LadyHugs
Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear uncollarable, Ladies and Gentlemen;
In my mind's eyes I see several reasons behind the feelings that a person or self, is uncollarable.
One, is the attitude that one has that sabatoges anything or anyone who shows interest in you or puts effort into seeing you see what they see in you--not what you see in yourself, which can be seen as a unbroken threads in the mind, the emotions and the spirit saying 'I can't' because of a series of excuses. Of course it is a self fulfilling prophecy or insight. You create the unhappy scenerio. The excuses for being alone in short--justifies you being alone and miserable.
Second, is timing--where it is not the right time for a relationship, as there is unfinished business. This can be lack of closure in past relationships and a bit of hope that exists that the past can be renewed or salvaged to put life into what is dead for another person and a person having no closure still attempting CPR on it. Sometimes it is the lack of a good-bye, an explaination and or just parting due to growth taking different directions. Until there is a closure the newest relationship might be new to the partner but, the person feeling uncollarable is still attached to the past...thus, draws that past into the new relationship and thwarts the renewing of vision, goals and judgment of others--to include self; as to make it work based on a whole new relationship--not hanging an piano over the new Dominant's head per se.
Third, is that the original intention was never to have a successful relationship in the first place. It may manifest as a 'need' on a temporary basis for safety, security and or grounding but, in the positioning of being rescued, needing a haven, need for a financial support for that time until it is no longer needed and a person feels strong enough to be independent. The need for a Dominant then no longer exists so there is a manipulation, trickery and such--as to create the desolving of the relationship. Some people hop from one fry pan to another, until the enabler (Dominant) grows weary and the games are soon to end.
Fourth, there is indeed the lack of 'truth' that needs to exist in being honest with self and with others--Denial has raged and controlled the period of time when the 'game' is up inside of the person and realization no matter how the brush paints over truth--its been a total fraud, a total act or playing people and the inner conscience finally says the time to act is over. Those who have supported and believed you--cannot believe the 'you' was an act--so they're the ones that are in denial. As I have seen--some people believe their own con games and the truth is hard to recognized as a lie becomes a truth. The truth then becomes a lie. I've seen a few people who call themselves leaders and such -- nothing but a fraud but, they lie to people so well--people believe them instead of those who have been truthful all along. (We see this in politics as well).
Fifth, is to come at a point where there is a mismatch. Some of the mismatches come from different levels of growth and or a splintering into different interests. Some people describe relationships that have this riff as 'falling out of love, etc.' Instead of seeing the relationship for all of it's positives and opportunity of growth and 'learning' about self and powers within; it is easier to see the negatives and have a pity party because we (in a general sense) don't get our way--it is our controlling nature. Of course, Nature has a way to remind us (in general) that life is not fair or easy. We (in general) learn more from our sufferings, mistakes, struggles and successes rather than having everything done for us and presented on a tray made of Sterling Silver. If there is a growth to which it is time to move on --as a Dominant, I consider myself honored to have been the stepping stone to that slave's progress in life and growth--and future happiness. Leaving another person--be it Dominant or submissive, in a better state--we are good custodians of human kind in the Lifestyle/BDSM community. Some relationships are not meant to last forever--few last forever but, it is because the glue that holds it together surpasses BDSM, sex and such--it is about compassion, consideration, affection and truth/honesty to each other. The good, the bad and the ugly of 'self.' Hiding self from a partner isn't fair and it takes extreme amount of rebuilding of trust as to reestablish a relationship.
Sixth--To use pity, sympathy, tricks, lies, manipulation and using another's goodness against them is the most foul. It is a controlling behavior and or attitude. To make an example is of Scarlett in the famous movie of "Gone with the Wind." -- So many times, towards the end with Rhett Butler--who really loved her--she really didn't know what real love was or is--until it became crystal clear at Melonie's death bed. Then--it was too late. It is much easier to confess to another--that one does not know how to feel love or what 'love' is or recognize it. After all, love can mean so many things to so many people. It is something that has to be felt--not something to pretend. Being unhappy--can create the need to be alone.
That said, only those within their own spirit of intent--will know what is good or evil. No matter the excuses--all people really want, is to have honesty, respect and acceptance. Some people cheat--some come to it truthfully. Analyzing within, will hopefully lead to discovery to one's answers.
Just some thoughts.
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
(My name says it all -- I am a Lady who loves to Hug)
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RE: My name says it all - 
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