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RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 5:46:54 PM

HornyToadsMI

Posts: 287
Joined: 5/19/2007
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Our first experience envolved the color scale (green, yellow, red). I hit red a few times....as we were seeing what i liked and didn't like. But red always brought it to a stop. :) Guess i was lucky the right Master "showed us the ropes"...lol

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(in reply to Dini)

Post #: 41

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 6:38:27 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

I've never safeworded (but if I did and it wasn't respected it'd be the last time we played. And the last breath of air the guy took.)

But the first time I played with my first Dom, we were trying greek and it just wasn't going to happen that night. I stated so extremely loudly and clearly and he stopped. (So much for all the men who say, "It was too late... I had to keep going....") Knowing that he had the self control to stop that way meant I had total trust in him. He also monitored my reactions well, in fact all the guys I've played with have stopped at times when I wanted to go on - sometimes you just get so wild you never want to stop, but they could see the damage being done and knew it was time to call a halt.

I've always had a safeword, but never used it - not because I'm some wild tough sub, but because I always forget the stupid thing when I play.

(in reply to HornyToadsMI)

Post #: 42

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/2/2007 7:32:08 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

Master and I have not scened heavily. We are still working on the relationship part of our dynamic. We have discussed things, and he has pushed some of my limits (non-sexual), and always ~always~ if he truly touched a nerve or found I was not in a good mental or emotional place about something, he said he would not force me, and comforted me when I needed it. It was the equivalent of safewording.

That is ~not~ to say he didn't push past one of my former hard limits (cutting) but we talked through it, I felt the limit soften, I felt my fear subside, my sister was with me and held me and sang funny songs to me, and everything was ok. He's a decent man, knows what he's doing, and would allow me to safeword if I needed to.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 43

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/4/2007 7:28:27 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Hello luci,

I have only read your opening post, so I am not sure if this applies to the topic at hand or not.

We do not use safewords and Alandra and I do not have the authority to end play no matter what type of communication is being used. However, on occasion he will tell us that we are going to "play to red". He picks one instrument and gives us a particular position to be in. When we are in that position he will hit us with the toy. If she and I use red or tell him that we have had enough he will continue play for a little while longer. Most often what ends up happening is that play continues until she and I are no longer capable of getting back into position and he thinks we have had enough.

He has only done this with me twice, once I was strapped to the bondage bed and a thumbs up was my signal that I was ready for another and he was using a BBQ brush. The second was with a rope whip and I had to put my hands in a certain position on the A-frame. Both continued until he was ready to quit. This is a really empowering form of play and he does a much better job of describing it than I do. Here is an excerpt of a post that he talked about this type of play with her and I:

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I play to Red with my girls on occassion. However, playing to red doesn't empower them to stop play... it only communicates that they don't want another. They understand clearly that only I end play when I say play is done. It is not uncommon that I will push them to Red and give a few more afterward they communicate their desire. Is this edge play.. NO it's nothing more than a training techinque that I use with my girls. I am sure some individuals see this approach has showing the girls their place. In actual fact, it is not the focus of who has the authority. It is actually a approach to teach them that they can always push themselves further than their own minds limits them to. They call Red... and still they take a few more.. and play another time and they take more than the last time. In time you end up where alandra is... you just keep pushing, you will not quit. The important thing to realize is that this approach transfer's complete responsibility to the Top as well as a builds alot of trust between Top and Bottom. The Bottom gets into that mindset of not quiting... and the it falls on the Top to say when enough it enough. The mindset that develops because of this approach can be then transferred into other situation that are not simply play. Being able to convey to the Bottom that they learned we limit ourselves and breaking those limits can be very freeing. They come to challanges with new energy and determination... they end up pushing themselves to greater heights as result.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 44

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/6/2007 5:36:06 PM

SirGordonslil

Posts: 70
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

Master and i work on the red amber and green colour scheme, green is ok continue, amber, ok getting to the point where i need a breather, red, is stop the activity completely.. i also have a safeword (which is only used when i feel unsafe/threatened etc) "purple" but because of the colour scheme, have not had any occasions to use it..Master is always in control of my colour scheme as well, even tho i call the colours as he asks me, He decides for how long i can stay in yellow or red, He will push beyond these when He feels the need.
~~lil~~

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collared to SirGordonNo1

"In Him i breathe, move, and have my being"

(in reply to Dini)

Post #: 45

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/6/2007 5:40:28 PM

SirGordonslil

Posts: 70
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

i might add also, at all times Master just knows me, and knows when i want more, or should stop alltogether, is the dynamic of our D/s relationship, and only came after time and learning of E/each O/other.. i know when Master expects more of me, and will push myself when needed to, and Master knows when i cannot go further, regardless of colour schemes or safewords...although when learning a new experience the colour scheme works very well..

~~lil~~

_____________________________

collared to SirGordonNo1

"In Him i breathe, move, and have my being"

(in reply to SirGordonslil)

Post #: 46

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/7/2007 6:43:35 AM

WyckedMystress

Posts: 118
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline

If you have a safeword or it has been agreed on a safe word and then it is used and not respected - I would never play with them again.

I dont use safewords as such but have used a scarf that a boy holds - when he needs to he drops the scarf and I stop.

Also watching them for any signs that You have gone too far, especially when I know how they will react, is always a must for Me.

(in reply to Dini)

Post #: 47

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/7/2007 3:32:44 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

Yes.

However, my safeword is..."Stop, or I WILL pull the trigger".

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 48

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/7/2007 5:10:42 PM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

I have always had a safe word but never actually used it because i personally prefer to communicate in full sentances. Once i started getting dizzy but it never occurred to me to safeword because he was checking in on me enough for me to feel like i could simply say i'm feeling dizzy and he sat me down and looked after me. I could have said yellow or red there and the play would have stopped as well but to me it felt more appropriate to tell him how i was feeling and let him figure out what was best.

I think it always comes down to the individual. Like SimplyMichael said it is a tool, not a miracle worker and it seems to me it comes down to personal preference and an understanding of how your partner communicates. I would definitely want a safeword if engaging in a play rape scene because i want to feel like struggling and begging for it to stop wouldn't actually stop it but otherwise i enjoy the way things are right now. I know the safewords are there (yellow for slow and red for stop) but i have always felt such direct and present communication going on that i have never felt the need to use them.

I think if having a safeword left me feeling like i had some kind of control over the Dom in the scene i would not go as deep into subspace. If it's used as a tool of communication then it sounds good to me. I mean whether or not you have a prescribed word it seems to me that it's always important that the submissive communicate where he or she is at. Be it red, yellow, mercy or simply a tone of voice that indicates distress, knowing that the two of you are going to communicate is very important when in a scene.

At least that's how i feel...so far...with my limited experience...

~charlotte

(in reply to Griswold)

Post #: 49

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/8/2007 6:27:47 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

charlotte,

See that's where the intent is important. Not every bottom needs or wants to feel they have surrendered complete control. For them, the safeword gives them enough sense that they can pull the plug anytime, even if they don't use it, to commit to the scene in the first place. For them, playing without a safe word seems as risky as leaping from an airplane without a parachute.

Personally, I have no interest in playing hard enough with someone I don't know well enough, to need a safeword.

Stephan

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Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to charlotte12)

Post #: 50

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/8/2007 8:11:40 AM

Mystique567

Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold

Yes.

However, my safeword is..."Stop, or I WILL pull the trigger".

I think that would work effectively

(in reply to Griswold)

Post #: 51

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/8/2007 8:48:50 AM

wildflower13cat

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/19/2006
Status: offline

No, and i am no longer with that person. i didn't just use my safe word, i screamed it over and over until he gaged me, i then continued with my safe move (commonly used by deaf people, or in cases when you can't speak) as well as fighting back as much as i could. This was many years ago, i also spread the word to people in the community about this persons actions.

Sincerely,
rachel (wildflower)

(in reply to Dini)

Post #: 52

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/8/2007 10:20:58 AM

CrimsonMoan

Posts: 2652
Joined: 10/31/2006
From: Portland, Me via Las Vegas Nv
Status: offline

Have a safeword but have only used it twice with the various dom/mes I have scened with. Once because I was close to blacking out and th other because i was gonna puke and din't want to get their equipment dirty. I have never had it ignored, but then i have also only scened with people iw ould trust with my life and they know me well enough outside of the scene to know that there would be hell to pay if they did.

(in reply to wildflower13cat)

Post #: 53

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/8/2007 11:04:41 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

I have a safeword I just dont think I've ever used it. In my mind when I gave up control I feel as though I gave up the power of having a safeword as well. I may want to use it from time to time but I just cant.

I enjoy giving up that power but maybe it's just me.

~meticulous~

(in reply to Dini)

Post #: 54

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/8/2007 11:48:06 AM

kiyari

Posts: 631
Status: offline

1. Coming from Vanilla, with not my first r/t connexion in here, I would just say that: before I commit to someone, I first consider whether death at their hand were acceptable.

Before genuine trust, one may choose to apply mindful acceptance. Give 'em rope and see who gets hanged, ya might say...

This is not to say that my commitment would not be revocable... as until one gets to know the other, insufficient data are present for a reasoned decision, and it would be ego, pride and folly to stick with a decision arrived at with wrong or insufficient underpinnings.

2. Trust betrayed would be the end of things, at minimum (vengeance might enter, depending upon severity of the breach).

3. Mortal communication is imperfect, much though we might idealise otherwise.

4. Mistakes happen, we get 'caught up' and senses narrow - blinkers appear, indulge the present and repent 'at leisure'.

Intent matters.

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Black Water Dragon

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 55

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/9/2007 12:43:45 AM

HardnRuff

Posts: 213
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

When I own a slave a safeword for her is a priveledge. But for ones I have never played with by all means she will have a safeword. And I damn well expect her to use it if she needs it. As far as not honoring that , well that is the line where abuse kicks in, its is no longer consentual when they wish it to stop, therefore breaking our creed of SSC.

(in reply to Dini)

Post #: 56

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/11/2007 2:52:14 AM

wildflower13cat

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HardnRuff

When I own a slave a safeword for her is a priveledge. But for ones I have never played with by all means she will have a safeword. And I damn well expect her to use it if she needs it. As far as not honoring that , well that is the line where abuse kicks in, its is no longer consentual when they wish it to stop, therefore breaking our creed of SSC.

Very well put HardnRuff.

Sincerely,
rachel (wildflower)

(in reply to HardnRuff)

Post #: 57

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/11/2007 3:57:02 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HardnRuff

As far as not honoring that , well that is the line where abuse kicks in, its is no longer consentual when they wish it to stop, therefore breaking our creed of SSC.

While that may be true for many, that is not the case in my relationship. Wishing play to stop does not alter or remove my consent to play with him. There have been a couple of times where I wished he would stop but I still consented.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to HardnRuff)

Post #: 58

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/11/2007 5:46:48 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HardnRuff

When I own a slave a safeword for her is a priveledge. But for ones I have never played with by all means she will have a safeword. And I damn well expect her to use it if she needs it. As far as not honoring that , well that is the line where abuse kicks in, its is no longer consentual when they wish it to stop, therefore breaking our creed of SSC.

Do you own everyone you ever played with? Do you ever play someone multiple times that you never own? What do you do then?

With Alandra and Kyra.. I own them in our M/s relationship and they don't have so-called "safewords" but they can communicate their preferences, but that doesn't mean that I will stop if that is what they want.. the decision is mine. In actually fact, it is seldom that I have ever stop when it was communicated to me that they had a desire to stop.

One would think that is fine because you own them etc etc etc, but what about my bottom Denika. I don't own her. We are close friends. She matters to me in many ways! She enters play with me under the same rules that My girls do. Infact, I think one of the things that Denika actually loves is to get to the point that she desires for me to stop but I don't. It is that moment she feels what she craves to feel. It's that moment that she feels completely "Free"

People need to understand that this world in not cookie-cutter situation for everyone. They need to understand that some individual's motivations and desires for play are going to be different. That the limits they place on themselves is going to not exist for another. Put limits on yourself.. fine.. but don't be surprized when someone doesn't have the same limits as you.

In my play.. there is exist one limit... "Don't Harm me! with intent!" yeah.. there is a risk that Harm could occur!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to HardnRuff)

Post #: 59

RE: Has your use of a safeword always been respected? - 7/11/2007 6:32:06 AM

temptressofsouls

Posts: 208
Joined: 3/29/2005
From: Toledo, OH
Status: offline

Once when I was playing, I said "yellow" several times, and got no response. Being in a vulnerable state at the time due to the scene, and the lack of recognition over the use of a safeword, I broke down cried, drew into myself, and became unresponsive.

After I had recovered, I was met by a perplexed, slightly annoyed Dom. I think the phrase "What the hell was that about?" was uttered. Turns out he had forgotten he had given me yellow as a safeword. That shocked and hurt me, and while the gentleman is still a dear Friend of mine, that pretty much sealed the deal for me.

(in reply to Dini)

Post #: 60

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