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RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 10:37:51 AM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

addicted2it:

I think you have misread my post. Please re-read it. That quote was from an actual email I received from someone on this site, who's nickname I will not share since that would be against the CM TOS...I was only presenting an example of what not to do...it was meant in a light-hearted manner. But it seems as though you have taken offense and I am not sure why that is.


MNN


MistressNoName,

I am sorry for the misunderstanding, which only goes to prove my point, which is that the written word does not always convey the true meaning. And when someone says that they were only joking, how would anyone know if it was serious or a joke without knowing the person who was making a joke?

Peace.

-Philip




Well, Philip, thanks for the apology around the misunderstanding, but actually, if you had read my first post carefully, I think you would have seen that I clearly posted, "Well here's another example of what NOT to write to a Mistress. (I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.)" Which is something you left out when you excerpted part of my quote to comment on. Also, in your apology post, you mistakenly typed that my 2nd post was written by MstrssPassion. I can get a little nit-picky about things, but it's usually in the service of clarifying things. I am suggesting that maybe this was a case of you needing to pay better attention to things rather than an issue of my writing not clearly conveying my meaning. But, I'll leave that to others to decide whether my first post was unclear or not.


MNN

< Message edited by MistressNoName -- 7/2/2007 10:40:50 AM >

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 10:54:20 AM   
MsDonnaMia


Posts: 95
Joined: 6/30/2007
Status: offline 		Honestly the first thing is to know who you are approaching. there are so many men who don't seem to know how to read a simple profile.

Take some time and do some research on the Woman you're admiring..don't just throw yourself at Herand move o nto th next when your rejected. we find that very rude and impersonal.


secondly don't try to 'come at us' from any angle...just be who you are and be honest with yourself. Once you are accepted, aim to please s much as you can.


quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

There has been much controversy about the correct way to approach a domme.

Should we begin by demonstrating our submissiveness, or should we attempt to put you at ease by an offhanded vanilla approach, without any submissive or suggestive overtones? 

It is my opinion, and only my opinion, that a little bit of each is acceptable, at least for most.

Again, do some dominant women look for immediate submission, or are there those who feel uneasy with submissives who follow a more sedate approach?

That said, I am sure that there will be many diverse opinions; but my questions are prompted by an honest attempt to establish a common ground for behavior.

To those dominant females who wish to take part in this issue, I look forward to your responses and opinions. 

Thank you in advance for you participation in this inquiry.

[Edited because I can!]


(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 10:57:36 AM   
SlND3R3LLA


Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		I am actually having the problem of just not knowing what to say when I write a Domina.  I feel more intimidated by them than I did doms.  I wish I knew why this was, but I fear it will hurt in me getting my true feelings across to her.

I know that my circumstances are different than most of those searching, so I have an uphill climb right from the beginning.

I always want to show respect, yet I don't want to overdue it and have her roll her eyes at what I wrote

How can I ease up my fears and allow myself to open up in more of a relaxed way?  I usually either babble, or freeze on contact..neither of which is what I want to do.

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 10:58:42 AM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		Or here's another thought that just occurred to me. This could also be a case of you simply not believing that what I posted earlier could be a true representation of some of the crap that enters the inboxes of many women over the internet. Well, if by any chance you were thinking that, let me assure you...we get this kind of nonsense in our boxes all the time. And sometimes, speaking only for myself here, I'd just like to receive a literate email...and yes, or course, there is obviously some language barrier going on here...but I've gotten similar stuff from folks right here in the ole US of A...and again, I recognize that not all US citizens and residents speak and write English well. I guess I'm looking for the basics though. You know, invest a few bucks in a good dictionary and basic grammar text...Heck, no one buys them anymore so they're dirt cheap at the B&N discount bin.

Anyway, Philip, hope all is cleared up.

MNN

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 11:02:30 AM   
stella40


Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline 		I don't know.... maybe for me the controversy here is the thread title 'what is the correct way to approach a domme' like she's a lawyer, or a doctor, or... a dangerous animal perhaps...or even .... an object.

There is no correct approach, there is no 'one-size-fits-all'. because each and every domme deep down is a woman, a person, an individual.

The saying 'if in doubt read the script' comes to mind here. To me, in my opinion, the only way to approach a domme, or anyone else for that matter is to be yourself and read the profile, read the journal entries and read any postings made on the fora, and take it from there.

Therefore I would adjust the above saying to read 'if in doubt read the profile'.

I hope this helps.

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.


(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 11:08:06 AM   
MistressNoName


Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		I think littlesarbonn addresses this topic best.


http://www.collarchat.com/m_1098733/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1101206


(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 11:38:43 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		i read the Op as asking more " What degree of submission should we approach with ".... if its in person then i would be the same as i usally am. Polite, well mannered and attentive. As the meeting went on i would pick up ( hopefully ) on any signals of what was expected of me, and react accordingly. If the approach was by email then i would just be polite and try and keep the fine balance between sumissiveness and vanilla. Respectful but still honest and open.

If all that fails ill just send out the standard letter that MissOchistic somehow got hold of ( anyone who hasnt had a copy yet please give me time  )

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 12:01:40 PM   
addicted2it


Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName

Or here's another thought that just occurred to me. This could also be a case of you simply not believing that what I posted earlier could be a true representation of some of the crap that enters the inboxes of many women over the internet. Well, if by any chance you were thinking that, let me assure you...we get this kind of nonsense in our boxes all the time. And sometimes, speaking only for myself here, I'd just like to receive a literate email...and yes, or course, there is obviously some language barrier going on here...but I've gotten similar stuff from folks right here in the ole US of A...and again, I recognize that not all US citizens and residents speak and write English well. I guess I'm looking for the basics though. You know, invest a few bucks in a good dictionary and basic grammar text...Heck, no one buys them anymore so they're dirt cheap at the B&N discount bin.

Anyway, Philip, hope all is cleared up.

MNN


MistressNoName,

Actually, I do believe that you and other dommes receive tons of garbage from all sorts of men claiming to be submissive.  There are some who are sincere, but most are probably not.  My sympathies go out to you and to others who deal with this on a daily basis; however, no one can say that femmedommes do not receive their fair share of attention? 

Be that as it may, unwanted advances from those who lack basic  communication skills, as well as those who are uncouth, insensitive and who are obviously out for themselves,  only  perpetuates the friction and distrust that this type of behavior contributes to.

I very much appreciate your comments, and I hope that you will not take anything I have said personally.  I am sure that if you had received an e-mail inquiry from me, it would have been a very polite and respectful introduction.


_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 4:45:11 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		On stilts, wearing a jockey outfit while balancing spinning plates and reciting Shakespeare.



Edited due to my own personal failings.   

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 7/2/2007 4:46:56 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 5:02:42 PM   
addicted2it


Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

On stilts, wearing a jockey outfit while balancing spinning plates and reciting Shakespeare.

Edited due to my own personal failings.   


That would no doubt work at a Renaissance fair, but in the real world...nah!


_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to joyinslavery)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 5:04:59 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

On stilts, wearing a jockey outfit while balancing spinning plates and reciting Shakespeare.

Edited due to my own personal failings.   


That would no doubt work at a Renaissance fair, but in the real world...nah!






Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.  IF you can do it. 

And thanks for injecting some seriousness back into this thread. 




Edited because it annoys me to no end when the quote feature puts me in the previous posters' box.  DAMN you CollarMe. 

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 7/2/2007 5:07:33 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 5:10:07 PM   
addicted2it


Posts: 322
Joined: 5/31/2004
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

On stilts, wearing a jockey outfit while balancing spinning plates and reciting Shakespeare.

Edited due to my own personal failings.   


That would no doubt work at a Renaissance fair, but in the real world...nah!






Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.  IF you can do it. 

And thanks for injecting some seriousness back into this thread. 




Edited because it annoys me to no end when the quote feature puts me in the previous posters' box.  DAMN you CollarMe. 


I guess that if you knew what you were doing, then you wouldn't have that problem, so why blame CM?


_____________________________

"What I lack in wisdom and intelligence, I more than make up or with age."

(in reply to joyinslavery)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 5:10:56 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

On stilts, wearing a jockey outfit while balancing spinning plates and reciting Shakespeare.

Edited due to my own personal failings.   


That would no doubt work at a Renaissance fair, but in the real world...nah!





BTW...Just out of curiosity...

Where on Earth are you getting Renaissance Faire?!? 

Stilts?  Jockey outfit?  Spinning plates?  Shakespeare?   

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 7:22:36 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

On stilts, wearing a jockey outfit while balancing spinning plates and reciting Shakespeare.

Edited due to my own personal failings.   


That would no doubt work at a Renaissance fair, but in the real world...nah!






Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.  IF you can do it. 

And thanks for injecting some seriousness back into this thread. 




Edited because it annoys me to no end when the quote feature puts me in the previous posters' box.  DAMN you CollarMe. 


I guess that if you knew what you were doing, then you wouldn't have that problem, so why blame CM?





I know exactly what I'm doing.

Do you?

Somehow I doubt it. 



Edited because I was homeschooled (And because it's not that easy.).     

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 7/2/2007 7:42:56 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 7:42:32 PM   
SaintAllie


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

On stilts, wearing a jockey outfit while balancing spinning plates and reciting Shakespeare.

Edited due to my own personal failings.   


That would no doubt work at a Renaissance fair, but in the real world...nah!





BTW...Just out of curiosity...

Where on Earth are you getting Renaissance Faire?!? 

Stilts?  Jockey outfit?  Spinning plates?  Shakespeare?   



Wonders idly if banging their heads together would cause the spinning plates to fall, or result in a magnificent duet....


;)......Allie xxx

(in reply to joyinslavery)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 7:44:46 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SaintAllie

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

quote:

ORIGINAL: addicted2it

quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

On stilts, wearing a jockey outfit while balancing spinning plates and reciting Shakespeare.

Edited due to my own personal failings.   


That would no doubt work at a Renaissance fair, but in the real world...nah!





BTW...Just out of curiosity...

Where on Earth are you getting Renaissance Faire?!? 

Stilts?  Jockey outfit?  Spinning plates?  Shakespeare?   



Wonders idly if banging their heads together would cause the spinning plates to fall, or result in a magnificent duet....


;)......Allie xxx



I'd recommend using your imagination. 

With any luck, it'll be fun for you. 





< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 7/2/2007 7:51:08 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to SaintAllie)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 7:51:17 PM   
SaintAllie


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		hehehehe....I was already using my imagination...  regards Allie

(in reply to joyinslavery)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 7:52:43 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SaintAllie

hehehehe....I was already using my imagination...  regards Allie



Good for you. 

Google 'John Lennon'. 

Have fun. 

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to SaintAllie)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 8:43:57 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		The correct way is the way. 

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to MistressNoName)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Question: What is the correct way to approach a domme? - 7/2/2007 10:25:08 PM   
subiugo


Posts: 45
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		i generally agree with the line of reasoning here. A Domme is a Woman, so approach Her like you would approach every Woman. Much is said about  what a Woman dislikes in first contacts. (It is incredible that so few men seem to understand this, and are making the same mistakes over and over again...) Maybe i can add something about what most Women (and so most probably most Dommes) like.

i call it a kind of 'natural self confidence'. Knowing oneself is a great kind of wisdom, and wise men do not need the self pep talk of 'i am the biggest and the greatest'. But wise men do not need to 'hide' themself neither. So, some self confidence as a sub greatly helps in approaching a Domme. If you accept yourself as a submissive, if you see your submission as the core dimension of your personality, and you are proud of it, than you will 'radiate' it. (Mostly not with great words but with small gestures). 'Wise' and 'experienced' Dommes have a sixth sense for this 'radiation' and will easily pick up on it. (And of course, as a submissive male you can develop your sixth sense for the 'radiation of domination'.

Maybe it is not easy to be 'self confident' as a submissive. You feel like a 'lowly' male. And being 'low' and 'self confident' at the same time is not evident (like at school... if you are the 'lowest performer', quite problable you will have low self esteem). But with the right guidance you can be trained to see your submission as a true quality.

(in reply to addicted2it)
Profile   Post #: 40
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