RE: My name says it all

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: My name says it all

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: My name says it all

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: My name says it all - 7/5/2007 10:38:00 AM

losttreasure

Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

...Before we go down the path of Dom/sub....I want us to be fucking cool...We don't have to share the same political notions...We can have different takes on life....But we have to be fucking cool with each other before I am at all curious about whether you dig anal or can deep throat or enjoy a flogging or bondage or...and on and on and on and on and fucking on and on.....Me beating my chest and saying "Me Dom...You sub." Doesn't begin to cut it....For some I'm sure it does. Where is fucking LA when you need her? First and foremost this a relationship no different than vanilla....Not everyone is going to click...Then you move on.

*applauds*

You know, domiguy... you're going to ruin your reputation here. Lately you've been spouting off a lot of stuff that actually makes sense and is on-topic.

Just thought I'd warn you.

Just some thoughts of mine reading this that may or may not be relevant...

A brand new profile with the name "uncollarable" hardly appears deceitful to me. In fact, I would think that to anyone with half a brain, it would be more than obvious that it was a pseudo-profile created to protect privacy... and unless the OP was a regular member or known poster, why would they care about their privacy?

It seems obvious that Octavia had something she wished to work out for herself but wanted/needed input from others. Since when is that a crime or anything to be ashamed of?

She didn't care to discuss her personal issues with a dom she'd only communicated with online? Oh no... she should be drawn and quartered! Hung from the highest tower! Condemned for her ultimate failure!

Pfft... Exactly when did contemplation of self-identity and any resultant struggles become a matter to be discussed with a virtual stranger? Just because he identifies as a dom and she a submissive... just because they are trying to discover if they are personally compatible... that doesn't make their current relationship one of dominance and submission. He has no more right to demand her confidence than he does her trust. Those are benefits that develop with time and familiarity within a healthy relationship.

Onesharpman asked, "do you feel that Octavia was correct in opening a fictitious profile and "ranting" on the board?" and "can you give her some constructive advice on how to better trust her Dominant when He disagrees with her?" My answer to the former is absolutely yes. To the latter, my advice would be the same that I would give anyone who was in a similar situation...

When you have found someone with whom you are comfortable and have developed a healthy relationship... when that relationship has developed to the point where submission feels your natural response... when you know your partner well enough and he has earned your trust and you, his... then, you will have the security to open up and share your doubts and concerns without fear of judgment, and be confident that together you can work to resolve any disagreements.

< Message edited by losttreasure -- 7/5/2007 10:42:31 AM >

_____________________________

Just because it isn't "all about me", doesn't make it "all about you".

(in reply to domiguy)

Profile

Post #: 61

RE: My name says it all - 7/5/2007 2:16:09 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Guys,

Lets cut this one some slack, she has more than learned her lesson and won't be doing this again.

(in reply to losttreasure)

Profile

Post #: 62

RE: My name says it all - 7/5/2007 3:41:20 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: uncollarable

Maybe you are right mistoferin, and I should just stop trying so hard and find someone who accepts me as I am, rather than as a more "submissive" woman.

that is good advice!!

quote:

I think I am not a good submissive because i question. I question everything.

mmmmmmmm not sure how that prelude you from being a good submissive. Asking questions doesn't mean you disobeyed.

quote:

I hurt my Dom's feelings when he trys to do nice things for me and i am not grateful the way he thinks I should be.

mmmmmmm the poor baby... well you could tell him to stop doing nice things.. but still don't see how this reflects submission.. Maybe inconsiderate of you... but being inconsiderate doesn't preclude you from being submissive.

quote:

I speak my mind and i don't fake orgasms or pretend to like shit i don't like.

mmmmmmmm so.. if you faked orgasms and pretended to like shit that you are submissive as a result? mmmmmm sounds more like a person that lacks integrity that being submissive. I not sure that any Dominant of any value would want a submissive that lacked integrity.

quote:

It about kills me to go along with his ideas when I think he is wrong. my tongue is bloody from biting it and yet I still manage to run my mouth and ruin things. He has made tons of effort, i have made tons of effort and it just feels like I'm never going to find the elusive subspace I so crave. I don't know if I am capable of just trusting him. I am always thinking, wondering and evaluating his intentions.

See here is the thing.. just because you don't like it.. don't agree with it doesn't mean that you can't obey and do it. If he is so week to allow your mouth to ruin things.... then he should be questioning his Dominance rather than you questioning your submission. Of course regardless of how you feel etc... at the end of the day.. YOU OBEY!!!

Now..here is the thing... just because your submissive doesn't mean you need to obey to everything. If you Slave yeah that is going to be an expectation from my view point. But in a D/s relationship.. you establish where he has the authority to make the decisions with him.. and in those areas you OBEY!.. it's really that simple. The biggest mistake alot of people make is figuring they have to obey in everything or even too much too soon. Sometimes it's only works in a certain way for them..

What is important is not if you submissive or not.. or even if you Dominant is a dominant or not... What matters is can the two of you building a relationship that you both enjoy. Leave the labels out of the relationship.. you might find it works better for you.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to uncollarable)

Profile

Post #: 63

RE: My name says it all - 7/5/2007 3:51:38 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

*applauds*

You know, domiguy... you're going to ruin your reputation here. Lately you've been spouting off a lot of stuff that actually makes sense and is on-topic.

Just thought I'd warn you.

What you mean he has a different rep? mmmm guess some people are slow to catch on

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to losttreasure)

Profile

Post #: 64

RE: My name says it all - 7/5/2007 4:09:56 PM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

Random thoughts.

you want to be submissive but you arent. WHY do you want to be submissive?

What do you do when you can't do all those things? You stop trying to be a stereotype of a submissive, and be the person that you are.

What do you do when you can't trust? You go slowly, get to know the other person. How to you learn to trust them? You ask them questions, learn their motivations, find out if this kinky assignment or another is for the purpose of learning or just the dom/me getting their kicks. And slowly, over time, you come to trust their motives, their motivations, and their methods. Trust comes slow. Questioning as you are getting to know someone is NOT a failure to submit. It's intelligence at work, and the development of deeper trust.

What do you do when you doubt and need a place to talk? Yahoo baby. There are a TON of good submissive yahoo groups out there. And most of them are NOT emotional masturbation. The great majority of subs are honest people who will take you to task when you need it, point out the honest dirty truth, and not put up with self pity. If you need some links, please ask.

I don't think that needing a place to voice your concerns means you are untrustworthy, or unsubmissive. I need that place myself sometimes with issues I have with M.

I can't say I do or don't agree with your posts - I don't know you well enough. I do think that you are being hard on yourself, as are a lot of other people being hard on you. You also seem rather impatient...give yourself a chance, as well as the potential dom.

And feel free to write if you need another ear.

~E

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 65

RE: My name says it all - 7/5/2007 5:09:39 PM

Mystique567

Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

I think that now that it's out, it needs to go back into negotiation between those 2.

(in reply to Elorin)

Profile

Post #: 66