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RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 7:41:44 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'll go with Rover on this one AND suggest that you're getting exactly what you attracted to yourself- and experiencing the downsides of getting what you wanted.

It's extremely common, specially when people who primarily connect online. They want it they want it they want it- but then they get it and it's too much and they back away. Then a few weeks later, the craving comes again and we repeat the cycle.

Some of them become addicted to the therapy, they get attached to needing that other voice on the end making them feel desired. But they can't make any actual progress towards security because then they might not get their "therapy" anymore. And since that's the only source of solid attention and support they know, they'll force the relationship or their own lives back a few paces to prevent losing that.

Some of them become addicted to the game- they don't GET (at least for a few years) that when people talk about leading a boring long life together years in the same stable relationship, well that's exactly what they mean. So they bounce around and around, just wanting that initial thrill, chase, courtship- not really ever looking back to see how unstable and unprogressive that is.

So you have to look at what you REALLY want long term and see whether this desire of yours is helping or hindering that. Because as long as you send signals out that this sort of thing is what you want, then you'll keep getting it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slaveish)

Post #: 21

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 7:57:39 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I wouldn't call her a brat personally - no one here knows her, understands her past, her head - anything. But your description does point to manipulation - but not in a negative way IMO. You are both exploring each other and she is bound to push buttons because to be frank, she is a woman. Yep, so I am generalising - but I am not apologising and I don't see manipulation at this early stage as negative. There is no indication on time scale here. There is confusion for me if you have even met this woman/girl? It maybe that she just hasn't gained enough trust of you yet and needs to spend more time with you as a person before spending time with you as 'Master'. Submission is sometimes an internal force a person has difficulty with because it can go against the head and what you have experienced in life. Manipulation isn't just of you, shes probably manipulating herself to some degree. Her body is telling her what she wants, but her mind is fighting it possibly.

Taking time off the site is always a good idea if you feel it there. Whatever you decide, do it coz its what you feel comfortable with - but I would definately recommend that you meet face to face if you haven't as yet because until you do, everything else is speculative and second guessing and from the queen of second guessing, I can asure you it can destroy a relationship until you can release yourself from that.

Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 22

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 8:58:10 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

My impressions: You're not coming from a place of power here. Her playing hard to get is basically her playing fetch with you...and you're responding nicely, fetching her everytime she shows back up. Don't get me wrong...I know what it is the truly, TRULY want someone BAD. But, allowing that to overshadow your role as Dominant and/or Master does a disservice to you both. You're going to have to "lay down the law" so to speak and then allow her to do as she will. BUT, this time, let her know that what she does directly impacts the relationship and how much time you're willing to invest in her. YOU play hard to get and YOU play fetch with HER. This means standing firm and standing still.

Write down what you want in this relationship. Write down what you NEED, too. It sounds like to me you need some kind of consistancy in contact and action (I do, too). Then, having shared this with her, sit back and see how she complies...or doesn't. If she doesn't, she's really not a match for you as far as a permanent relationship, no matter how much you want her. Of course, there's always the possibility of online fun or a play partner relationship...but it doesn't sound like that's what you want.

You can't make her more mature. You can't make her decisions for her. You can't make her want you. You can, however, stand up for what you want and need in a relationship. This is true for ANY kind of relationship, not just Ds.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 23

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 10:56:45 AM

jennifer819

Posts: 28
Joined: 2/27/2007
Status: offline

If she was excited by her punishment it wasnt really a punishment at all. She probably saw it more as kinky play.You dont have the power to punish her yet.If she flakes out and poofs on you she isnt yours.The relationship just isnt there.As far as her behavior it may come from fear,or things being long distance it might not feel real enough to her,or maybe this is only a part time thing in her life and she doesnt wish to take it any further than playing online.Only she knows her reasons and she just may be to overwhelmed to understand them right now.The question is how much time and effort are you willing to put into someone who may dissapear on you.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 24

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 11:13:06 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

My dearest brothah Whip,

I take it that this is not a "face to face" kinda deal? If it is not...I think you have alluded in the past with having some difficulties with these types of relationships.

I might be totally off base...But you seem like an intelligent, attractive guy ...and...You're Good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like you!!!

Perhaps it is time to abandon any type of relationship wherein the majority of your conversations are not done on a face to face basis.

_____________________________

(in reply to jennifer819)

Post #: 25

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 11:16:44 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

OK gang, here's a little more to the puzzle for you guys. I finally heard from her and have spoken three times today over the phone. There seems to be a lot cycles of Drama going on in her life.

She had been in an 8 year abusive M/s relationship, there are times when I question if she of her behaviors are conditioned because of this. Difficult to properly guage at times.

He Ex recently had tracked her down and caused her phyical harm about 3 weeks ago.

She currently has some eating disorder that is going on, where she does not eat and in under weight. A lot of this she contributed to her pervious relationship.

Anyways, she has migrane problems as well. She has a food allergy as well. Lactose intolerent this does not help trying to put on weight with heavy diets.

Anyways, he's the latest... her Ex has some problems with Tax evasion from the IRS. Anyways, they ended up freezing her accounts for now. She is at ends wits and is frustrated. The IRS should not be freezing her accounts yet, it will take 3-4 weeks for them to unfreeze them. She said she was avoiding me, because she wants to deal with this on her own, and that I have more than enough to worry about without worrying about her.

My mind is somewhat fried today....

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 26

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 11:19:39 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

My dearest brothah Whip,

I take it that this is not a "face to face" kinda deal? If it is not...I think you have alluded in the past with having some difficulties with these types of relationships.

I might be totally off base...But you seem like an intelligent, attractive guy ...and...You're Good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like you!!!

Perhaps it is time to abandon any type of relationship wherein the majority of your conversations are not done on a face to face basis.

DomiGuy, I'm getting prepared to take a little Road Trip soon to see face to face... at the very least, I'm gonna end up visiting my cousins and an Uncle on my trip, this way if I get stood up or blown off it's not a total waste! Plan A with Plan B involved type of thing! LOL..

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 27

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 11:28:43 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

She doesn't sound like this is a good time in her life for her to be able to build a new serious relationship. Be friends and be supportive, otherwise, keep your distance and encourage her to find a good therapist she trusts.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 28

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 12:08:45 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

OK gang, here's a little more to the puzzle for you guys. I finally heard from her and have spoken three times today over the phone. There seems to be a lot cycles of Drama going on in her life.

She had been in an 8 year abusive M/s relationship, there are times when I question if she of her behaviors are conditioned because of this. Difficult to properly guage at times.

He Ex recently had tracked her down and caused her phyical harm about 3 weeks ago.

She currently has some eating disorder that is going on, where she does not eat and in under weight. A lot of this she contributed to her pervious relationship.

Anyways, she has migrane problems as well. She has a food allergy as well. Lactose intolerent this does not help trying to put on weight with heavy diets.

Anyways, he's the latest... her Ex has some problems with Tax evasion from the IRS. Anyways, they ended up freezing her accounts for now. She is at ends wits and is frustrated. The IRS should not be freezing her accounts yet, it will take 3-4 weeks for them to unfreeze them. She said she was avoiding me, because she wants to deal with this on her own, and that I have more than enough to worry about without worrying about her.

My mind is somewhat fried today....

Whippy,

I guess we all have choices as to whom to pursue or not....When I was but a Domiboy I was much more pliable than I am today....I don't have the time nor the energy to spend with someone who has got more t(issues) than Kleenex...Life is just way tooo fucking short....

Why not kick her to the curb and find someone relatively normal, whatever in the fuck that means?

Unless you dig the drama and enjoy the drain that people like this cause...Sure you are not a masochist?....lol. I would rather be alone...But to each their own.

Good luck...Enjoy your family. Find someone who is as cool as the other side if the pillow. I think you will be much happier.

_____________________________

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 29

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 12:52:48 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Hon, she needs therapy and a good lawyer WAY before she needs a LDR Ds relationship.

Look hard and see if you're operating in the shadow aspect your Rescuer or Knight archetypes. Are you uber attracted to her because you think you can help and fix her?

From myss.com:

Rescuer shadow: "The shadow Rescuer often surfaces through a romantic connection in which one party seeks to establish an intimate bond by lending emotional support, with a hidden agenda that assumes the rescued party will return the Rescuer's romantic feelings. Such romances are destined to fail, because the shadow agenda has to keep the "rescuee" in need of being rescued, lest the Rescuer lose her significance."

Knight shadow: "In its negative aspect, the Knight can also, like the Rescuer, fall into a pattern of saving others but ignoring his own needs."

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 30

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 1:00:29 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Just sounds to me like she is not serious about anything just playing games.
All that DRAMA! sheesh I'd venture a guess if you decide to go see her, some thing will come up and she wont be able to meet with you. I hope that doesn't happen but I can't help but feel it is going too.

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 7/2/2007 1:04:26 PM >

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 31

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 3:30:57 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I hope I dont repeat anyone, this is a fast reply of sorts.
I have seen in myself where I could appear to ping pong as you say. For myself, it's not a form of manipulation, it's simply fear of letting go, fear of trust, fear of making yet one more mistake, it's fear of failure. And it does escalate in times of stress. I think that distance is a factor along with time. She may only be afraid of herself.

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 32

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 3:41:35 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

I, also, agree with Rover in Post #2.

You have her right where She wants you.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 33

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 3:53:56 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Geesh, and I was already to guess how many ping pong balls it takes to fill a condom. Domiguy said it best in the end....this girl has major issues. Not sure what keeps you attracted, most people would be running, not walking in the other direction.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 34

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 4:33:26 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

I'm with Domi, How many ways can you say "kicked to the curb"?

First off "if" all of this is true. and I say if because some of these people in cyberland are wonderful story tellers, do youi really want to become entangled in this? I know things happen to people but before I am willing to become involved in any type of relationship with someone they need to have their life fairly under control or at least be making progrress in that direction.

K

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 35

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 7:07:12 PM

leatherette

Posts: 255
Status: offline

Hi whiplash

I was going to say, maybe she hasn't had enough experience to handle her feelings about D/s. Then you explained her current situation.

So much is going on in her life right now. No wonder she is up/down. I sounds as if the time is just not right.
Maybe later it will be? Please talk to her...

People: why so much anger? Are so many submissives players, brats, gamers, manipulative?

Wishing all patience and faith

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 36

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 7:17:54 PM

leatherette

Posts: 255
Status: offline

I really hope that no one thinks the things she ( whiplash's girl ) is going through are nothing and that she is playing games if she can't be all he desires at this time.

problems? yes, it sure sounds like she has 'em. But, are they temporary? A problem child, you know what type, is not a good slave... but are some too quick to judge?

Those quick to judge: if you had temporary trouble, be it financial, health, family... would you be "kicked to the curb" ?

How about some human empathy? Or at least: finding out the situation? Then see...

Sorry: but I find those who are quick to judge - reject - without info ( and they really like the person) to be hiding from their own feelings of vulnerbility.

You'll do the right thing.... :)

(in reply to leatherette)

Post #: 37

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 7:19:23 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

i am admittedly a cynic. Here goes anyway. Please do not give her money. It sounds like she does have you right where she wants you... i smell a scam coming on.

A question, however: if you have never met... how were you able to accomplish the physical punishment?

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 38

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 7:33:05 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Absolutely, do NOT give her any money.

She's sure got a lot going on, assuming it's all true. And you're just a bit of entertainment for her - if this IS all true, then there's no way she's got the time or energy for a full relationship with you, you're just a bit of release now and then.

Wait till you meet, and then wait till she's got herself sorted out, and then wait until you've got time to really talk and define your relationship.

And first, last and always - do NOT give her any money. When I started reading this I wondered how long it'd be before she started setting up the sting, and it looks like it's coming fast. Tell her no on the money and see how long she stays around.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 39

RE: Submissive ping pong balls - 7/2/2007 7:35:56 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

angelic, I had the same reaction. The scent is on the wind, no?

God, Whiplash, be careful.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 40

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