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whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 3:34:43 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

i am curious to know how many consider love to be a part of their relationship. i see many great, different perspectives on different issues within the dynamic, but seldom hear this mentioned. is it because it is uncommon?

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it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

Post #: 1

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 3:35:53 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Love is and always has been part of the package in my BDSM relationship.

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Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 2

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 3:40:08 PM

diz

Posts: 1076
Joined: 9/6/2006
Status: offline

love is an emotion i find hard to express... i have told one person once that i loved them and i knew as soon as i said it it was wrong!!

Love is a strong part of 'any' relationship, vanilla, BDSM... whatever situation you are in....not everyone shouts about it!!

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 3

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 3:40:28 PM

RaynaSub

Posts: 185
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

Love has everything to do with my Master and I.
I am in love with him, and he is in love with me.
I can not fully submit with all my heart and soul without being in love.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 4

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 3:43:42 PM

Masternslave07

Posts: 203
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

I do love my slave. In my case the love has to be there for any relationship, including a bdsm relationship to flourish.
It used to be a fantasy of mine to have a slave and treat her like she was just property, a piece of furniture. After awhile I realized that is is boring having a relationship with a table.

< Message edited by Masternslave07 -- 7/1/2007 3:44:17 PM >

_____________________________

You can lead a horse to water, but not a cow.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 5

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 3:47:07 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Some people do not need it and it isn't essential in a BDSM relationship - or really in any relationship.
But for our relationship - it is an integral part.

Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 6

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 3:47:50 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I have to like and see potential in someone to train them, meaning I have to respect them.

If romantic loves grows from that, nice; if not, that's fine too. I've had wonderful slaves and subs I've been and still am friends with but I was never in love with them nor they with me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 7

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 3:51:49 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I love him dearly. I love him as I have never loved anyone. From the start I vowed to never ask him to love me in return; I was driven to serve him regardless...but I am thrilled that he does, and I feel it in the way he cares for me.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 8

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 4:18:02 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

http://www.collarchat.com/m_651231/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#651253
What's love got to do with it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_632033/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#632105
Loving your property

http://www.collarchat.com/m_609494/mpage_2/key_love/tm.htm#609934
Ownership and Love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_545462/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#545482
What does love got to do with it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_538921/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#538965
The Loving Dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_499831/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#499881
Don't fall in love with your dom

http://www.collarchat.com/m_477568/mpage_3/key_love/tm.htm#484997
How common is it to fall in love with a submissive or dominant?

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=423736&mpage=1&key=love&#423879
Love and Ms

http://www.collarchat.com/m_282567/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#282615
submissive/slave romantic love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_269031/mpage_1/key_love%252Csubmission/tm.htm#269120
Falling in love with Mistress

http://www.collarchat.com/m_248492/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#248492
true love in a relationship

http://www.collarchat.com/m_236486/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#236486
balancing commitment and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_199915/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#199915
love in bdsm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_166085/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#166085
love and D/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_65043/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#65043
love and bdsm (the unfettered heart)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_150281/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#150281
Is it normal to fall in love with your dom during training?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_125880/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#125880
not allowed to love him, what do I do?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_119832/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#119832
being owned or being loved

http://www.collarchat.com/m_97124/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#97124
subs/masochists and love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_31285/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#31285
can love get in the way?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_14998/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#14998
love in d/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2491/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#2491
is love important in a relationship?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 9

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 4:30:16 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

i believe that love, in particular, is not necessary in a bdsm or Ds relationship; certainly. trust and affection, but not love

i have been in a small number of bdsm relationships in the past, and love was not a part of them (well, maybe it was on her part; but she knew that if she ever made mention of it, i'd be gone as soon as she turned her back... i was quite clear on that point, i didn't want love and if i felt it or saw it, the relationship was over); but love was not a part of my life, and i chose it to be that way

but now, those fears no longer control me like they once did; and i don't see myself ever going into a strictly bdsm relationship... but in the Ds relationship i am in, love is hugely important to me and a large part of what we have together... if, gods forbid, something were to happen where She and i were no longer able to be together; i could easily see myself falling back and hiding behind the same shields i did before (and i don't know if you would continue seeing me at collarme), and running from love as i once did

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 4:35:55 PM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

He dips His lid:

Nice question and you may receive a number of differing perspectives. I'm with Feline, Rayna and Masternslave here.

Similar to Vanilla relationships there is that 'settling in' period of exploring self and the one/s that you play with as you build experience. Some people equate BDSM and physical sex as integral (the concept of being a slut and being accepted as the same person the day after rather than regarded as less) whereas some regard BDSM as being totally seperate from physical sex altogether.

The reasons why some disassociate BDSM from also involving physical sex are (in my opinion) various but appear to generally involve personal insecurity regarding issues of intimacy.   These intimacy issues are what constitute 'Love'.

Objectification (being a chair)or property may be fun as part of play and can involve intimacy but for me fall short of what I require for a long term relationship.

I want the intense intimacy, where intimate tenderness and 'animalism' (the naughtiness of wants/desires in boundary pushing) merge and seperate as a continuum. For this to occur I must be 'in love' otherwise I am pursuing relationships without the ongoing 'substance of duality' that is just 'fxcking or fxckbuddying' in Vanilla (no wholistic fulfillment).

I want to explore my boundaries knowing that I am jointly fulfilling another and that we support each other in this fulfillment. Without this; I question where I have respect for not only myself but also for my 'Precious collar'.

I have been questioned why I type my submissive 'Wildchild" in uppercase W; this to me signifies that although she is my submissive- she is my equal. I may dominate but it is consentual as part of our sharing dynamic and in no way means she is less than my equal. To be less than equal means she will never fulfill one of my basic needs; I need to be accepted by others as an equal with differing strengths and weaknesses.   (Did I suggest that as a Dominant that I have weaknesses???!!!)

Lots of people have differing perspectives (as previously indicated) and that denotes our individualism, it is how we 'fit seamlessly' with our intimate ones that denotes our strengths- we then walk beside each other, reinforcing the other, ready to support.   Walking behind another means that one can always fall and be seen by the other too late- a situation that I had vanilla and no longer wish for.

Warm regards to all.
Driver, Sir to His loving Wildchild.

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to Masternslave07)

Post #: 11

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 4:36:47 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

i couldnt be in a D/s relationship without love. but that's *me*. and i know that Sir pursued me gently and with much love till he was able to see that i was safe, then showed me i was very much loved, also.

there is love on both sides, and respect on both sides....i respect him because he is Daddy, and because i respect what he does for me....he respects me for my love and devotion to him, and to who i am outside the D/s relationship.

kitten, whose life might be a tangle, but she knows where she is in it....

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 12

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 4:51:43 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Love is part of my relationship and I feel it makes it an even deeper experience. I know some people believe that love complicates things, perhaps for some people it does, but in my relationship it has to be there.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 13

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 5:15:34 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

thanks for all the replies thus far......i asked this for several reasons....the one D/s relationship i have had , i went into it knowing it had no chance of going to that level, and i was ok with that.....and possibly could be again, for that matter.

but when i think about it as a 24/7 thing, i find it not that far off the type household i was raised in, both adoring each other for what they gave, the role they played in the household...and i just cant wrap my mind around that working for anyone without love.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 14

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 7:10:01 PM

Chtguy

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

I for one cant see how it would work with love. It may be fun at first but that fun will fade. Love helps bind the dom an sub in a way rope cant.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 15

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 8:24:29 PM

completenz

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

Neither of us have ever known a love like this. He is the love of my life as i am of His.
c

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 16

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 8:27:49 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

If love is not part of a relationship for me, then their is no relationship. Love can grow, its not an emotion for me, its more a state of being. I [now] go into a relationship looking at that person as 'more than a good friend' and let things build as they are meant too. If love doesn't come into things, then we have ot part ways. I won't stay in a relationship without love, I was married to a man I didn't love, I was in lust with my exhubby, not love. After him, I have been in love a few times, now, I just wait to see what happens.

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http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to Chtguy)

Post #: 17

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 9:06:03 PM

Alexander48

Posts: 18
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline

Experience has taught me that love (where honesty and trust exists, obviously) is the most important aspect of a relationship for me. There is an incredible intensity of emotions in a D/s or M/s relationship, but without love, or at least the growing of love between those involved, it is empty and meaningless to me. I am looking for a lifetime companion, not a play-partner. Not all seek this, and for them, that is fine. For myself, I will accept nothing less than the depth and strenght of the bond that love can bring to a relationship. Because I know that I, and the one who will be my sub/slave, deserve nothing less. As a Dominant, I have seen that love can bring out an intensity of passion directed toward my girl that I cannot even begin to describe, expect to another who thinks as I do.
Sincerely, Alexander

< Message edited by Alexander48 -- 7/1/2007 9:11:02 PM >

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 18

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 9:13:33 PM

Mystique567

Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

I too think that love should be a part of a deeper D/s relationship.

(in reply to Alexander48)

Post #: 19

RE: whats love got to do with it? - 7/1/2007 9:27:46 PM

viperess

Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline

Greetings.

Good question. i have served Masters who the biggest thing i felt for them was a certain fear..i have served where i had respect for them but it never went further than that as i had no desire to love another Master after loosing my first to death. Maybe it is from being older..who knows but i now find myself serving One whom i do love. To me if you do love your Master it makes you strive that much harder to be the very best you can be...but then again that is just this old slaves 2cents worth for the day.

_____________________________

viperess slave of BlackTarnHeart
heart and chain sister to velvetvixen68

(in reply to Mystique567)

Post #: 20

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