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Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 8:40:11 PM   
annare


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline 		i've already prepared myself for some nasty posts in reply to this thread but, after having spent several days reading through these forums and responding to a few, something that has always urked me has worked its way to the surface and i just needed to say something.

i wonder where in the subby training manual that evidently i never received it says that once a submissive is collared, she has the right to say anything she pleases without regard or respect for O/others. Maybe i'm a strange one... but, isn't it possible to voice a difference in opinion without verbally abusing people and making yourself look like a complete brat? i realize that once a sub/slave is owned, technically the only One she has to please is her Dom/Master but, what happened to common courtesy and respect? Am i the only one that feels this way? Is it completely out of character?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 8:44:03 PM   
Viciousbabe


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		Often times online people read the words the way they want to interpret them...so I ask, are you assumming the person is meaning to be rude?

I have seen several of the 'regulars' on here who know eachother well and playfully bash eachother. I've also seen people ask why some one was attacking them when the individual didn't mean anything by it...just some thoughts.

(in reply to annare)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 8:46:02 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		Not being snarky, just curious: Why have you limited "common courtesy" to submissives ? 

                                                    mbmbn

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to annare)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 8:49:40 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Don't expect people in Ds to be any different than anyone else.  Being a slave, or being an owned slave, doesn't make a person any more or less likely to be respectful or mannerful or nice.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to maybemaybenot)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 8:51:19 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		It is a phenomenon not limited to just submissives. Whether it bothers you more coming from them than from Domiants becasue you feel a Dom has the right to speak that way where a sub shouldnt maybe... I cant say.
Some people are very rough in the their communication. Some are easily misunderstood and others forget that sarcasm doesnt always come across quite well online unless the others reading it understand it was meant to be sarcastic. Sometimes, people do mean to be rude.  There are a lot of personal rivalries that show up on the forums. We arent all privy to who loves/hates who and it looks just plain disrespectful. I wouldnt worry too much about it, and dont let it bother you.  Concern yourself with how you speak, and let other speak as they will.  You'll never change others, just learn to accept, and possibly ignore.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to maybemaybenot)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 8:57:05 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I am better behaved because of my Daddy, and I respect those who respect me... I find it very odd that you would expect "respect" to be demonstrated by anyone if you mean being deferential to other dominants on this board.. I respect my Daddy, and I try to have common courtesy for everyone, although some people think a difference of opinion is being disrespectful... my Daddy well tells me if I cross any lines.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to annare)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 9:11:46 PM   
annare


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Viciousbabe
Often times online people read the words the way they want to interpret them...so I ask, are you assumming the person is meaning to be rude?

I have seen several of the 'regulars' on here who know eachother well and playfully bash eachother. I've also seen people ask why some one was attacking them when the individual didn't mean anything by it...just some thoughts.


Although i realize its often difficult to distinguish between playful bashing and actual rudeness, i have a tendency to over-analyze things and i'm usually very careful about making any accusations that are unfounded. i have seen those here that are very respectful in their disagreements and don't make such a disagreement a source of contention. i think that as submissives we should want to build each other up not tear one another down. i suppose one of the things i'm most frustrated with is the way that submissives often address Dominants when they disaprove of something that has been said. As if Them expressing Their opinion is somehow a personal attack on their own lifestyle.  

quote:

ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot
Not being snarky, just curious: Why have you limited "common courtesy" to submissives ?


i have a tendency to refrain from issuing comments on Dominant's behavior... i realize that it's silly but, i don't beleive its my place to comment on Their actions. Perhaps its my Gorean background but, i was always trained that a slave is to be respectful to all Dominants, not necessarily to submit to Them for obvious reasons but, always to be respectful.

(in reply to Viciousbabe)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 9:14:22 PM   
annare


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Don't expect people in Ds to be any different than anyone else.  Being a slave, or being an owned slave, doesn't make a person any more or less likely to be respectful or mannerful or nice.


Very well stated, LA

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 9:17:35 PM   
annare


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire
It is a phenomenon not limited to just submissives. Whether it bothers you more coming from them than from Domiants becasue you feel a Dom has the right to speak that way where a sub shouldnt maybe... I cant say.
Some people are very rough in the their communication. Some are easily misunderstood and others forget that sarcasm doesnt always come across quite well online unless the others reading it understand it was meant to be sarcastic. Sometimes, people do mean to be rude.  There are a lot of personal rivalries that show up on the forums. We arent all privy to who loves/hates who and it looks just plain disrespectful. I wouldnt worry too much about it, and dont let it bother you.  Concern yourself with how you speak, and let other speak as they will.  You'll never change others, just learn to accept, and possibly ignore.


Well put, Ma'am. i don't really concern myself much with O/others actions which i suppose didn't come across well in my original post. i was more trying to voice something that i have noticed and i wasn't sure if it was a concern to O/others. i do my best to be respectful in my actions as i realize anything i do or say reflects upon my Master and i would never want to give Him cause for embarrassment.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 9:19:22 PM   
plushiecat


Posts: 109
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline 		Respect is one of those words that is quite often bantered about in the realms of BDSM.  What bugs me in many cases is that it seems it's most often the submissives that are being told to 'be respectful'.  A few queries that come to mind are: What is being defined as 'respect'?  Is respect found in the use of titles?  If that is the case, are the doms being less respectful to a submissive because he's not using a title?  On the flip side, why must someone who identifies as 'submissive' have to call some random person by a title merely because that person states he's 'a dom'?  I guess I've never placed much creedence in assumed titles or roles, and to me, no one gets a title unless he's my dom.  All others get treated with the same baseline of respect--and I let the other person change where that level goes.

I do agree that discourtesy is found in humans in general--sub/dom/vanilla/whatever. And no, simply a difference of opinion isn't respectful.  However, how you state or share that difference might be.  As has been stated, it can be difficult to tell what is true sarcasm on a post versus what is playful banter.  I find when it is the latter sort, a somewhat liberal scattering of smileys can help. :)

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 9:24:15 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: annare

i've already prepared myself for some nasty posts in reply to this thread but, after having spent several days reading through these forums and responding to a few, something that has always urked me has worked its way to the surface and i just needed to say something.

i wonder where in the subby training manual that evidently i never received it says that once a submissive is collared, she has the right to say anything she pleases without regard or respect for O/others. Maybe i'm a strange one... but, isn't it possible to voice a difference in opinion without verbally abusing people and making yourself look like a complete brat? i realize that once a sub/slave is owned, technically the only One she has to please is her Dom/Master but, what happened to common courtesy and respect? Am i the only one that feels this way? Is it completely out of character?


Wonderful post! I totally agree, you have some submissive's here that literally scare me.
I see absolutely nothing submissive about some of them {mainly males}, but then many
people are only submissive with the right person or in the bedroom! hahaha
It does indeed take all kinds, and you will see that here!
**Let me add, you may have a submissive heart, is it who and what you are**
Many here only have that capability when it suits them or is required of them.
It could be who you really are, many here are situationally submissive at best.
Peace


< Message edited by MzMia -- 6/21/2007 9:28:15 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to annare)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 9:36:53 PM   
annare


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I am better behaved because of my Daddy, and I respect those who respect me... I find it very odd that you would expect "respect" to be demonstrated by anyone if you mean being deferential to other dominants on this board.. I respect my Daddy, and I try to have common courtesy for everyone, although some people think a difference of opinion is being disrespectful... my Daddy well tells me if I cross any lines.

 
i found the following definition on Wikipedia for Respect:
Respect... enables people to work together in a complimentary fashion, instead of each person having to understand or even agree with every detail of another's method.
i guess i find it easier to operate in the lifestyle when i issue respect first until interraction with a P/person proves it is not warranted. i know its backwards from where O/others tend to start... but its kept me out of trouble and even earned me some friends.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 9:36:53 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		we interpret the world through out own filters.....for example there are several ways that some one could mean : have a nice day.

it could be dismissive
it could mean shut up and fu*k off
it could mean yeah right
and it could mean have a really great day

with out emoticons, or knowing the person or any frame of reference, you are left with your own filter on how to interpret what has been typed.

if you have low self esteem and feel the world is a grumpy place, something as innocuous as have a nice day, can feel like and insult.

i personally dont see rude submissives here, or rude dominatnts...some times i see folks that are wounded and lashing out, but i dont choose to take it personally, i dont choose to decide what thier behaviour should or should not be, nor do i choose to write a post to try to garner support for my interpretation of thier behaviour....and  you dont have to either....

have a nice day.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 9:46:30 PM   
annare


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: plushiecat

Respect is one of those words that is quite often bantered about in the realms of BDSM.  What bugs me in many cases is that it seems it's most often the submissives that are being told to 'be respectful'.  A few queries that come to mind are: What is being defined as 'respect'?  Is respect found in the use of titles?  If that is the case, are the doms being less respectful to a submissive because he's not using a title?  On the flip side, why must someone who identifies as 'submissive' have to call some random person by a title merely because that person states he's 'a dom'?  I guess I've never placed much creedence in assumed titles or roles, and to me, no one gets a title unless he's my dom.  All others get treated with the same baseline of respect--and I let the other person change where that level goes.

I do agree that discourtesy is found in humans in general--sub/dom/vanilla/whatever. And no, simply a difference of opinion isn't respectful.  However, how you state or share that difference might be.  As has been stated, it can be difficult to tell what is true sarcasm on a post versus what is playful banter.  I find when it is the latter sort, a somewhat liberal scattering of smileys can help. :)


It is more than fair to say that respect is a relative term. i suppose what i mean by respect is speaking to O/others in a way in which i would want to be spoken to myself... not necessarily with the titles although i am apt to use them... again... Gorean training... As i stated before i don't think a difference of opinion is disrespectful... on the contrary, i think differences are necessary, i do however think there is a way to voice them which doesn't insult the O/other individual. 

(in reply to plushiecat)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 9:51:26 PM   
YourShyPet


Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: plushiecat

Respect is one of those words that is quite often bantered about in the realms of BDSM.  What bugs me in many cases is that it seems it's most often the submissives that are being told to 'be respectful'.  A few queries that come to mind are: What is being defined as 'respect'?  Is respect found in the use of titles?  If that is the case, are the doms being less respectful to a submissive because he's not using a title?  On the flip side, why must someone who identifies as 'submissive' have to call some random person by a title merely because that person states he's 'a dom'?  I guess I've never placed much creedence in assumed titles or roles, and to me, no one gets a title unless he's my dom.  All others get treated with the same baseline of respect--and I let the other person change where that level goes.

I do agree that discourtesy is found in humans in general--sub/dom/vanilla/whatever. And no, simply a difference of opinion isn't respectful.  However, how you state or share that difference might be.  As has been stated, it can be difficult to tell what is true sarcasm on a post versus what is playful banter.  I find when it is the latter sort, a somewhat liberal scattering of smileys can help. :)



Hey hey plushie... hiya lady.... I'm with you on this one... On these boards, and in real life I tell it like it is concerning my opinions without sugar coatings... and if someone takes them as me being verbally abusive to them or lord forbid I'm some sort of brat... they either need to come talk to me .... or suck it up and move on... Collar or no collar yes I am free to say whatever I want to whom ever I want... the only person that I want to choose my words with is my Daddy... and that is my choice to do so.... and even then I am not restricted in what I say.... only in the way I say it... and quite often I'm allowed to speak completely blunt.

kittin

(in reply to plushiecat)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 10:37:17 PM   
annare


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
i personally dont see rude submissives here, or rude dominatnts...some times i see folks that are wounded and lashing out, but i dont choose to take it personally, i dont choose to decide what thier behaviour should or should not be, nor do i choose to write a post to try to garner support for my interpretation of thier behaviour....and  you dont have to either....
have a nice day.


It seems i may have poorly worded my concerns if i gave you the impression that i take O/others actions personally because i do not. i'm not self-centered enough to believe that everything i read is directed at me.
i am also not trying to "garner support", i am merely voicing an opinion, as you have so elloquently done here, which is what i believed these forums were for. i do find it strange, however, that someone who declares they don't choose to decide what O/others behavior should or should not be is so quick to judge someone who is merely voicing their opinion.
i guess you said it all with have a nice day.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 10:40:57 PM   
annare


Posts: 37
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourShyPet
Hey hey plushie... hiya lady.... I'm with you on this one... On these boards, and in real life I tell it like it is concerning my opinions without sugar coatings... and if someone takes them as me being verbally abusive to them or lord forbid I'm some sort of brat... they either need to come talk to me .... or suck it up and move on... Collar or no collar yes I am free to say whatever I want to whom ever I want... the only person that I want to choose my words with is my Daddy... and that is my choice to do so.... and even then I am not restricted in what I say.... only in the way I say it... and quite often I'm allowed to speak completely blunt.

As you said, its completely your rite to do and say as you please. i wasn't intending to make any attacks on anyone in particular if it came across that way. This is something that i've noticed many places, i just happened to see it here as well and was curious what O/others opinions on the matter were. Thank you for your comments.

(in reply to YourShyPet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 11:14:59 PM   
octavia


Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		If you want a friendlier board, post friendly posts.  These boards are a community just like any other and communities take on personalities based and created by the members that are part of them.  If you are unhappy with what you see in the personality of these boards, you can effect change.  That is the beauty of community.  All members have an opportunity to influence the atmosphere. 

Honestly, Fault finding and finger pointing tends to only promote negative attitudes not dispel them.

Just my humble opinion as always,
octavia

(in reply to annare)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 11:22:23 PM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: annare

i've already prepared myself for some nasty posts in reply to this thread but, after having spent several days reading through these forums and responding to a few, something that has always urked me has worked its way to the surface and i just needed to say something.

i wonder where in the subby training manual that evidently i never received it says that once a submissive is collared, she has the right to say anything she pleases without regard or respect for O/others. Maybe i'm a strange one... but, isn't it possible to voice a difference in opinion without verbally abusing people and making yourself look like a complete brat? i realize that once a sub/slave is owned, technically the only One she has to please is her Dom/Master but, what happened to common courtesy and respect? Am i the only one that feels this way? Is it completely out of character?

Common courtesy will continue on, despite peoples best efforts to quell it with their, "i have a right to say whatever i want!" to try and justify their rudeness. There is a big huge difference between being frank and honest, and then brutal honesty and disreguard for others, because you feel you have to make your point. No, you are not the only one who feels this way.


_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to annare)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Respect in D/s - 6/21/2007 11:27:11 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: annare

i wonder where in the subby training manual that evidently i never received it says that once a submissive is collared, she has the right to say anything she pleases without regard or respect for O/others. Maybe i'm a strange one... but, isn't it possible to voice a difference in opinion without verbally abusing people and making yourself look like a complete brat? i realize that once a sub/slave is owned, technically the only One she has to please is her Dom/Master but, what happened to common courtesy and respect? Am i the only one that feels this way? Is it completely out of character?


Some people feel as you do, some don't. Personally, I tend to ignore those who make posts which don't contribute in some way in a positive manner either via education or humor as my time here is for entertainment and education and I have no desire to weed through tons of muck to find a few hidden gems. The block feature is there to be utilized and may be a solution to the problems you see. Good luck to you.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to annare)
Profile   Post #: 20
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