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Question about age - 6/18/2007 7:00:43 PM   
ManInTheBox


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/14/2007
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I'm not trying to be rude or anything but it seems as though many people are bothered by having a young subbie. I'm 18 and it seems as though everyone just disregards me. I am aware that some woman have kids my age and that is understandable. Is there anyone here that wouldn't mind a young subbie though?
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RE: Question about age - 6/18/2007 7:56:15 PM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
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For me the age is more about common interests.  I don't have much in common with an 18 year old.  Coupled with that is the fact I can't even go have a drink with an 18 year old.  Aside from that, though, if the person is mature and willing I don't have a problem with the age factor per se.  I have just found, based on trying them, that I get along better and have more lasting relationships with those closer to around my own age.

Good luck, though.  I am sure you will find someone eventually.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to ManInTheBox)
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RE: Question about age - 6/18/2007 7:56:42 PM   
DommeChains


Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
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Yes, there are femdoms who like/prefer/will give a chance to a younger sub.  Your best bet for meeting those gals is r/t.  Join your local kink community.  Find the closest chapter of TNG group (specifically for kink interested folks between 18-35).

(in reply to ManInTheBox)
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RE: Question about age - 6/18/2007 8:41:50 PM   
submarriner


Posts: 62
Joined: 5/10/2006
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Are you sure it is your age you are being rejected for? Many times discrimination is not present except in the minds of the discriminated. People make choices on a daily basis, and the reasons for those choices vary from person to person based on personal needs. Perhaps the Dommes you have approached are looking for someone more their age, or perhaps experience is there choice for deselection. You need not take rejection personally, everone has been rejected by someone, or will be rejected by someone in the future, rejection happens, get over it. Try to learn from it. If it is experience you lack, hire a pro, they are less discriminate if you have the cash. If your age is the cause of rejection try a younger Domme, or just try more, meaning with 10-12 Female Dominants for every male submissive, you just can't expect to find a Mistress in a week, month, or perhaps a year. To improve you chances, start with your profile, and have a good female friend proof read for acceptability. Change your photo as it suggest lack of motivation, and finally don't give up. Your woman of dominance is out there you just have to keep on looking.

(in reply to DommeChains)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 4:58:48 AM   
LaMistressa


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Your profile says you joined 6/14 - a little patience is a good thing sometimes!

And I agree on joining your local TNG when you are able to (I think the local one here has a minimum age of 19.) You'll meet a lot of new friends, and you'll be in one convenient location for all the cougars to hunt - I'm allowed to say that, as I was "grandmothered" in to our local TNG!

(in reply to submarriner)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 5:59:12 AM   
thetammyjo


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Joined: 9/8/2005
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Look for munches and groups that offer workshops, not just play parties. Knowledge and experience are sexy.

A few years ago I might have considered you but as everyone in my family gets older so does the age range I consider. It is currently 20-40 but we prefer 20-35 in reality.

If we got to know an 18 or 19 year old at local meetings though over several months age wouldn't be that important. Some thing for older folks.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to ManInTheBox)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 6:05:52 AM   
skareamoos


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I am more than 70 ... by a comfortable factor.  I genuinely consider myself, if not "Young," at least, "not Old."  I agree, my father was OLD at this age,  I cannot imagine why things have changed, but THEY HAVE.,

Imagine age as a non-factopr and you will expand your horizons.


(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 6:11:38 AM   
thetammyjo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: skareamoos

I am more than 70 ... by a comfortable factor. I genuinely consider myself, if not "Young," at least, "not Old." I agree, my father was OLD at this age, I cannot imagine why things have changed, but THEY HAVE.,

Imagine age as a non-factopr and you will expand your horizons.




I'll assume this was directed at me.

My preferences and the preferences of everyone in my household is our business. People trying to change our preferences really annoy me. We have our reasons for our preferences and our limits and they frankly aren't anyone's business unless we become friends or they are interested in me (why would someone be if they know of my preference in this matter and they don't meet them?).

I have friends of all ages in the national BDSM and SM communities. While my own age preferences are wider than I listed before I have a responsibility as head of my household to consider everyone's desires, preferences, and limits.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to skareamoos)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 6:45:12 AM   
aidan


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Dude, you've got to accept, right here and now, that for a long time your age is gonna be a stigma in this world, especially if you're looking for an older woman. The sooner you can understand that, the easier a time you'll have.

There's a lot of reasons for that. We're new, in a club that's still pretty exclusive despite all the people who appear to be trying to get in. There's thousands of people out there who pretend to be who and what they're not. You've got to earn people's trust, prove that you're not here to piss off your parents or be edgy and counter-culture. That this is the long-haul. That takes time.

Being young comes with a lot of disadvantages. No money, no job, no house...Generally speaking of course, but show of hands people ages 18 to 25 who have a secure and well paying job and their own home. The fact is, we're just starting out in the real world, and rightfully so a lot of folks don't want to take the time to deal with that. Fair point.

Another aspect is just that people always look down on folks our age, and in this generation probably not without good reason. Most of us are stupid, whiney, obnoxious, immature, borderline narcisstic and emotionally void. Sure, the only difference between us and most older folks is that they're better at hiding these things, but a fair amount do eventually grow out of it, and they remember just as well what it's like to be young.

But it's not the end of the world! You can rise above the stereotype. Get out there, talk to people, mix it up. Become a part of the scene, here, on other sites, in the real world. Wherever you can, dip your toes and and wade in. Then you tread water, for as long as it takes. Years, mayhap. Ever see Blazing Saddles? Once you establish yourself, they've got to respect you. There's always gonna be people who think you're a stupid little kid, sure. But fuck'm.  They'll get old, and you'll still be in your prime. Try to laugh behind your hand.

That's another thing. These might be the lean years, but think about it. Most folks don't realize they can do this stuff until much later. When most guys are trying on their first pair of leather shorts and gals shopping for My First Flogger, you'll have experience, friends and connections. You'll be laps ahead of the competition.

And you live in New York City, dude. One of the best scenes in the Eastern United States. There's a good (well, a better chance) that you can meet an older woman who wants to trade in for that younger model or a college girl who liked tieing up little Jimmy as a kid. There's no gurantee, and odds are stacked against you, but it's never going to happen if you don't try.

So don't dispair, my Man in the Box. Your age is an albatross only if you let it be. Go out, explore, and remember that what you do, not what you are, defines you.

"Once you establish yourself, they've got to respect you."


_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to skareamoos)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 7:08:08 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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Your question wasn't rude.  It's an honest question.  Though it's been around the block a time or two here, you did better than some have who have posed the same, but in a more whiny, complaining tone.
 
One of the answers as to why more experienced Dominants (don't call Us 'older women', some of Us don't like that phrase) aren't interested in younger submissive is because of the age of Our UM's.  Ms Kat makes an excellent point in the simple fact that you wouldn't be able to accompany you Domme in meeting for a drink.  There are also some clubs/play parties where you wouldn't be able to attend because of your age.  That's a big factor for Me, because if I want to be out in the community, it would be very disappointing if My submissive could not attend.
 
While I agree that age doesn't necessarily equal a lack in maturity, it does hinder a lot in the common interests/knowledge department.  The suggestion you received about finding The Next Generation groups is good.  One little hint though.  It has nothing to do with Picard or Star Trek. 

(in reply to aidan)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 7:11:22 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
What they said.

There's another detail lightly touched on.  Young people expect relationships within a week.  Us older folks, especially in the lifestyle, take months or even years to form the sort of deep rooted attachments necessary for a successful relationship.  There are very few BDSM 'speed daters' and they end up with bad reputations.  Expect a minimum of two months to court a domme, either online or in real life.  Expect at least a month before your own sexual interests are even remotely relavent to the conversation.  Certainly some people are more direct, but that would be the exception not the rule.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to aidan)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 7:22:16 AM   
aidan


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Joined: 5/28/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
One of the answers as to why more experienced Dominants (don't call Us 'older women', some of Us don't like that phrase)

*giggles*
I will remember that, thank you Lady Pact.

See? Always learning, dude. Keep your eyes and ears open. ;)


_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 8:03:03 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
One of the answers as to why more experienced Dominants (don't call Us 'older women', some of Us don't like that phrase)

*giggles*
I will remember that, thank you Lady Pact.

See? Always learning, dude. Keep your eyes and ears open. ;)



Yet another example of my weirdness. HURRAY.

I'm older.

I'm older today than I was yesterday or last week or last year.

I'm older than some people on here and younger than others; a few are my age.

I just don't see the term "older" as having the meaning as "old".

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to aidan)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 8:10:54 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
One of the answers as to why more experienced Dominants (don't call Us 'older women', some of Us don't like that phrase)

*giggles*
I will remember that, thank you Lady Pact.

See? Always learning, dude. Keep your eyes and ears open. ;)



Yet another example of my weirdness. HURRAY.

I'm older.

I'm older today than I was yesterday or last week or last year.

I'm older than some people on here and younger than others; a few are my age.

I just don't see the term "older" as having the meaning as "old".


aidan, you're welcome.
 
Tammyjo, the exact reason why I say "some".
 
Very, VERY off topic here, but the label I always thought would make Me feel old, was Grandma, yet, in ways, it makes Me feel more young and alive than anything else.
 
Yep, proud Grand at 38!  Just another one of those pesky things I wouldn't have in common with a submissive under 20.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 8:33:48 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
One of the answers as to why more experienced Dominants (don't call Us 'older women', some of Us don't like that phrase)

*giggles*
I will remember that, thank you Lady Pact.

See? Always learning, dude. Keep your eyes and ears open. ;)



Yet another example of my weirdness. HURRAY.

I'm older.

I'm older today than I was yesterday or last week or last year.

I'm older than some people on here and younger than others; a few are my age.

I just don't see the term "older" as having the meaning as "old".


aidan, you're welcome.

Tammyjo, the exact reason why I say "some".

Very, VERY off topic here, but the label I always thought would make Me feel old, was Grandma, yet, in ways, it makes Me feel more young and alive than anything else.

Yep, proud Grand at 38! Just another one of those pesky things I wouldn't have in common with a submissive under 20.


That would be scary though that he could be a father.

In the paper the other day I saw a report on how the age of fathers is getting lower. So much for all that chastity education, huh?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 8:42:12 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
I agree with those who have commented on compatability levels - we are looking for someone to add to our family permanently, someone that will eventually be married to me as our current boy is going to be married to Holly (we're hoping for sometime this summer if all goes well). 

We can't do that with someone whom we have little to nothing in common with, and we pretty much have nothing in common with anyone more than 4 years younger than me (25) or 6 years older than me (35).  We stay within that range because that is where we are most comfortable and most likely to find someone compatable for a long-term relationship.  Someone who is still in college or just entering college ... or even just graduated from college ... well, we're at totally different stages in life.  Same with someone who is in his early 40s, has children not too much younger than us and so on.  I do tend to prefer the 25-29 side of our range, but Holly prefers the 30-35 side ... so who knows where our (eventual) boy will end up falling.

Everyone has their reasons for their preferences - it's nothing personal (usually ... don't know you at all, so can't say if maybe you are doing something horribly wrong), it's just what people prefer.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 8:57:38 AM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline
It's not just dommes that have age limits.  My general rule of thumb is to stay within my own generation.  I don't have a lot in common with baby boomers, and people who are significantly younger than me don't have enough life experience to be the dominant one in a relationship with me.  So I just stick to fellow Gen X'rs.  I find that to be a reasonable, easy rule to follow.

(in reply to SweetDommes)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 9:56:11 AM   
aidan


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Joined: 5/28/2005
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In response to Tammy Jo and Lady Pact, I learned rather quickly to be polite, use your "Ma'am" and your "Miss", but when somebody makes it clear what they want to be called, respect that. My little thing to pass on to the other young new guys. ;-)

The biggest thing, as has been stated time and again, is the compatibility issue. Statistics and cultural gaps state that most younger people won't have as much in common with people who are older. There's plenty of exceptions, though. Myself, I've always been friends with older folks. I've always played with more mature Dominants (see? *giggles*). I just generally have more in common and converse more easily with folks older than me. But not everybody's like that, and that's understandable.

More important than finding somebody who is your age, or older, or younger, is finding somebody you match with. That's my view, at least, and for some people those things are important. So...I kinda just circled around there, I guess.

I'm gonna go make a sandwich and come back later. :-p


_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 10:04:37 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
Always best to err on the side of caution.  There's good advice in always using a tone of respect.  That is one thing that is commonly missed by less experienced submissives.
 
Oh, and aidan, glad to see you pick up quickly.  Nice to know you have some areas of interests for conversation.  So, where were you when Challenger exploded? 
 
BTW, caught you looking.... but you forgot to say hi.  It must have been a really important sandwich. 

(in reply to aidan)
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RE: Question about age - 6/19/2007 10:14:47 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan

In response to Tammy Jo and Lady Pact, I learned rather quickly to be polite, use your "Ma'am" and your "Miss", but when somebody makes it clear what they want to be called, respect that. My little thing to pass on to the other young new guys. ;-)

The biggest thing, as has been stated time and again, is the compatibility issue. Statistics and cultural gaps state that most younger people won't have as much in common with people who are older. There's plenty of exceptions, though. Myself, I've always been friends with older folks. I've always played with more mature Dominants (see? *giggles*). I just generally have more in common and converse more easily with folks older than me. But not everybody's like that, and that's understandable.

More important than finding somebody who is your age, or older, or younger, is finding somebody you match with. That's my view, at least, and for some people those things are important. So...I kinda just circled around there, I guess.

I'm gonna go make a sandwich and come back later. :-p



Definitely which is why in the series of questions in my profile age is merely one of them though it is an important one.

Of course one can be friends with someone whom you don't want to scene with or have a Ds relationship with.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to aidan)
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