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akbarbarian -> RE: Being loyal to your word (7/10/2007 7:37:56 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy
I'm in an M/s relationship, I'm not the s, and I don't think touchy feely has ever been levelled at me as a descriptor.
I am about to share what I've discovered what I've learned as an adult, not as a mistress nor anything SM related.
Shit happens. I aim to get my way in my M/s relationship 100 percent of the time and I'm damn pleased with 98.9999 or so, it doesn't leave me whining when shit goes down and it's just not going to happen for me that day. I have enough long-term thinking to realize that next time may work better.
If you want human toys, they come with families and obligations, not to mention neuroses, limitations, and frailties. Just like you do.
If you want to keep them, you accept this. If you don't want to accept this, you may be better suited to sticking to owning inanimate objects. Even dogs eventually are going to want to sniff other dogs' butts when it may not be convenient for you.
I have a slave in his 50's with children in college and an ex wife he still deals with. If I feel like he's becoming bogged down in other people's stuff and his boundaries are suffering, I tell him, "wow, you may need a weekend to yourself and just not be so easy to reach." It's a lot more effective than "I forbid you to answer the phone slave!" He might not do any introspection and just think I'm an asshole and be right.
It would simply never occur to me to try and use these NON CONSENTING parties as a means to show my muscle in relation to him. They don't need evidence that I'm in charge of what he does, they don't need to be subject to some lame excuse why he can't show to something important to them because I have a hair up my ass that he needs to be home that day.
You seem to think that any overarching responsibilities that work out in favor of your slave's needs versus your own wants is a disruption of dynamic. H's NEEDS come before my wants. That is the promise that an owner makes to the property. The owner acknowledges that they're going to make sure that the needs of the other person are covered so that they can be served. His wants come after my wants. Family is a need level priority.
Do I ask him to do things he doesn't want to do? You bet. But there's NOTHING I can think of that would be productive in doing so when it comes to his children and immediate family that I can think of. Not a damn thing.
I like the fact that you seem pretty content with your way of doing things, and that it seems to work for you. Part of my issue, is that the situation on Saturday brought up alot of other questions and topics. You know, the kind of situation that "makes you question everything". I've got no problem with Jodi screwing up, it's when she does it intentionally, and when she intends to do it again given a similar situation. I've watched her go back and forth from "I want to put you, and our M/s first including ahead of family stuff" to "Given a situation like Saturday, I'd do it all over again and I'm not sure I even want to change my view on it". I worry that in such a situation I'll be vying for her attention or service on a regular basis. Such things have happened to me before with people who desire to please the world in general. I in alot of ways think I'm fairly laid back, even though it may not seem like it because I'm so conserned about what happened recently and I'm not just putting on a stupid grin and a shrug and letting it go or whatever I might do if I did exactly that. I have a really hard time with the idea of my authority being not only challenged, but effectively suspended with regards to certain things. I wouldn't take on a mom with kids who would put them first for the same reason either for example. Sometimes I try to be really generous in certain ways, to make up for the fact that I take away other things. I really get nervous about asking someone to do somthing that might not be their cup of tea and I suppose I am probably trying to bribe them, or win their approval so when the time comes for "the big one" whatever that is. That's probably just plain stupid, because I don't think it really ever works. My priorities aren't theirs, no matter how much I might wish that were the case. Yes I know, I'm talking about my past D/s relationships and my current one blended into one big neurotic blur. I'm not about to tell anyone "Thou shalt not talk to your family ever again, cause I said so", though I believe that has been known to happen. I simply want to know I have that authority when called upon. Jodi could have seen her grandpa plenty at plenty of oppertunities, just not that one according to my ultimate decision. Was that the right one? According to me. Was it selfish? M/s is supposed to be selfish. I'm somthing of a BDSM egghead when I get the chance, and not just reading books or going online. I meet the people that write the famous books out there. I live in the fetish heartland. D/s is freeing because it lets you do somthing that you couldn't normally do in an everyday situation, since the day we were born...think about what you want and be selfish! Freedom to indulge in that sin that is forbidden from the time the word "selfish" was taught. It's a kind of bliss for sure. On the other hand, I'm sure there are pleasures to be had in pleasing someone. Heck, I even have fantasies I just know from my bottoming experiences that I feel that way a rather small portion of the time. It doesn't kill you to please someone who is being selfish, as long as that person isn't stupid. People do err in judgement, including Masters regardless of how that title is supposed to equate with "are you good enough" when some talk of it. Did I err in judgement? That is part of what I came here to learn. However, I also believe that as part of faith to the M/s relationship a slave would ideally follow with a faulty course of action because the slave isn't supposed to be deciding what's faulty especially before it happens. Now in the aftermath, when the shit hits the fan, parties can say "That was a bad idea!". Thing is, sometimes you don't know how good or bad an idea is until you follow through with it. I never would have indulged in slapping if someone hadn't begged me to try it in the past and it worked out ok. We're never going to learn, or take any risks without that faith though. M/s means the person in charge gets to make mistakes and learn from them, and yes, mistakes that could potentially harm the slave. If you break lives though, soon you won't have anyone left to be selfish with and honestly...that's the point of M/s not everyone has the fortitude or insight to admit. Being selfish doesn't mean treating others like crap however, sometimes you just like doing good, it just makes it well...every action is more heartfelt when it's what you really want to do and you are freed from those constraints.
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