RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (Full Version)

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Bella1965 -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 7:13:35 AM)

G'morning all:


quote:

ORIGINAL: stop352
i have been checking out a lot of the MISTRESSES here but all or most want financial tribute. That is something which will come on its own later . why at startup?


They require it because they're not here to cater to your fantasy to whank off on cam. You have nothing else to offer them, real time or otherwise, so why not turn a profit? When a troll finally learns that female dominants are real people and not here to service their kinky desires, we may then see the last of these idiotic queries.


Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...


[:D]


Bella



RchmdServiceNeed -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 7:17:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

MH that is a part of my confusion. Several have stated that of course they require tribute because they are Pro and have costs to cover.
I genuinely do not understand tributes, especially those that are required immediately. If it is required then for me it totally dilutes the concept of giving from the heart.
Giving gifts (tribute) once a relationship has been established doesn't confuse me as much lol, but to require tribute before you even meet? That looses me along the way.

Editted to add:
I don't ask out of snarkiness, I am not belittling anyone. I just don't get it so I am finally asking.


Cjenny,

You're sweet. :) It's fine to ask, I can understand the confusion. Hopefully this helps:

*"Tribute" is a polite way to say Money.
Money as in Paid for their time at a Pro-domme rate.
Pro-Dommes are NOT "covering costs" they are being paid for their Time.

Mostly Pro-dommes use it to mean MONEY when they are posting somewhere that is is prohibited to use the word money, or, more likely, just to be polite -- in that whille it is for money, that generally does not need to be thrown into someone's face. But, they do need to be made aware.

Pro-Domms for "Tribute"-- when you see that word, you should be thinking $200- $300 per hour rates in person, $1- $6 per minute phone/cam.


*SOME people do use "Tribute" to mean a small monitary amount to cover the cost of an outfit or play toy. Personally, I think this word is only being used that way by people that are also confused like you.
This is the person that "has costs to cover"

Neither of these two uses of the word "Tribute" insinuates a Gift or an option-- These ABsolutely are Mandatory requirements for meeting.


*"Gifts"  may or may not be requested. They generally do not exceed $20 and almost always would not exceed $50. A "gift" may be a way to make a sub do something to prove themselves and might have Nothing to do with the actual thing requested, but more a measure of how long it took them to find/get object, that they thought of them before arriving, followed directions, etc. as per Mistresses values.
Or, it may be simply what it is worth the Domme to see the person, whatever it is.

A Gift may or may not be a requirement to meet, but the Dom would make that known.

Most commonly "Gift" means exactly what it normally means --- A Gift you give someone where you think about them and what they like and get something that will make them happy.
These are the gifts most people would prefer to get, Dommes included ;)



In a world where everyone could find exactly what they wanted and magically pair up, there would be no need for frustrations or Paid services. However, we don't live in that world. :)
It takes a lot of time, effort, energy, and luck to find the exact person for your desires that matches you and many people would not be able to have a play outlet to do what they want if not for Pro-dommes.
Along with the difference in Pay/gift scale, so does the expectation and %rate the sub will get what they want differ. Example:

"Tribute" = Pro- Domme = 90% - 100% Specific session completely and EXACTLY what the sub requests [if accepted for a session]
Time durration of play is guaranteed as per payment.
High tollerance for annoyance and personal issues/requests.
Completely confidential [is never a dealbreaker].
100% of time together is play scene time.
NO relationship requirements on Sub.


"Tribute"/Covering of Costs = 40%-60% compromised session of what sub wants, possibly doing a thing not desired to gain one or two aspects that are. Time durration is not set, and ends when one party's interest ends. Mid to low tollerance for annoyance and personal issues/requests. Mildly confidential if arranged [could be a dealbreaker].
20%- 70% of time together is play scene time.
no, mild, moderate, or heavy Relationship requirement on Sub. [greatly varries]


"Gifts" = requested or not requested = 0%- 45% of Session/interaction matching Subs desires and needs. Time durration is not set, and ends when interest does. Low to extremely low tollerance for annoyance and personal issues/requests.
Not confidential unless arranged AND domme/sub both agree [could be a deal breaker].
0% - 70% of time together in play scening.
Moderate or Heavy Relationship requirement on Sub.

Hope that helps!! [8|]



MzMia -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 7:21:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella40

quote:

ORIGINAL: stop352

i have been checking out a lot of the MISTRESSES here but all or most want finnacial tribute. That is something which will come on its own later . why at startup?


Stella? I too am going to copy and paste and save this! You have remarkable wit and writing talent!

Maybe I am using a different version of the Collarme website or maybe I have severe learning difficulties or am functionally illiterate but I wouldn't say most want a financial tribute. And believe me, I have browsed a lot of profiles.

Why at start up?

Possible answers.

1. Many subs approach Dommes on Collarme the same way they approach items found on e-Bay or online shopping. They want a particular type of Domme with particular type of equipment to do particular type of activities on particular days at particular times for the particular experience of the submissive.

No!! Say it isn't so!  We don't have anything important to do in life but "take" care of mens needs, at the drop of a hat!

2. Many submissives aren't interested in Dommes as people, they are only interested in them as Dommes, there to engage in a scene involving specific activities for the sub's enjoyment. These submissives don't have a need or time for such basic things like respect, manners, friendship, conversation, companionship, etc - they just want to get their jollies and leave.

They want to treat us like whores or cheap dates, ya think? What dummy is falling for that?

3. Some submissives have a mental block when it comes to understanding the basic 'give-take' principle of BDSM or D/s.

You mean a submissive that is actually......submissive?   Perish the thought!
 
4. Many Dommes get tired of being a freebie domination service for these types of submissives and some are also tired of not getting anything out of scenes with submissives.

Now these women need to read Domination for dummies.

5. Submissives rarely offer their own place for meetings and not often come up with the equipment, but expect the Dommes to not only have all the necessary equipment but also wear the appropriate clothes. This equipment costs money. Why should the Domme have to pay for all the equipment?

6. Some Dommes figure, and quite rightly in my opinion, that if they're going to not get anything out of the meeting or relationship and they're going to be treated like a Pro-Domme then they might as well charge a fee or demand a tribute.

Damn skippy, if they are not in a committed relationship!
Does this make it any clearer?

For a submissive the way into BDSM is very simple - you either have something to offer (other than submission) which a Domme genuinely needs or you pay. Either way you give.

Gas, grass or ass...no one rides free damn  it!

It's not exactly rocket science, or is it?


Another blue moon, I love threads like this.
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee



stop352 -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 8:24:46 AM)

Well i think my post has upset a lot of people and  stirred up quite an argument and discussion. let me make itr clear i did not intend to bitch or try to put down any one but a simple point of view. I am glad things are clearerf now any way can we close this topic by saying ..tis a democratic world. i do what i want to ..if i feel like paying a tribute so be it if i dont feel like it i must look elsewhere. i quite agreee and understand the posts that have been sent by a lot of people.

thanx.



GoddessinDallas -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 8:32:20 AM)

AWESOME REPLY.

One Domme friend answered this question and it has stuck with me...
The session is free...
BUT...
YOU, (slave), must pay for the place in which to play...
pay for the bed to play ON.
Pay for the costumes, boots, panties, corsets,etc...that you want to see me in
Pay for any and all toys, lotions, TENS, wands, or whips that you want used on you
and pay for the water to clean up with...
because why should I be required to pay for everything?







thetammyjo -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 9:19:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stop352

i have been checking out a lot of the MISTRESSES here but all or most want finnacial tribute. That is something which will come on its own later . why at startup?


What are the things that attract you to these particular profiles?

Perhaps the hint is there. Figure it out and then find different profiles.



Najakcharmer -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 11:14:30 AM)

I want tribute from anyone who contacts me.  I want fifteen minutes of your time to read my profile all the way through, and I want your time, careful thought and consideration to go into how you approach me based on what I have written about my likes, dislikes and my request for a specific type of courtesy and respect.  (Hint: it's NOT the inappropriately intimate kind.)  I guarantee that anyone writing who has actually read my profile and is following through with what it requests will get a positive response.   Not everyone will be able to follow through unless they actually do share some of the specific interests I have listed and can discuss those subjects courteously and intelligently, but if you do, you automatically have my time and attention. 

The tribute I require costs nothing but fifteen minutes of a submissive's time and thought, but I'd say that about 95% of the time, I don't get it.  Makes it real easy to delete and block the wankers who clearly aren't paying attention to anything but their own dicks.  They show themselves as truly bad sub/slave material when their first introduction right off the bat is a complete disregard of everything I have politely requested in my profile.  That isn't submissive in the least; it's rude, pushy, inappropriate and annoying as hell. 

Now, I am not a pro and I have no time or energy to cater to selfish wankers who do not care what a domme wants.  Either a male takes time and thought to be interesting and pleasing to me or he does not, and if he does not, I have no time for him.  However I am very, very grateful that there are pros and tribute Mistresses out there who will cater to the selfish, do-me fake submissives who are willing to pay money but not time and attention.  

There are levels and levels of submission and dominance.  The lowest common denominator is basically kinky sex gratification and nothing more.  It is unrealistic for a submissive man to expect a dominant woman to bend over backwards and take her time and energy to deliver free kinky sex gratification when he is offering nothing that interests her, and nothing that differentiates him from the unwashed masses who want to flash their wabbly bits to strangers on cam for their own fetish gratification.  We are not the drive-through McDommes, thankyouverymuch. 

If you want to get, you must give.  No one exists only to cater to your selfish desires at their own expense.  There must be a two-way flow of giving.  The coin of your giving may vary from person to person.  The "coin" I want is intelligent and friendly conversation on some specific non kinky subjects.  I only enjoy dominating a like mind whose intellectual and creative caliber I can respect.   Most submissives cannot or will not pay in that coin.  Other dommes may want housework, or gifts, or money, or other things that make their life more pleasant.  If you don't have or are not willing to give what a specific domme wants, move on to the next profile and quit whining.  Or buy a Dolly Dominatrix blow-up doll that doesn't have any human feelings or needs, and then you can be as rude, selfish, demanding and horny as you want.  [8|]



MistressSassy66 -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 11:21:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stop352

i have been checking out a lot of the MISTRESSES here but all or most want finnacial tribute. That is something which will come on its own later . why at startup?


Reason 1.There is a business for it.
Reason 2. If you can get money for a service you know your good at...then why not.
Reason 3.I like what I do.... so again why not make money at something I like to do and not only that I can get better things for the Dungeon.
Ohh and the final reason...to pay bills.



ocilla -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 11:43:37 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny, I genuinely do not understand tributes, especially those that are required immediately. If it is required then for me it totally dilutes the concept of giving from the heart. Giving gifts (tribute) once a relationship has been established doesn't confuse me as much lol, but to require tribute before you even meet? That looses me along the way.


Your post has me thinking, in a way maybe I do prefer a financial display right up front.  I am not interested in being a phone, online or scene Domme - I am interested in a LTR - gasp - is that just too vanilla to put right out here?  Anyhow, so I meet face to face rather early (after a few emails) like you would've prior to internet etc and actually get to know each other in person to determine if you have chemistry,  a communication connection and compatible expectations, desires, needs and wants.  I prefer /expect that the sub pay for these "dates" and that they actively court me.  It pleases me and makes a difference if at that first f2f coffee house meeting you are proactive and get me a coffee and show me how you might seek to service and be attentive in small ways...cream sugar m'ame?, would like a glass of water too? have half my cookie?  Holding my chair, the door, standing when I stand...kind of waiting on me a bit.   And I watch closely the creativity and thoughfulness of the pursuing, courting and wooing (which I do expect) cause this indicates how able you will be to engage in collaboration as ultimately we are collaborating to get both our needs met.  This also tells me how well you are "getting" who I am and tells me what parts of me are of most interest to you.  Watching how a sub behaves initially and early on is very telling.  This wooing also serves to draw you closer to me - and if all goes well I will reach out like the spider to the fly and catch your ass - making us both very happy. 

So certainly some financial burden may be felt by a sub and will most certainly be appreciated by me - but a combo of creative thoughtful deeds will put me at ease the most. I do want to know that you have the where withall to ante up for a new toy or a nice dinner without acting like it is some huge financial sacrifice.  My non Domme job is in a small non profit - the notion of me financing everything the way some of the Ladies here do (Akasha, Tammyjo, SweetDommes) is just not realistic at this time.

I look forward to hearing some feedback on my strategy from both the D's and the s's.



LotusSong -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 1:22:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stop352

i have been checking out a lot of the MISTRESSES here but all or most want finnacial tribute. That is something which will come on its own later . why at startup?


Because "one is born every minute".  (to paraphrase PT Barnum)
 



LadyDominaX -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 2:30:51 PM)

I've asked several subs to send a very simple tribute in order to prove that they are truly interested and worth my time. The tribute I request? A postcard.

Guess how many I have received.

Go ahead.

Guess.

Of all these supposedly eager submissives and well trained slaves who have been in the lifestyle for decades, not a single one of them has managed to get off his duff long enough to grab a four by six piece of pretty paper, jot my address on it, chuck a stamp on and put it in the mail

Perhaps if I started insisting on financial tribute I would have better luck?



MzMia -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 2:44:07 PM)

LadyDominaX, you ask for to damn much!



DianeB269 -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 2:55:13 PM)

Like I told you before. I'll chat with you for a small fee and for a much larger
fee, I'll let you be seen with me in public.


Diane



DiannaVesta -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 2:58:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyDominaX

I've asked several subs to send a very simple tribute in order to prove that they are truly interested and worth my time. The tribute I request? A postcard.

Guess how many I have received.

Go ahead.

Guess.

Of all these supposedly eager submissives and well trained slaves who have been in the lifestyle for decades, not a single one of them has managed to get off his duff long enough to grab a four by six piece of pretty paper, jot my address on it, chuck a stamp on and put it in the mail

Perhaps if I started insisting on financial tribute I would have better luck?



Its funny but true. Then people wonder why these threads on tribute are so damn long. A lot of talk and no action is the game played & I say cut to the chase and don't waste my time. They can bitch and complain because their email isn't constantly flooded with half ass request, cut and paste form letters and stupid ass remarks you wouldn't say to a woman on the street much less a respected mistress.

I once had a personal slave handle my email for me to weed out all the spam and handle other business from my sites. He did this 2 weeks and he was amazed at how much email I get and how many request to be my slave.



slaverosebeauty -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 3:10:11 PM)

Personally, I think tributes are bs and should be illegal, unless its in the Pro [aka in person arena], its a way to get something for nothing or to extort money. Heck, if a slave asked for a tribute they would be laughed at or worse, yet, slaves do MORE work than most dommes.
 
I would LOVE to get money from all those wankers who have IM'd me over the years telling me to get on my knees, {rofl}; yet, I am a person who earns money the old-fashion way, I go to work {in an office}, I support myself AND my child; and if God willing, the Universe, the Fates and Desinty agree, I will get remarried and not have to work outside of the home, yet, I will do MORE work being a stay at home mom/slave than most who work outside of the home, PLUS, I won't get paid in money, but instead,I will recieve love, devotion, admiration, loyality and 'fun' with my partner. I do intend on running my website in my spare time and on the side, and yes, I will be making money from that, yet I will NOT be getting a 'tribute,' I will be making HONEST money; no one will be GIVING me money, I will be EARNING IT {gasp, new concept, earning money by honest means}.
 
Whats so hard about WORKING for money? Its it just laziness that some dommes won't work?? or is it that they think they are TOO GOOD to work and earn an honest living like everyone else?  Sorry to tell ya ladies, but a REAL lady does NOT ask for tributes, a REAL lady earns her OWN money. If she wants something she works for it, she doesn't ask for 'tributes' to get it or for a tribute of 'xyz' instead of being an adult and working until she can get it herself. Its those who seek tributes form others, that give a decent number of ladies both tops and bottoms a bad name as to ONLY being after money.  
 
Besides, I thought that financial slavery aka tributing was against TOS on here??



stella40 -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 3:11:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

I look forward to hearing some feedback on my strategy from both the D's and the s's.


I read your strategy and also that of Najakcharmer. I am not a male submissive but I feel personally if I were I would favour Najakcharmer's strategy.

I do not wish to criticise your strategy which seems fine, other that you write that you are seeking a LTR and after a few e-mails 'to establish chemistry' you would be... from what I can tell.... looking for signs of deference in your potential submissive. I'm not talking about offering to pay for coffee or expenses, something which I don't see within the realm of submission anyway but this would be within the bounds of common courtesy (especially if I were a male submissive). Anyone can show deference to anyone at any time, but deference alone is not the same as genuine submission.

I go along 100% with what Najakcharmer wrote, because it is that expectation alone which sorts out the genuine submissive from the 'not-so-genuine' submissive or player. As an experienced submissive the first thing I do right at the start of being aware of any interest in a Domme or receiving interest from a Domme is to go through her profile, journal entries, postings and to read them, study them and find out whatever information I can about her.

Personally I feel that while deference is pleasant and nice it's also a good way to hoodwink the less experienced Domme (if I wanted to) and has little in connection with real and genuine submission.

I can only explain this on the basis of my own experience which I will try to do so fully for the benefit of those others who might be finding it hard to find the right submissive or - more importantly - those submissive souls who are finding it very hard to find a Domme. I'm writing here about the initial contact between the experienced submissive and the experienced Domme. However this isn't a one true way, nor a one size fits all, there are other equally valid ways.

It doesn't matter if you're a Domme or a submissive, because if you are reasonably experienced you will ultimately have been caught out or fooled by someone. There's quite a few submissives out there who genuinely believe they can fool or hoodwink any Domme, I disagree and beg to differ.

Najakcharmer's expectation is one I would assume is the basic expectation of any experienced Domme. There is an initial transaction between experienced Domme and experienced submissive and if it doesn't go right there's no connection - period. At the very first sign of being interested in a Domme or being shown interest from a Domme (which has happened also) the first thing I would do before making any contact is to find out as much as I can about this Domme. I would study her profile, her journal entries, her postings, and if I found one, her website.

If I were approaching her, I would make sure that I had a full profile, with photos, and my initial contact would be to introduce myself, ask her what type of relationship she is looking for and to give her details of my profile and website. If she was advertising for a submissive I would mention my experience and make a suggestion as to why I feel I could fulfil her expectations as a submissive. I would also make sure that I was not in contact with any other Domme for whatever reason.

Why? Dommes are almost invariably highly intelligent women, they are also sensitive. In the initial stages of contact they are also inclined to be sceptical or even suspicious. The first thing I find that an experienced Domme looks for in a submissive isn't deference but rapport. (Expecting deference on initial contact was a major reason I quickly lost interest in a Domme. I refuse to submit to any Domme who will accept me as her submissive within minutes). This is a key, fundamental stage in the transaction. The first thing a Domme looks for in a submissive is a mind.

Now her finding that mental contact and her showing interest is where I would, as a submissive, start to open up and begin preparing for submission (not being submissive, but preparing to be submissive, considering that this Domme has control throughout of our interaction). These are where I start opening up, and sending her long e-mails and messages, often a few thousand words long. Here I am not being submissive to her, but I am opening up to her, all of me, being honest, telling her about my life, my experiences, and I do this to seek her trust and to develop her confidence in me as her new submissive. I show through writing so much that she is important, that our relationship is going to be important, and that I want her to see me as I really am. Here she is free to ask me as many questions as she likes, difficult questions, and to require further explanations.

But at the same time I would also seek just as much information about her. I go by the old saying 'better the Devil you know'. I want to know all about her, I want to know much more about what she has written on her profile, her interests, her life, her past, her history. This is why I maintain that the most fascinating and interesting part of a Domme is her mind, it is the most attractive part of her, and the most important. And be sure that if I am going to submit to a Domme, I want to know what she's about. I want to know what makes her tick.

I also want to know how she became a Domme, how much experience she has as a Domme, why she is a Domme, and I want to know in her words what makes being a Domme so important to her. I want to know her interests, her needs, I want to know her requirements, her wishes, wants, I want to know what she dreams about at night, I want to know her problems, her difficulties.

The more you know about a Domme the better, especially if it's going to be a long term relationship. Sure, domination comes as naturally to her as submission comes to me, but that doesn't make it easier. Being a Domme isn't easy, in fact at times it's damn difficult, and more so than with a male Dom a submissive needs to be able to fulfil emotional needs and to provide that mental and psychological stimulation which Dommes need to feel that emotional fulfilment they crave and also to progress and develop in a direction which a Domme wants.

This is worth highlighting. Most people would assume that submissives outnumbering Dommes by so much it is easy to be a Domme and she has so much choice. Really? So why are there so many Dommes out there who cannot find suitable submissives? Why do some Dommes require two or more submissives? And why do some Dommes find greater fulfilment in being a Pro-Domme? There are plenty of submissives out there worth their salt with any Domme. But can you really go the distance and be there for the long haul, and, over the years when her needs change, can you go the distance and be her submissive or slave in 10, 20 or even 30 years time? To me that is where the real challenge lies.

And we meet. Do I seek to show my submissive nature during the meeting? No. I am myself. I allow her to compare the reality of me with what I have written about me. She is in control. Once she is satisfied at this stage, we move on. I have opened up, she knows me, and who I am, and she sees this. Having got this far some Dommes would want to place me 'under consideration'. This is the trial period. This is where my new Domme would write about herself with relation to us, and this is precisely where she would define our relationship and - when she feels ready - require my submission. And I, being the submissive who I am, would never dream of even thinking to show my submission to my new Domme until that moment came and she felt that she trusted me enough and had enough confidence in me to require my submission.

And this is why some Dommes require a tribute, or why they become Pro-Dommes. Not because they are greedy or require the money, and certainly not because they think a meal in a restaurant or an expensive present shows genuine submission. They require a tribute or become Pro-Dommes simply because having different submissives provides them with the necessary emotional fulfilment and mental and psychological stimulation to satiate their needs to dominate.

And that need to dominate, to control for many Dommes is a very fundamental and basic emotional need which they need for their own emotional fulfilment and wellbeing.

DISCLAIMER: This posting on my part doesn't make me an expert in submission and I in no way wish to speak for any other Dominant or submissive who may have their own ways of establishing contacts with others. I am far from being a perfect submissive, and for all my experience I feel I still have a lot to learn and there is much I still don't know. I am simply writing from my own POV on the basis of my previous experiences. There are many other strategies which are as equally effective.



ocilla -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 4:18:15 PM)

Stella,
Appreciate the lengthy and well thought out response.  Very informative for someone who is indeed a fairly inexperienced Domme.  I read Najakcharmer's post after I posted and too was impressed and really identify with her approach .  As someone who clearly has more experience this is like gold to where I am at in my exploration.

In response to your words of "Dommes are almost invariably highly intelligent women, they are also sensitive. In the initial stages of contact they are also inclined to be sceptical or even suspicious."

So very very true.  And then while reading your strategy I realize that my shoulders are loosening up and relaxing a bit and I've let out a breath of air I was holding in, and I am feeling a general sense of "okay, I recognize the amiable and true intent of these actions and pace as managable.".  Basically a good gut feeling.  Your approach is very straight forward - I commend you. 

Still, I find am getting a little weary of the energy sapping internet so an earlier meeting face to face to actually lay my eyes on a person and discuss and talk is extremely informative and helpful to me.  Also feels more real to me and keeps/gets me interested in wading through the still lengthy process ahead of getting to the place where submission will occur.  Until I have met someone face to face - they do not feel very real to me.  I have not and do not spend much time on the net meeting people  it is just not that satisfying to me.  Love the research apsects of the net but the social side of it can be too much.  And talk about separating the wheat from the chaff, following through on meeting face to face is a big step for many subs it seems.  To date I have made some friends to explore kink activities (more in a top/bottom mode) and to study, discuss and share stories of our journey but I've not encountered anyone that I would want to go to the deeper power exchange levels with yet.  I expect that will come when it feels right.

 



Najakcharmer -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 4:22:33 PM)

Yep, Stella pretty much has it down.

What I'm very specifically looking for in my profile is to be approached in a friendly way by intelligent folks who share some of my interests and want to start a genuine friendship off by talking about mutual non kinky hobbies.  Anyone who insists on relating to me as the cardboard cut-out fetish image of a Domme to wank off to before they even know me as a human being and a friend is nobody I want to talk to.  The "friends first" stipulation is probably my hardest limit.  I only play with subs who are also sincerely interested in me as a friend, where we enjoy each other's company and each other's energy to the point that hanging out together is fun no matter what we do.  Depending on how the relationship progresses, the D/s can definitely overshadow the friendship in time - but it has to start with friendship or it simply isn't starting. 

Instant submission is not submission.  It's selfish fetish gratification.  It is generally not possible to submit to someone on a meaningful level if you do not know them, like them and trust them.  Therefore the "slaves" and "subs" who do want to insta-submit without taking the time to know the person behind the Domme are not submitting, they're wanking.  More to the point, they're treating the dominant like a fetish object to be used for their masturbatory gratification.  I don't consent to that.  If I was into being humiliated, objectified and used for someone else's amusement with no respect and no regard for me as a person, I'd be a sub.  [8|]



ocilla -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 4:27:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella40 
It doesn't matter if you're a Domme or a submissive, because if you are reasonably experienced you will ultimately have been caught out or fooled by someone. There's quite a few submissives out there who genuinely believe they can fool or hoodwink any Domme, I disagree and beg to differ. /
quote:



Why so much tricking and fooling goes on is hard for me to understand.  I can kind of imagine the type of dominant who might just be into sadism and building up hopes and then dashing them not that I would approve of such. Someone on another thread mentioned that mindfucking a sub is damaging the toys and I agree.  But still I would think that this would be an aberration not seen too often.  Especially amoungst subs wanting tofool and hoodwink?  Is it some passive agressive fantasy or anger?



Politesub53 -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 4:51:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

Personally, I think tributes are bs and should be illegal, unless its in the Pro [aka in person arena], its a way to get something for nothing or to extort money. Heck, if a slave asked for a tribute they would be laughed at or worse, yet, slaves do MORE work than most dommes.
 
I would LOVE to get money from all those wankers who have IM'd me over the years telling me to get on my knees, {rofl}; yet, I am a person who earns money the old-fashion way, I go to work {in an office}, I support myself AND my child; and if God willing, the Universe, the Fates and Desinty agree, I will get remarried and not have to work outside of the home, yet, I will do MORE work being a stay at home mom/slave than most who work outside of the home, PLUS, I won't get paid in money, but instead,I will recieve love, devotion, admiration, loyality and 'fun' with my partner. I do intend on running my website in my spare time and on the side, and yes, I will be making money from that, yet I will NOT be getting a 'tribute,' I will be making HONEST money; no one will be GIVING me money, I will be EARNING IT {gasp, new concept, earning money by honest means}.
 
Whats so hard about WORKING for money? Its it just laziness that some dommes won't work?? or is it that they think they are TOO GOOD to work and earn an honest living like everyone else?  Sorry to tell ya ladies, but a REAL lady does NOT ask for tributes, a REAL lady earns her OWN money. If she wants something she works for it, she doesn't ask for 'tributes' to get it or for a tribute of 'xyz' instead of being an adult and working until she can get it herself. Its those who seek tributes form others, that give a decent number of ladies both tops and bottoms a bad name as to ONLY being after money.  
 
Besides, I thought that financial slavery aka tributing was against TOS on here??


How can you equate a tribute with financial slavery, if you have read the whole thread. Many Dominas replied that the tribute could be something small, even a postcard. Yet here you are, ignoring all of that and saying tributes should be illegal, worse still, you accuse anyone of asking for one of not being a lady ? 
You go on to suggest everyone should work for their money, have you not read the posts explaining the time and effort both setting up web sites and running them.
i have nothing against people having their own views but at least the should have read and understood the whole thread first.

edited for spelling



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