RE: Domme Drop?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Domme Drop?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Domme Drop?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/26/2007 9:19:49 AM

Master96

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

Interesting......

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

(in reply to Bella1965)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/26/2007 9:39:13 AM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bella1965
What I will chide you for? Your churlish behavior by retreating to the bathroom. The breakdown of communications is a no-no. Understandably, we're all human, but that's not acceptable. That's something a tormented teen does, not a full grown adult. If you must hurl things? So long as the sub isn't tied down so they can avoid being damaged, I say let fly. Great release of pent up emotions that have gone awry. But removing yourself from the equation so your partner can't console you and hash things out? Tsk tsk. You only poison yourself that way. Next time, even if you must sit at opposite sides of the bed with your back to him, stay available for talk and the chance to make amends.

I must respectfully disagree with you here. I have experienced a flood of negative emotion similar to what Lashra describes. In the exact moment it happens, I know it is unreasonably out of balance with what triggered it. There is anger, LOTS of anger. Sometimes there is emotional pain, depending on the situation that caused it. Often there is fear because the emotions are so out of control/balance.

I respect that communication is vitally important, however when I feel out of control, sometimes the only thing I can do to avoid causing true hurt between Myself and My sub is to call a "time out" and go off alone for a time. If I do not "retreat and regain control" I may say things that cannot be called back and can never be forgotten. I deserve the freedom to stop the scene and remove Myself from the situation just as much as a submissive may have the right to safeword and/or retreat for their own good. If the submissive I am with cannot or does not respect My right to privacy, then I can't imagine ever playing with them again.

This isn't the same situation, but it does describe My feelings: Last week My toad called Me when he got off work. He asked if I was crying, I replied yes. He asked if I would tell him what was wrong, I told him not now, but if I needed to, I would later. We ended the conversation and he turned to My cubby (they work together and commute for an hour each way) and told him "Something has happened and Mystress is crying but she won't tell me why!" Cubby simply told him that I would reach out if I needed them, but that if he pushed it would upset Me. Cubby was right. While I adore both boys, I don't need to cry on their shoulder everytime I am in a blue mood. In fact, I'm not necessarily sad everytime I cry. Sometimes it's to release tension. (Hell I cry at weddings!)

I don't need a super sensitive submissive who's world falls apart everytime My mood changes. Returning to the original OP, I make sure before I ever play with someone to let them know that I will communicate My needs as we continue. If I suddenly "need" to go to the bathroom to collect My thoughts, I damned sure don't want them beating on the door and begging for reassurance while I am already depleted. IF they have done something wrong, they can be sure I WILL bring it to their attention, AFTER I am under control again - and not a moment sooner.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to Bella1965)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/26/2007 10:43:10 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Lashra, as You are no doubt aware by now ... this happens to most Dominants somewhere along the way! It has happened to Me as a Mistress, and it has happened to Master with me as His sub (only once, thankfully! i felt like absolute shit! And it seemed to me on first thought, that i was being no more cheeky than usual ... what i'd failed to notice was Master's cues to His mood that He wasn't in the right space to handle "a bit cheeky"). What You experienced was a sudden and terminal interruption to Your Top headspace which rendered continuing with the scene impossible. Many of the previously mentioned factors were likely to have been part of the cause. Like Calandra, I don't blame You for retreating until You were back into at least a measure of self-control, that was by far the safest thing to do, even though it doubtless left Your boy wondering for a bit. Better that than to wreak havoc on his body because You've lost the plot totally! The important thing was that it was sorted out later and didn't ruin all Your plans! Hopefully he will have learned a bit of a lesson on reading You a bit more accurately.

I agree with the others that Domme drop is more the crash after a scene, either just from being so high that there's only one way back to earth and that's with a thump! ... but I usually get it more from a scene that didn't end with the aftercare I need to give and receive. Some male "subs" get instantly non-subby as soon as the play ends (especially if they are allowed to cum!) and just don't want to sit around being cuddled and talking. Yet it's that connection I crave and I feel so let-down if it doesn't happen.

Welcome to the club of "real" Dominants who have scenes that don't go as expected 100% of the time! *grin*

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Calandra)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/26/2007 11:05:54 AM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

It has happened to Me as a Mistress, and it has happened to Master with me as His sub (only once, thankfully! i felt like absolute shit! And it seemed to me on first thought, that i was being no more cheeky than usual ... what i'd failed to notice was Master's cues to His mood that He wasn't in the right space to handle "a bit cheeky").

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

Hi Ma`am Jay. This part of Your post really struck a cord with me. i have done just that and it wasn`t even in a scene, just on a shopping trip. The result was i ended up guilt ridden at not picking up Mistress`s signals and ruining the day out. It took the rest of the day for me to get over it, after we had some very long chats.

My question now is do Dominants also need aftercare ? obviously not due to subspace or even the pain factor, but due to the intensity of the scene. i admit its something i had never considered so my thanks to everyone who has posted, especially Ma`am Lashra for the OP.

(in reply to MaamJay)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/26/2007 1:07:31 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I've dropped, he's dropped. Usually very intense play for a long time will cause it for both of us. Especially so if it's on vacation where we tend to play a lot, don't eat at regular times, don't get enough sleep, don't drink enough water. Any of those apply to you?

These days if we play through the night then we are careful to have breakfast and a break from play in the morning or just play for an hour followed by food and drink. There's only so much energy reserves you have and once they're exhausted you need to refill them.

(in reply to Politesub53)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/26/2007 2:38:40 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Chide away, but please remember what may work for you and yours, will not work for everyone. As the Domme in my relationship I know Myself and him, I handled the situation the way I knew best for both of us. It worked out just fine.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Bella1965)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/26/2007 6:46:01 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

That sounds like a very difficult situation, Lashra. I think that taking the time to calm down and collect
your emotions was a healthy strategy. It is much better than potentially saying or doing something really hurtful.

I have not felt like this during a Scene but afterwards. If you have other issues in the back of your mind
they can interfere with your emotions and block the feelings you would normally be having in the situation.

And as always, a change in the body's normal routines can throw some people's moods off pretty seriously,
such as lack of or distrubed sleep.

Kind regards,

Vendaval

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Lashra)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/26/2007 8:03:58 PM

Bella1965

Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

G'morning all:

To the OP. Did I mention my boy? No. This has never happened with my current boyfriend/submissive and I highly doubt it ever will. What I was commenting on was your lack of control. "It worked out jut fine." by default, not design. You could've handled it more maturely by peacefully ending the scene and sitting down and explaining to your sub what bothered you. Not go off in a snit into the bathroom.

Calandra; we can agree to disagree. It's what makes discussion interesting and lively. It adds pep to the boards. I wouldn't have it any other way!

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!

(in reply to Lashra)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/26/2007 8:15:28 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

I have never had my slave to behave that way. He has a more serious type personality. There are some out there who like to play and try to take control.
You did the right thing by making him put away toys, and it is only natural that you would sink after such an intense session with your sub/slave. Sometimes, I get so far out there, that I will experience a let down.
Dom/me space is very real, and so is the drop. Next time, I would pace myself and maybe do an hour scene verses two hours. That is a pretty intense session.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to Lashra)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/26/2007 9:34:58 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

We will agree to disagree Bella1965. I handled it MY way and that is what a Dominant does. I have no need to explain or justify my actions to you or anyone else.

If My way doesn't suit you then...that is just too bad, isn't it?

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Bella1965)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/27/2007 7:17:50 AM

Bella1965

Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

G'morning all:

*chuckles* You should not have posted the incident. You were looking for the fluffy, supportive gathering of the girls to get behind you. Not everyone will. I don't care what you did or how you handled it. I merely voiced my opinion. Your retort is exactly what I expected.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

(in reply to Lashra)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/27/2007 7:29:58 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

For crying out loud, no-one is the perfect domme and I for one learn more from stuff that goes wrong than stuff that goes right.

Those with the courage to ask for advice win more respect than those who think they know all the answers, by the way.

Tact is one of a good Mistress' many skills and I wish I had more of it.....

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 6/27/2007 7:30:32 AM >

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to Bella1965)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/27/2007 7:59:01 AM

Bella1965

Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

G'morning all:

MsC, I never claimed ownership of all the answers. Not even the right answer to this discussion. It is simply my opinion. If the OP didn't want to read dissenting views, she could have avoided such by not posting the incident. I find temper tantrums in any orientation to be rather childish. *shrugs*

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
Tact is one of a good Mistress' many skills and I wish I had more of it.....

Apparently, this was a time you lacked it.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/27/2007 9:38:56 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I disagree. If everyone only posted those things that would only receive rave reviews from others, We'd have a rather small lot of things to discuss. It takes courage to post the less than perfect moments of our lives, which to Me, are better learning opportunities than when everything goes just right.

(in reply to Bella1965)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/27/2007 6:41:24 PM

KaramelGoddess

Posts: 404
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I don't care what you did or how you handled it

Bella,
Then why comment at all?
Lashra wasn't asking for advice on how to deal with her sub. She was asking for thoughts on Dom/me drop.
Let's stick to the topic at hand shall we?

Lashra,
I too have irrational moments of anger with My boy. You are definitely not alone. I think you behaved admirably. We're human beings after all, not superheroines with steel-plated skins.
Good luck in your future sessions,
~Kara

_____________________________

"Never eat more than you can lift." ~ Miss Piggy

(in reply to Bella1965)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/27/2007 6:59:53 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

First off, Bella, you did outright state things like "you should not," "that is bad," and, "tsk tsk."

Now who's immature? I think I speak for many when I say that after the last few posts, I would rather submit to Lashra on the worst day of Domme drop than to you on your best day of chiding holier-than-thoughery.

And Lashra, while I may not be Domme, I know exactly the kind of feeling. I don't think it has to do with BDSM, as I often get it while managing. It just rubs you the wrong way, no rhyme or reason, and all you can do is walk away.

Discussing it at that point is futile, I generally just say(at the point where you found yourself in the bathroom), "sorry, it's not you, give me till tomorrow," and leave it at that.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to KaramelGoddess)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/27/2007 7:13:54 PM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

I've had Top Drop before after a scene, and also for a day or two after big events. It's usually a big depression, or lethargy that I can't shake. After big events or conferences, I usually catch a cold, which adds to the feeling. Follow up contact helps a lot.

And I can certainly relate to Lashra's OP, as I've stopped playing or gone "screw it, go get me a pizza and leave me alone" when my ex would misread me or just be too much of a pain in the ass during a scene. Sometimes people do rub each other the wrong way, and it's especially hard when you're in the middle of a scene. It happens.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Profile

Post #: 37

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/27/2007 7:39:23 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I've never seen Lashra make a single nasty comment about anyone in all her 2000+ posts.

Others get nasty before they even hit the century mark.

Stay cool out there.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Profile

Post #: 38

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/27/2007 8:21:50 PM

Bella1965

Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

G'evening all:

(Fast Reply)

LP: Absolutely. It would be boring. I mentioned something very similar earlier in the thread. See post #28.
KG: Regarding comments; there's a little thing called freedom of speech. As to being on topic? See post #20.
gdb: Aren't we both content?

L&m: As to my posting score; I've had a previous profile. Don't assume that I don't know what I'm speaking about. I've probably been at this (BDSM) longer than you have.

As to the critism... A good friend (a male dominant) once stated; "A dominant can't be in control of anyone else until they're in control of themselves." Words to live by in this lifestyle. I would add to that and include "anything" to encompass a relationship or scene.

Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Profile

Post #: 39

RE: Domme Drop? - 6/27/2007 8:52:15 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

I think this can very well happen with the Dominant in the realtionship.
I know that my Domina would go through a similar "drop" for a week or so after we physically parted (LDR).
Dosen't address a "scene" but I would think it still could happen in the situation you describe.

Missy.

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to Lashra)

Profile

Post #: 40