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RE: how long should i wait to be owned - 7/2/2007 7:24:47 AM

Viciousbabe

Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissOchistic

You are planning a move to his home to be owned by him.

Chances are this means he will also be 100% in control of the finances, at least for a couples months until you can work, if even that. Possibly forever.

You are going to be married, essentially (same if not greater committment) and have no money and no way to leave if he's psycho.

Gee, is three weeks enough? I really don't have a clue either.

When I decided to make the move after about 4 months, I had lil doubts in the back of my head but I knew that was what I wanted. After a couple of weeks, I saw red flags but I thought they were just issues that could be worked out. Now, I am living closer to school and have a better job than I ever thought possible.

Should I have moved to live with him? Probably not, but it was a huge stepping stone and learning curve. Even still, get to know him first. Meet in person, etc etc.

You don't wanna be in the situation I was where you wanted to leave, but had no sound finances to do it. Key word: Wait

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RE: how long should i wait to be owned - 7/2/2007 7:42:52 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

um, apparently she couldn't wait, appears according to her profile she has already dove in, watch the papers---troll the whine threads-----we will see

Yeah...we'll see in a few that he scammed her of all of her money and left her high and dry. She'll then want to start outing him to all of the unsuspecting newbies who also can't seem to think for themselves. And she won't want to take any responsibility for her own stupididty. It will all be his fault.

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RE: how long should i wait to be owned - 7/2/2007 7:47:17 AM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksub40

he said that if i trusted him and want him i would allow him to change my profile to let others know i am not looking while i am in training

If he needs to say 'if you trusted me you would.................' I would have serious doubts about trusting him, if it were me of course. Emotive blackmail. Using the power dynamic to manipulate you, which of course is the whole idea in a D/s relationship..... however, you are THREE WEEKS in.... ONLY three weeks is another way of putting it.
A three week old relationship is just a beginning, it is not a commited relationship. From my perpective, if a man were to say that to me after only three weeks I would run a mile. It would make me think about what else he would use his power to emotionally blackmail me into doing in the future.

Try looking at relationships as if it were a house/building. First you mark out the area that you want to build on, spend weeks digging a hole in the ground to lay solid foundations. Then you spend time building the best foundations that you can. Then you place bricks, or wood to make a structure, and then you fill in the gaps. You put on a roof and install windows and doors. Finally, you can decorate the house, putting in all the personal touches in order for you to enjoy living there, making it home. Most importantly, you have to go through each and every stage in order for your house to be a solid and long lasting stucture. If you skip a foundation stage, the house will ultimately fall down, or need very expensive remedial works.

This is what relationships are like, skip a stage, or two, and the remeidal work is very costly, and sometimes too costly for survival. Right now you are in the middle of marking out the earth, rather than putting a roof on or doing the finishing touches. Slow down woman, for crying out loud. If this man asked you to marry him right now.... would you? That is the equivalent of a collar, marriage! LA is right, if you have to ask, then you are not ready. If he asked you to marry him, would you need to aks the board if you should or shouldn't do it?

I understand it feels good, I have been there too. Within hours of talking to my Sir, I told him I belonged to him, and it then took over two years of hell and brimstone to get to the point of living together and to be wearing his collar. But that is my point, rleationships are sodding hard work, and you need to work at them to get them right, and rushing into things generally means that you are rushing for a fall.

Less haste, more speed.

Faith
:: smiles ::

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Post #: 63

RE: how long should i wait to be owned - 7/2/2007 7:52:05 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subsfaith

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksub40

he said that if i trusted him and want him i would allow him to change my profile to let others know i am not looking while i am in training

If he needs to say 'if you trusted me you would.................' I would have serious doubts about trusting him, if it were me of course.

Indeed indeed indeed, faith.

To the OP, trust is ~earned~, not just handed out like gumballs. WHY should you trust him? You don't know him. And listen to juliet - get facts. It sounds like she has some seriously good information for you. The guy sounds like a crackpot. Maybe he's not, but don't do something so quickly - learn for yourself who and what he is before you make such a drastic move. Once you're in Detroit and away from your friends and family, you have no support network other than the friends you make up north, and I am willing to wager he wouldn't allow you to make friends.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: how long should i wait to be owned - 7/2/2007 8:31:48 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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[quote]on the phone for about 3 weeks is that long enough. i am very new to this i dont have any exp.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksub40

how long should a sub/slave wait before she agree to be owned by a master/dom? i am really feeling this guy that want to own me. we have never met, we talk on the phone all the time. we have been talking on the phone for about 3 weeks is that long enough. i am very new to this i dont have any exp.

What does being owned mean to you? Is it the BDSM verison of boyfriend/girlfriend? Is it like a serious commitment? Is it like marriage?

Once you have that answer, you can decide how long you should wait by figuring out how long you would wait for it in the vanilla world.

Edited: Ok, having read through it all... um yeah... what's the rush? Why does he want you to move out so fast without having met you? Red flags are popping up everywhere

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 7/2/2007 8:36:53 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: how long should i wait to be owned - 7/2/2007 8:54:18 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksub40

we have talked about all of this he say its not a phase that hes real. i have a good job also. but to fulfil my desires i will make the move.

You say you have a good job. This is something that you may want to think long & hard about as far as giving up. Today's economy isn't the best & it is far worse off in big cities like Detroit. Are you willing to relocate & possibly have this all go wrong & then attempt to find employment in a strange town? Relocation is something you need to research. I would suggest you not consider this unless you first find new employment there &/or work something out with your current employer so that you could possibly come back if things don't go well up there.

Do you have any responsibilities outside of yourself? Such as family, children & so forth? If so then you really need to invest a great deal more time than 3 weeks with some stranger if moving yourself means moving others as well. If you are solo & your choices really don't involve others then you will have to trust your gut. If you have kids then you need to think about what is best for them & that will take a great deal of time.

The fact that you are on here asking reveals a great deal. I don't think you feel this is right. You need to trust your instincts & if you don't trust your own inner voice then you definitely aren't in a position where you should be trusting complete strangers... him, us or anyone. You can be submissive & confident. Don't think for a moment that anyone claiming to be dominant can also claim the right to think for you.

Take some time.. don't get sucked up into what is commonly called sub-frenzy. (where you let your desires & fantasies over rule your common sense & you throw all caution to the wind) Take some time & read on these boards from all the subs, both men & women, who have done just that & what they have to say about the devastating results. There are even a few on here from the dominants who jumped too quickly.

If this man truly wants you he will be patient. Patience is a sign of a good dominant. Being a demanding control freak that calls you dirty names is not necessarily signs of a good dominant.

I'll close at this... no sense typing out what my gut is telling me.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

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RE: how long should i wait to be owned - 7/2/2007 11:02:48 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

um, apparently she couldn't wait, appears according to her profile she has already dove in, watch the papers---troll the whine threads-----we will see

Yeah...we'll see in a few that he scammed her of all of her money and left her high and dry. She'll then want to start outing him to all of the unsuspecting newbies who also can't seem to think for themselves. And she won't want to take any responsibility for her own stupididty. It will all be his fault.

And the next thing you know they'll want to make a support thread for her situation just so they can bitch about Doms that they got involved with.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

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RE: how long should i wait to be owned - 7/2/2007 12:21:45 PM

mythi

Posts: 257
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Naples, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksub40

the other thing is that i am in Louisiana, hes in Detroit. when we meet for the first time he want me to move there and be owned by him. he plan for me to come there the end of the year

To move in with someone without having ever met them before is a very Very INCREDIBLY dangerous thing to do. Do you really want to put your life in the hands of someone who, right off the bat, asks you to make a bad decision and put your very life at risk???

Additionally, it's very Very INCREDIBLY poor judgment to invite someone you've never met to move in with you (much less move from across the country to do it). Do you really want to put your life in the hands of someone with obviously bad judgment???

THINK about all the other stupid, dangerous, life-risking decisions he'll be making once he has you tied up in his bedroom.

It has often been argued, successfully I believe, that the one right a slave retains is self-preservation.
NOW would be a good time for you to start excersing your right.

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“The truth doesn’t change based on our ability to stomach it.”
Flannery O’Connor

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RE: how long should i wait to be owned - 7/2/2007 1:30:03 PM

swtnsparkling