RE: Respect in D/s

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becca333 -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 12:02:08 AM)
On any site you'll find the same range, from polite and friendly to abrasive and selfcentred. It's not confined to this site, or BDSM. Maybe you expect subs to be less assertive, so it's more confronting. And don't forget, some subs are probably typing with a pencil held between their teeth while hogtied, so they really don't have the time to waste on social niceties.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 12:16:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: annare i've already prepared myself for some nasty posts in reply to this thread but, after having spent several days reading through these forums and responding to a few, something that has always urked me has worked its way to the surface and i just needed to say something. i wonder where in the subby training manual that evidently i never received it says that once a submissive is collared, she has the right to say anything she pleases without regard or respect for O/others. Maybe i'm a strange one... but, isn't it possible to voice a difference in opinion without verbally abusing people and making yourself look like a complete brat? i realize that once a sub/slave is owned, technically the only One she has to please is her Dom/Master but, what happened to common courtesy and respect? Am i the only one that feels this way? Is it completely out of character? Hence where a slave is a reflection of the owner. Not everybody here is into high TPE levels as well. It's a diverse crowd in BDSM world. But what the hell there are a lot of Doms, Subs, slaves and switches that don't have "common courtesy".. it just takes all kinds of people that make this world the interesting place that it is.

farieanne -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 2:56:32 AM)
*Hi,* i try to be respectful to everyone rather D/type or /s type. my Master feels, and i happen to agree with Him, that a sub/slave is a reflection of his/her Owner/Dom. i think if i was disrespectful i would be punished. No offence meant but it would probably be more sever if it were to a Dom. It's not that they are better than a sub/slave but it's like showing respect to an elder. Or is that taught any more? Just my opinion.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 3:08:23 AM)
To nobody in particular, Fuck "respect" which isn't the same as saying embrace rudeness. I don't want respect when I post, I want people to give me honest answers, call me on my shit, question me, root around for issues, etc. Now, if I get any respect at all I want it to be because the frank and honest responses I post and the questions I ask stand on their own. Now there is a difference between pointing something out to someone and being mean and nasty. But truth is something few want to hear, shattering people's illusions is rarely something pleasant. Bottom line if people want comfort, if they want the online equivalent of a hug, they shouldn't be posting in the discussion sections...

MasterBRD -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 3:19:46 AM)
No...I don't think you are the only one that feels this way, or that you are out of character. As a matter of fact I think you are right on the money. I own two slaves and they both know that by wearing my collar they represent me. Their demeanor and behavior are a reflection of my training and they are expected to treat ALL people, Dom or sub, with the common courtesy and respect they deserve. Does this mean that they have no right to voice their opinion...no. But they understand that when they do feel the need to speak their mind they must do so in a polite manner.

julietsierra -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 3:47:14 AM)
Well now here's the thing. If I feel I'm being respectful and you feel I am not, just who is right? Our ideas as to what constitutes "respectful" may differ greatly and so, when I post what I believe is my idea/viewpoint about something, it just may violate what your idea/viewpoint is, both in content and in how it's presented. When I post in this and other forums, I am posting my views. If they are my Master's views I state that they are. However, if they are mine, then I post them as I see fit. I am much more interested in getting what I'm trying to say into some sort of readable and understandable format than I am in whether you or anyone else has hurt feelings because of what I'm saying. That said, I don't go out of my way to say things that are intentionally hurtful, but I do say what I think. As to being a reflection of my Master, well... my Master enjoys that I am an intelligent, thinking woman. He stands solidly by a creed of "say what you mean, mean what you say" and if I am to be a reflection of him and all he stands for, then that's what I'll do. And if that offends you or anyone else, then honestly, there is some responsibility here for you to take charge of your emotions and responses. By this I mean, you have a choice. Read for content or read with your feelings on your sleeve, because quite simply, I don't know you or anyone else that's posting and so, I'm not writing in order to attack - even if my viewpoint is in opposition to yours. As far as deference to a dominant verses a submissive, here in these forums, I focus on ideas. I really don't care if the person voicing their idea is a dominant or a submissive. I don't care if the person is Gorean or into bondage or SM or anything else. It's about the ideas here and frankly, dominant or submissive, my ideas have just as much validity as anyone else's - even if the other person expressing his or her idea is a dominant. If I were a dominant, hearing "Yes Sir, Yes Sir, Yes Sir" might be flattering, but in the discussion of ideas and points of view, someone simply deferring to me would be insulting to say the least. And conversely, as a submissive, what's insulting is to have my points of view discarded and/or denigrated simply because I'm a submissive. First and foremost, I am a thinking woman who spends perhaps an inordinate amount of time contemplating this life and how I live it. As such, as I've already said, my points of view have just as much validity as anyone else who happens to call him or herself a dominant. And because of my belief in that, my posts may seem to some to not be very respectful because I do not defer when it comes to ideas. If I believe I'm wrong, I'll admit to being wrong, but if I believe I'm right, I'll stand by what I say, even if someone believes that to do so would be somehow disrespectful. Beyond that, I'd suggest that when reading these forums, take what works for you and leave the rest. juliet

SimplyMichael -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 3:59:44 AM)
Juliet, Somebody is a very lucky man!

jssubc -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 4:49:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav Common courtesy will continue on, despite peoples best efforts to quell it with their, "i have a right to say whatever i want!" to try and justify their rudeness. Absolutely agree! i often wonder as to the "tone" of some posts and the vehemence of the wording. Surely there are civilized ways to disagree without going into attack mode. Though it seems that is the trend of society in general now.

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 4:59:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: annare quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire It is a phenomenon not limited to just submissives. Whether it bothers you more coming from them than from Domiants becasue you feel a Dom has the right to speak that way where a sub shouldnt maybe... I cant say. Some people are very rough in the their communication. Some are easily misunderstood and others forget that sarcasm doesnt always come across quite well online unless the others reading it understand it was meant to be sarcastic. Sometimes, people do mean to be rude. There are a lot of personal rivalries that show up on the forums. We arent all privy to who loves/hates who and it looks just plain disrespectful. I wouldnt worry too much about it, and dont let it bother you. Concern yourself with how you speak, and let other speak as they will. You'll never change others, just learn to accept, and possibly ignore. Well put, Ma'am. i don't really concern myself much with O/others actions which i suppose didn't come across well in my original post. i was more trying to voice something that i have noticed and i wasn't sure if it was a concern to O/others. i do my best to be respectful in my actions as i realize anything i do or say reflects upon my Master and i would never want to give Him cause for embarrassment. You'll never control the behavior of others, and although you say their behavior doesn't concern you, I see something else. Perhaps, you're measuring others with your own yardstick as there are some Dominants who prefer their submissives to act as they do, regardless of the opinion of others. Respect is a subjective thing ~ as is obedience and patience. Fortunately, there is no "submissive's manual" to hand out because most of us desire different qualities in our submissives. For me, I require mine to be "respectful" to myself and others as she is my mirror -image. If she is at issue with another I will do one of three things: I will directly and privately communicate with the Dominant, my, in the case of issue with a collared submissive; With my input beforehand, I will allow my submissive to take issue with an uncollared submissive in a private arena, only; or decide that the issue is not worth the effort, at least at this time. That's just my way of doing things, but it doesnt mean that if others choose to handle their affairs differently, they are any less of any more respectful than I or my submissive are. Wishing the Best, LBO

slaveish -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 5:12:34 AM)
The problem with communication in this medium is that one does not have benefit of tone of voice or body language. Posts that are matter-of-fact, or posts that may seem rude may not be anything more than the way the poster typically speaks. Spoken language has many subtleties that are not available here. Also, since it is impossible to know personalities just from a message board, someone who posts cannot modify his or her language or method of communication to his or her audience. We must all post what makes sense to ourselves, and we hold others up to our own standards of what is good communication. Let's take LA, for example. I have read her posts for a long time, and the way in which she communicates is indicative of a higly intelligent person who doesn't feel the need to bathe her thoughts in sugar. She expects others to come ~up~ to her level of thinking instead of sinking down to a lower common denominator. She has been attacked for being bitchy, snotty, abusive, etc. (etc. etc. etc.) but isn't it better to be open and honest in one's communications than it is to receive false compliments or meaningless warm fuzzies? It is better, I believe, to be true to one's self than to try to placate everyone else. When anyone gives an opinion that flies in the face of popularity, you can be pretty sure this person would not lead you astray or lie to you to "make you feel better." In one-on-one communication, we can all temper our communication styles to fit the individual. On the board, in a general busy hubbub, we say what we have to say, and don't really apologize if it strikes a nerve. We post as we feel, we post what we think to be true. No harm intended. ~shrug~ (This is not to say that there aren't a few on the boards who don't post for reaction value.)

Poldark -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 5:14:13 AM)
I think respect should be shown to every poster whether sub, Dom, switch or whatever, however sometimes a simple difference of opinion can get way out of hand. It is really easy to take a wrong interpretation at times when reading these posts, often our own outlook colours them coupled with a lack of ability to view the other persons expressions, body language etc. I don't believe it is limited to BDSM, try joining a school or club committee sometime :) Reminds me of a story I heard a while ago, it went something like this: A traveller arrived at the gates of a city and asked an old man sitting there what the people of the city were like. What were they like where you came from? he asked the traveller. They were a bunch of thieving lowlifes was the reply. You'll find them the same here said the old man. Another traveller arrived at the gates and asked the old man what the people of the city were like. What were they like where you came from? he asked. They were a loving, friendly and happy group was the reply. You'll find them the same here said the old man. My 2 cents worth.

Usako -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 6:07:17 AM)
Respect is earned. I don't care who I'm talking to, if they don't deserve my respect then they won't get it. I'll talk the way I feel, such is life.

juliaoceania -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 6:15:30 AM)
quote: It seems i may have poorly worded my concerns if i gave you the impression that i take O/others actions personally because i do not. i'm not self-centered enough to believe that everything i read is directed at me. i am also not trying to "garner support", i am merely voicing an opinion, as you have so elloquently done here, which is what i believed these forums were for. i do find it strange, however, that someone who declares they don't choose to decide what O/others behavior should or should not be is so quick to judge someone who is merely voicing their opinion. i guess you said it all with have a nice day. I see this post as rude, dismissive.. it may not be, but I saw it as such... that is the trouble.... we tend to view things from our own perspective no matter the reality of it all... There is really only one person that needs to read my post and find them respectful. If I tried to be viewed as respectful to the entire world and how they think I should voice my opinion (in essense letting them dominate me in how they believe I should express myself), I would not come here. I was not born to submit to everyone on CM. Now you can have a nice day, take that as respectful or dismissive, actually, just take it in the same spirit you said it to CrouchingTigress... only you know how you meant it... get my point?[;)]

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 6:15:56 AM)
People online whether it be a submissive or dominant act anyway they want as in the same way vanilla people do. I have not noticed a difference in how a collared submissive and how and uncollared one acts online. People have a right to say how they feel, just as much as you do. Yes some are rude but why let it bother you, these are online strangers to most of us. I ignore the same ones that are always rude and nasty, they just are not worth the trouble of getting upset over it.

LadyIce -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 6:20:07 AM)
I do not see where she said it bothered her, in fact she said several times it does not bother her. She feels as I do, that the way you behave online is a reflection of who you really are. I don't know why so many can't understand her point. I also agree with her, there are many I dismiss because I don't like the way they conduct themselves on line.

velvetears -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 6:21:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: annare i wonder where in the subby training manual that evidently i never received it says that once a submissive is collared, she has the right to say anything she pleases without regard or respect for O/others. quote: velvetears i don't understand the reference to being collared giving a submissive more license to be disrespectful, that doesn't make much sense to me. i would think it would be just the opposite - you would or could be more disrespectful if you were not collared. Personally being collared or not, to me, would not be the difference in how i conducted myself in regards to being respectful, maybe others feel differently, i am sure some do. Maybe i'm a strange one... but, isn't it possible to voice a difference in opinion without verbally abusing people and making yourself look like a complete brat? i realize that once a sub/slave is owned, technically the only One she has to please is her Dom/Master but, what happened to common courtesy and respect? Am i the only one that feels this way? Is it completely out of character? quote: velvetears What you are talking about are personality traits "people" have - some of those people are doms, some are subs, the identification of either title won't make someone more of anything - ie respectful. Maybe some dominants don't really take issue with their subs being agressive and vocal, or even being disrespectful, maybe there are bigger fish to fry then worry how your sub is sounding to people on a message board? i do agree many are discourteous, disrespectful, argumentative, confrontational, judgmental etc and that probably 90% would not say the things they do online in real time, sitting behind a screen in anonymity gives some more courage - maybe this is their way to come out of their shell in a way they can't real time? So many possibilities as to why people act online the way they do. i like to live by - give respect where respect is due.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 6:24:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: annare i've already prepared myself for some nasty posts in reply to this thread but, after having spent several days reading through these forums and responding to a few, something that has always urked me has worked its way to the surface and i just needed to say something. i wonder where in the subby training manual that evidently i never received it says that once a submissive is collared, she has the right to say anything she pleases without regard or respect for O/others. Maybe i'm a strange one... but, isn't it possible to voice a difference in opinion without verbally abusing people and making yourself look like a complete brat? i realize that once a sub/slave is owned, technically the only One she has to please is her Dom/Master but, what happened to common courtesy and respect? Am i the only one that feels this way? Is it completely out of character? The part I have highlighted says bother to me. That is my interpretation and many others interpret as that way. In reply to LadyIce

juliaoceania -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 6:26:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyIce I do not see where she said it bothered her, in fact she said several times it does not bother her. She feels as I do, that the way you behave online is a reflection of who you really are. I don't know why so many can't understand her point. I also agree with her, there are many I dismiss because I don't like the way they conduct themselves on line. I absolutely agree with that, who you should represent how you are in real life. The problem is when one lets others define them instead of defining themselves. I see rude people on a daily basis in the real world. I work with the public.. I tend to concentrate on those who teach their kids manners, are respectful, say "please " and "thank you". One can always find a reason to be offended in this world, the challenge is finding a reason not to be. I prefer not to be offended, which I endeavor to do daily.. still practicing that skill. So while the OP makes her point about all the disrespect she witnesses, how about noting all the humor, the support people give here, the good advice? Why just concentrate on something negative that seperates "collared" from "uncollared"... I am not collared, and a lot of people question how respectful I am... But as per usual, if I let them matter my Daddy is the one that would not like that, he does not want you all in my head and for me to worry about your opinions of me.

LadyIce -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 6:26:34 AM)
It urks me too, don't we have a right to say how we feel? Some of us find it odd, thats all. I am not going to debate this.

cjenny -> RE: Respect in D/s (6/22/2007 6:28:44 AM)
Irk. Yup it used to really bother me, I am not a person used to snide remarks and casual rudeness. It still bugs me to a degree but it is not something I can change in others, I can only change how I react to it.

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