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Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/23/2007 12:00:49 PM   
omega88


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline 		Hello everyone I'm new to this site and new to this lifestyle. I am inexpericanced when it comes to meeting a sub. I was also wonder if there is any tips or experiences some of the long time dom here can share I was also wonder how would i found out if my area has a community for this? (huntsville,AL). Any advise and help is GREATLY appreaciated.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/23/2007 12:43:37 PM   
SirHedonicsslave


Posts: 55
Joined: 1/6/2006
Status: offline 		Here's a site that gives some local listings for Huntsville AL....hope it helps


http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html#Alabama

(in reply to omega88)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/23/2007 1:07:21 PM   
omega88


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline 		Thank you im taking a look at it now

(in reply to SirHedonicsslave)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/23/2007 5:17:39 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Hello Omega,

My understanding was that Huntsville does have a small BDSM community.  I found some links here:

http://www.hawkeegn.com/bdsm/smgroups.html

As for meeting people, the very best advice I can give is this: 

1) Online, have photos on your profile.  Have them show your face and body (clothed.)  Female submissives usually recieve between three and twenty emails a day from men; if you don't have a photo, you won't stand out.  When writing submissives, don't send form letters.  Write something a little personal.  Keep the letter short, introducing yourself, why you wrote her specifically, and what you enjoy in your vanilla life (hiking, computers, stamp collecting, whatever.) 

2) Be active in your community.  Participate in online message boards.  This one is a great place to start, and also any local group boards you have (the Huntsville Group With No Name for example.)  It's a way to interact with people over a period of time, and will likely bring you twice as much success in meeting other people who share your interests.

3) Be patient.  Your age will often be an area of concern; many subs don't feel comfortable submitting to someone younger than they are. Many prefer older Doms.  Don't take it personally; when you my age and need a cane, you'll probably understand why.  Beyond that, be casual in your communications; instructions to a slave to "knell 4 me now, slutt" will quickly leave you wondering why you are wasting your time.  It's fine to talk about BDSM, but people who -only- talk about BDSM and their fetishes usually end up coming off as pushy, one dimensional, or just looking to get laid.  It can take up to a month from first email to a first date sometimes.  Don't expect a slave to fall out of the sky overnight.

4) finally, be confident.  I swear, subs smell insecurity a mile away.  It's worse than rotting pig ears to a sub.  Confident doesn't mean asshole, it just means be secure in yourself.  It'll make everything much easier.

Good luck,

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to omega88)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/23/2007 6:27:58 PM   
Trampler


Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline 		Actually sometimes it can take longer then that. Depending on how many f. subs are in the area and are single.

_____________________________

I want to step ALL over you!

Our Community may be openminded as a whole, BUT it is made up of indivduals who bring in their own baggage,perceptions and agendas

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/23/2007 8:15:13 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

4) finally, be confident.  I swear, subs smell insecurity a mile away.  It's worse than rotting pig ears to a sub.  Confident doesn't mean asshole, it just means be secure in yourself.  It'll make everything much easier.


 
Fuck that.  Don't front, don't try to be anything, including confident.  Be utterly and totally honest, and leave the posturing to others.

_____________________________

True masters, true subs and slaves, X many years in the lifestyle, Old Guard this and High Protocol that--it's like a convention of D&D nerds were allowed to have sex once, and they decided to make a religion out of it.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/24/2007 1:04:35 AM   
omega88


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline 		Thanks guy im taking your advice and seeing where it get me :)

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/24/2007 4:08:31 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		Self confidence is VERY sexy, so yes by all means project self confidence. That is totally doable without coming a crossed as posturing.

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to omega88)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/24/2007 4:13:34 AM   
laineyjade


Posts: 56
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline 		I'd say invest some time in somebody you like. Don't go running about trying to be everything to everybody just to find anyone at all. Be picky. We subs can smell a horndog from miles away and it's not flattering to be told you are "the one for him" and so are the other 20 girls who took the time to reply.

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/24/2007 6:14:48 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Don't believe them...we really DO want cock shots.  Heh heh.

(in reply to omega88)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/24/2007 6:45:34 AM   
instynctive


Posts: 2726
Status: offline 		Great advice all around.. definitely be Yourself and be intelligent about everything. 

I am male yet still get the 3 to 20 emails a day... most of which are one-liners with no grammar skills to speak of.  *delete*  Introductory emails that simply state "i need of a good assslapping".  Well good for you!  Go get your "assslapping", and if/when you want to be Dominated/Mastered, let Me know!

There is also a myriad of books available on the subject.  When you meet other local Dom/mes, listen to Their recommendations on literature (No, the "Beauty" trilogy by Anne Rice doesn't count, although they make for decent wanking material), Their thoughts, ideas and philosphies.

There is no rule stating that You have to follow Everyone else's path step for step... take all the information, knowledge and experience of Others and find Your own way.  That is what will make You stand out.

Best of luck, Young Padawan.. ;-)

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/24/2007 6:56:11 AM   
PairOfDimes


Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		You could google "Huntsville BDSM resources" and come up with similar keywords. "Munch" is another good one.

As for general tips: read voraciously, and analyze critically. Learn all the different ways people do BDSM, and think hard about how *you* want to do BDSM--not what seems most glamorous or most revered by the community, but what seems most satisfying to you.

I've had better success meeting compatible submissives (female and male alike) at in-person group meetings than online. I'm happy to see that you're entertaining the idea of participating in a community--I think this should make it much easier.

Self-confidence is attractive, and should you have confidence, it's good to know how to communicate it. Think of interview advice--sit up straight, look people in the eye, speak clearly and in complete sentences. Observe social graces, and err on the side of formality, as a rule. If it needs to be said, all submissives are not your submissive, all dominants are not your dominant. As a fairly new person, you may often find yourself in the position of the most ignorant person in the room, thus, it's particularly important for you to develop an attractive way of saying, "I don't know," that doesn't wholly destroy either your inner sense of security or your outward projection of confidence.

Finally, your current writing is okay, in that I can figure out what you mean, but it could be improved to make it more pleasant to read. Most likely, much of your congress with other BDSMers will occur via email, even when you first meet people at face-to-face functions, and so it's important to pay attention to your written words. Try to make short, complete sentences, expressing only one idea each. Remember to take care with capitalization, punctuation, and spelling. And proofread!

(in reply to omega88)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/24/2007 8:19:58 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: omega88

Hello everyone I'm new to this site and new to this lifestyle. I am inexpericanced when it comes to meeting a sub. I was also wonder if there is any tips or experiences some of the long time dom here can share I was also wonder how would i found out if my area has a community for this? (huntsville,AL). Any advise and help is GREATLY appreaciated.


Start trying to be the best "PERSON" you can be and never stop trying!

Strive to be a person that you would Admire...

Strive to be a person that you would Like....

Strive to be a person that you would Respect

Strive to be a person that you would Trust


Do these things and you just might found out that people will Like you... Admire you... Respect you... and Trust you... finding a sub after that is rather easy.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to omega88)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/24/2007 12:10:44 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Faramir,

"Do, or do not; there is no try."

Seriously, I wasn't saying he should try anything.  I was saying what works for me.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/24/2007 12:34:45 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		A lot of good advice listed in the above.  Just to reinterate a couple of things.....
 
1.  Start reading.  Pick up at least one of the basic books to start.  "The Loving Dominant", "BDSM 101", or "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns".  They will help you with some basiscs so that when you do get out and meet people, or see certain terms on the boards, you won't have to ask about every little definition.
 
2.  Start listening.  You can learn a lot with your eyes and ears open.  You'll know more about who has good answers to your questions, if you get to see what type of person they are.
 
3.  Treat others with respect, and do those things which bring others to respect you.  Honesty and integrity are not lost art forms, even if you have to look to find them.
 
4.  Follow through.  Don't expect the lifestyle to just drop on your doorstep.  Be pro-active.  Go to munches, meet people, become active in the community.
 
 
Best of luck to you.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/24/2007 8:38:52 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

leave the posturing to others


Irony is often delicious, especially when served up unconsciously by a guy flexing his muscles in a t-shirt!

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/25/2007 7:38:30 AM   
octavia


Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Hello Omega,
...
4) finally, be confident.  I swear, subs smell insecurity a mile away.  It's worse than rotting pig ears to a sub.  Confident doesn't mean asshole, it just means be secure in yourself.  It'll make everything much easier.

Good luck,

Stephan


 
Correctamongo!!
 
There are three qualities I look for in the men I date. 
Integrity
Intelligence and
Confidence.
 

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/25/2007 7:40:11 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		So, you would do the rotting pigs ears?  Oh, you nasty girl!!!!! I love that.

Master Rotting Pigs Ears 

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to octavia)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/25/2007 6:57:26 PM   
mrbee


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline 		I too am a novice Dom. The difference is that I have been married 13 years to a wonderful woman who desires to be my sub. I am reading many books and articles and have joined a local group for support. I want our relationship to be enhanced with this new lifestyle. She is very much desiring the same and has taken steps to become a tremendous sub. Our love and respect for each other has grown already. I am open to advise, hopefully some from Doms who are married to their subs. Thanks for your time.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Where to start? (A starting dom seeking advice) - 6/25/2007 9:16:51 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Lots of good advice here.  Thanks.  Being a newly emerging Domme I would love to here advice for the Domme perspective too.  So far the voracious reading is going full throttle.  No pic on my profile - not up for that at this time.  Learning tons here from literally everyone and discovering my own contradictions in some cases.  Already doing the munches and r/t exploring of kinks and fetishes.  The power exchange process part is the most illusive and daring from experience standpoint - wading in and seeing where I find myself. 

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to mrbee)
Profile   Post #: 20
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