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RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 6/27/2004 7:07:31 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

Hello anthrosub,

As a side comment, I found my first submissive on the internet playing a role playing game years ago. She found my second submissive in one of the chat rooms she lurked in. I have met (in real life) perhaps 2 dozen people in the last 5 years I have actively looked for a partner on-line. Most of the time I dont click with them chatting, and I have to admit that those I have met have not worked out for whatever reason.

It is odd, but in most things I am not a very nit-pickety person. But the problem I have with going to the next level from coffee is I seek a long term relationship and if I dont see the basis for one I usually dont take it to the next step. In those situations I have taken it to the next step I have been pretty disappointed.

I did lurk for a while at a local BDSM club and met some wonderful people. I was not actively seeking, but I would suggest you go to some, meet people, find out who has play parties and get invited to them, and you will eventually meet the One for you.

Good luck and happy hunting.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 21

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 6/29/2004 3:46:27 PM

Wisesangel

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

To be honest, female subs have a hard time meeting the Dom.mme who fits with them just right. i myself an ina relationship with a wonderful Dom, but know that He is not to be my final Dom. He helps me grow and learn more in the lifestyle and i love Him dearly, but we will never be able to go further then we are now due to many issues.
i am grateful to Him for all He brings into my life, but still i must continue to meet and socialize with others to find the perfect fit for me.

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 22

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 7/3/2004 12:13:02 AM

DrJohnSea41

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I feel that all
on here are genuine
from the vanilla
newcommers
searching to learn
about what We
are about to the
plus 20 year Experts
that grace this forum.

Not true. I've had several messages sent to me that were nothing more than come-ons for porno websites. I also have a childishly jealous friend here who has an extremely annoying habit of posting completely fake profiles so that she can troll for her idiot Dom and catch him cheating. Stupid? Sure, but I have no doubt she's not alone in posting a profile that is not "genuine."

John

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 23

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 7/3/2004 1:30:25 PM

MsMoriahStCyr

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/27/2004
Status: offline

As I am reading these posts I am sitting in Australia. I am from California. As a Domme I can tell you what I will do the next time I meet a slave. This has been a textbook meeting of "all the bad things that can happen."

I will demand him to fax me his driver's licence.

I will read through ALL posts sent between him and I to see if he has changed what he says his interests are after talking to Me.

I will print out his profile on CollarMe before I send the first e-mail. I will check to see if the profile changes as W/we speak.

I will never again fly to meet a slave without having a fully changeable ticket, so that if the so-called slave is a lying piece of shit, I can turn around and fly back home, intstead of being stuck in his home for a month.

I will remember that even the best Dommes get fooled by men who live strictly in a fantasy life and until a face to face meeting happens, it is difficult to determine if the so called slave has any intention what-so-ever of making the steps from fantasy to reality.

I am stuck in Australia in a very very very uncomfortable (read NON CONSENTUAL) position for another two weeks, and this event will change forever how I meet potential slaves.

Yes, I took a huge risk to fly to a different country to meet a potential slave. I did not want to limit Myself to looking for a slave only in the USA. I was so determined to find the right 24/7 slave for Me, I was willing to look anywhere in the world.

BTW... anyone have any frequent flyer miles they dont need?

Namaste!
M. St Cyr

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 24

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 7/3/2004 2:56:57 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I will never again fly to meet a slave without having a fully changeable ticket, so that if the so-called slave is a lying piece of shit, I can turn around and fly back home, intstead of being stuck in his home for a month.

Good call.

I would not ask another person to do something which could not be (technical term for computer upgrade methods) backed out of if things went sour.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to MsMoriahStCyr)

Post #: 25

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 7/3/2004 3:16:56 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I feel your pain Moriah. I went to visit a slave in Brasil a few years ago. Although the relationship eventually ended, I spent a wonderful month with her there. It would have been hell if she had not been what she had advertised herself to be.
I hope at least that the weather is good in Australia. Good luck.

(in reply to MsMoriahStCyr)

Post #: 26

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 7/4/2004 8:35:36 PM

Checkers

Posts: 29
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

I think anthrosub's brainstorming idea about creating a seperate forum category for the topic of meeting, and meeting stories, merits a bit more consideration.
The profiles section of Collarme is great, but kind of static.
The chat section I don't do, but isn't it kind of fleeting and transitory?
The forums, though, evolve pleasantly, like a flower!
And , such a space might be a great place to tuck cautionary tales, as well as adventure stories (I love these stories of adventurous people who seek in other countries, &cet.)
Juss a thought.

Checkers

_____________________________

*****

Many gods, for many moods.

[link] http://geocities.com/jetpine99/ [/link]

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 27

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 7/4/2004 10:58:28 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

Dude, (used in the ex-surf dweeb manner)

You need to unplug and go find places to meet people in real life...

Just my opinion, could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 28

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 2:29:16 AM

ProScatman

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/28/2004
From: Ohio
Status: offline

Thank you Anthro, and sub4hire: I am fairly new here too, and have tried to be as honest as I can. I loged into the general chatroom here; said hi and waited. At first I got Hi's, then comments about my screen name, then someone said check out his listing--he's for real! Then, the not so nice comments came and I watched for awhile, then politely signed off. I guess what I'm trying to do is thank sub4hire, and all those who have tried to answer your question constructively. Be yourself, be honest, and you'll find someone! Have a good day!

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 29

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 8:26:50 AM

Gem

Posts: 100
Joined: 2/11/2004
Status: offline

Brightest Blessings anthrosub

If you go to the website ..Domsubfreinds and click on BDSMOrganizations and Fourms , you will find a lnk to all states.. it has a listing of groups in the DC area

Also I have found that while you are searching, you can work on your service skills.

Learn new skills that you think your future Owner may find useful or amussing.
Butler Service
Japanese Tea Service
Massage or Reflexology
Learning table and dinner presentation, for formal dinners
Learning to dance

( Ok ok those are things that would make me sit up and have a second look at a male sub, but they are just examples)

Bottom line we can always improve ourselves while we are waiting to serve, and it keeps us busy, plus gets you out interacting with other people, so that you are living life instead of waiting for life to pass you by.

Good Luck
Blessed Be
Gem

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 30

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 9:01:57 AM

Leonidas

Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline

Hello anthrosub,

Your problem is that the largest constituent group on any site, including this one, is men looking for sex. They'll act domly if they think that will work. They will act submissive if they think that will work. Their objective is pussy, and they'll say or do whatever they think it will take to get it. Any woman who posts an attractive picture, or description of herself on this site will be overrun with mail just about instantly. 90% will be from the aforementioned group. Unfortunately for you, some of these men are very very good at saying the "right" thing in an e-mail message. It's just damn neigh impossible for a woman to pick you out from the crowd.

Your only edge on these guys is your sincerity. They lurk, and pounce. You won't see them on the message boards. Continue to participate here. Avoid doing what you are doing on this thread (complaining that you can't find anyone) focus instead of real lifestyle issues. Demonstrate that you aren't "one of them". Maybe a woman who also isn't looking for "one of them" will take notice.

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 31

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 9:39:34 AM

anthrosub

Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Your problem is that the largest constituent group on any site, including this one, is men looking for sex.

This has been obvious to me since i was going through puberty. In any social gathering whether in person or online where there is some element of gender interaction, the males overrun the field it seems. i've joined several online groups over the past few years and in every one, the ratio of males to females is something greater then 95 to 1.

This can be depressing but as you point out, the best thing to do is be yourself and let who you are shine through. Yesterday, i visited a local BDSM boutique that opened a couple months ago with the idea of making some contact with people in the community and maybe even volunteering to work there and help out. During our conversation, the owner (a Domme) told me she had quit the local BDSM group as it's almost entirely males Doms. Here again is another example of the male saturation issue.

It's interesting to consider when you think about the recent studies in the news saying right now there are more single females than males in the general population. In any case, i think meeting in a non-lifestyle context is the direction i will need to take if i'm to find a partner before i die of old age. Incidently, maybe it's just your choice of words but i don't consider myself as "complaining" about the situation but rather making a declaritive statement.

On the other hand, your advice is good because so many out there are posting "Where's the Dommes?" messages and it's easy to get lumped into that group.

Thanks for your thoughts,
anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to Leonidas)

Post #: 32

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 10:38:19 AM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub

It's interesting to consider when you think about the recent studies in the news saying right now there are more single females than males in the general population. anthrosub[/color]

Not so hard to believe when you factor in the attached men who are looking outside of their relationship. Unfortunately, this tends to predispose women to think poorly of most guys, in general. Even if they don't think poorly, many are 'on their guard' for it and it contributes to your difficulty.

I'm in agreement with Leonidas, your presense here and your contributions to the forums has assisted me in thinking of you as sincere. I can't speak for everyone else, but I do not lump you in the aforementioned category.

Suz

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 33

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 11:35:54 AM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub

It's interesting to consider when you think about the recent studies in the news saying right now there are more single females than males in the general population. anthrosub

Part of the problem might be the question in the studies. I'm divorced. How the question of your marital status is asked affects how one will answer. Someone on their third marriage will reply the are married and the divorce rate plummets until it rockets again when they are asked if they've ever been divorced.

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 34

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 11:56:23 AM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Actually, I have been hearing for years that single females outnumber single males. Especially as they get older.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

Post #: 35

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 2:13:53 PM

subbiejenn

Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

anthrosub i am sure it is frustrating for many people. i am fairly new still to the lifestyle and i have met a lot of very nice people and for that i am thankful. i have not met the Dom i am looking for just yet, actually just met one i am very hopeful of

but who knows? just like in the vanilla world it takes time and it seems the moment Y/you give up it just appears...

i think what gets frustrating is trying to hard... enjoy life... enjoy meeting people even if it turns into not what Y/you are looking for.... just enjoy having friends in the lifestyle and oneday that special someone will appear....

good luck on your journey.....

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 36

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 3:40:10 PM

afmvdp

Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline

Anthro, I gotta be honest here though also and say that in your profile you are begging and pleading for attention. Perhaps there are indeed female dommes or dominas who are desiring someone who is already quite broken...but as a whole if there is no pleasure to be gained what would be in it for them? To me I read through it and see an unhealthy attatchment and someone who is likely to turn window peering stalker after a single session. I am not saying this to be derogatory or to actually imply this is the case, just letting you know the vibes you are sending. People want to know what you can bring to the table and what you can offer them. I think way too many submissives these days come off as possessive, needy, demaning parasites and that just isn't attractive to anyone. Stand up straight even if your intention is to kneel shortly after.

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 37

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 5:23:44 PM

shylittleheart

Posts: 101
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

finding the right one i believe is hard for everyone, no matter if it is Master, Mistress,sub or slave, or even just a friend. Unfortuanately the web as allowed people not to be themselves and is a way for them to be what they wish they could be. But being one of faith i personaly believe that when the sister,brother or both come around and locate us, and things click, the wait will be well worth it. it took me what seems a lifetime to find my Master, and may take just as long to find my sis, my friend and my companion. Looking, questioning of them as one had previously posted is basically what one must do. If it is meant to be it will be. I long that day to have someone along side me feed off my energies as much as i will feed off of theirs.
Keep the faith it will happen

shy

(in reply to anthrosub)

Post #: 38

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 6:10:00 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

I’m going to address the comments of three messages in one here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas
Any woman who posts an attractive picture, or description of herself on this site will be overrun with mail just about instantly. 90% will be from the aforementioned group. Unfortunately for you, some of these men are very very good at saying the "right" thing in an e-mail message. It's just damn neigh impossible for a woman to pick you out from the crowd.

I’d like to think that I’m more clever then the sex seeking asses. And I know you weren’t implying that we women weren’t Leonidas; I’m just making a statement on the issue. I have been fooled once or twice and I’m not saying I’ll never be fooled again but I’m saying that I can pick out the good ones from the bad ones in most cases. It’s the risk of being out there and looking. The other alternative is stay home alone with my cat and be miserable.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas
Your only edge on these guys is your sincerity. They lurk, and pounce. You won't see them on the message boards. Continue to participate here. Avoid doing what you are doing on this thread (complaining that you can't find anyone) focus instead of real lifestyle issues. Demonstrate that you aren't "one of them". Maybe a woman who also isn't looking for "one of them" will take notice.

I think you are right that anthrosub and several other male subs on this thread’s sincerity shines through in their words. I don’t see anthrosub as complaining, but rather as he says, making a declarative statement. He is sharing his frustration which is very legitimate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: anthrosub
In any case, i think meeting in a non-lifestyle context is the direction i will need to take if i'm to find a partner before i die of old age.

This is a tough one anthrosub but perhaps it is a question of geographical location. In your profile you say the odds of finding someone local to you are small. I don’t believe you live in a major urban center neither. I might be wrong. But in any case, you probably are going to find more activity in cities such as New York, San Francisco, Seattle, LA, Montreal, Toronto, London, etc. If I may draw a parallel, in the Queer community, there is a trend for young gays to migrate towards large urban centers in order to be able to live in a certain amount of anonymity all the while participating in a community. Most of the aforementioned cities also have a gay village.

I know in Montreal, though there is a little bit of a lull at the moment, there are many BDSM related activity and that you’d have much more a choice. I know that in my case, I’m more likely to get involved with someone that I can meet face to face relatively early on. I like to see how the physical energy works before I get attached. Others can handle a bit more distance. I do know that a male sub probably has more options in a city like this then in a smaller city or town. Then again, if it’s going to happen, it will happen in your own back yard. If relocation is not an option, you also have the option of taking vacations to these larger centers around the same times of events if your situation permits it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: afmvdp
Anthro, I gotta be honest here though also and say that in your profile you are begging and pleading for attention. Perhaps there are indeed female dommes or dominas who are desiring someone who is already quite broken...but as a whole if there is no pleasure to be gained what would be in it for them? To me I read through it and see an unhealthy attatchment and someone who is likely to turn window peering stalker after a single session. I am not saying this to be derogatory or to actually imply this is the case, just letting you know the vibes you are sending. People want to know what you can bring to the table and what you can offer them. I think way too many submissives these days come off as possessive, needy, demaning parasites and that just isn't attractive to anyone. Stand up straight even if your intention is to kneel shortly after.

I have to disagree with you on this one afmvdp. I look at anthrosub’s profile and I find it refreshing from the ones that tell me how much they want to serve and be humiliated and be spanked and be spat on and how much they are whores.

I understand from reading some of your posts afmvdp that you have a preference for those who need training. It is a legitimate desire; I'm in no way trying to say otherwise. Though training someone from scratch has its pleasure, meeting someone who has taken a lot of time into thinking of what he wants and can communicate this to me has it’s value as well. And perhaps for the long haul, I would find some security in knowing this wasn’t someone who was trying to live out his fantasy without being 100% convinced he was ready to engage himself into such a relationship. I've been down that road once or twice...

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to afmvdp)

Post #: 39

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 6:41:08 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

The other alternative is stay home alone with my cat and be miserable.

Ahmm. I spend a LOT of time alone - with my cat (when he decides to grace me with his presence), by choice. I'm one of those people who need a lot of alone time for my mental health. I like being alone and am never miserable when doing so. <smile> Now, if you are miserable when you are alone then I would certainly support your initiative in getting out there. For me it's a question of someone would have to convince me that having them around is more pleasant than being alone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
I think you are right that anthrosub and several other male subs on this thread’s sincerity shines through in their words. I don’t see anthrosub as complaining, but rather as he says, making a declarative statement. He is sharing his frustration which is very legitimate.

Here here, well said.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

I understand from reading some of your posts afmvdp that you have a preference for those who need training. It is a legitimate desire; I'm in no way trying to say otherwise. Though training someone from scratch has its pleasure, meeting someone who has taken a lot of time into thinking of what he wants and can communicate this to me has it’s value as well. And perhaps for the long haul, I would find some security in knowing this wasn’t someone who was trying to live out his fantasy without being 100% convinced he was ready to engage himself into such a relationship. I've been down that road once or twice...

I've had my fill of novices, particularly novices that are not in the least self actualized. That doesn't mean that I have no interest in someone who is a bdsm novice, but if it's a novice who doesn't have a passion for understanding themself then I see the harbinger of a significant amount of hand-holding through work that is best done with a therapist. This sort of thing sends me screaming into the night. Besides, I've spent a significant amount of time 'in a semi-lotus, contemplating my proverbial belly-button" and "on the couch" dissecting myself. Someone who doesn't also have these skills often can't communicate with me at the level I prefer. It's like we're not speaking the same language. That doesn't preclude quality interactions, it just means that it's probably going to be a hell of a lot of work to achieve. That brings me back around to the cost/benefit thing.

anthrosub's posts and profile, to me, say this is a man who is interested in his inner workings and how that relates to the world around him and the world he would like to create. That's a very attractive thing to some of us.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 40

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