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RE: Domme Drop? - 6/27/2007 11:25:21 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Everyone,

I was enjoying and learning from the thread until ...{deleted because I don't want to be rude}.  Yes a dominant must be in control of themselves, but they are still human and in new experiences might have a moment where they lose balance and need a moment.  Each person is different and to condemn not knowing the people personally, not knowing the situation totally and stating opinions in a negitive and challenging manner might be seen to a newbie such as myself as a lack of control.  lol but then I can hear it coming.... what do you know?  I know common rudeness and it doesn't take an expereinced domme to figure that one out.  I know when I see someone coming not to voice an opinion but to poke, dig and slice and in my opinion that is based in immaturity we should have left in high school if we carried it that long.

I have seen a lot of things I respect in the domme's here, but I just found one I can't respect or learn from.  To the rest of you... I thank you for all I have learned on these boards from you.

Sorry... a lil drop going on here in this ol broad and plain ol hormones... but rude is rude.

(in reply to brightspot)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/28/2007 1:09:19 AM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Hi all, My 2 cents.....
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
I have seen a lot of things I respect in the domme's here, but I just found one I can't respect or learn from.  To the rest of you... I thank you for all I have learned on these boards from you. 


Just the other day I was encouraging - well maybe almost badgering a buddy to get on collarme and start studying the forums.  When I was describing the various communities, and letting him know who some of the more inspiring subs and Mistresses and Masters are, I realized I could not actually think of a Mistress that had not posted something amazing and incredibly helpful.  I found myself thinking,"wow! neat! how rare!". 

I absolutely agree with the defense of Lashra and the bravery and amazing power that it takes to come on a board and maturely share a vulnerable and confusing experience.   I did not read her post as"fluffy" and needy.  Besides, asking for support, reasurance, help processing and understanding one's feelings and experiences is just plain smart. 

Anyone who has had even a rudimentary managment course or even read a book on the subject knows that chiding, belittling, using "should" phrases are not so much opinions as they are projections and judgments which rarely receive positive reactions or results.  Bella - this may sound contradictory for this forum but there is a practice called non violent communication check it out - it might help you grasp why and how you have ruffled feathers.  Yeah, agreeing to disagree is one thing - personal and public chiding is something altogether different - esspecially when towards someone who has been extremely forthright and open and constantly giving and present.

And Finally, I could write a really long post on the psychology around the intricacies, complications, definitions and myth of "Control", but will spare everyone - esspecially myself. chuckling. 

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/28/2007 1:17:36 AM   
Bella1965


Posts: 285
Joined: 12/12/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		G'morning all:


You're entitled to your erroneous opinion. It's not rude to defend your viewpoint. It's called having a spine. Just because I don't jump on the bandwagon with the cliques doesn't mean I'm wrong. All it means is that I don't share the sentiments of the crowd.

Unfortunately, dissenters get flamed because we speak out against the grain and we're ostracized for it. Doesn't bother me. The opinions of strangers are of no importance. I do however, find them amusing as hell. What tickles me pink? Allowing someone to get under your skin only empowers them. Every single barb thrown my way shows how the poster has empowered me over them. *curtsy*

P.S. - You could learn one lesson from me. How to use a spell checker.


Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...





Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/28/2007 11:26:20 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		lol.................

I felt protective and let you get to me last night in a moment of weakness.  It won't happen again.  Your words and intent speak for themselves and I no longer have a need to speak up for anyone including myself.  I am new around here and hardly have any friends... I have also spoken against what others were saying in certain threads.  I am not part of anything.  But I did respond to you and left the site to balance myself.  You powerful lil wench... you did get me... lol... NOW... if you would like to continue... go for it... but you will be verbally masturbating...  I’m out...


(in reply to Bella1965)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/28/2007 12:22:16 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		What I feel from what situation you described is a genuine reaction at the behavior of your sub vs. the plans that you had.  That's disappointment and a myriad of other emotions including anger, disgust, hurt, etc.

Top drop is generally characterized by the after effects of a scene, one that usually goes well.  The most commonly expressed reason on the dominant's side is a lack of intimacy or aftercare from the submissive towards the dominant.  But even with aftercare, some of the effects can be resultant from disconnecting with the individual (you separate after play), guilt over the extent or severity of the activities, or simply from it being such an intensity of feelings and emotions during and the cessation of it thereafter.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/28/2007 12:29:58 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
My question now is do Dominants also need aftercare ? obviously not due to subspace or even the pain factor, but due to the intensity of the scene.  i admit its something i had never considered so my thanks to everyone who has posted, especially Ma`am Lashra for the OP.


Absolutely they do.  Be it a glass of water or her favorite beverage, allowing her to rest while the play area is cleaned up, a massage, more intimate personal service, or whathaveyou, dominants do need to see and feel that their efforts are appreciated and that they are valued as a whole person and not just the holder of the whip.  I don't think it's something that a submissive should do blindly, but discuss in open communication what would best reciprocate the power exchange after she's finished a "play session".

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/28/2007 1:46:52 PM   
Calandra


Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
My question now is do Dominants also need aftercare ? obviously not due to subspace or even the pain factor, but due to the intensity of the scene.  i admit its something i had never considered so my thanks to everyone who has posted, especially Ma`am Lashra for the OP.


Absolutely they do.  Be it a glass of water or her favorite beverage, allowing her to rest while the play area is cleaned up, a massage, more intimate personal service, or whathaveyou, dominants do need to see and feel that their efforts are appreciated and that they are valued as a whole person and not just the holder of the whip.  I don't think it's something that a submissive should do blindly, but discuss in open communication what would best reciprocate the power exchange after she's finished a "play session".


I so agree with this. In addition to immediate aftercare, I usually have to plan a low key day after I've done a heavy scene. I will take a bubble bath, eat chocolate, and "take care of Myself". It's especially wonderful if I have a sub/slave in attendance.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/28/2007 7:01:00 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

My question now is do Dominants also need aftercare ? obviously not due to subspace or even the pain factor, but due to the intensity of the scene.  i admit its something i had never considered so my thanks to everyone who has posted, especially Ma`am Lashra for the OP.



In My own case, I would have to say yes.  While We do not experience subspace, We do most certainly experience topspace.  It's very similar to the rush of endorphins that submissives experience on their side of the fence.  While We are not the ones going through pain, there is however the physical exersion factor.  (Try swinging a flogger for an hour, and see how tired your arm gets <laughs>.)  There is also the mental rush of power exchange or interrogation.  Trust Me, these are very draining activities, which, when coupled with said endorphin rush, bring about a state of high elevation.  Like any other endorphin rush, when it ends, it can most certainly lead to a crash.
 
The crash can be lessened, however, by a more gentle drift back down to the norm.  A caring embrace after a scene, juice, or chocolate can help.  (For those who don't know, chocolate also produces endorphins in the brain, so it is especially helpful.)  Many especially rely on giving and receiving of emotional support, especially after very intense scenes.
 
I hope that helps a bit with your question, politesub.

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/29/2007 3:01:21 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Lashra, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mastery of several slaves over many years, I have learned that I was sensitive as well as moved in a different way, depending on the cycle of life and situations.
 
I added to my communication ques to my slaves; to which may be a benefit -- that when there is a miscommunication or misunderstanding taking place I use a different name for them.  I have three usual ways of addressing a slave, as to act like a caution and a total 'stop' of whatever they are doing or saying.  For example, I will talk to my slave joe on a normal basis as joey.  When I am annoyed and it is time for me to caution I will use slave joe and when it is time to stop--it is just 'slave.' 
 
In being sensitive --there are pieces of music as well as other things that bring me to tears.  Sadness or happiness, only I know what is whirling around in my heart, mind and spirit--  Slaves keen on wishing their Owner to be happy, pleased and or contented--tears do worry them so.  The ques have assisted me on communicating my state with them.  Sometimes, it requires a simplistic communication.
 
My mood codes are similar to the use of safety codes --using a color such as blue--for a blue mood, the slaves can adjust.  They can use the color mood codes as to help me best attend to their emotional and or mental needs.  Sometimes the need to explain is best delayed or unspoken, so codes permit that.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/29/2007 5:24:30 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks to all the replies to my question ( sorry to the op  for straying slightly off topic ) i had read about aftercare being important for submissives, and wondered if it may be a two way thing. Now i have my answer so once again, thank You.


(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/29/2007 6:17:51 PM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
My question now is do Dominants also need aftercare ? obviously not due to subspace or even the pain factor, but due to the intensity of the scene.  i admit its something i had never considered so my thanks to everyone who has posted, especially Ma`am Lashra for the OP.


Absolutely they do.  Be it a glass of water or her favorite beverage, allowing her to rest while the play area is cleaned up, a massage, more intimate personal service, or whathaveyou, dominants do need to see and feel that their efforts are appreciated and that they are valued as a whole person and not just the holder of the whip.  I don't think it's something that a submissive should do blindly, but discuss in open communication what would best reciprocate the power exchange after she's finished a "play session".


This is good stuff to know...!!!!! Thanks to everyone for somehow getting it out there...!!!!

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/29/2007 8:58:14 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Politesub53, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I can only speak for myself however, I am not able to predict my needs to after care.  I do manage to delay my drops until I get home from a BDSM club 'scene' or, a party and such.  It comes from diverting and focus on my drive home and once safe at home, private and no judgemental eyes upon me--then I can drop. 
 
When I have had my own slaves--it is totally different for me, as they are a part of my personal energy input and out put --I feel at times like a alternater in an automobile.  Overly charge or overly drained--I will need more immediate after care from my slave(s).  Sometimes, it is just getting a cold Pepsi and being at my feet, head on my thigh(s) so that I can pet and love them through touch--is often my after care.  My slaves have always petted some part of me when I've petted them in this quiet moment as I catch my breath and rest my weary and arthritic bones.
 
My 'ups and downs' are also affected by how I am involved.  I am in a different state of being in a presenter/teacher capacity than when I am scening for my catharsis.  Every occasion is different as are those decending energy from a scene, an ceremony or ritual and or presenting.  It takes time for a slave to educate their senses of sight, hearing, etc., as it relates to me.
Each decent and assent is different for me.  I won't know until it begins and goes to it's final gasp.  I personally do not do well with being roughly man-handled or pawed.  I know my lads get a wee bit strong as they forget their strengths.  So, it is my duty to guide them in my drop as to help them help me down gently.  It really is a communication issue.  More body language rather than being a chatter box.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Politesub53)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/30/2007 2:33:42 AM   
Dini


Posts: 44
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline 		Hi Lashra, Wow thanks for this thread.
I can only speak from what I have personally experiences, and that for me it is a very intence “drop” after a play, I have never dropped midplay, but I have found that I drop afterwards, I can and usually do stay in a very Domme space till I have settled my pet and helped them through there drop, and then it hits me a while later… I can become angry / irrational… even depressed depending on the play.. it is then that I go through a drop… I have found that the harder the play, the harder I drop… my worst was after the opening of a new dungeon when I was asked to do several demo’s .. I had been involved in 3 very hard games and when I came down it was worse than any subdrop I had ever experienced!
*smiles* thankfully I am blesses with a great support network of very close friends all Dommes in our local community and even one ore two I have net online over the years, and it is amazing how a listening ear and a well timed hug of understanding can help one through a very bad drop!

D

(in reply to Bella1965)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/30/2007 6:57:32 AM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		There is a season for everything LordandMaster.  This includes the time for everyone to get nasty.

It is all good.  I have my moods as well.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to brightspot)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/30/2007 7:09:53 AM   
MistressRouge


Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline 		I have experienced Domme Drop & burn out. Never again. It took Me 2 months to get over burn out, and domme drop usually happens a few days after intense sessions and scenes.

Ironically, I had Domme drop last week, after some great sessions with a few masochists prior. Domme drop is very emotionally draining, and emotions run riot, self-doubt, confidence a melting pot of emotions.

I am tickety boo now lol , I had a week Domme Dropped, Im ready for the uppety uppety's now.

I agree with the term: what goes up (meaning euphoric endorphins) must come down, and it is a reality for Dom/mes and subs alike.


_____________________________

My Members Site.
http://mistressrougeuk.c4slive.com/


http://www.clips4sale.com/store/13392

(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/30/2007 7:41:32 AM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Lady Hugs,

Thanks for the codes idea.  I suppose the sub-open-journaling can serve to help a Domme adjust to sub moods too.  I wonder if it would work for a Domme to do an open journal too - or would that be peering behind the curtain too much.

< Message edited by ocilla -- 6/30/2007 7:42:46 AM >

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to MistressRouge)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Domme Drop? - 6/30/2007 10:49:07 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear ocilla, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
As far as asking about having a Mistress/Master/Owner/Trainer journal, one can create one, as sometimes answers to problems come to the surface when writing.  It is much like asking questions and the many levels of logic and spirituality, creativity and judicial laws we create as to be just to another person often comes through writing as to read and hear what a mind's eyes are seeing on many levels--not just metaphysical levels of a mind's eye... do note, that I do not see with just a metaphysical eye --of enlightenment; I see with other levels of knowledge and skills.  Thus, I use all my senses --thus all my powers.
 
That said; in a Dominant-submissive position, I do believe that there must be a shield or a veil of sorts between a Dominant and their slave, submissive and or servant.  Perhaps know as the magic of Domination or the mystery of Domination would be lost if the slave, submissive and or servant could read the struggles within the journal and how much a Dominant as I create as to always put the best forward as to affect/effect others in my care and or in my collateral affect/effects.
 
To me, it should be withheld the worries and the stresses of duty, responsibility and such from the slave, submissive and or servant; as they tend to shift their focus on their own need to heal, grow and learn and that is not fair to them.  I want them to know only how much I really do care about them, how much I love them and want them to succeed with or without me.  That is transmitted by deeds and attitude--they should not have to read my journal to know these things.  They will know that they are the most important people in my world at that moment, at that time and place.  They need to feel it through my voice, touch and my mind.
 
Furthermore, I find that words can be easily skewed into the reader's assumptions, judgement, mood/emotion and or mental state, personal conflicts/prejudice/affection,etc.  A code word is simplistic and just enough to adjust the moment as to thwart misunderstanding and or assumptions.
 
I do have a manual for slaves/servants though--which is not the same as a journal.  I consider a journal more of a diary and or 'report.'  A manual is a tool as to assist slaves/servants in their service; acting as a refreshing of the memory on details of services that are rendered.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Domme Drop? - 7/2/2007 1:49:08 PM   
MsDami


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Bella,

You quoted, "A dominant can't be in control of anyone else until they're in control of themselves."

I propose this similar thought to you:  
"A Dominant's opinion will never get anyone's respect until they are able to show respect for another Dominants opinion."

I believe "showing control" also applies to online posting.  When you lash out at Someone for expressing a feeling, then you have lost control and for no good reason.

I commend her for her honesty.  You should know, its not always easy to show a "vulnerable" side amoung other Femdom's.  It is easy to show respect.

With Respect,
Ms Dami




(in reply to Bella1965)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Domme Drop? - 7/2/2007 6:33:22 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for sharing your wisdom and experience - exactly why I am here reading away!
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear ocilla, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
As far as asking about having a Mistress/Master/Owner/Trainer journal, one can create one, as sometimes answers to problems come to the surface when writing.  It is much like asking questions and the many levels of logic and spirituality, creativity and judicial laws we create as to be just to another person often comes through writing as to read and hear what a mind's eyes are seeing on many levels--not just metaphysical levels of a mind's eye... do note, that I do not see with just a metaphysical eye --of enlightenment; I see with other levels of knowledge and skills.  Thus, I use all my senses --thus all my powers.
 
That said; in a Dominant-submissive position, I do believe that there must be a shield or a veil of sorts between a Dominant and their slave, submissive and or servant.  Perhaps know as the magic of Domination or the mystery of Domination would be lost if the slave, submissive and or servant could read the struggles within the journal and how much a Dominant as I create as to always put the best forward as to affect/effect others in my care and or in my collateral affect/effects.
 
To me, it should be withheld the worries and the stresses of duty, responsibility and such from the slave, submissive and or servant; as they tend to shift their focus on their own need to heal, grow and learn and that is not fair to them.  I want them to know only how much I really do care about them, how much I love them and want them to succeed with or without me.  That is transmitted by deeds and attitude--they should not have to read my journal to know these things.  They will know that they are the most important people in my world at that moment, at that time and place.  They need to feel it through my voice, touch and my mind.
 
Furthermore, I find that words can be easily skewed into the reader's assumptions, judgement, mood/emotion and or mental state, personal conflicts/prejudice/affection,etc.  A code word is simplistic and just enough to adjust the moment as to thwart misunderstanding and or assumptions.
 
I do have a manual for slaves/servants though--which is not the same as a journal.  I consider a journal more of a diary and or 'report.'  A manual is a tool as to assist slaves/servants in their service; acting as a refreshing of the memory on details of services that are rendered.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs


_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 59
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