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how old? - 7/7/2007 8:53:14 AM

stateira

Posts: 48
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

I'm sure there have been posts like this everywhere but I missed them, so I'm asking again for some opinions.

About how old should a person be before they can call themselves "Dom" or "Master"? I know there is really no age limit...but when I see people around my age or younger (I am 22) calling themselves Masters and Mistresses and actually "owning" slaves or looking for subs and slaves to own, it makes me wonder.

any opinions on the subject?

Post #: 1

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 9:02:42 AM

Faramir

Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
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One most have lived thousands and thousands of millenia, as a cybernetic being of the past from the future, before one may be called a truly, a master.

_____________________________

True masters, true subs and slaves, X many years in the lifestyle, Old Guard this and High Protocol that--it's like a convention of D&D nerds were allowed to have sex once, and they decided to make a religion out of it.

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 2

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 9:03:51 AM

MsPleasure

Posts: 215
Joined: 1/1/2007
Status: offline

I think it depends on the person. Ive talked to a Domme that was 3rd generation. It was an open profession in her family so of course she was an expert at a very young age.

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 3

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 9:04:39 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

In some ways age has nothing to do with being a Dominant. I believe that some people are hard-wired to be either Dominant or submissive. I don't believe that being hard-wired makes one perfect out of the womb. If someone is learning about life, learning about how to live as who they are, and willing to learn about how to safely control another, whether that is in their life and/or S&M, then I see no reason why they shouldn't be who they are and have a submissive/slave. If they are aware that they need to learn and their submissive/slave is willing to learn with them, then why not?

Granted, I'm not apt to actively look for a Dominant in that age group but that doesn't mean that I can't recognize Dominance in someone that age. After all, I have UMs in that age group who are quite Dominant. I *know* it happens. I just hope I taught them to be nice, play safe, and be very careful of other people's feelings.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 4

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 9:07:35 AM

MistressGala

Posts: 13
Joined: 7/2/2007
Status: offline

Unfortunately anyone can call themselves Master or Mistress. There are those who slap the title upon themselves and spit out "on your knees slut!" with anoying vigor. Past that one phrase they will get that deer in the headlight look because they realize that logically something else must follow, however what that something might be is not in their schema. Such a person can be of any age.
Opposed to that might be the 18 year old young Master or Mistress who is carefully researching BDSM in all of its aspects. From the time before their chemically induced sexuality commenced, he was a young child who was fascinated by the crack of different types of whips, she had dreams of binding others with intricate knots.
Regularly these 18 year old budding Dominannts will attend local BDSM educational opportunities, watch and learn from the more accomlished and see first hand what might work for them and what might not work.
All that is lacking is confidence and experience, both of which will evolve as time passes.
From the submissive side, does this person make you feel submitted? Excited? Can you see yourself following their lead?
The answer obviously is that there is no definitive age. What works...works.

< Message edited by MistressGala -- 7/7/2007 9:09:23 AM >

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 5

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 9:07:57 AM

litleone8620

Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
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In the lifestyle, age does not always equal experience.

_____________________________

He who laughs last didn't get the joke

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 6

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 9:22:34 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

A - There is no set age.

B - One must have a questionnaire, decent typing skills, and a willingness to offer "collars of protection" to be a twue master, however.

Oh, it appears my tongue is planted in my cheek.....

Let's just stick to "A". You are what you are, when you are.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 7

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 9:26:05 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Ahhh, Grasshopper, you will know when the time has come.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 8

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 9:27:24 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira
About how old should a person be before they can call themselves "Dom" or "Master"?

Top - Any time after they make the decision to put time and effort into learning about D/s as a whole and in r/t NOT cyber/online time. One can stay at this level as long as they desire.

Dom - 5 years after they take the above step and have an idea what they are doing and do NOT desire a slave, since Doms can have subs and not slaves. One can stay at this place indefinatly.

Master - 10+ years of r/t; they have common sence; they are respected and have referances; they have taken classes or attended workshops and know what they are doing; they desire to have a slave.

----

Someone in thier 20s doesn't have enough expereicne in life to be a 'Master;' its not logical or safe.

Note - o/l relationships are NOT subject to any of the above rules, since all of the above are reserved for r/t relationships.

{leaves the board before the flames start}

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 9

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 10:03:35 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I know a Dom in His early 20s who is truly Masterful in His work with rope ... and also has a very good grasp on the psychological side of D/s. He is also very willing to listen and learn and discuss freely. He is very well liked and respected in His local scene, and is contributing actively by running an 18-35 group. I also know a "Dom" who is in his 50s ... who runs His own parties but is too arrogant to obey protocols at other peoples' events (interrupts other peoples' scenes), and likes to prey on vulnerable newbies by persuading them to tell Him their worst fears or phobias and then inappropriately exposing them to their worst nightmare (eg locking a severe arachnophobe bound and naked in a shed full of spiders and walking away and leaving her for an hour) ... well, I know who I'd be willing to call Master!!

*walks away singing "what's age got to do, got to do with it ..."*

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 10

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 10:11:13 AM

Grlwithboy

Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

Judging from the number of people whose heads are securely rectally planted well into their 50's I don't think it's about chronology.

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 11

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 10:16:39 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira
About how old should a person be before they can call themselves "Dom" or "Master"?

Top - Any time after they make the decision to put time and effort into learning about D/s as a whole and in r/t NOT cyber/online time. One can stay at this level as long as they desire.

Dom - 5 years after they take the above step and have an idea what they are doing and do NOT desire a slave, since Doms can have subs and not slaves. One can stay at this place indefinatly.

Master - 10+ years of r/t; they have common sence; they are respected and have referances; they have taken classes or attended workshops and know what they are doing; they desire to have a slave.

----

Someone in thier 20s doesn't have enough expereicne in life to be a 'Master;' its not logical or safe.

Note - o/l relationships are NOT subject to any of the above rules, since all of the above are reserved for r/t relationships.

{leaves the board before the flames start}

We must have read a different book.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 12

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 11:06:24 AM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

I agree that age certainly doesn't have anything to do with it, and placing a minimum age on "Dom" or "Master" isn't helpful (what if the 55 year old man just found BDSM last year?, but he's "of age" so he gets to claim to be a Master?). I think that slaverosebeauty has a much better concept of it, in that I'd like to see it as a function of time in role rather than years from birth, but I think that it is hard to place a firm age on it.

I was calling myself a domme at about age 24, with approximately 4 years of experience with the lifestyle under my belt, a year and a half of it as a top/dominant woman. I still do not place myself into the M/s dynamic except in the role of slavish tendencies towards M, as I do not have the desire to own a slave or be a slave owner. (I'm 30 now.)

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)

Post #: 13

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 11:16:48 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'd have serious doubts and need some serious convincing for anyone under age 25.

I find it really really unlikely that I could be convinced by anyone under 16, but am not completely ruling it out.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Elorin)

Post #: 14

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 11:16:48 AM

DaddyBEAST

Posts: 20
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

Some souls are old and experienced, some souls are new and learning.

"Don't judge a book by its cover," can readily apply here.

(in reply to Elorin)

Post #: 15

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 11:32:50 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear stateira, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In my personal experiences, age has no immunity to maturity, lack of it; experiences in life and or the scene and such. It really boils down to personal preferences as well as that much needed connection, where trust, communication, admiration, relationships can bud and blossom.

As with life though, as I grew up through my ages the more I thought ill of what parents were saying and or differed in their opinions; the scary thing is starting to sound exactly like my parents at my age in some areas. My parents said the same thing and it shows that no matter how much time marches--some things stay the same. I suppose it really can be a matter of sewing your own personal tapastry of which each thread is a personal experience to which influences your mind, emotions, physical self and interactions. The time to be innocent and forming ideas as a child, the teen years where one foot wishes to stay 'kept' and the other foot wishes to plant in 'freedom.' Partying and enjoying thrills deminish to establish security for the future which holds so many unknowns -- to expect the unexpected. Each person comes in a different tapestry of experiences--none exactly the same.

I know of some very mature young men. They had to grow up early a lot have served in the military or in a para-military/semi-military type job. Some men around my age or there abouts have displayed little or no maturity, good sense and good behavior and or attitudes. I at times wish I could mix and match as to 'create' my perceptions of what a perfect this or that--I'm sure others wish to do the same. But, I can only be me. I must afford that to others--to be themselves--flaws and all. I am not perfect, I've said this over three decades in the lifestyle--
Thus I never look for a perfect partner--I look for the 80% that is perfect for me--the other 20% I can work with.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 16

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 11:34:26 AM

nmjardine

Posts: 116
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

Couldn't it also be a matter of preference? At my age and being not collared/owned, I would have a very difficult time referring to a Dom 20 years my junior as Sir or Master.

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 17

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 12:21:56 PM

submittous

Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
Status: offline

As many folks here have said, age is really a good indicator of maturity and life experience. We know many "Masters" our age who have been involved in bdsm for decades that we don't think are capable of "owning" another human being and taking responsibility for their well being... hell they can't take care of themselves very well. We have also know a few very mature young men and women in their 20's who were able to be the M in M/s with skill.

Having said that it is also true that we think we are the best Masters we have ever been, and every year we get a little bit better. If a dom is working at being a slave owning Master with real effort and integrity we think the longer they do so the better they will be... It may be self serving but our experience is the older a Master is the better he or she is. Of course how good that turns out to be can be highly influenced by where they started from.

Hope that helps...

Bill and Iris

_____________________________

"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving

(in reply to nmjardine)

Post #: 18

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 1:18:32 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

It varies. If you're emotionally mature enough to partner or marry, you're emotionally mature enough to have a similarly-committed d/s relationship. For some people, this happens by 20. For others, this doesn't happen until 35. Similarly, if you're emotionally mature enough to have a fuckbuddy, you're emotionally mature enough to have an SM play partner.

Also, please keep in mind that "master" and "mistress" are sometimes used to mean dominant-in-scene, or person-who-likes-to-tie-and-spank. I'd like a little more precision, honestly, but that's how it is.

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 19

RE: how old? - 7/7/2007 1:23:24 PM

Faramir

Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty
Someone in thier 20s doesn't have enough expereicne in life to be a 'Master;' its not logical or safe.

What a spectacular abuse of the word "logical."

_____________________________

True masters, true subs and slaves, X many years in the lifestyle, Old Guard this and High Protocol that--it's like a convention of D&D nerds were allowed to have sex once, and they decided to make a religion out of it.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 20

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