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My name says it all - 7/4/2007 1:50:04 PM

uncollarable

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/4/2007
Status: offline

I guess I am ready to give up the fantasy that I will ever be a good submissive/slave. What is a person supposed to do when they want to be submissive but they just, aren't.

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 1:51:16 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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Exactly what makes you think you can't be a good submissive?

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to uncollarable)

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 1:51:29 PM

MistressDoMe

Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
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Are you really 6 4?
I imagine it is hard to find someone tall enough to collar you, standing up.

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 1:54:48 PM

givemyall

Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
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You have just gone to all the effort of setting up a profile today and you are already giving up - thats a real big shame

(in reply to uncollarable)

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 1:56:33 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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The role play it for time periods they are comfortable with...take the role of bottom in a scene or for a fantasy weekend. There are lots of guys who aren't interested in full time submission and are only looking for partners who want to act out these fantasies. The good thing is that whatever it is that you are searching for out here....someone else is probably looking for something along the same lines.

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 7/4/2007 1:57:38 PM >

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~erin~

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When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 1:57:00 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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Become a Domme.

(in reply to MistressDoMe)

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:05:28 PM

uncollarable

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/4/2007
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I am 5'4 I will have to fix that. And no, Im not brand new. I just have shit canned my old profile for this one. Seems a more fitting name. Maybe you are right mistoferin, and I should just stop trying so hard and find someone who accepts me as I am, rather than as a more "submissive" woman.

I think I am not a good submissive because i question. I question everything. I hurt my Dom's feelings when he trys to do nice things for me and i am not grateful the way he thinks I should be. I speak my mind and i don't fake orgasms or pretend to like shit i don't like. It about kills me to go along with his ideas when I think he is wrong. my tongue is bloody from biting it and yet I still manage to run my mouth and ruin things. He has made tons of effort, i have made tons of effort and it just feels like I'm never going to find the elusive subspace I so crave. I don't know if I am capable of just trusting him. I am always thinking, wondering and evaluating his intentions.

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:08:00 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Be happy having a full active life, give to others around you on a regular basis, open yourself to new things, and be brutally honest with yourself about what you want, need, deserve and will choose to gain fulfillment in any relationship you have.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:14:46 PM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
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There're lots of fishes in da sea just go FISHIN'!

and maybe... perhaps.. eventually, you'll find THE fish

and by the way....the more you search, the more frustrated you get, don't look around too much and maybe someone will pop up when you least expect it.

< Message edited by MissyRane -- 7/4/2007 2:16:33 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:16:26 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: uncollarable

I am 5'4 I will have to fix that. And no, Im not brand new. I just have shit canned my old profile for this one. Seems a more fitting name. Maybe you are right mistoferin, and I should just stop trying so hard and find someone who accepts me as I am, rather than as a more "submissive" woman.

I think I am not a good submissive because i question. I question everything.

So? Find a dom who isn't threatened or doesn't care. I question Valyraen all the time. He just doesn't always answer.

quote:

I hurt my Dom's feelings when he trys to do nice things for me and i am not grateful the way he thinks I should be.

That's a relationship issue you two need to work out.

quote:

I speak my mind

You definately aren't the only sub to do that... it's pretty common around here.

quote:

and i don't fake orgasms

So? Hell, I would get my ass tanned for faking them. If I'm not aroused enough to orgasm, I just enjoy the ride, tell him and he enjoys himself.

quote:

or pretend to like shit i don't like. It about kills me to go along with his ideas when I think he is wrong. my tongue is bloody from biting it

Don't bite your tongue. Tell him you think it's a bad idea. I tell Valyraen when I think something is a bad idea. Sometimes he listens to me, sometimes he doesn't. When he doesn't I do it anyway. Sometimes I was right and sometimes I was wrong.

quote:

and yet I still manage to run my mouth and ruin things. He has made tons of effort, i have made tons of effort and it just feels like I'm never going to find the elusive subspace I so crave.

I've found subspace is a lot like an orgasm. You generally aren't going to have one if you are going "Is it going to happen now? Is it happening now?". Subspace is different for different people. I get mine by either intense pain or lots and lots and lots and lots of intense orgasms. You may have just not tried the thing that gets you there. Don't worry so much about the destination and enjoy the journey.

quote:

I don't know if I am capable of just trusting him. I am always thinking, wondering and evaluating his intentions.

It can take a long time to trust him. Maybe you need to give it more time, maybe you need to take things down a few notchs and start again. Maybe he is just isn't the one for you, maybe you need to try and let go. Give him a chance to prove himself. Only you know the answer to that.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to uncollarable)

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:16:37 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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I think you should change your name from "uncollarable" to "incompatiblewithmycurrentdom".

I know you didn't mean to be insulting, but you just inferred that "good submissives" are brainless, fake orgasms, are dishonest with themselves and others, have no ideas or opinions of their own, and bite their own tongues to bloody pulps.

My suggestion is to start questioning the motives and abilities of your dom instead of focusing solely on yourself for blame.

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:23:48 PM

Mystique567

Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
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I do all of those things you mentioned, I still feel submissive. I don't think there is anything wrong with me.

(in reply to windchymes)

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:24:20 PM

instynctive

Posts: 2726
Status: offline

quote:

y

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDoMe

Are you really 6 4?
I imagine it is hard to find someone tall enough to collar you, standing up.

I could.

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:25:42 PM

instynctive

Posts: 2726
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I agree.. you just aren't compatible with your current Dom/me.

Go fishing.. you will find a Dom/me who will be "willing" to take you under Their wing and embrace your ... insubordination (for a lake of a better term...)

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:26:54 PM

MistressDoMe

Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: instynctive

I agree.. you just aren't compatible with your current Dom/me.

Go fishing.. you will find a Dom/me who will be "willing" to take you under Their wing and embrace your ... insubordination (for a lake of a better term...)

I agree with instynctive here.
It sounds like you are not satisfied with your current Dom.

(in reply to instynctive)

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:28:48 PM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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I wonder if posting " I can't be dommed" did the trick and she now has a new batch of dominants to reject so she can start the cycle all over again about how superiour she is and how inferiorer men are.

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:33:30 PM

instynctive

Posts: 2726
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDoMe
I agree with instynctive here.
It sounds like you are not satisfied with your current Dom.

Don't agree with me too loudly.. might ruin your street cred... lol

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:36:17 PM

instynctive

Posts: 2726
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I wonder if posting " I can't be dommed" did the trick and she now has a new batch of dominants to reject so she can start the cycle all over again about how superiour she is and how inferiorer men are.

That could be, SM...

But there are certainly ways around such brazen impetuousness and deal with ones like her..

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:40:19 PM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

I think you should change your name from "uncollarable" to "incompatiblewithmycurrentdom".

I know you didn't mean to be insulting, but you just inferred that "good submissives" are brainless, fake orgasms, are dishonest with themselves and others, have no ideas or opinions of their own, and bite their own tongues to bloody pulps.

My suggestion is to start questioning the motives and abilities of your dom instead of focusing solely on yourself for blame.

I agree. I think your just with someone incompatible.
note: Edited for spelling

< Message edited by octavia -- 7/4/2007 2:41:16 PM >

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RE: My name says it all - 7/4/2007 2:48:39 PM

teamnoir

Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline

A lot of people enjoy bdsm without being or playing either dom or sub. There are many other roles, many other potential relationships, many other scenes available. If you aren't "good" at one of them yet, you can try others.

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