RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or a slave?

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RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/4/2007 9:12:31 AM

k8trix

Posts: 29
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

There is some abuse in my past, but I don't really believe that it has anything to do with my being submisive. I've encountered a lot of people who've tried to link the two things together and I really don't appreciate it very much. I feel like submission is a positive part of my life, and by linking it to the molestation in my past it's almost like saying being submissive is a defect caused by the molest I suffered.

_____________________________

katie~
“Without mysteries, life would be very dull indeed. What would be left to strive for if everything were known?”

Charles de Lint

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 21

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/4/2007 9:18:47 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

He dips His lid to all,

My apologies to all you Ladies for my intrusion...

OP- your post does appear fishing as others have indicated and if this enquiry is relevant to an actual personal experience then perhaps you should be more specific in order to gain better guidence rather than generalities. If you are in fact questioning just for general knowledge then I suggest you do this at a munch or similar to obtain a far greater insight than on a chat board where considerably less qualifiable information is obtained.

Warm reagrds Driver.

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 22

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/4/2007 4:55:24 PM

santalia

Posts: 142
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

Greetings

When i was about 8, i was molested by a cousin. i talked about it in the other thread you started about rape after effects...it was not a negative experience for me, in that i never felt ashamed of what happened, i never felt as though i had a "dirty little secret" it was a pleasant experience and i loved what i was feeling when it happened. It opened me up sexually and i wanted to learn more about my body and the things i felt after it ended. i began exploring, using objects on myself. i began having fantasies about sex. By the time i was about 13 or 14, the fantasies began turning to fantasies of being a sex slave. i would fantasize about being kidnapped, or i'd fantasize that i was bred to become a slave...in some fantasies i was a breeding slave. There were many fantasies i'd have, and by the time i was 15, i was a slave in them 100% of the time.

i think the molestation has a lot to do with where i am today. i honestly do not know whether i'd have started on this path had i not been molested, but i do believe there is a good chance i would still have even without the molestation...though, i don't think i care much because i love who i am today and i love Who i am with. i wouldn't want it any other way.

Well wishes

-santalia{JR}

(in reply to Spiderbite)

Post #: 23

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/4/2007 6:36:18 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

To the OP..Nope never abused, molested, etc. etc..happy childhood and no extreme adulthood trauma...I have been truly blessed with good fortune, family and friends...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to santalia)

Post #: 24

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/4/2007 7:41:19 PM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiderbite

Ladies, I would like to know if any of you have been "indoctrinated" into this lifestyle due to rape(s) or some other abusive situation(s) in your past.

Nope

(in reply to Spiderbite)

Post #: 25

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/4/2007 11:18:26 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

i know that this was originally posted to the women here, but rape is not exclusive to women; while this is not specifically what was asked, i feel it is pertinant

being raped did not cause me to become a submissive, as it happened after i had a couple of years of involvement already... but, for me it nearly drove me forever from being a submissive (i was completely vanilla for 5 years after); and i can't help but think that if y had happened before my "indoctrination", as you put it, i would never have found this side appealing

following is my end of a conversation i had tonight when asked by a friend about the "bad experience" that i've referred to several in post and conversations, that caused me to leave the lifestyle until last year (which is something that i seldom share beyond to a vague reference)... i just wanted to share my experience with others here, for whatever it's worth:

_________________________________
when i first got into the lifestyle, i wasn't looking and someone found me; she wasn't bad, but it wasn't really a Ds relationship, i was her bottom... when i left her and ended up in san francisco, again i wasn't looking for any kind of relationship; i was infact avoiding relationships... i only played and wasn't very smart about it, i've not had any but one bad top out of maybe a half a dozen or so, but it only took one horrific experience to not want to be in that situation again... Ma'am is my first Dominant, good or bad, and i was looking for a relationship, and not a top, when i found Her; which is part of why i've been able to manage going without much of anything in such a long time (september/october is a very long time for me)

in san francisco i went to a public dungeon called The Power Exchange, anyone over 18 with a few bucks can enter; well, i went there to play, usually to get beat or intense bondage or deprivation scenes with someone who generally amounted to a stranger...

there was always at least limited conversation and negotiation, and among my hard limits was NO SEX; specifically, no overt stimulation of the genitals in an erotic manner.... my Mistress, who first brought me into the lifestyle trained me that bdsm and sex were not to go together outside of a relationship... i basically was playing with someone who i'd scened with a couple of times already, and when i was fully immobile and gagged, she proceded to put a condom on me and ride me; i can't say it wasn't physically pleasurable, but i felt seriously violate nonethe less... it really affected how i viewed the community, and made me incredibly frightened of bondage in any way

still have not done heavy bondage since, though i actually want to try it with a quick release mechanism in place (not a knife), in case i react violently or otherwise infavorably, because that and sensory deprivation are my favorite types of scenes

i know, it had not truly soured me to the lifestyle, but instead gave me a major fear of putting myself in such a position of vulnerability... which is why, when i felt myself ready, i went to a public (non-play) event and sought a relationship... also, when Ma'am and i played at first, there was no bondage other than my twining my own bandana lossely around my wrists behind my head, mainly to give the illusion of restraint... and i had certain difficulties with performance when we did have sex, tried once with no success; second time i could only get and stay erect with much work; and i cannot see how the activity of intercourse was not unsatisfying to Her as much as it was to me... not sure how connected my difficulty in performance at the time was to that past experience
_________________________________

my point is, rape will change anyone; and everyone is affected in a different manner... as far as those who are already of a submissive mindset; some will become attracted to the safety and security that a Dominant can provide, some will forever avoid allowing themselves to become that vulnerable again and i'm sure others will react differently, perhaps even switching the tables and becoming Dominant

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to subsfaith)

Post #: 26

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/4/2007 11:39:45 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Before anyone else posts their personal stories to this thread, please refer to the other thread on the same topic posted by this OP. It would appear that his motivations for information also include the hope that he will find the details anyone shares of their assault "stimulating". You can reference the thread here:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1122700/mpage_3/tm.htm

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 27

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/5/2007 8:52:43 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

Yeh, I tend to agree with erin on this one. From reviewing this guy's profile (s???) and reviewing his posts list, I'm just getting the feeling that this subject is wank fodder for him. I would caution anyone who may have a problem with their personal stories being wank fodder, against posting their stories here or frankly elsewhere...at least, you might not want to share much along the lines of details.

But, make your own decisions. We're all adults here, hopefully.

MNN

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 28

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/5/2007 9:39:43 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

no abuse, no molestion, no rape. I had a happy childhood and am very close with both my parents and siblings.

I was always a sub even as a child ,i just did not know it then.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 29

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/5/2007 9:45:21 AM

slaveofKaos

Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I've never been raped or abused and it's lways been my thought that those who have should get help with those issues before becomming a sub/slave because those can be extreamly tramatic.

_____________________________

slave jodi

(in reply to cuddleheart50)

Post #: 30

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/5/2007 11:48:57 AM

behindmirrors

Posts: 340
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiderbite

Greetings...

Ladies, I would like to know if any of you have been "indoctrinated" into this lifestyle due to rape(s) or some other abusive situation(s) in your past.

I have seen this situation a few times, and I am concerned with rape play and other activities that might rekindle a negative situation.

Please understand that I am not fishing for details of your past, I am trying to determine if a woman with such a past, desires to be submissive by her own free will.

I have such a past, and the answer to your question is a simple one: I was interested in this lifestyle before I was raped (three times over five years by two different men), and after that, I was hesitant to pursue it. But in the end, I did- because I found someone whom I felt safe pursuing it with, who I love and who loves me.

I did my healing before I met him. I see it as my responsibility to do that, and although I did see a therapist for a while, it was not her that "fixed" me- it was me learning that I was not really "broken", on my own. I learned that I had value, that it is my life, and that any decision to hand over control of my life is my own- and it cannot be taken from me. I never have let the men who raped me have such control as to ruin my life, to take the goodness from it. It was hard, yes- but what I have now makes that struggle beyond worth it.

I was never "indoctrinated" into this lifestyle- I chose it. I chose the man who is now my Master. He knows what happened to me, and he has been very understanding about my past. We have not engaged in "rape play", as it is not a turn on for either of us, and a hard limit for me. I went through enough, I did my healing- and there is no reason to revisit that. So yes, it is my own free will that got me here- just as it was my own free will that had interested me in the lifestyle in the first place, before the rapes took place. I had never trusted those men, but I have someone to trust now, and I am happy.

I hope this helps.
behindmirrors.

(in reply to Spiderbite)

Post #: 31

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/5/2007 12:45:16 PM

jauntyone

Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiderbite

Greetings...

Ladies, I would like to know if any of you have been "indoctrinated" into this lifestyle due to rape(s) or some other abusive situation(s) in your past.

I have seen this situation a few times, and I am concerned with rape play and other activities that might rekindle a negative situation.

Please understand that I am not fishing for details of your past, I am trying to determine if a woman with such a past, desires to be submissive by her own free will.

Greetings

For myself, no. I was simply brought up a certain way and have carried that way over into my adult life.

I wish you well

melissa

(in reply to Spiderbite)

Post #: 32

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 7/5/2007 2:51:22 PM

BoiJen

Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline

So I was abused at an early early age for an extended time both from my parents and their SOs sexually emotionally and physically. I'm also a lesbian as well as a service oriented servant.

The abuse in my past did not make me who I am. I've always been who I am. The abuse in my past however did help to recognize and accept who I am at a much earlier age than I suspect would have happened had the abuse not occured. I learned very early on I will seek out and be responsible for my own happiness no matter what form it takes. In this case it's turned into service an amazing woman who's personal energy and power is balanced with humility to the universe and gratitude for the universe listening when she said "I wnat this..." and then I showed up. So again no not why I am who I am but a part that helped me identify and accept.

(in reply to jauntyone)

Post #: 33

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 9/27/2007 5:56:08 PM

deniseiscrazy

Posts: 12
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

I think it did for me, I mean i was abused for years, but as soon as it ended, I kinda went the completely opposite way. I decided who I did and didn't have sex with, and all the assholes I met would bend over backwards to get into my pants, and it made me feel good about myself. However after I found a decent guy, my current bf, I actually went back to some of the control/bondage aspects that are very close to what I went thru growing up.

(in reply to BoiJen)

Post #: 34

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 9/27/2007 6:15:33 PM

pearlmoongirl

Posts: 68
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline

On the off-chance that others will see this - above and beyond anyone seeking wank fodder - I would say that yes, my abusive father had a lot to do with the path I followed to get me here.

I think I stuck to a vanilla prescription for happiness a lot longer than I should have. I think I questioned my own psychological well-being because I yearned something kinky, even as I knew I deserved respect. So, my father's treatment of me did not MAKE me submissive, but it made me think poorly of myself for FEELING submissive. As in, "what am I now, just a general glutton for punishment? Where are all these feelings originating? I'll be damned if I end up like my mom!" and so on. Getting out of that Mobius strip took a lot of work and I wasn't always sure where I was going to end up. But I knew, down at my core, that I did not want to live a life defined by what someone else did to me.

So, to wit, I would still have ended up here - declaring my subbiness to the world - but without the mindjob my father did on me, I might have come out of the armoire sooner.

~pmg

(in reply to deniseiscrazy)

Post #: 35

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 9/27/2007 6:31:35 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Nope.

The statistic I've heard is that 1 in 4 women have suffered some abuse. If this is accurate then it follows that one quarter of all women involved in BDSM have been abused. Not that the abuse drives the BDSM, just that statistically speaking people doing kink will share the general aspects of society at large.

(in reply to pearlmoongirl)

Post #: 36

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 9/27/2007 6:50:02 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I was raped as a teenager but I don't think it had any effect on my being "kinky", if anything it had the opposite effect. I kind of shut everything down sexually, thinking that would keep me safe. It took a long time to realize that's what I was doing and to make a change.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 37

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 9/27/2007 7:19:28 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings spiderbite,

i am a rape survivor. my submissive personality/identity/desires were already well in the making before i was raped (at age 15), though i had never had a d/s relationship and knew very little about bdsm. the rape (and post-traumatic stress disorder) has definitely affected certain aspects of my relationships, but i don't think it has actually made me who i am as a slave (at least above and beyond the effect it has on my life and who i am as a whole).

there are certain things that i am interested in doing or would really like to try, and some things that i have tried, that are very touchy situations due to the issues surrounding the rape (like gangbangs - as i was gangraped - knife play, etc.). those are things we are sort of dealing with individually as situations come up, and so far have done pretty well. i do not try to use bdsm to "fix" any issues i have with the rape, however...when we do things that touch on those issues, it is not, for me, about "therapy" or "working through" the issues using bdsm.

respectfully,
annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to Spiderbite)

Post #: 38

RE: Did rape or abuse influence your becoming a Sub or ... - 9/27/2007 8:06:47 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I'm really sorry to see this thread revived. Before anyone else posts their stories on here, please refer to my previous post on this page and follow the link to the other thread. This OP that started this thread gets aroused by women sharing the details of their assaults.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 39

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