Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (Full Version)

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WhiplashSmile -> Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 1:52:22 PM)

Hey Gang,

A series of recent events got me to thinking about this subject.  Some of us are out there looking for the perfect slave/submissive, but how many of us are prepared with a set of rules?  Sure, we are going through checking for how compatible are, seeing if our mutal needs are in check.  Looking at the physical and mental aspect attractions.  However, who has a general set of rules already sitting in a Word Doc format for one to follow should everything go click bang boom!  At least something that can be revised updated and modified with a day or two? 

Some interesting food for thought here, I thought I'd toss out for everybody to consume.   What if the ultimate slave girlie girl just falls out of the sky and lands in your lap and submits with 2.5 days flat?  Well that's a bit of an exaggeration, I'm certain this does happen though. 

I'm interested in knowing how many out there actually use a printed set of rules, just wing it making one rule after another.  Kinda interested in knowing and hearing how many Masters are prepared in advanced regarding this one?  Perhaps even some of the Doms that have not had a slave or been in a TPE relationship for awhile. 

I hope this thread inspires a little thought.  Perhaps make a few Say HOLY Crap..that this is or is not a good point or subject to think and talk about.

How many are not prepared for something quick to go down, because they have had a focus upon spending time getting to know somebody first, then bothering with these things as required/needed?

Please excuse my thought process, call this becoming adjusted to being back on the market after two long term relationships in the last 12 years.  Those were D/s Partial Power Exchange level ones.   It's been awhile since my last TPE M/s.. and even then.. I took me a few days of hard work drafting rules...  that relationship had came and happened rather quickly.      

Am I the only under prepared Boy Scout around this joint or not? 

Sure I know how to assert myself on a day to day level, and I can flog somebody's ass too!  Even how to dish out corner time, writting assignments, and take and give privelages.  I'm not fully prepared with a set of rules to pull out make modifications and post on the fridge yet!   Solid M/s foundational type of stuff.

Ok gang, now you can devour me for not being properly prepared! Hope this gets a few other people to wake up and smell the same coffee brewing that I do now.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:00:48 PM)

Just because one doesn't have a list of rules in hand doesn't mean they won't be able to very well handle a surprise situation if it comes upon them.

It might have taken my stupid ass 10 months to figure out how awesome my partner was, but it was an overnight realization when it happened on my part.  Same thing when we started switching.  Before that happened, neither of us had even THOUGHT about "what if..." then BOOM, it happened.

I don't build my life based on rules- I build my life based on relationships.  It doesn't matter to me what rules are or are not in place as long as everyone is fulfilled.  A Ms relationship can exist for decades without EVER having a solid list or "This is how it is"  In fact I tend to find that the relationships which cling to lists of rules most end up having the most trouble just being happy together.



Tenchi -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:06:19 PM)

You would find yourself hard pressed to do anything in life by just a list let alone something as life altering as taking on a sub. take the logic one step farther if a sub fell out of the sky and wanted to submit but failed to meet one thing you wanted, would you bend alittle or would it be hit the road? if you would bend your probably just accepting things as they come.




charismagirrl -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:12:26 PM)

my Daddy doesn't have a list of rules at all but there have been rules made as we go....simple things that i am not to say anymore or do anymore (the other night this came up when i opened a bottle of soda that had been dropped and it exploded all over me when we were getting ready to go into a swing club...he said that i seem to do much better when something is made into a rule...so now that is a rule LOL "Don't open the shaken soda"..."Don't touch the hot skewers off the grill" Silly little things.

On a more serious note would be that if something i see or think or feel bothers me i have 24 hours to bring it up or hold my tongue and get over it Of course, talking about it is better than swallowing it.

The remainder is basically he lets me go and watches what i do, if it needs tweaking he tells me or he just gives me positive reinforcement or doesn't say anything, in which case i know i am doing it well enough or he would say otherwise.





slaverosebeauty -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:15:21 PM)

In the past I have recieved a written set of rules {I still have a few of them}, on more than a few occassions, it was kinda nice having those things in black and white, some negoitation was done for whatever reason, otherwise, its was how it worked.
 
Right now, MJ an I have a few 'rules' nothing written down, more things that we have talked about and how our M/s relationship works. Will there be a physical set of rules, I don't know. If we get to that 'place' I know it will be done with care and with negoitation where necessary.
 
I think a 'basic' set of rules whether they be based on common sence or whatever, is a good idea, it means no 'surprises'.



MzMia -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:20:03 PM)

I have a webpage that I created 3 years ago, that spells out what I seek and
my expectations.
I also require a letter of introduction, in which the "potential" has to answer a
series of questions, before we go any further.
I am prepared to lay down the law![;)]



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:25:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tenchi
You would find yourself hard pressed to do anything in life by just a list let alone something as life altering as taking on a sub. take the logic one step farther if a sub fell out of the sky and wanted to submit but failed to meet one thing you wanted, would you bend alittle or would it be hit the road? if you would bend your probably just accepting things as they come.

My last two relationships, I've more less done as what LA posted about.  One day at time.. working things out and establishing expectations.  This is a bit of a dynamic thing, at least from most of my relationships.   However, how many people are prepared for a slave to ask "Master, where is my list of rules you wish for me to follow?".

If a sub/slave does not live up to the rules, it's by no means an excuse to tell them to hit the road.  It actually is a framework to follow, if something occurs sure there's some room to make modifcation to the rules.  I realize some people are screaming micromanagement here, but some slaves/sub desire this and without it they feel like something is missing in their lives.   Hence, where these Rules are looked upon or viewed in favorable light not bad.

Lists are general guidelines to follow, and should never be the BE ALL END ALL to everything.   However, rules play an important part of many people's lives.  We have laws on the books, most businesses have employ rules and guidelines,  Our lives are surrounded by lists of written rules.  Why, do people get creeped out when it comes to coming up with a list for a Master slave relationship?  At least a basic set of rules.

Same thing has giving children verbal rules to follow. Rules being established often on a as needed basis.  Same thing with to do lists?  Doing things in a set routine and manner so that there is structure in a household.  I'm not taking about taking it to the point of being a Nazi about it.   I think some of these things have gotten a bad rap at times.  What's wrong with rules, structure and establishing a set routine, laying out clear expectations?  Fortunately the last 2 relationships I've been in me and my parterners were of the like mindset when it came down to doing things. Easy to work out routines and expectations too.  So I can fully understand what LA just posted here in the thread.   



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:27:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

In the past I have recieved a written set of rules {I still have a few of them}, on more than a few occassions, it was kinda nice having those things in black and white, some negoitation was done for whatever reason, otherwise, its was how it worked.
 
Right now, MJ an I have a few 'rules' nothing written down, more things that we have talked about and how our M/s relationship works. Will there be a physical set of rules, I don't know. If we get to that 'place' I know it will be done with care and with negoitation where necessary.
 
I think a 'basic' set of rules whether they be based on common sence or whatever, is a good idea, it means no 'surprises'.

Yes, exactly!!!!! Thank you. ;^)



gypsygrl -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:30:37 PM)

I like rules.  I like to have them in writing especially at the beginning.  They give me an idea of the other person's priorities and show me that he's put a bit of thought into this whole enterprise.  They also give me a concrete idea of expectations.





gypsygrl -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:32:31 PM)

quote:

I think a 'basic' set of rules whether they be based on common sence or whatever, is a good idea, it means no 'surprises'.


Yeah, yeah. The  'no surprises' is important.  I like the idea of a contract for the same reason. 



slaverosebeauty -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:32:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty
In the past I have recieved a written set of rules {I still have a few of them}, on more than a few occassions, it was kinda nice having those things in black and white, some negoitation was done for whatever reason, otherwise, its was how it worked.
 
Right now, MJ an I have a few 'rules' nothing written down, more things that we have talked about and how our M/s relationship works. Will there be a physical set of rules, I don't know. If we get to that 'place' I know it will be done with care and with negoitation where necessary.
 
I think a 'basic' set of rules whether they be based on common sence or whatever, is a good idea, it means no 'surprises'.

Yes, exactly!!!!! Thank you. ;^)


You are very welcome WhiplashSmile. [:)]
 
 
Besides, rules, and protocol are intoxicating to me. Its like a drug. I thrive on them an I grow, I love it. So having a few 'basic' rules is relaxing and enjoyable, I may ask for more [I have, He has given a few more since I asked], yet I do leave it up up to the person I am with. MJ is taking it slow, once we get more time together He said He will 'add more' until then, only a few are needed.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:38:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
  However, how many people are prepared for a slave to ask "Master, where is my list of rules you wish for me to follow?".

Oh sure, I'm ready for that.

Answer:  You'll get rules as I desire to give them to you.  I will change your rules as I desire to change them for you.  If you aren't able to adapt and be happy in that situation, then I'm not the one for you. 

I've nothing against rules or lists of rules- they just don't work for me or how I see my life working.  I'm moderately OCD- if I don't eat/sleep regularly, I get migraines.  You don't want to see the look of anxiety my partner gets when I haven't eaten by noon.  I totally understand the importance of routines and stability and how many people need rituals and rules and boxes in order to feel safe in the big wide unknown world.

I simply don't see a reason to have a pre-fab list with no flexibility, and really haven't needed a rules list at all to be happy in my life.



MzMia -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:38:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

I like rules.  I like to have them in writing especially at the beginning.  They give me an idea of the other person's priorities and show me that he's put a bit of thought into this whole enterprise.  They also give me a concrete idea of expectations.



{{Hugs gypsygrl}}, I like rules also.
At work, at home and in life.....rules, guidelines, expectations, requirements, whatever you want to call them.
Especially when they are straight forward, simple and easy to understand.
We then don't need to worry about "mixed messages", gray areas or fucking confusion, misunderstandings and miscommunication.
Rules/expectations and requirements make life much easier for ME.



tricia -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:50:19 PM)

I've said on another thread that i have only one rule - obey.
 
This being said, i'm not sure a generic set of rules drawn up before a relationship even occurs could work.  At least not for me.  Shouldn't a list of any kind be tailored to fit your own unique relationship?
 
Having to reference a contract agreement or a rule listed on a piece of paper would negate our dynamic, i think.



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:50:48 PM)

I believe i would like some structure...giving up control is a huge turn on for me so i think i would thrive with some rules...however, i am also just as happy serving my Master the way  He wants me to now...The bottom line for me is, no matter if i have no rules or many..i feel Masters control...and its hot....The rules would just be an added hottness....



kyraofMists -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:50:59 PM)

When I asked him what a day in the life as his slave would be like, he had Alandra send me an email with her perspective and then sent me several Word documents that he had written with what M/s was to him, his expectations of his slave and their priority.

At the moment, I am in the middle of putting all our standing orders and protocols in one document.  I am taking all the verbal instructions and expectations that have been given to Alandra and I throughout the years and putting them on paper.  Some things he is getting rid of as no longer necessary and he is adding things that please him to other areas.

We enjoy it, though I know that it is not for everyone.

Knight's Kyra



littlesarbonn -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 2:58:59 PM)

Many relationships I've seen failed, or failed within myself, have failed because there was an expectation of rules and control that never came. If the relationship moves forward enough, often the dominant party has no idea that there's actually something wrong. Communication isn't always that successful either because often the submissive is concerned about upsetting the dominant and ruining what could be a good thing, even though it's not moving towards the good thing the submissive desires. I see a lot of submissives walking away from relationships that looked like they were going to be that much more powerful because the relationship never really went there.



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 3:10:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

Many relationships I've seen failed, or failed within myself, have failed because there was an expectation of rules and control that never came. If the relationship moves forward enough, often the dominant party has no idea that there's actually something wrong. Communication isn't always that successful either because often the submissive is concerned about upsetting the dominant and ruining what could be a good thing, even though it's not moving towards the good thing the submissive desires. I see a lot of submissives walking away from relationships that looked like they were going to be that much more powerful because the relationship never really went there.

Hmmm this is a very interesting point and observation...I can see how that could happen...



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 3:18:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: charismagirrl
my Daddy doesn't have a list of rules at all but there have been rules made as we go....simple things that i am not to say anymore or do anymore (the other night this came up when i opened a bottle of soda that had been dropped and it exploded all over me when we were getting ready to go into a swing club...he said that i seem to do much better when something is made into a rule...so now that is a rule LOL "Don't open the shaken soda"..."Don't touch the hot skewers off the grill" Silly little things.


Oh charismagirrl, thanks for sharing the soda bottle story!  It just gave me flashbacks to my first 24/7 D/s relationship... She tried to baking a cherry pie, and had removed the tin from the pie, placed it on a rack and inserted into hot oven!!!!  I came home to a smoking molten mess!  Needless to say, RTFI (read the fucking instrustions) became a new household rule.  She had this habit for not wanting to read things.  I was totally amazed that I needed to lay down such as rule.  It only happened after I asked if she read all the instructions on box, that's when she confessed to scan reading.  OH well she at least got the oven tempertare set at the right level.  Nothing a little Easy-Off, Airing out the house and air freshner could'nt fix.  LOL.... 

quote:


On a more serious note would be that if something i see or think or feel bothers me i have 24 hours to bring it up or hold my tongue and get over it Of course, talking about it is better than swallowing it.

Excellent point, I tend to stress dealing with these things going to bed.  At least if it's an issue that involves angry emotions or stress that can trash a good nights sleep.  I can see the logic in the 24 hour limit, because it gives you time to sleep on it.  The point is that it forces you to either express it or simply drop it.  No need holding into something eating inside you for weeks on end to have it blow up later down the road.  It's a heavy weight that can eat at any type of relationship.   

quote:


The remainder is basically he lets me go and watches what i do, if it needs tweaking he tells me or he just gives me positive reinforcement or doesn't say anything, in which case i know i am doing it well enough or he would say otherwise.

Hip Hip Huray! you lucky girl.



adoracat -> RE: Are you prepared to lay down the Law or not. (6/19/2007 3:20:03 PM)

Sir and i just went through this a week or so ago.  he trusts me to do the right thing, so i've had very few rules laid down for me.  however, right now my stress levels are out of whack, and what i need is *more* control on his part, and not less.  once he understood my needs, he implimented a few more rules for me to follow, and that sense of order has helped me immensely in my feeling of being loved and cared for.

i think perhaps it is up to each D/s relationship to negotiate their own way.  as i told Sir today, i'd much rather come to him and ask him for something directly (attention, scene, affection, whatever) and let him make a decision knowing that i've gotten the nerve up to tell him what i need than to be bratty, or try to top from the bottom, or whatever.  i want an honest relationship, and because that's what i give, its what i recieve also.

kitten, who is heat-stressed



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