RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue

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RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 7:04:54 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

The other alternative is stay home alone with my cat and be miserable.

Ahmm. I spend a LOT of time alone - with my cat (when he decides to grace me with his presence), by choice. I'm one of those people who need a lot of alone time for my mental health. I like being alone and am never miserable when doing so. <smile> Now, if you are miserable when you are alone then I would certainly support your initiative in getting out there. For me it's a question of someone would have to convince me that having them around is more pleasant than being alone.

I need my alone time too. I live alone for that very reason. My cat is awesome for me on other levels, yeah. There is much to be said about the pets.

I was sort of being cheeky when writing that. Ultimately, what I meant, is that I choose to be out there looking for another human who I can share something beautiful with. Then, and only then, will I chose to open my home or build a new one with someone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz
anthrosub's posts and profile, to me, say this is a man who is interested in his inner workings and how that relates to the world around him and the world he would like to create. That's a very attractive thing to some of us.

I second that.

- LA

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RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 9:22:32 PM

anthrosub

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Joined: 6/2/2004
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Lady Angelica and MizSuz,
Thanks to both of You for Your comments in my regard. Tonight, before reading Your replies, i rewrote my profile and made it more direct, talking about the goal of being a member of Collarme to find a relationship. Now, i'm having second thoughts.

i thought it might be of interest to say a couple things about Washington, DC and my social life. DC is a major metro area just like most others in terms of size. It even has a gay community near Dupont Circle. But as a city it's very strange for the population. A great majority of working professionals work in DC but live between 15 and 50 miles away. The commuting traffic in DC has surpassed that of LA or at least equals it according to studies cited in the Post. On weekends, the city is basically closed except for certain areas like Georgetown, Dupont Circle, and Adams Morgan. It's not like any other city as far as i can see.

As to my life...i've lived most of it as a loner with only a handful of friends. Much of this is due to the fact that i moved 15 times in my first 15 years. As a means of survival, i was forced various reasons to find things to entertain me at home. i grew up always the new kid on the block and always having the rug pulled out from under me when we moved. When i moved here 12 years ago, i left what friends i had (mostly from my youth and work) behind. It's been very hard meeting people in this area in any type of activity...partly because of my personality and partly because of the demographics.

There is some level of activity in DC regarding BDSM (probably nothing like NY or Frisco) but from what i've seen it's not very rich. As a matter of fact, Baltimore seems to have more of a community than DC. The Black Rose is a nationally recognized group but when You go to the meetings, all You find is mostly male Doms and their female subs. DC has a large population of Pro Dommes and many of them are lifestyle but as one might expect, they have no short supply when it comes to subs to serve them.

i feel like a needle in a haystack looking for another needle in a haystack. All i can do is be myself and hope someone takes notice.

anthrosub

< Message edited by anthrosub -- 8/2/2004 4:44:26 AM >

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Post #: 42

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/1/2004 11:03:54 PM

subman29

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Joined: 8/1/2004
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Some of the kinkiest people I've met have appeared entirely vanilla until I got to know them -- people who would see no reason to go to a bdsm club or consider themselves a part of a "lifestyle" -- from the early boyfriend who started spanking me once in the middle of vanilla sex (and then did it as often as I begged him to) to the coworker who lived next door and liked to order me into all sorts of naked contortions, to the other coworker (a FEMALE!!) who confided that her boyfriend bought her thigh-high boots and a riding crop. She enjoyed making him yelp almost as much as he enjoyed licking her boots.

Broaden the search by being open to whatever life gives you, and you might end up with something wonderful you hadn't expected. You only get one life, as far as we know, and sitting around wishing for something you don't have is a sad way to spend such a precious resource.

Make a list everyday of 5 or 10 things you're grateful for -- from warm sunshine and clean water to a retirement fund or public transportation -- whatever -- this will get your focus on what you have instead of what you don't, which will make you happier, more optomistic, and a hell of a lot more attractive to other people. Focusing on what you have will empower you with what you *can* do and you might be surprised what happens.

I know that sounds preachy and Pollyanna-esque, but when I'm able to remember that advice myself, my life flows a lot more smoothly.

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Post #: 43

RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/2/2004 4:30:42 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subman29
Some of the kinkiest people I've met have appeared entirely vanilla until I got to know them

You raise a good point subman29. I always said I never really had to go into BDSM circles to find people to play with. I tend to attract relatively submissive men or at least men who aren’t afraid of a strong, take charge woman because my dominant personality shines through in every facet of my life. I've also often introduced it to partners. I believe there is a certain kinky part in everyone, it's just a question of how far we are willing to go.

A dominant girl friend of mine recently put an add up on Lavalife, a seemingly vanilla dating site, in the dating section, saying, amongst other things, that she was looking for a well groomed, well behaved man who would treat her like the Queen she was (for the record, I know a lot of non-kinky women who have the same wish). She also mentioned somewhere that this man should not be intimidated by a strong powerful woman. She never used the word Domme or any of the lifestyle words, but she got a handful of replies of men who were pretty submissive.

I know earlier I gave the advice of going to more BDSM activities, and perhaps I’m contradicting myself, but perhaps just getting out there in all areas is not a bad idea neither.

- LA

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RE: Solving the "How to find..." Issue - 8/2/2004 10:09:43 AM

afmvdp

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Joined: 7/10/2004
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Again it's all down to personal preference. For me personally I look for the stronger willed or the Submissive from birth type with a genuine servants heart. It's not about the training for Me, that's merely par for the course. I digress though, in my post towards Anthro I think perhaps I am also tainted with my own personal beliefs and preferences, so I really wouldn't be the one to ask. Just stating my own response to the matter.

I just found the profile to be too demanding and self involved in my reading it. Take with that what you will coming from an extremist lifer.

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Post #: 45