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D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 11:36:51 AM

Calandra

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I have only recently learned about Asperger's syndrome. If I explain it correctly, Aspergers is a form of high functioning autism that can be undiagnosed even into adulthood. It has only been formally recognized since around 1994.

As it happens, one of My slaves shows the signs of having it and I am having a difficult time finding out much information about it. It appears that this disorder has been studied and recognized in children, with successful behavior modification strategies, but I haven't found much information to help adult sufferers to cope.

Of course it goes without saying that there aren't any resources for those in the D/s lifestyle who face this challenge.

Is anyone on CollarMe familiar with this syndrome? If so, what can I expect with this disorder? What coping techniques have worked for you and your loved ones?

I want to be fair and balanced as a Mistress, and I don't want to attribute My slave's behavior to "attitude" when it might be Aspergers. I also don't want to give him a "free walk" and allow the discipline of My entire household to fall apart just to cater to his disorder.

Thank you for your time,
Calandra

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

Post #: 1

RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 11:39:21 AM

MissyRane

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if you watch Boston Legal then one of the dudes, Mr. Hands (Jerry...something can't remember the characters name) is supposed to suffer from Aspergers syndrome

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 11:39:33 AM

mistoferin

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You may want to converse with Aswad, I'm not 100% positive but I believe he mentioned his girl has Aperger's.

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 11:44:49 AM

Kidsphoenixx

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Joined: 1/29/2006
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Hi Calandra,
I only discovered there WAS such a syndrome when my daughter recently married a man with ( apparently) a "mild" case. I found it extremely difficult to cope with the overt "symptoms" of it, and my daughter tried to explain how his apparently cruel, unthinking comments/statements were simply because his perceptions could not "see" people's reactions ( she said he was unable to read facial expressions and/or body language, correctly). I have not delved into any more research on this syndrome, but I have accepted my son-in-law's "peculiarity".....mostly. It seems to be an almost esoteric thing, which, in my cynical outlook, I perceived as cruelty/thoughtlessness. I wish you luck in finding more info, and, hopefully some coping mechanisms.

( edited for macular degeneration typos )

< Message edited by Kidsphoenixx -- 6/28/2007 11:45:48 AM >

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T.A.N.S.T.A.A.F.L.

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 11:46:00 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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What does Ds lifestyle have to do with that? Do we need a Ds lifestyle guide on how to deal with color blindness? or diabetes?

Not that having a kink specific support system is bad or wrong, I just don't see why you can't take everything that everyone else does and apply it to your relationship as you see fit.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 11:53:14 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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Kink specific, learning to work with someone with Aspergers simply means it will take longer for you to learn his reactions to certain things. If it makes you that uncomfortable and is that much of a concern than perhaps you might want to consider not keeping this boy. It is not something that will ever get better, now will it necessarily change.
It is not an easy disorder to deal with, and some simply cannot cope.

http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/
http://www.aspergers.org/myths_about_aspergers_syndrome.htm

Those 2 should at least be helpful. Most Aspergers information is based around children, but you might be able to at least find the information helpful.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
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VampiresLair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 11:54:28 AM

nearnyccouple

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my nephew was diagnosed with this as a young child. he is now a 21 year old functioning adult. he was characterized as having a very high IQ, but was learning disabled.

it is my understanding that many of those with this syndrome have huge socialization issues. my nephew (hope its ok to use that word on the board), doesnt really look you in the eye, when speaking with you. he doesnt like to touch or be touched, and although many who do not know him find him cold, hes got a huge heart.

i know that family members had a very difficult time finding resources to help them, once he was diagnosed. i believe that you can find some answers to your questions by visiting aspergerssyndrome.org.

i think your first step is to find out from a doctor if this is in fact the diagnosis, and then take it from there. good luck

cassie

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 7

RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 11:55:39 AM

daddysblondie

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Joined: 3/17/2007
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Wow, having done some of my own research on AS, I would tread very carefully in a D/s relationship with someone with AS. Along with the communication issues they have, they can be out of touch with their own feelings and emotions, and from what I understand, may say they are ok, when in fact they are not.

You might see OCD like behaviors as well as bipolar type behaviors.

I sent this on the other side, but will include it here...

AS Info

Good luck to you.

(in reply to Calandra)

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RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 11:57:08 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
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May I suggest that you get in Contact with Robert Rubel. He is the Managing Editor of the Power Exchange Magazine.

http://www.powerexchangemagazine.com/index.html

If you go to "contact us" on the above link.. you will beable to send him an email directly. This is a personal issue with Robert and is very much aware of the M/s Dynamics. He maybe able to provide you with some insights to the issue.

As a Introduction.... "you may note that the Master of Alandra and Kyra suggest you contact him"

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 6/28/2007 12:00:46 PM >

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 11:57:26 AM

bschwimmer

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my 22 year old step son has it and we have him in group therepy.
he will also qualify for ssi disability

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 10

RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 11:58:36 AM

KatyLied

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Can someone with a disability such as this consent? I'm curious because what I've read makes it sound similar to autism.

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- Albert Einstein

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RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 12:04:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well even people with autism can have positive fulfilling relationships depending on the severity. And people with aspergers are generally extremely intelligent when it comes to brain smarts, and extremely incompetent when it comes to social/emotional smarts.

Whether a particular person feels comfortable with another particular person who has a problem like autism or aspergers is up to that person.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 12

RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 12:14:19 PM

krista

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Greetings..

quote:

Do we need a Ds lifestyle guide on how to deal with color blindness? or diabetes?

While not being color blind..i am diabetic..and yes....i think such a thing is a good idea..Much of my play had to be modified due to my diabetes...i no longer can do some things that i did in the past..or not within the risk parameters i am wishing to operate..Knoweldge is never wasted..

regards
krista
joy through service

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 12:16:20 PM

krista

Posts: 109
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correction..knowledge.

respectfully
krista

(in reply to krista)

Post #: 14

RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 12:16:31 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
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Missy: I've never watched the show... I'll look into it, thanks.

mistoferin: I think I remember hearing him mention that! I'll contact him, thanks.

Kidsphoenixx: I can totally understand that. For My slave the deadpan expression and extremely formal language makes judging his mood difficult. And the pain and anger that wells up inside him when he realizes that he's misunderstood something is heartbreaking. Best wishes for your daughter!

Lucky Albatross: The D/s lifestyle has to do with it because Aspergers is behavioral and perceptual, and so is this lifestyle in certain respects. I do not want to misconstrue a symptom of Aspergers as a disciplinary issue. I have never been a micromanager with ANY slave (it simply isn't My Dominant style), but I find Myself taking on more control than usual with this particular slave because he seems to need it, and I am willing to do so because I love him. I want to do the best by him that I possibly can, and learning to differentiate subtle behaviors against the backdrop of D/s is important to Me.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 15

RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 12:16:57 PM

BeingChewsie

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My son has Asperger's syndrome and I probably do too. I fit the criteria but see no point in a formal diagnosis at age 35. I'm a multi-degreed professional and have no learning disabilities associated with it. My issues surround social interactions/social cues. I don't express much empathy for others though I often do feel it, or what I believe is empathy. I suffer from mind-blindness to a certain degree. My owner can be talking about something that happened to him at work that day that really upset him and when he stops talking, I'm liable to say "I had a turkey sandwhich for lunch". Another person would empathize with him or say something related to what he said. I do think it inside but have a hard time expressing it. He sometimes has to remind me.

My kiddo has social issues too but with therapy and social skills training he is doing much better. He has friends now and enjoys playing with them. He is being taught the skills that are innate to other people. He is a straight A sudent, working way above grade level, with a huge vocabulary..he talks like a little professor, which is a characteristc of the disorder in many children.

I would get Tony Atwoods book. He is the Aspergers guru. There is a book called "Loving Mr Spock" about being in a relatiopnship with someone who has AS too.

There are varying degrees of AS, some very mild, some closer to HFA-high functioning autism.

We are little quirky and odd. My kiddo says things and focuses on the details in things that make you go "only someone with Asperger's would say that or think about that".

You see higher rates of AS in the Silicon valley it has been called the geek's syndrome.

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 6/28/2007 12:18:16 PM >

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"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

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RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 12:21:01 PM

BeingChewsie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Can someone with a disability such as this consent? I'm curious because what I've read makes it sound similar to autism.

Yes, they can, they can live normal lives. Most get advanced degrees, great jobs, get married and have families. It is in social interactions where the deficit lives.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 17

RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 12:23:36 PM

KatyLied

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Okay, my concern was that it may be classified as a developmental disability and there can be issues of abuse in those situations where people are not able to fully consent or understand what is going on in a relationship.
I have a relative who is autistic and they say highly functioning, but she often exhibits inappropriate activity and has difficulty in school.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to BeingChewsie)

Post #: 18

RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 12:32:24 PM

Calandra

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Katy: actually many adults with Aspergers go for their whole lives without diagnosis. There are subtle differences in HOW they percieve the world around them, causing them to seem cold or detached, but their understanding of most things is equal to anyone else's.

This slave was actually Dominant with his own household for many years. He is nearly 40, has been married, a parent, a homeowner, a hard worker with steady employment. There is nothing simple about this man, and he has a heart of gold that few ever see because of his formal demeanor.

I have known him for four 1/2 years and only within a close, more intimate relationship have I noticed the problems he faces. I'm actually relieved that there might be a name for these challenges because that might mean we can find solutions.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to KatyLied)

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RE: D/s and Asperger's Syndrome - 6/28/2007 12:32:57 PM

BeingChewsie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Okay, my concern was that it may be classified as a developmental disability and there can be issues of abuse in those situations where people are not able to fully consent or understand what is going on in a relationship.
I have a relative who is autistic and they say highly functioning, but she often exhibits inappropriate activity and has difficulty in school.

It is a developmenal disability, so is ADHD.

There is a difference between having Asperger's syndrome and Autism, even high functioning autism.

Some autistic people have IQ's that put then in the mentally retarded category, Aspies often have sky high IQ's, understanding isn't their issue, relating is.

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 6/28/2007 12:34:00 PM >

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 20

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