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RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 9:13:40 AM

Aubre

Posts: 478
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline

I thought this post was about locking subs up in the closet.. j/k

Very few people know, it has to be that way, I don't like it - but I've accepted it. I can't help but think I'd be much happier if I could be myself, but the consequences are too much for me to bear.

(in reply to KMsAngel)

Post #: 21

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 9:15:16 AM

Dreammster

Posts: 23
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

In this part of the world, some folks can suffer tremendous torment by many others whose opinions of propriety differ from a more tolerant and enlightened path. They may be on their own personal witch hunt for evil in the world as they see it. Whether they view elements of lifestyle relations as abusive, or nonconsensual, or imprisonment, or perhaps mind control, they can publicly cause others great harm in an otherwise reasonable society.
Social activism against those who are exploring their own interpersonal relations and perhaps sexual relations are often portrayed as 'deviant' from the norm.

For these reasons, we are faced with the paradox of the privacy of our interpersonal and sexual behavior with the trappings of open society while in some cases we are holding a high profile position with a certain amount of public respect. It is the loss of ones public persona and the respect properly earned that is risked when one is 'out' or 'outed' for having private proclivities that may seem kinky or deviant.

What I am and what I believe and what I do are not a threat to society but rather a constructive element. But that is endangered if society adds a frightened and recklessly naive condemnation for limited knowledge of sexual and interpersonal power exchange. The condemnation for 'perversion' is why many of us remain quite adamantly private.

Trust is therefore more difficult to achieve.

It is why we often exchange our views in private.

_____________________________

Behavior and Attitude
These are important in all things

All else remains only a collection of baggage of curiously meaningless facts and figures.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 22

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 9:25:55 AM

Dreammster

Posts: 23
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPaige

While my kids were growing up I was a very vanilla mother. I was a den mother and I volunteered to help in their class rooms and at the local church. I managed to raise them to be much more uptight than I EVER was. I don't think they're ready to find out that mom/grandma is freaky. Maybe someday when they've loosened up a bit, but not now. I'm certain they wouldn't stop talking to me, but they'd have a hard time looking me in the eye.

I wonder, with the advent of the information age and the availability of so much sexual innuendo and more on the web, are our children not learning more about alternate experience in human sexuality at a much earlier age than many of us ever did? Perhaps a fair portion of them are loosening up in high school and certainly in college. Some are pretty agressive in their pursuit of knowledge at a very young age. For this reason, most of us with some experience and some wisdom are quick to suggest that interactions with youngsters can be quite detrimental to your freedom.

_____________________________

Behavior and Attitude
These are important in all things

All else remains only a collection of baggage of curiously meaningless facts and figures.

(in reply to LadyPaige)

Post #: 23

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 10:26:27 AM

yrstocollar

Posts: 95
Joined: 8/14/2006
Status: offline

I don't intentionally hide it from people but everyone around me has always assumed I'm doing something naughty or kinky or "the wrong thing" (no matter what that was) my whole life... even when I wasn't... I think those close to you generally have some idea.

Besides... it's a little like being gay... it kind of helps to have people out and about making it a little normalised so we all live in a slightly safer, more open world.

< Message edited by yrstocollar -- 6/25/2007 10:27:50 AM >

(in reply to KMsAngel)

Post #: 24

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 12:53:00 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

what precautions have you taken?

No picture

Different sn here than on other sites

Always clear history when i leave CM since daughter often uses this puter, also "copy" an innocent phrase so that a quote from here doesn't accidently show up elswhere when someone clicks "paste".

Don't play in public

Toys and videos pretty well hidden

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to LadyPaige)

Post #: 25

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 12:56:15 PM

ForgeDesire

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline

I'm the same as most of the responders. I can't have this out in the real world. Poeple would talk. People are jerks. I live in the same town I always have, everyone knows me, and I am not ready to leave if things get out! People would never expect this from me so it has to be 'in the closet'. It sucks because through my whole life I probably won't be able to experience the pleasures as fully as I wish to, but, that is life!

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 26

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 1:28:43 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

My family doesn't know (I don't see them often) but some of my co-workers do because I asked one to pick something up for me from another lifestyler ... padded wrist and ankle cuffs. The maker didn't deem it necessary to tie the bag closed before handing it to my co-worker. She in turn mentioned to it my boss and he eventually said something to me with a huge smirk while doing so. It's no big deal to me who knows. My best friend is aware since she was my mentor. I've told vanilla guys that I see since I don't always remember to put every toy away.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to ForgeDesire)

Post #: 27

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 1:33:54 PM

Phin

Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

outside of my family I personaly don't care who knows. I got the comment the other day at work "Hell that may be even to kinky for you." I cant remember what the comment was about but my responce was "Nah that's tame"

even my manager knows that I am into some "weird shit" I told her that I was always willing to introduce her to something she might like

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to MsLadySue)

Post #: 28

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 1:46:39 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPaige
I was reading some posts and it made me wonder.  For those of you who, like me, have not come out of the BDSM closet to our families, what precautions have you taken?

My mother, my sister and a decent number of my friends know {including those I model with}, yet, the majority of the people in my life co-workers and the rest of my family are oblivious, I work my ass off to keep it that way.

On myspace I have 'vanilla' page wher I have pics of my son, my real {gasp} name, its marked as 'private,' the pics on there are ones that I have taken and are NOT my modeling or lifestyle pics. I will have another page up on myspace by the end of the week with NO connection to that one that will be for hte modeling I am doing.   I keep my mouth shut at most family events when peopel make comments about my bruises {I am kinda a klutz, so thats what everyone atributes my bruises on my legs too}. Its not that hard, I just remember who's company I am in and what they know and are able to handle.

I have different email accounts for work/family/friends who don't know. I still email people like MJ from my private account, I'm just carefull that when I give that account to them that they remember, I MAY and probably will open any email there at work, so if its not work or vanilla safe, they need to mark it in the subject line "NVS" [not vanilla safe] or "NWPS" [not work place safe], then I won't open those until the evening.

I keep my toys and books in a suitecase, locked, and only I have the keys that I carry with me almost all the time.

I use passwords on my comp and I am very carefull as to how I label things on my comp so when a family member has to use my comp for whatever reason, they don't find or see anything incriminating.

Simple little things, its not a big deal.

In all seriousness, since you place value on your own privacy, why does it appear you put so little value on the privacy of others.....I have seen several posts that have alluded to the fact that you have "outed" people that you considered to be "trolls" in your profile on another site.

If this is true it seems to be shameful...If this is not the case then it would seem that this is a great place to address such misconceptions that people have about you.

You speak of "modeling" quite often in your posts....Was curious as to what your definition of modeling is?

_____________________________

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 29

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 1:51:49 PM

angelicslaveMDF

Posts: 43
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

i mentioned this in another post once...that i was "closeted" at one time because of where i worked...i worked at a very prominent church...doing very public work...and i knew as long as i stayed there....i could never be who i wanted to be...so i left and moved away...

as far as the kids...they see the relationship that Master and i have...if they have questions...i will answer them without giving too much information for their ages...i do have a very curious 11 year old...who seems to be going on 30 sometimes...but if she asks...i wont lie...but i dont have to divulge ALL the details and the nitty gritty stuff..

angelicslaveMDF

_____________________________

*thats my opinion and Master says i am entitled to it.*
angelicslaveMDF

(in reply to KMsAngel)

Post #: 30

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 1:57:49 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I'm 49 years old and am free. I am not moving backwards for anyone, but I am pretty much able to get away with it where others aren't. I am being open with family and such because I already got rid of the weird one's. I just feel there is so much in life to deal with already, I don't let anyone bring drama to my life. I do however have a situation where at some point I could be in the media somehow and if someone were to see my profile or decide to get even for something... like my stalker... I could be outted so I dealt with it in my mind, have my arguements or defense ready and have accepted that it might not be my choice to be out. I could hide what I do and have no picture... but as I said... at this stage in life and the shortness of my life expectancy, I am living free and to hell with anyone that doesn't like it. Besides, when I die, the kids will be all over this comp figuring what all mom was up to... lol... At least this way they have warning they might see something. At first I was horrified that they might find something and then I took special pleasure in it... lol... kind of mom's revenge.

(in reply to Phin)

Post #: 31

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 2:05:48 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

quote:

what precautions have you taken?

No picture

Different sn here than on other sites

Always clear history when i leave CM since daughter often uses this puter, also "copy" an innocent phrase so that a quote from here doesn't accidently show up elswhere when someone clicks "paste".

Don't play in public

Toys and videos pretty well hidden

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Taking notes on the copy/paste part, thankies.

Can't be too careful.
Also, I changed my passwords and make them log onto only their screen name!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 32

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 2:32:56 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Eh my emediate family knows, Mother father sisters brother sister in law, and my aunt and uncle that live with me. Grandparents and extended family dont know they dont need to know, I dont have to deal with them on a daily basis anyway. However with the career Im gettting into I need to stay in the closet as far as society is conserned, so there for I post no pic and dont use my name. I stay fairly anonomouse.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 6/25/2007 2:33:38 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to KMsAngel)

Post #: 33

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 3:04:05 PM

LadyPaige

Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisy

i don't have any close friends in the life and i doubt i will.

i really just want to be able to be "out there" without all the questions. any advice or tips?

I think the number one piece of advice given here is to join a local group. They can be a great source of support and advice.

Paige

(in reply to chrisy)

Post #: 34

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 3:08:43 PM

LadyPaige

Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForgeDesire

I'm the same as most of the responders. I can't have this out in the real world. Poeple would talk. People are jerks. I live in the same town I always have, everyone knows me, and I am not ready to leave if things get out! People would never expect this from me so it has to be 'in the closet'. It sucks because through my whole life I probably won't be able to experience the pleasures as fully as I wish to, but, that is life!

I'm lucky in that I moved to Birmingham to be near my new granddaughter, so the only people I care about knowing are my family. I have no roots here, so while I don't publicise to everyone what I do in my private life, I don't hide it either...except from my family.

(in reply to ForgeDesire)

Post #: 35

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 3:15:29 PM

Joseff

Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

Our kids know and understand, my mother isn't stupid so I suspect she knows as much as she's interested in knowing. She might not understand it, but she understands me. Work doesn't know, and they don't need to. There is a difference between being ashamed and being private.
Joseff

(in reply to LadyPaige)

Post #: 36

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 3:17:47 PM

ModeratorEleven

Posts: 2007
Joined: 8/14/2005
Status: offline

Folks, please steer the talk away from kids or this thread will go the way of the dodo.

Thank you.

XI

_____________________________

This mod goes to eleven.

(in reply to Joseff)

Post #: 37

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/25/2007 4:21:00 PM

Trampler

Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline

Most of my friends are lifestyle, most of the rest are pagan. My family doesn't know, I don't want them to know,( though i get the feeling that my mom would guess sooner or later, and would possibly be ok with it.) I wish I could be more open with this. It is a pain to have to come up with alturnate reasons and excuses for stuff

_____________________________

I want to step ALL over you!

Our Community may be openminded as a whole, BUT it is made up of indivduals who bring in their own baggage,perceptions and agendas

(in reply to ModeratorEleven)

Post #: 38

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/26/2007 2:49:36 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

My parents know very little, but they are really protective of me, since i'm an only child. And only 3 of my closest friends know about me and this lifestyle. Other than that, like a few others on here i won't post my pic. Otherwise i keep it under tabs

(in reply to LadyPaige)

Post #: 39

RE: Closet BDSM Precautions - 6/26/2007 2:55:05 PM

Domspaintoy

Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

My close friends know, my family and parents do not.

< Message edited by Domspaintoy -- 6/26/2007 2:57:46 PM >

(in reply to LadyPaige)

Post #: 40

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