RE: Rape after effects

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Najakcharmer -> RE: Rape after effects (7/4/2007 11:29:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Dom... here baby... tell me about something that hurt you... Submissive... It really hurts Dom... I know baby... but tell daddy all about it so I can get off Sounds reasonable to me... don't know why I have a problem with this Because this is potentially playing with emotional dynamite. A shallow, selfish dominant who stirs up memories of real and horrible past trauma in his submissive for the specific purpose of his short term sexual gratification is not behaving responsibly. It is possible for a dominant to behave responsibly and still play with past emotional traumas, but not if he's strictly thinking with his dick and not caring about the long term effects and repercussions of playing with abuse memories. This is fairly delicate territory, and if you're doing all the thinking with your little head, it's possible to tread seriously wrong and do damage. Like I said, it goes both ways. A friend of mine who is a novice male sub was raped at one time by men. I'm treading extremely carefully with this one and mostly keeping my own hands off of him despite significant personal temptation, because I judge that my play style and my degree of interest in male - male domination (I'm genderbent) is a potential risk to him. Less genderbent femdoms who don't eroticize male rape will be a better match for him, therefore I'm kindly shepherding him around the scene until he finds one. Sucks to be me in this instance, since he's a particularly nice specimen, but I like my ethics better than I like taking the risk of violating them and hurting a friend.

zindyslave -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 1:17:30 AM)
To the op I was molested several times by two differnet people. And I was raped by a boyfriend. I have told Master and he just hates the people and I am pretty sure if one of them wasn't related he probably would have hurt him. The other people he has never met and I don't intend on letting him. I didn't get aroused by it when telling him and he didn't either. He pretty much hates that I was treated in such a fashion. But this is just my experience in it. Like everyone has pretty much said your reaction will differ.

behindmirrors -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 11:12:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiderbite Greetings... I would like to know if any of you women have been raped and years later, while describing your ordeal(s) to your Dom or Master, he found himself getting aroused, which in turn caused you to become aroused. This is easy to answer- no, never. And if he did, I would have left him immediately. I was raped three times in my life by two different men. It was not arousing, it was violent, painful, and left me emotionally devastated for many years. When I met my Master, he was the first man I had ever made the choice to have sex with- and he took things slow and easy with me. I had to learn to overcome years of hurt- and also explain to him why I needed things to happen this way. When I told him about the rapes I had gone through, he was understanding and quiet, comforted me, and reassured me that it did not reflect badly on me at all. I needed exactly that. Every person deals with trauma differently- and I personally take it seriously. I have put it in my past, but if I am willing to be vulnerable and share that with someone, I expect them to have the tact and understanding to know that arousal is not appropriate. behindmirrors.

sleazybutterfly -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 2:14:51 PM)
I suppose that will teach me to check a profile before I respond..I usually do, but due to lack of time, I didn't. I don't have a problem with you asking the question, I suppose it is more the way you have stated it now. I guess I thought maybe you were a sub, or you were having issues with a sub and she wasn't feeling normal after some sort of play. Like I said, I am very open about the thoughts I had, they weren't something I was going after, but I won't feel guilt about them either. I do feel sort of assaulted by someone wanting to hear about it only in order to be stimulated. Perhaps that is not your intent, but the words were chosen very badly. I know that my rape still holds a lot of trauma for me, as a few around here know, so I don't feel it is good at all to share that with anyone. I still do rape play, but I very much know the difference. I know that getting taken wrong in your intentions sucks, but that's the crappy thing about putting the words out there...you can't get them back and fix the damage very easily.

Lockit -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 2:28:23 PM)
If it was just words... ok... we all have said things wrong. But I think intent was proven when the op emailed people wanting more details, admitted that it stimulated him in his first posting and then followed through in the email that he sent to me. He does say over and over again how bad rape is and how all rapist should be killed... he knows the damage a rape can do and yet wishes to seek information to see if a submissive can come into the lifestyle without sexual abuse effecting them or being forced into the lifestyle and doesn't seem to consider that what he is doing is harmful to others. Not once did he publically say until it was brought up by others, that he wanted to email those who responded so that he could ask for more details. If one is wondering about anything or wants info... no problem... but when one poses questions to use to find out who to email to get his stimulation... I call that abuse and in this case, abuse of those who have already been abused. On the other hand... I do respect that he did try to stick around and claim his innocence... but given the whole picture... I wonder.... If nothing else he is ignorant... selfish... and careless as a dominant.

Lockit -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 2:32:08 PM)
Oh and I loved the part where he said.... so called subs... lol

Spiderbite -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 3:35:25 PM)
Lockit, When was the last time had a stimulating conversation? Do you know what that even means…stimulating? Do you realize that I have stimulated you with my post? Oh no! What does that mean??? I have put up with enough of your rude shit, forgive me for not asking my questions in a way that meets your holier then thou requirements. Forgive me for seeking information from you, someone that I felt would be able to handle my questions. And by the way, if you are a dom why are you replying to questions intended for subs for anyway??? Wake up, there is no right or wrong way on how to live this life…there are thousands of possibilities. I have been more then patient with you and a few others here. Get a life and move on…I am sorry that you are so uptight and life has handed you a shitty hand. Your so stuck on the word stimulating…do you think if I was really seeking to hear rape stories to get off on I would be here, taking this uncalled for shit from you? Think about it, read the rest of the email I sent you, take a good look at it, do you see that I was asking for more then stimulation? Oh yes I sent it to you, knowing full well that you could post it here, I was surprised you would behave like a child. Now I expect a barrage of hate postings…have your fun…its so easy to make a comment when you know nothing about the situation…regardless of how STIMULATING it is… Now that I have stimulated myself…I am curious, for those of you this wisdom far beyond my own…how would you have requested the information that I requested of Lockit? It is a very touchy subject, how do you approach it? I did agree that my way, was perhaps not the best, yet I continued to get attacked. I can only assume that the attackers were stimulated… Seriously, how in the hell does a man request such information from a woman (with the insight) without sounding ignorant, selfish, and careless?

santalia -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 4:18:53 PM)
Greetings Spiderbyte You came here, to a forum where many post questions and many reply. Not all replies will be from subs and slaves, even on a forum that is called ask a sub/slave. Sometimes sub/slaves reply to questions posted on the Ask a Master or Ask a Mistress forums. If they have insight or information to offer, it is not uncommon to find a response from them. i'm really wondering about you though, because you first post all these questions about survivors of rape, then email people who have replied, and now you post the above reply to your own thread and start bashing the people who replied to your thread when they began questioning your motives. Their questioning of you is entirely valid. The word stimulating/stimulation/etc can mean a great many things, one being sexual in nature. When using words such as this with victims, it can drive them away rather than make them feel ok about opening up. Choosing your words carefully, without using certain words which might drive a survivor of a traumatic experience is necessary. But, the fact that you sent mail on the other side to some of those who replied to your thread suggests less than honorable intentions, and the use of the word stimulating (or other forms of the word) can end up causing the red flags to begin waving. Rather than come back here and start attacking, you might have tried to diffuse the situation if your intentions were honorable. Attacking makes you look even worse. Sorry...it's just the cold hard truth of the matter. If your intentions were, in fact, not to gain material to sexually stimulate you, then perhaps you should begin working to explain yourself better and stop the attacks on people who have already been victimized and don't need it again. Well wishes -santalia{JR}

Lockit -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 4:57:31 PM)
Spiderbite, Not that I need to defend myself here... but I do find some of what you say interesting. I think maybe others need to know the full story. Look at your thread start. It says you found yourself aroused by the details of a rape experience. quote: ORIGINAL: Spiderbite Greetings... I would like to know if any of you women have been raped and years later, while describing your ordeal(s) to your Dom or Master, he found himself getting aroused, which in turn caused you to become aroused. You use the word aroused... not one like stimulated that can mean different things. I think the word aroused speaks for itself. Now... excuse me while I get childish again.... To Everyone else that is watching this drama... I am sorry to print the whole email as it talks of another who is not here and I tried to avoid that last night. Email sent to me from spiderbite.... Greetings... Pardon the intrusion I am the original poster of Rape after effects. First thank you for you input. If I may, I would like to make a request…and if you deem it worthy, please respond. I had a sub that was repeatedly raped by her father at a young age. I questioned her about it, as I had previously done with some of her other sexual experiences. Over time, as she recalled more facts of her rapes, and would be able to re-describe the events in detail, she became aroused thus causing my own arousal. I won’t bore you with the initial conflicts of interest I was having with myself, or the concerns I had for her. Having been abused yourself, you have a personal understanding of how it effected your life. My sub recently found out that her father is dying, and has completely closed that part of her life to me. Our relationship was a long distance one, thus was limited. My original thought that talking about past experiences was beneficial, seemed to have backfired. First, I have surprisingly found myself enjoying her detailed rape experiences, which I no longer have access to. Secondly, I am concerned about future subs that may have been raped…I am not looking for a woman that was forced into this lifestyle! So my request of you, if your willing, would be for you to share with me, in detail, your abusive history. I will not lie to you, yes I do hope that I find them stimulating, and please do not be offended by that. I do not condone rape, and I think rapist should be killed. Please understand, that I am seeking more then just a simple story, I seek understanding. Many so called subs that I have talked to, have an abused background. I need to know if an abused woman can give her gift without being influenced by her past. I also would like to know if over time the abuse you received “developed” , if you were abused from the same person, how did it start, and did it change over time? I look forward to your reply. Until then…Enjoy! I would like to highlight the statement where spiderbite says this: First, I have surprisingly found myself enjoying her detailed rape experiences, which I no longer have access to. Secondly I would like to highlight the statement where spiderbite says this: So my request of you, if your willing, would be for you to share with me, in detail, your abusive history. I will not lie to you, yes I do hope that I find them stimulating, and please do not be offended by that. I do not condone rape, and think rapist should be killed. Please understand, that I am seeking more than just a simple story, I seek understanding. Many SO CALLED SUBS that I have talked to, have an abused background. I need to know if any abused woman can give her gift without being influenced by her past. Need I say more?

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 6:44:52 PM)
i've talked to my Dom about most of it, not all, and no we both were not aroused at all.Why would someone be aroused by retelling their past? Unless of course it was a good past history [:)]

zindyslave -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 7:18:15 PM)
He emailed me but it didn't ask for more information, he just thanked me for my reply and told me to have a wonderful day. Which I guess in itself could be perceived as wrong. I should have read the WHOLE thread before I said anything.....I will have to remind myself of that from now on. This has just turned into something disgusting in my eyes. I guess I need to keep my mouth shut more and eyes open before I reply to something like this again.

Lockit -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 7:46:35 PM)
Hello zandyslave, Please try not to feel that way. Don't give even more power to those who don't have our best interest at heart. Be careful, but don't beat yourself up. We do tend to come to feel comfortable here and say things that we might think twice on later. It is part of being human. There are those that just like to take advantage of an open forum for many reasons. I suspect that he emailed you after he was confronted... If you will look on page three, he has a post there where he tells us the names of the people he emailed, trying to defend himself. Your nic is not on that list! I would love to know the time he emailed you. I think it was an attenpt to make himself look good and as if I and a couple others confronting him, were out to get him unjustly. He unsent an email to me and someone else. If he had nothing to hide in these emails... why unsend them unless he was being personal in a way that would be okay and didn't like us anymore? I have cringed a number of times when somone new came in asking nothing but sexual questions and then looked at profiles and cringed some more. Trolls don't always post... but sometimes they do and they will find their kicks throughout the boards... we can't stop our lives and fun for them... but when they blantantly prove who and what they are... I do think we need to rid ourselves of them if we can. It's hard not to feel protective of our lifestyle and friends or people we hope to be friends with. Try not to let it bother you...

AquaticSub -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 8:27:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit How many others got that form email? He e-mailed me but was very polite. I believe it was in response to my "if abuse made you submissive, one out of four women would be submissive" comment as he said that he thought I was right. He didn't say exactly what though.

AquaticSub -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 8:32:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit I don't know if I can put it all here... but I will put one paragraph... as follows Quote So my request of you, if your willing, would be for you to share with me, in detail, your abusive history. I will not lie to you, yes I do hope that I find them stimulating, and please do not be offended by that. I do not condone rape, and I think rapist should be killed. Please understand, that I am seeking more then just a simple story, I seek understanding. Many so called subs that I have talked to, have an abused background. I need to know if an abused woman can give her gift without being influenced by her past. Unquote You know... I would find this offensive. In one breath it admits that he hopes they will arouse them but in the other he says he needs to knows that an abused woman... Ok... dude... maybe nobody explained this to you but abused women aren't weak shells of pathetic goo. Being raped or molested is a crucial point in your life and one can argue that nothing is the same after that. My interactions will all men have been changed because of what happened to me but my submission isn't "tainted" or any other nonsense because of what happened. You really need to look up the statistics of abused women. A great deal of women have been abused, molested, and/or raped at some point in their life. This isn't some rare thing.

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 9:49:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiderbite Lockit.....And by the way, if you are a dom why are you replying to questions intended for subs for anyway??? ......Your so stuck on the word stimulating…do you think if I was really seeking to hear rape stories to get off on I would be here, taking this uncalled for shit from you? Think about it, read the rest of the email I sent you, take a good look at it, do you see that I was asking for more then stimulation? ....... .... Now that I have stimulated myself…I am curious, for those of you this wisdom far beyond my own…how would you have requested the information that I requested of Lockit? It is a very touchy subject, how do you approach it? I did agree that my way, was perhaps not the best, yet I continued to get attacked. I can only assume that the attackers were stimulated… Seriously, how in the hell does a man request such information from a woman (with the insight) without sounding ignorant, selfish, and careless? Spiderbite - ANYONE can post in ANY of the boards, I have even taken a few jumps and posted in the Gorean forums and then left and not gone back since they scare me to death {shutters}; Who made you the 'board monitor' to say who can post where and where they can't?? If someone has something to say, they an say it, regardless of their station. The way you approached myself and others it seem is that you wanted us to RELIVE the hells we went through, I know that msyelf I have worked my ass off trying to put that stuff ebhind me and to move on, I don't mind helping other WOMEN to face their pasts or even a few men to understand, its about tack how yuo go about requesting such information; the email you sent to Lockit, VERY intrustive, take a hint and look at your OWN words, you are being nosey and intrusive, if I had not promised MJ I would try to be nicer to trolls and people who I found a waste of space online, I would have been more indeapth in my emails to you. How do you approach a rape or other type of survivor of a violent act, with class, tack, understanding, and you ask thoes that you know first, then possibly move to a forum such as this, and you accept what is posted and NOT email people directly asking for 'details' it sounded as if you wanted to recreate those rapes or as if you were getting off on it. Rape IS a touchy subject, be respectfull and take what is posted, contacting people directly is where you got caught. You asked for details, thats beyond sick and disgusting. My ONLY stimulation from this 'experience' with you is that I have been forced to remember such henious events and possibly bring them up to MJ; if thats a good thing, i don't know, I have made it this far without He an I having an issue since we have gotten together and since He doesn't peek into the forums, I doubt I will bring it up.

AquaticSub -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 10:07:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiderbite Lockit, When was the last time had a stimulating conversation? Do you know what that even means…stimulating? Do you realize that I have stimulated you with my post? Oh no! What does that mean??? You said "I will not lie to you, yes I do hope that I find them stimulating, and please do not be offended by that. I do not condone rape, and I think rapist should be killed." Why would you even need to mention it if it wasn't sexually stimulating? Of course it should stimulate you mentally. That is assumed. quote: I have put up with enough of your rude shit, forgive me for not asking my questions in a way that meets your holier then thou requirements. Forgive me for seeking information from you, someone that I felt would be able to handle my questions. And by the way, if you are a dom why are you replying to questions intended for subs for anyway??? Considering she isn't the only woman with a negative reaction to this, why are you targeting her? Other point: People post all over the boards. People do it because it gets information shared better. As a female submissive, I find the addition of dominants to be most helpful. When the topic of rape comes up, even if posed to only female submissives, it is a topic of interest to all women. Deal with it. quote: Wake up, there is no right or wrong way on how to live this life…there are thousands of possibilities. I have been more then patient with you and a few others here. Get a life and move on…I am sorry that you are so uptight and life has handed you a shitty hand. Your so stuck on the word stimulating…do you think if I was really seeking to hear rape stories to get off on I would be here, taking this uncalled for shit from you? Think about it, read the rest of the email I sent you, take a good look at it, do you see that I was asking for more then stimulation? Oh yes I sent it to you, knowing full well that you could post it here, I was surprised you would behave like a child. Everyone screws up here. If you didn't mean to apologize for hoping to find her story of rape sexually stimulating, you really screwed up the words. My advice: Shut up, deal with it, let it die and prove yourself to be of higher quality by continuing to behave as an adult. Even if Lockit is blowing this way out line, which I don't think she is, you have sunk to her level. Congrats. quote: Now I expect a barrage of hate postings…have your fun…its so easy to make a comment when you know nothing about the situation…regardless of how STIMULATING it is… Now that I have stimulated myself…I am curious, for those of you this wisdom far beyond my own…how would you have requested the information that I requested of Lockit? It is a very touchy subject, how do you approach it? I did agree that my way, was perhaps not the best, yet I continued to get attacked. I can only assume that the attackers were stimulated… How would I have requested it? I would have done what you already did - made a post asking female submissives if their rapes had affected their submission. As you pointed out, she is a dominant. So why did you e-mail her? Clearly her rape hasn't had much to do with her submission now has it? And you should know damn well that women go on with their lives and live happy and fulfilling ones because a lot of us have responded with that information to your posts. You don't need our personal stories to know that. quote: Seriously, how in the hell does a man request such information from a woman (with the insight) without sounding ignorant, selfish, and careless? You were doing a wonderful job until you started with the e-mails actually. Aqua

zindyslave -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 10:21:53 PM)
Lockit, he emailed me not long after I responded the first time, and I hadn't read all the threads since I was busy and didn't get a chance. Like I have said before I need to read the whole thing before adding my two cents. The reason it bothers me is because that is something very personal and had caused a lot of drama in my family back when it happened. I just seem to open up my past at the wrong times.

Lockit -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 10:31:35 PM)
zandyslave, I am so sorry hun... This is why when I got his email I tried to contact others to see if they were getting the emails too. What was said in the email to me just made me feel he was enjoying this too much and I wanted to warn others somehow, so I asked him. I could handle it, as my rapes were long ago and dealt with, but others could have freash wounds and might still be dealing with them. It helps to talk about it all and sometimes you are compelled to talk about it. I felt for anyone to take advantage of that was wrong and so I went on my lil tangent. I hope that this won't set you back, but if it does... know that there are others here that I am sure are willing to talk to you by email about it if you need someone. We may not have answers, but we do understand. Hang in there.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 10:37:11 PM)
First Off Id like you to find me one person who's past doesnt effect the choises they are makeing today, Every person who is a sub has their submission effected by their past even if they wont admit to it, because every thing we do is a product of things we have done or have had done to us. Secent off the person who sexualy abused me I dont want dead... I know what he did was wrong and so does he but as bad as it all was I love the man and always will. I always said I loved the man even as he was abuseing me and no one knew and they all loved him as well, when I finally came out about it and wanted it needed it to stop everyone got so mad at him and it confused me that they seemed to want me to be mad and hate him to, but if I didnt hate him while he was doing it why would I hate him when he finally stoped, just because other people now knew and where mad and hated him for it didnt mean all a sudden I would. No I still loved him as I always did only now people knew of it, if anything where to happen to him I would be very sad indeed, it is perfectly normal for someone to have mixed feelings such as that. he fucked my head up but good and part of me will never forgive him for what he did and part of me hates him for it, but part of me loves him and wants to move on and forgett all it ever happend.. it hurts even more then Im so torn over all of it but hey that is life, it would indeed be easier if I could just hate him!! But no I dont want him dead, and it isnt really for you to deside that he should be dead!! Magik's slave

AquaticSub -> RE: Rape after effects (7/5/2007 10:43:36 PM)
Hugs

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