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Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:06:03 AM

brattybutcute

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/15/2007
Status: offline

can some one give me some input on this one? here is the situation.

what if you have lived the lifestyle (real life) for 21 years,,you have always been taught and practiced that you call you Master ,,Sir or Master.....now all of a sudden you find yourself unowned and are talking to other potential "Masters",,now this new Master wants you to call Him something like ,,,Hun,,,Dear,, Darlin.....but you just can't seem to bring yourself to do that.

How would you handle this??

Post #: 1

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:10:15 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

I would talk to him about it and begin practicing that D/s mantra... communication.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to brattybutcute)

Post #: 2

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:10:47 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

You can only talk with him about it, but remember you must live in the world you find yourself in.

as I am often fond of saying,

Imagine you are giving me a dog licking peanut butter blowjob, and I do or ask something different-----

Will you gaze up at me with half-lidded eyes, and say, 'Thats not how TrueFearsomeTrainerMaster taught me how to do it.' ?

See my sigline, Rinella is right. But express your feeling, and accept if you will.

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 6/29/2007 9:17:25 AM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to brattybutcute)

Post #: 3

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:13:02 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

Welcome to the boards brattybutcute.

Personally, I have called past partners all those things, and MJ a few of those. If you have lived where one set of 'names' was approprate, and now, you are in a different relationship dynamic, then you need to speak with your current partner. Lifestyle 101 - Communication. Personally, I do NOT address ANY MAN as a'Sir' or 'Master' or the like until we are in a relationship, until then, we are equals an I speak as such.

Calling a man, 'Dear' or 'Hun' or 'Darling' are very endearing terms, roll with it, if you are in a new relationship, if not, then don't worry about it, just use his first name. Talk to your current partner, share your fears and talk. Best thing you can ever do is talk to your partner.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to brattybutcute)

Post #: 4

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:13:40 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Practice makes perfect.

One of the best traits in people tends to be adaptability. He's teaching you new habits. Old habits die hard, but they do die if you focus and work at it. You're just replacing one with another.

And, as a teacher of new habits, he should be patient and understanding in bringing you along into a new way of interacting.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 5

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:23:08 AM

Masterofyoutoo

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline

Just my opinion, as i do not personally know the master in question. Hun, Dear, Darlin is not a term used between a master and slave it is those are terms more commonly used by those of the vanilla world to refer to thier spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend.

If i were to guess i'd say this new "Master" is very new to the lifestyle and does not understand the difference between Master/Dom or slave/sub and just may be looking for more of a girlfriend/sub then a slave. My suggestion would be to use vanilla terms to figure out what type of arrangement he is looking to get involved in and how long he has really been into the lifestyle. And then determine if he is really the right "Master" for you.

Being as you have been living 21 years as a slave i would say your gut reaction is already telling you that this Master is not right for you. I'd say go with your gut instint rather then your desire, as your gut will aid your logic where as desires just clouds it.

(in reply to brattybutcute)

Post #: 6

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:24:19 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you truly can't bring yourself to do it, then perhaps he's not a match for you.

However, that seems to be a poor reason to end a relationship. If you've been in the lifestyle for that long, then you know that good service is mindful service and thus, you need to be mindful that you are following his wishes. I'm guessing you will have to really be sure to autocorrect...and might need help catching yourself. Talk to him and ask if he's willing to help in a positive way...a reward for getting it right, rather than a punishment for getting it wrong.

See if he'll accept "Master Hon" *chuckle*

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to brattybutcute)

Post #: 7

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:26:12 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterofyoutoo

Just my opinion, as i do not personally know the master in question. Hun, Dear, Darlin is not a term used between a master and slave it is those are terms more commonly used by those of the vanilla world to refer to thier spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend.

If i were to guess i'd say this new "Master" is very new to the lifestyle and does not understand the difference between Master/Dom or slave/sub and just may be looking for more of a girlfriend/sub then a slave. My suggestion would be to use vanilla terms to figure out what type of arrangement he is looking to get involved in and how long he has really been into the lifestyle. And then determine if he is really the right "Master" for you.

Being as you have been living 21 years as a slave i would say your gut reaction is already telling you that this Master is not right for you. I'd say go with your gut instint rather then your desire, as your gut will aid your logic where as desires just clouds it.

Wow, if jumping to conclusions were an Olympic event, you'd have a closet full of gold medals.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Masterofyoutoo)

Post #: 8

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:26:57 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterofyoutoo

Just my opinion, as i do not personally know the master in question. Hun, Dear, Darlin is not a term used between a master and slave it is those are terms more commonly used by those of the vanilla world to refer to thier spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend.

If i were to guess i'd say this new "Master" is very new to the lifestyle and does not understand the difference between Master/Dom or slave/sub and just may be looking for more of a girlfriend/sub then a slave. My suggestion would be to use vanilla terms to figure out what type of arrangement he is looking to get involved in and how long he has really been into the lifestyle. And then determine if he is really the right "Master" for you.

Being as you have been living 21 years as a slave i would say your gut reaction is already telling you that this Master is not right for you. I'd say go with your gut instint rather then your desire, as your gut will aid your logic where as desires just clouds it.

<sarcasm>Well if I were to guess I would say that you are either very new to the lifestyle too or have been living in a closet.<sarcasm>

I am not sure why you made such a statement. There are many, many Dominants who prefer NOT to be called Master or Sir....even ones that have been active in this lifestyle for many years.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Masterofyoutoo)

Post #: 9

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:33:31 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterofyoutoo
Being as you have been living 21 years as a slave i would say your gut reaction is already telling you that this Master is not right for you. I'd say go with your gut instint rather then your desire, as your gut will aid your logic where as desires just clouds it.

Wow....I didn't even get to this part when I first responded. How amazing that you can know what her gut instincts are. Maybe you also know then what my gut instincts are now saying to me about you........

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Masterofyoutoo)

Post #: 10

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:35:20 AM

viperess

Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline

Greetings,

As one who also has lived this life for many years i have learned no two Masters are alike. i liked what Master nottertail said, just because one Master likes a blowjob one way does not mean the next Ones wishes it the same way. It is the same with names. Personally if the biggest change a Master wanted was in the way in which i addressed Him i would be excited. i mean i love learning and trying new things, but sometimes it is hard when you are expected to do many changes right off the bat when going to a new Master. Just tell yourself this is what He wishes therefore that is what i shall do. The rest is a piece of cake. Just this old slaves 2 cents worth for the day.
Respectfully,

_____________________________

viperess slave of BlackTarnHeart
heart and chain sister to velvetvixen68

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 11

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:40:08 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I agree that it will take practice. I called my ex-husband all those terms of endearment names, like (honey, sweetie, baby, ect) and my Joe didn't want any of those terms of endearment and he didn't want me calling him Joe to his face. So, I turned Sir into a term of endearment and it works great. When I started calling him Daddy that felt really odd at first, and now that is his name.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to viperess)

Post #: 12

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:42:39 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Well if I were to guess I would say that you are either very new to the lifestyle too or have been living in a closet.

Well I were to guess I would say that he's been doing the lifestyle.....online only.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 13

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:44:10 AM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brattybutcute
now this new Master wants you to call Him something like ,,,Hun,,,Dear,, Darlin.....but you just can't seem to bring yourself to do that.

How would you handle this??

If he is the new Master, do you actually get a choice?

How would I handle it, if it were me?
Firstly I would talk to my new Master, ask (submissively of course) why it was important to him... of course it is not for him to justify his requests, however, I personally have a better time remembering things when I know what motivation is behind the request, it helps me to understand too.

Secondly, I would contemplate my submission. By that I mean I would consider what submission actually means. Literally it is to give over power to someone else, and I would concentrate on that thought.

Faith
:: smiles ::

(in reply to brattybutcute)

Post #: 14

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:50:34 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

LOL....I just don't get it. I have a couple of close friends who have both been active in the lifestyle over 20 years. They have even had their own successful group. They live the M/s lifestyle every single day of their lives. They are also some of the heaviest players I've ever known....not that it indicates much to me other than they are a good sadistic/masochistic match....but to others it seems to be some indicator of their "non-vanillaness". They just celebrated their 7th wedding anniversary. They generally refer to each other by their first names. Sometimes she will refer to him as Lord Domly Dude of Doom or even (oh horrors) asshole!(in the fondest way of course)

Guess I'm gonna have to be the one to break the news to them that they are really just vanilla newbies.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 15

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 9:51:33 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

If you truly can't bring yourself to do it, then perhaps he's not a match for you.

However, that seems to be a poor reason to end a relationship. If you've been in the lifestyle for that long, then you know that good service is mindful service and thus, you need to be mindful that you are following his wishes. I'm guessing you will have to really be sure to autocorrect...and might need help catching yourself. Talk to him and ask if he's willing to help in a positive way...a reward for getting it right, rather than a punishment for getting it wrong.

See if he'll accept "Master Hon" *chuckle*

Master Fire

I agree.

Names can be very important to many people and I know that I personally get highly annoyed when someone calls me something I have told them not to call me or does not call me by the name I desire.

Talk together and try to work out something that is acceptable to both of you.

If you can't then you have two choices.

Practice calling him what he wants. Over time it gets easier and soon it may just become something you automatically do. This took time for Fox when I went from being "Milady" or "TammyJo" to being just "Mistress" unless there was a serious problem (when my given vanilla name acts as a signal).

Say "thanks" and walk away.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 16

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 10:02:05 AM

santalia

Posts: 142
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brattybutcute

can some one give me some input on this one? here is the situation.

what if you have lived the lifestyle (real life) for 21 years,,you have always been taught and practiced that you call you Master ,,Sir or Master.....now all of a sudden you find yourself unowned and are talking to other potential "Masters",,now this new Master wants you to call Him something like ,,,Hun,,,Dear,, Darlin.....but you just can't seem to bring yourself to do that.

How would you handle this??

Greetings

i have had a similar situation arise just a couple days ago, though it was not with what i call my Master. i was chatting in private with Him and i asked if i might ask Him something. Even though He has told me i am always able to ask outright, i was trained to ask permission before i ask a question. He commented as to whether He should come up with a punishment for when i ask permission to ask a question and it struck me just then...i am with Him now and any prior training or expectations of me before Him are not necessarily what is true now.

When going into new relationships, we often find ourselves needing to be retrained. The One we're with now might like us the way we are, but there are always going to be things They want changed. The One you're with now wants you to learn to call Him something that goes against your prior training. The question you must answer now is are you able to accept the retraining and learn to better please the Man you're with now? That is the bottom line, and it can be harsh on us. Accepting change, moving on, learning, growing. These are all things that we must face at all times during our lives and how we accept them is the indicator of how successful we are in what we attempt to do.

i wish you well.

-santalia{JR}

(in reply to brattybutcute)

Post #: 17

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 10:06:02 AM

LadyInControl

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

...They generally refer to each other by their first names. Sometimes she will refer to him as Lord Domly Dude of Doom or even (oh horrors) asshole!(in the fondest way of course) ...

LMAO @ Lord Domly Dude of Doom ...

As for topic, it does always come down to a personal preference. I agree with those that have stated that you need to 1- realize it is his choice if you are in a relationship with him, and 2- determine if this is a sign you need to re-evaluate your submission to him. It may not be, may just feel wierd to you if you are not used to it. Good luck.

_____________________________

°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°
"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life" ~Picasso

Love and Light

°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o¤°¤o

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 18

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 10:08:33 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brattybutcute

can some one give me some input on this one? here is the situation.

what if you have lived the lifestyle (real life) for 21 years,,you have always been taught and practiced that you call you Master ,,Sir or Master.....now all of a sudden you find yourself unowned and are talking to other potential "Masters",,now this new Master wants you to call Him something like ,,,Hun,,,Dear,, Darlin.....but you just can't seem to bring yourself to do that.

How would you handle this??

Perhaps this is just part of his re-training you to belong to him alone not him and any other Dominants/Masters you've served?

Just my thoughts......

(in reply to brattybutcute)

Post #: 19

RE: Don't know what to do - 6/29/2007 10:12:37 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

i am with Him now and any prior training or expectations of me before Him are not necessarily what is true now.

This is going to piss off some people in the training for subs thread!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to santalia)

Post #: 20

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