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Aiden -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (5/19/2008 11:04:19 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MsStryker I know we are allowed to ask for a drink, to demand a rub or *gasp* to say no. Everyone must remember sometimes we get carried away and we are so intent on taking care of our submissive, that we forget to, at times, take care of ourselves. It is supposed to be a 2 way street! When we have carried our weight and that of everyone else we have played with for long enough we have the option of deciding what makes it feel fair for us. Sometimes its gifts, could be help with chores, or sometimes cash so we can pay for a professional massage or ohh have enough to get that new corset yumm or those boots mmm. I would also like to have things offered, I do not like asking for things from people unless its a part of a scene. I am proud and strong, I can take care of myself! I do not need you or your gifts or your money! I want the respect that is due to a Person who has spent years enjoying learning the ropes, honing Her craft. Let alone wanting the respect due me for just being alive and kicking in the world, going at it every day like everyone else, and heaven forbid that I might expect respect for simply being a Dominant Woman!!
I want generous souls near me as I am a generous soul. I give without thinking am a good friend and I offer alot to those near me.. But to those subbies who say they are there to be in service.. think about what kind of service you can actually be! I play with people I trust and like in exchange for mutual fun and caring of each other.
I decided to take a break from the pro work shortly after I was effectively called a whore from a boy who didnt want to pay for online Domination, (but it was ethically ok to be adulterously involved with a slut for free??!! good grief!) I set my boundaries and offered: my friendship, conversation, to answer questions, to be a real person.. but he wanted me to "just" hold his key and thinking that was no big deal, to me it is! I explained my feelings on keyholding, what I felt it demanded. He kept pushing at my boundaries and asking what I wanted him to do and how long I thought he should wear his device and did I want to see it etc. I was firm and reminded him that if he wanted that from me I would require a tribute as that was work to me, others pay for play, for my time. I even offered that perhaps he could send me a gift and keep it on a more friendly thing than just a professional basis since we were saying we were friends. He had continued to say he wanted my friendship and was not looking to ask anything of me I did not want to give. So heres where the messing with a Doms heart goes into play, do you understand yet or are you hard hearted and callus?! Taking on the responsibility of someones sexuality and their health is an important thing if you have respect for the process..
Well said, MsStryker. What you posted made me reconsider some of my own attitudes towards dominant women and financial tribute.
First I'd better say that I have a lot of respect for some pro-dommes and this is not an rant or complaint on that subject. Professional dommes are a large diverse group and as is the case with any large grouping, some are wonderful, and some are horrible. Its that its easy for people to see things from only their own angle. Ive read several versions of the standard anti-money domme rant and there are also a lot of people around who go into immediate attack mode if anyone says anything the least critical of them.
I'm relatively new and had an off-putting experience with a domme who seemed primarily interested in money. We went out a few times. Back then I was way too shy to come right out and ask her for anything Ds related. I had been thinking of bdsm dating as being basically like any other kind of dating, talking and getting to know each other for a while first and see if there is enough mutual interest to go further. I expected to be the one who did most of the paying when we went out. We didnt meet online; she was a friend of a friend who was in a local kink circle, so I was only vaguely aware of how common it is for dommes to want financial tribute. So rightly or wrongly I felt she was over the top talking about what I could give her in tribute in addition.
I hadn't considered some of the things MsStryker pointed out, how many male subs there are attempting to treat dommes as providers of a public service and how many can be just plain cheap about helping with expenses. Not to mention that it usually falls to the domme to have the place and equipment for scening, at least to provide the majority of it. Id want to contribute financially to my domina if I had one. The only thing I still have a problem with is demands for tribute from the start. If Im going to put myself completely into the hands of another person, its not going to be something that happens immediately. There would have to be a deep trust and compatibility in many areas, most of them quite outside the Ds realm. Id need Her to be interested in me as a person and a sub. So if we were just dating I would expect to pay for our dates but I wouldnt contribute to Her expenses any more than I would for a vanilla woman. My two cents worth.
aiden
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