deciding whether I would tell the other submissive or not.  She is a big girl and will find out anyway, eventually.  Though she should already have a clue.  We can't always protect others from the choices they make, or the red flags they ignore.  Since he is married, I am sure the other submissive can't always call him at home or get ahold of him at all hours of the day or night.  That is a glaring red flag, and one of the most obvious ones...when meeting new people.  I bet all she has is his cell number...though he may have given her his work number, but that is very rare for someone who is married to an unsuspecting spouse to do so.  Anyway, eyes wide open is always a good way to go into things, even though we often don't heed our own gut feelings or even simple logic.

I am not going to judge you, or point fingers like others do.  It's not my place to do that.  But I can understand the quandry you are in, as in why would he be honest with me, yet lie to her.  It could be that he knows she would not get involved with him if she knew his "little secret".  Which is probably the case.  He at the very least should have been honest with her, regardless of his situation at home.  So to tell the other submissive or not, that is the question.  I am sure you will follow your heart.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 2:30:47 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

While I am not 100% certain that his wife knows...I think she does know...of course his history of lies, there is no telling...guess I just needed some back up from the fine people here to justify me sending her an email letting the other sub know of his 'marital status'..sad really, I wanted to be friends with her, she seemed like a fun gal



If you think she may know then why do you need to meet an hour away from his home so that you dont feel like a homewrecker!! Something isnt adding up there!!

My mom once told me if you are doing something you think you have to lie about chances are you shouldnt be doing it!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 2:34:03 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: texancutie

Couldn't resist....how is a "flat, horizontal surface" noble?  



Now...... that's just hurtful.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 2:43:48 PM   
rightontime


Posts: 18
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Although i enjoy the term "pond scum" used previously haha...

possibly if you value honesty so much between you and him, maybe you should be upfront and talk to him, and not just ignore him??

but good luck regardless :)



(in reply to submissivepoet)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 2:46:03 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		It was a joke and wasn't meant to be hurtful.  Am in a blunt, brutally honest kind of mood today.    Am sure you are ok, you have been on the message boards for some time now.  Kind of have to build up a thick skin when posting here.  I know I have.  Many people post much worse prose, due to being unhappy about something or another in life.  So they feel they have to get up on their soapboxes and say something truly unkind to others, who are seeking helpful answers.

By the way Quivver, you won't find me posting something nasty and being judgemental of anyone else's situation, unless I am responding to any "holier than thou" attitudes.  Not everything in life is black and white.  I wish you much luck! 

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 2:48:59 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		deleted because after reading Quivver's post, i was ashamed of myself. 

< Message edited by angelic -- 6/17/2007 3:09:28 PM >

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 2:53:25 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: texancutie

By the way Quivver, you won't find me posting something nasty and being judgemental of anyone else's situation, unless I am responding to any "holier than thou" attitudes.  Not everything in life is black and white.  I wish you much luck! 


Thank You... It's so easy on these boards to step up on our soap box with an opinion.  Problem is we often forget life isnt always what it's supposed to be.  Personally I want to remove that ~supposed to~ from all languages.  It creates enough and guilt on it's own.



_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 2:58:23 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: texancutie

It was a joke and wasn't meant to be hurtful.  Am in a blunt, brutally honest kind of mood today.    Am sure you are ok, you have been on the message boards for some time now. 


I know you were teasing, cutie.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 3:00:59 PM   
DeviantlyD


Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline 		I disagree with those who say "don't get involved" by saying nothing to his new girlfriend or his wife. They're entitled to their opinion, as I am mine, but it's also my opinion that not getting involved can cause more harm than good. (I'm speaking of personal experience on this. An event that changed my life and a guy who "didn't want to get involved" and could have made a difference.) Besides, you're already involved in the whole situation. The new girlfriend may be a "big girl", but that doesn't mean she wouldn't want to avoid the hurt.

I agree with texancutie that the new girlfriend should see the signs this guy is married. They're almost always there. There have been many guys that I've met online where my spidey senses told me he might be married and after some investigation, I found it to be true. Hopefully this woman won't be going into this with blinders on.

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 3:02:51 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I think everyone might be missing the big picture here...Has this new girl ever met your "play married dom?"  If not, perhaps it's time we do the ol' switcharoo...And Domiguy comes to the rescue!!! Why should this girl be punished because this married guy is a lying dick?  I could fill in and everything will be as right as rain...What in the fuck does "right as rain"  mean?....Goddammit I hate old english sayings....To tired to google...Preparing for my Elusive introduction. How can I be expected to give my complete attention to these two lovely gals when  I am totally preoccupied with finding the root of this saying?....I can just see it...As I'm swinging the bull whip concentrating on Elusives' left buttock...When suddenly, the thought of rain coming down from "the left" pops into my mind and ZINGO!!! off goes her ear....Christ I'm screwed!!!



By the way....I have done some of my best work on flat, horizontal surfaces...But some how I don't think this will bring you any further comfort.

Texancutie is a Texan cutie.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 6/17/2007 3:12:29 PM >

_____________________________



(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 3:03:12 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		Why can't you be friends with the other sub?  Unless she decides to get involved with the married Dom and you decide to stay away from him, i don't see why the two of you couldn't get along and even look for an honest Dom to have fun with together. 
 
Simply telling her the truth about this man shouldn't be a cause for conflict between you two, unless she thinks you're just saying that in order to scare her off and keep him all to yourself.  i would be very grateful, if someone were to tell me that the man i was thinking of getting involved with was married and a liar.  If you want to be friends with her, then why not let her know that?  Maybe she will feel the same way about you.
 
BTW, most wives do know (or, at the very least, have a very strong suspicion) that their husband is being unfaithful.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

While I am not 100% certain that his wife knows...I think she does know...of course his history of lies, there is no telling...guess I just needed some back up from the fine people here to justify me sending her an email letting the other sub know of his 'marital status'..sad really, I wanted to be friends with her, she seemed like a fun gal


(in reply to ELUSIVE1)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 3:09:39 PM   
TinkerHell


Posts: 36
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

While I am not 100% certain that his wife knows...I think she does know...of course his history of lies, there is no telling...guess I just needed some back up from the fine people here to justify me sending her an email letting the other sub know of his 'marital status'..sad really, I wanted to be friends with her, she seemed like a fun gal



His wife knows... unless she has been in a persistant vegetative state throughout their marriage.   You are not the first, and certainly won't be the last.   You can send the new sub and the wife an email which will drag you into a lovely triad of drama.... where emails fly, tears are shed and recriminations are posted here for one and all to see.   You know that what you were up to was naughty... gather up your dignity and walk away.  

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
If you think she may know then why do you need to meet an hour away from his home so that you dont feel like a homewrecker!! Something isnt adding up there!!

My mom once told me if you are doing something you think you have to lie about chances are you shouldnt be doing it!!

Magik's slave


I am always amazed at how easy it is to rationalize the things we do that we know aren't right - your momma was right... if you are doing something that you think you have lie about... you really shouldn't be doing it.   
 

_____________________________


"My land is bare of chattering folk; the clouds
are low along the ridges, and sweet's the air
with curling smoke from all my burning bridges." ~ Dorothy Parker

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 3:25:45 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelic

deleted because after reading Quivver's post, i was ashamed of myself. 


No reason to feel ashamed if your hearts in your words.



_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: what would you do - 6/17/2007 3:28:22 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		After reading your post, i realized how i sounded.  Sometimes it helps to have a mirror put up to one's face.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 40
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